Rainbow Veins
by hoshiko2kokoro
Summary: Alfred is convinced Arthur has a rainbow over his head that needs to fill his heart with color. But who will shoot it through his veins? Multiple pairings, not just USUK.
1. High rise, veins of the avenue

Of all the places Arthur thought he'd be when he was twenty-three, sitting outside a small café in downtown London with an American was not one of them. A very energetic American, might he add. It wasn't his company in question nor the fact he was at a café with said man. It was the fact that recently he had begun having feelings for his companion. Ones that made him uncomfortable.

Since their last outing together, Arthur had come to the morbid realization that he wasn't just attracted to Alfred, but he was also developing feelings that were certainly not ones a straight male should have for another man. It was his fault he had agreed to go with Alfred to the pub where he met his brother (Oh God, they look alike. Two Alfreds in the world?), thus speeding up their friendship even more. Now Alfred was a constant at his cubicle by day and a friend to hang out with by evening.

Arthur, terrified by his new revelation, put distance between himself and Alfred almost immediately. He turned down any offers to hang out with the man after hours and wasn't nearly as active in his texting as he had been before. Lunch times, though, were something still special to him; if only because there were others that followed them along to the break room to eat.

Hoping to deter Arthur, the man worked on his feelings in private. Sometimes he would stay up late watching straight porn and staring only at the woman's breasts in hopes that he would feel everything for Alfred melt away. True, he didn't stare at any other men and certainly wasn't turned on by the naked men in his porn that were having sex with the women. It was only Alfred he seemed attracted to.

After a few weeks, he chalked it all up to the fact that Alfred was just a close friend. One he hadn't truly had in quite some time. His emotions, unused to such an attached individual, probably became confused and mistook it for a crush. Satisfied with his reasoning of jumping the gun, Arthur returned to being the semi-friendly guy he had been before. Only "semi-friendly" because he was only nice to Alfred; the rest of the world he would only acknowledge if wanted to.

Coming out of his recollections, Arthur then noticed Alfred was missing. This wasn't unusual. He had come upon the suggestion of taking Alfred sightseeing in London. The poor boy had moved to the outskirts of the city, but had yet to take in the tourist areas that he so loved to chatter about seeing someday. The American had been living in the country for less than four months now and eagerly agreed to spend the day with Arthur.

Too eagerly, Arthur thought.

All day, Alfred had run off to look at some store or some historic building, leaving Arthur to hurry after him in case he lost the younger man. Not that he couldn't find him. Alfred was a rather tall and loud man, acting more like a child than an adult. However, he wasn't even twenty yet, so that might have something to do with it. Alfred only came to a stop when he grew hungry and the boys settled on a café where they took a rest for awhile.

Well, long enough for Arthur to have his tea time. It seemed Alfred couldn't sit still long enough. Arthur sighed and called for the check when Alfred suddenly rushed the table, practically knocking it over in his enthusiasm. Arthur managed to snatch his tea cup and saucer from the table before it rocked violently where it probably would have crashed to the ground. The loud clatter of utensils hitting the plates alarmed some of the other customers who looked over in disdain at Alfred. But the American paid them no mind. His bright blue eyes were focused on Arthur.

"ARTHUR! ARTHUR! OH MY GOD! I FOUND BIG BEN!" Alfred exclaimed as if he were the first to discover the clock tower.

Arthur raised an eyebrow at the boy. "Yes. It's rather large. I wager it's hard to miss."

"Dude! Come on! I've been waiting FOREVER to see this!" Without waiting for an answer, Alfred grabbed Arthur's wrist and yanked him from his seat. "I want you to see it with me! Come on!"

Arthur hastily put his cup and saucer back on the table, threw some pounds on top of the check, and followed Alfred. Well, more like dragged, but he couldn't help the secretive twitch from his lips of a smile despite the scowl more prominent on his face. They turned a few corners before Alfred stumbled to a stop. Arthur had seen the clock tower many times before so he paid the structure no attention. However, he was amused by Alfred's reaction.

The man had walked slowly up to the gate, his head all the way back, as he stared wide-eyed up at the hundred year old tower. He turned to Arthur with all of the exuberance of a child at Disneyland.

"How old is this thing?" Alfred cried.

Arthur rubbed his chin as he thought for a moment. "A little over 150 years."

"Can I get inside?" Alfred asked, jumping up and down while pointing up at the top. "I totally want to look out from the top and see the entire city!"

"Ah, no," Arthur started. "Unfortunately, only citizens can enter the clock tower."

Alfred's face fell. "What?"

"If I recall, you're not a citizen yet, right?" Arthur asked. Alfred shook his head, a pout beginning to form. "Then I don't think I can get you inside."

"What? What's all that about?" Alfred flung his hands around and stomped his foot once. Arthur bit his lip to not snort at the childish actions. "What a snooty ass clock tower! Big Ben is perfect for you Brits."

Arthur shook his head as he started walking down the sidewalk. A slight chill from a breeze made him put his hands in his pockets. "Alfred, Big Ben is only the name of the bell. The clock and the tower are different things, but people just associate it with the entire clock tower."

Alfred followed, his own hands in his own jacket. He seemed genuinely interested with a small smile. "Really? Wow. I didn't know that."

"Most people don't," Arthur replied with a shrug.

"Well, a lot of people don't know a ton of information about the Statue of Liberty either." Alfred was looking at the Palace of Westminster, but with a much more subdued amount of enthusiasm. "Maybe one day, I can take you there."

Arthur felt his face heating up, so he snuggled his face down into his green scarf. "I…I would like it very much. I've never been to America."

"Well fear not! You WILL go because you're my buddy!" Alfred put his arm around Arthur's shoulder, giving him a tight hug. "I haven't given up my citizenship and I plan on going back, so I'm taking you with me."

Arthur shook his head, stopping at the zebra crossing to wait for the light to change. "I would very much like that."

"Great! So where are we going now?" Alfred asked. He zipped up his wind breaker, feeling slightly unfashionable standing next to Arthur who sported a long brown coat with black leather gloves. "Are you taking me somewhere really old to spout out more history stuff? You're like a walking textbook."

Arthur blushed again, but this time out of embarrassment. "W-well…I was a double major in Business and in European History…"

"Really? That's so cool!" The light changed and the two men walked side by side across the street. "Seriously, though, where are we going?"

Arthur merely smiled and nodded his head towards the River Thames. Alfred looked over too, easily spotting the London Eye. He gasped and started jumping up and down.

"OH MY GOD ARTHUR I LOVE YOU!" Alfred blurted out. He was too wrapped up in pure excitement to notice Arthur sputtering beside him. "Are we really gonna go on it?"

Arthur ignored some of the stares he was receiving to just walking faster than Alfred. He gave a curt, "Yes."

The two boys continued their walk with Alfred talking far faster than normal and Arthur leading the way in mute silence. He kept his eyes on the ground, refusing to see all of Alfred's passionate gesticulations. Around them, many families and couples were heading the same way as the men. Arthur chose to ignore this fact as well. He was just like any other chap, out with his mate on the weekend to take in the tourist sites. Yes, that's all.

"Hey," Alfred's hand clapped on Arthur's shoulder, startling the man from his thoughts. "What's that old place over there?"

Arthur looked to where Arthur was pointing. A long, luxurious white building sat alongside the River Thames. Arthur smiled slightly, pulling out more information from his reserves.

"That's the County Hall," Arthur started. "You might like it. There's an arcade and aquarium inside."

"Seriously?" Alfred pumped a fist in the air. "This city gets cooler and cooler, man!"

Arthur barked out a laugh, putting his hand over his mouth quickly. "I'm sorry. I don't hear that often…"

"Wha?" Alfred looked at Arthur surprised. "But it's your city, your hometown, right? How could you not hear that or even think that about such an awesome place?"

The two boys had finally entered the Jubilee Gardens and Arthur lead the way to the Ferris wheel. Alfred was momentarily distracted by the Eye, tilting his head back the closer they got to the structure. Arthur couldn't help but smile unabashedly at just how openly happy the American was. For a moment, Arthur felt a streak of patriotism go down his back. He wouldn't say he was particularly proud of his country for various anarchistic reasons, but seeing a foreigner become so pumped up for something as silly as a tourist attraction as a Ferris wheel.

Alfred smiled brightly at Arthur. "So you were saying about not thinking this place is awesome?"

Scoffing, Arthur shelled out the eighteen pounds for himself and waited while Alfred paid. They waited in the queue, Alfred doing most of the talking until he prodded Arthur to break out with more history nonsense about the city. All the while, Alfred listened with rapt attention. Arthur couldn't help the bubbly feeling in his stomach as he and Alfred boarded the giant capsule. Unfortunately, since it was the middle of the day on a Saturday, it was rather crowded.

Just like a child, Alfred rushed to the window and pressed his face against the glass. Arthur took a seat behind him on the long bench, observing as they began their climb up into the air. The skyline showed more and more sky, increasing Alfred's excitement. He pulled Arthur by the wrist to stand next to him.

"Dude, this is the best day ever!" Alfred sat back on his heels, sighing in obvious bliss. "I'm really impressed by your city."

Arthur chuckled. "It's not mine. It's not like I built it."

"Well no, but I call NYC _my_ city." Alfred smiled at Arthur in a way that the man felt compelled to continue staring. Although, he wouldn't call it staring. No, not at all. "Besides, you have enough information stored away that it's enough to fill a library. I'm sure your girlfriend thinks you're a hoot."

Arthur's good mood evaporated instantly. He turned and walked away from Alfred, an obvious look of discomfort on his face. Alfred scooted over, unsure of what to do. He knew something he had said had set Arthur off, but he was terrible at cheering people up. Then, he thought of something.

"Oh, unless, you know, you have a boyfriend."

Arthur prayed that no one else in the capsule had just heard what Alfred said. He flustered, his face red, as he scampered away. "H-How dare you! How could you think such a thing of me?"

Alfred shrugged. "You're so damn girly sometimes, it makes me wonder just how manly you really are. I mean, when I got here I had to tell myself that you guys were European so of course you'd act girly than back home, but with you, well… I mean, it's ok. I'm bi."

"You're…you're what?" Arthur could feel his heart speeding up, but for reasons he truly didn't want to explore.

"Bisexual." Alfred gave another casual shrug and Arthur could feel his eye twitch. This boy was taking things far too nonchalantly for something that was awfully serious. "It's the same with music. There are no limits on love either. I just don't see limits on life."

Arthur took a steadying breath. If he even tried to comprehend such a lackadaisical way of thinking, his head might explode. Even just the thought of trying to think of it and understand what he said gave him a headache.

"I just can't understand your way of thinking on such a thing...," Arthur sighed. He looked out at the sky, barely noticing the buildings were all below him now. Somehow his heart pounded louder than his head, but while his head hurt with pain, his heart felt light and fluttery.

"Sorry," Alfred. For a time he was silent, then he glanced over at Arthur. "You know... You have a rainbow above your head."

"What?" Arthur looked at him incredulously. "What an absurd thing to say."

Alfred chuckled, turning to face Arthur. "No really. It's right above you, but you can't see it. I just wanna shoot it through your veins because your heart has a lack of color."

Before Arthur could protest Alfred's words, the American moved forward. He put his fingers at the corner of Arthur's scowling lips, pulling them up so they made an awkward smile.

"There it is. A ghost of a good mood," Alfred smiled slightly. "I can see it in you. You're a great guy. You should let it show more often."

Finally, Arthur pushed Alfred away. He demanded that his blush vanish from his cheeks and for his heart to stop feeling so elated by those words. Alfred simple smiled, pulling back. Arthur didn't speak to him the remainder of the rotation, but if Alfred minded, he said nothing. Slowly, Arthur began to relax as he enjoyed the remainder of the ride.

Once down, Alfred began chattering away again much to Arthur's relief. He had worried things were different now that the boy had come out to him. Honestly, after hearing so many stories of how homophobic Americans were, he was surprised the man had easily opened up to him on such a topic. Especially since Alfred knew Arthur was particularly religious. But, seeing as how Alfred saw no limits to much in life, he probably didn't take Arthur's feelings into consideration. This annoyed Arthur a great deal and he remained quiet until after the two finished their journey in the County Hall.

"Ok, this area is officially my favorite place in London. This and Big Ben." Alfred looked out towards the sunset with a satisfying sigh. "Wow, dude, we went everywhere today! Probably more than those tour buses, huh?"

Arthur only nodded. He then noticed Alfred had stopped. He joined him by his side, asking if he was okay.

Alfred gave a nervous smile as he looked at Thames. "Say... You want me to be honest, yeah? I mean we're pals and you're totally becoming like my best friend."

Arthur flushed, looking away. He hadn't heard such kind words in so long. But somehow it saddened him to hear the confirmation that he and Alfred were merely friends. Best friends, he reminded himself.

"But..." Arthur looked over in slight alarm. Was he leaving him? "Well... I'm gonna be honest. You're... You're more than that to me... I mean... I-I like you."

Three words. They pulled everything from Arthur in that instant. While Alfred cursed himself for stuttering and sounding uncool, Arthur fell into a deep pit of emotions. One he had no idea how long he'd be down in.

Seeing his distress, Alfred quickly reassured Arthur. "But I mean! I know you're straight! I won't do anything! I promise. I'm gonna be the totally cool best friend. I just... You know. Wanted to be honest. And besides, now that you know I'm bi, I didn't want you worrying everything I do is to hit on you. I want you to know you're just my friend."

Arthur gathered himself and nodded weakly. Slowly he opened his mouth to give a squeaky "thank you" before turning his back on Alfred. Not from anger. No. For fear.

This American had come into his life with his new ideas and was so open and friendly with such a repressed and battered guy like Arthur. He didn't know why. Most people paid him no attention; the same amount he gave to everyone else. But now he had friends, a best mate, and went out on the weekends and after work; a social life. Yes, that's all it was. Nothing more. Alfred could see Arthur as something more, but not Arthur. He wasn't a sinner.

"Ah, I'm afraid I have to go." Arthur said. "I'm tired and I have church in the morning..."

Alfred nodded. "No problem. Um, we're still friends though, right?"

Arthur hid his nervous expression as best he could behind his scarf as he looked at Alfred. "Yes. It's okay."

The man looked very relieved. The moment caught up with him and he just had to hug Arthur. The Englishman squawked in surprise, but made no movement to get away. He made no movement at all, actually. He just let his body stay in the tight, but brief hug, his arms dangling from the side. Alfred pulled away with a bright smile and a telltale sign of fading blush. Arthur had caused that to appear on the man's face. He looked away as his own face heated up. Why did he hate it, but secretly take such delight in it?

"Well , see ya Monday! I'll text ya tomorrow!"

Arthur nodded before turning towards the train station. He had ridden in to meet Alfred whereas the boy had relied on his brother to drop him off. Now he was calling for another ride. Arthur felt bad he didn't at least stay to keep his friend company whilst he waited, but he honestly felt ill. All he wanted to do was go home, watch porn to calm down, and feed his cat. Yes, the way a normal Saturday should be. Not spent with a very attractive man that confessed his sinful feelings to him.

No way in Hell.

* * *

_Hoshiko2_'s cents: Hello and welcome to my new series. For returning readers, thanks so much for your input on the last series. It went over far better than I thought anything ever would. I hope you like this one as well. For new readers, it's nice to meet you! Feel free to leave any comments, such as mistakes or something you want to point out or even just an opinion. I love them.  
And yes, this series is based off of the song "Rainbow Veins" by Owl City and is where I get most, if not all, of my inspiration for the series.

The first spark of this series can be seen in "Business and Pleasure" and will be treated as a prequel. Also, I went back and changed it. Francis does not work at this branch of the company. However, he will become a very vital character in the future. One last thing, this series will not update nearly as fast as "And All That Jazz" did, but I will do my best to get updates up in a nice and timely fashion.

Thanks and I hope you enjoy!

Edit: This story actually started back here (/s/6736274/1/Business_and_Pleasure) if you'd like to see the prologue.


	2. Brought down by gravity, crystal clear

**A/N:** Please note, there are religious themes in this fanfic and I will do my best to not tread on people's toes and do not take anything written here as offensive. If you have a problem with anything, please contact me in a mature manner.

* * *

Arthur so desperately wanted to put space between himself and Alfred. It wasn't that he was in fear of the man after he came out to Arthur and it certainly wasn't because he hated him for his homosexuality. Far from it. As long as Alfred didn't pull him into the same lifestyle, the man could do as he wished. But that was the problem. Alfred was dragging him into it, but not on purpose.

No, Arthur couldn't blame Alfred for being ridiculously attractive. It's not as if he asked Arthur to run his hands through his hair like Arthur sometimes fantasized about. And Arthur never called out to hang with Alfred during work, save for lunch time. Alfred just sought him out, hanging about his cubicle far longer after he had gotten the necessary paperwork from him. It was Arthur who's heart began to leap in his throat and he smiled whenever the man appeared, seeing this as a wonderful ritual.

When he caught on to his feelings and tried to squish them back when Alfred confessed, it made Alfred all that much more attractive. But if the American was unwilling to back away from their friendship, then Arthur was. He never visited Alfred at his cubicle, never asked to hang out with him after hours, rarely initiated any texting, and never invited Alfred to lunch. If Alfred noticed or minded that the friendship had suddenly turned very one-sided, he said nothing of it. He continued to be exactly as he said he would be; a good best friend to Arthur.

So how was it Arthur felt a growing hole in his heart?

"Mr. Kirkland?" Said man looked up and over to see his boss, Kiku Honda, standing at the entrance of his cubicle. His heart jumped for a second, worried that something was wrong, but it was gone when he saw how normal the man looked. Kiku tended to always seem pleasant with a calm demeanor and gentle dark brown eyes. "I'm calling all of the employees for a quick meeting. If you wouldn't mind coming to the meeting room?"

Arthur nodded, standing up. "Yes, of course."

The meeting room was steadily filling with the other employees all muttering amongst themselves what it could be about. Arthur slid along the back wall, trying to stay out of everyone's way. But not everyone, it seemed. Alfred easily spotted him and joined him by his side.

"Yo. Seen the new employee?" Alfred asked when he popped up beside Arthur.

"So that's what this is about." Arthur casually looked around the room. "So where is he?"

"_She_'s over there." Alfred pointed over to a petite girl standing by the wall where the projector screen was normally pulled down during a meeting. "Isn't she cute?"

Arthur gulped when he saw the new girl. Cute wasn't the correct word he'd use to describe the small girl. Adorable, maybe, but either way, Arthur couldn't stop staring. She was shorter than Kiku and looked younger than Alfred. Her short blonde hair was in a bob-cut and a cute ribbon adorned her hair near her ear. Her soft green eyes looked around at the others, landing on Arthur briefly, before looking away.

"She's…pretty," Arthur breathed. He didn't notice Alfred snapping over to look at Arthur, his brows slightly furrowed.

"Thank you for coming, everyone," Kiku said as he walked into the meeting room. "Today we have a new employee joining us. Miss Vogel, please introduce yourself."

"It's nice to meet everyone. My name is Erica Vogel. I've recently moved here from Liechtenstein. I hope we can all get along and work together." Erica gave a slight curtsey before giving a small, but warm smile.

Arthur felt his face heating up just watching her. Alfred noticed and frowned slightly, but he couldn't really come to dislike the woman. They had just, sort-of, met. And she was a foreigner, like him, so they were in the same boat. Still, he wasn't used to seeing Arthur actually notice someone other than him. Alfred came out of his thoughts as he heard his fellow co-workers give a polite applause. He hastily gave his own before he turned to Arthur.

"You seem to really like this girl," he blurted out. Inwardly, he winced at not only how obvious his statement was, but how he said the one topic he didn't want to bring up.

In his moment of self-deprecation, Alfred missed Arthur flustering beside him. Arthur quickly covered his expression, returning to his stoic self. "Ah, well she is cute, but I am simply interested in who she is."

"Well, why don't you go talk to her?" Damnit, Alfred thought. Why am I still putting my foot in my mouth?

Arthur simply nodded and headed over to talk to Erica. As he approached her, his gut clenched and he could feel sweat coming on his brow. "Ah, um, hello."

Erica turned, smiling warmly again. "Hello."

Extending his hand out to her, Arthur introduced himself, "My name is Arthur Kirkland. I have been here a little over a year and would be happy to help you with any problems."

Arthur didn't think the woman's smile could possibly get any sweeter. Her eyes lit up and she shook his hand. "Oh, it's nice to meet you. Thank you so much for offering your help. I'm so nervous about working here."

"There's no need to be. Everyone is quite friendly." Arthur gave him a small smile to the girl. "Why don't I show you around?"

Arthur led the way out of the meeting room, not noticing Alfred waiting for him back by the wall. Alfred watched the two leave feeling left out and ignored. It wasn't his jealousy. He was just the best friend. Still, no one had showed him around the office when he first arrived. Especially not someone as cute as Arthur.

"And here's your cubicle," Arthur finished as he stopped outside of Erica's fresh and new cubicle. "All spot clean, eh? Very nice. Do you have photos from home?"

Erica nodded slightly, looking at the small box sitting on the desk near her computer. "Yes. I have pictures of me and my big brother."

"Oh, you have an older brother?" Erica turned, slightly surprised, when Alfred popped up behind the couple. He slung an arm around Arthur's neck in an almost possessive way. "I have a brother too, but he's the younger one."

"Oh, hello," Erica smiled, slightly nervous. Alfred was much taller than her and much more prominent in personality.

After a quick introduction, Erica seemed much more comfortable. She watched Arthur and Alfred interact, commenting that the two seemed to be close friends of years and was shocked when she learned they had only been close for a few months.

"Yup! That's just how awesome we are together!" Alfred exclaimed. He didn't notice, again, as Arthur flustered slightly to his side, hearing that slightly double meaning.

If Erica noticed, she didn't say anything. Nodding slightly she said, "I've never been close to anyone. It's always just been me and my brother. It must be nice."

"It is," Arthur said suddenly, surprising himself at such a sudden declaration. He blushed slightly, looking down, when his stomach growled loudly. His previous statement from before was forgotten in favor of focusing on the fact everyone was hungry. "Ah, it seems it's lunch time."

"Sure is," Alfred said with a laugh. "Today I brought a sandwich!"

"Better than the regular crud you bring," Arthur mumbled. "I'm relieved to see you're actually paying attention to your weight. The rest of you lot should do the same."

"The rest of you lot? You mean other Americans?" Alfred crossed his arms. "What's that supposed to mean? You know, I heard England was fatter than American these days. You Brits better start eatin' better."

"You Brits? That's quite a rude thing to say."

"Um, excuse me?" The two men looked over to see Erica, temporarily forgetting she had been there. A small smile was on her face as she watched the two. "I believe I'll go so I can eat."

"Ah," Arthur stepped forward suddenly, but found he was interrupted.

"Why don't you have lunch with us?" Erica and Arthur looked over to see Alfred. "I mean, you're here, we're here, and we're all hungry. It makes sense, right?"

Inwardly, Alfred was furious with himself for actually inviting the girl along. At the same time, Arthur was cursing himself for not asking Erica first. Both boys looked to each other, ready to say something, but then looking away for reasons that ground against each other. Both waited until Erica rejoined them and then they set off for the break room.

While eating, Alfred took over most of the conversation, talking about the company and what had been happening since he arrived. Arthur constantly had to remind Alfred to keep his mouth closed when eating or to just swallow before talking. Erica rarely spoke, choosing to sit and just listen, smiling and nodding along with whatever Alfred had to say. But shortly before break was over, Alfred was called away by Kiku for some paperwork. Arthur gave a quick wave as a good-bye, slightly saddened that now there was a silence between he and Erica.

It wasn't the fact Arthur didn't know what to say, something unexpected had happened to him. While he had listened to Alfred ramble on about meaningless things, Arthur had noticed that nothing about Alfred's own life had come up into the conversation. Somehow, the man had become a mystery.

"Is something wrong?" Erica asked, noticing Arthur's troubled expression. "You look upset."

Arthur sighed, finding it hard to mask his feelings to the girl. "I just realized, for being so close to the chap, I actually know very little about Alfred."

Erica smiled slightly. "Why don't you two hang out more? He seems to be a very good friend to have, as do you."

Arthur glanced at Erica, catching her looking at him back. The two looked away with flushed faces. Still, Arthur found himself smiling. However he wasn't sure just whom had been the one to make him smile. Had it been Erica's kind and encouraging words or the idea of Alfred spending more time with him? Surely his attempt to distance himself wasn't working and made the days bland and boring again. But would the jump in his heart and the blood in his veins rush again at spending time with just Alfred return? While he might be happy at the time when he's with the man, afterwards he would tear himself down, making Sundays almost painful as he prayed for forgiveness. He had to wonder how many times he had been forgiven by God. Did He even still forgive a man like Arthur?

Maybe Erica was his pardon. The girl had appeared at the time when Arthur was dealing with his inner feelings and failing. Every morning he woke up hugging a pillow, imagining it was Alfred. Shortly after, he would throw the pillow and cursing himself.

When did I become such a martyr? Arthur thought glumly.

Looking at Erica, Arthur felt better. She was there to balance these troubling and annoying feelings Arthur had for Alfred. Yes, it was truly a sin for them to be together. God had been merciful and sent this sweet girl to restore the balance. To bring right from the wrong. Now Arthur could freely be friendly with Alfred and whenever a sinful emotion slithered its way into Arthur's apple heart, Arthur would lavish Erica in wonderful attention.

Feeling better already, Arthur invited Erica for a weekend game of football. He agreed that Alfred would join them and that she was free to bring her brother if she wished. Upon seeing the girl's excited response, Arthur knew for sure he had been right in his assessment of Erica. She was the Eve to Alfred's serpent.

_

* * *

Hoshiko2_'s cents: I…have a confession. Out of all the females in Hetalia, I think Lichtenstein is the only girl England is even close to being compatible with. Call me crazy, but hear me out. The more popular pairing is with Seychelles, but I just can't see it. She's awfully rude to him and makes it clear she does not like him. Unlike England, she is not _tsundere_. The next popular one being Hungary. They're war pals and enjoy classy things, but she has her heart on Austria. Or Prussia. I get that triangle mixed up, lol.

After that would be Taiwan. Mmm… Naw. The history isn't there enough for me to connect the dots. Plus, she's just cuter with Japan anyways. As for the other females, well, I don't think they're close enough to him. Now, if Portugal was female, then yes. I would pair him with her, but as such a true concept art of Portugal has yet to be announced. So, the winner of the second pairing in this series is our lovely Lichtenstein. This is gonna be a challenge for me as I have never written her before in anything. Hope I don't disappoint!

I'm going to finish my long rant by saying this chapter was prolonged not just because I truly hated writing this awkward one, but because of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. I have friends that live there as I used to live there. I will continue to donate and I hope some, if not all, of your readers donate and pray.


	3. City fog and brave dialogue

_A/N_: As I am typing from Arthur's POV, please note that there will be English words used that are not the same in American English. However, I refuse to type color with an extra u, as is the same with other words. I hope there's less confusion this way.  
Also, please note as the same from last time that there will be religious themes, but I do not mean any harm to anyone.

* * *

The weekend was upon Arthur before he knew it. After receiving the invitation to play football at the local park, Alfred had become unbearable. He would come and visit Arthur at the cubicle, double checking for time and location. Not only that but then Erica would pop in, one day with cookies she had made as a thank-you for inviting her to play football.

Arthur was, quite honestly, unsure of what to do. He was unused to such attention and felt he failed in thanking them enough for spending so much time with him. It made his chest warm to see them so excited to be spending time with him. Still, he wasn't sure what he was more excited about; the fact he was spending time with his friends or that he was going to learn new things about Alfred. Of course he was anxious about being around Erica as well, but he had set up the entire game day so he could make it up to Alfred for his own sudden wall he put up between the two.

It wasn't Alfred's fault. The man was just being honest with Arthur, something he could do with seeing as college had been a farce. And Arthur had only replied in a truly nasty manner. It was no wonder that Alfred was as excited as he was. He had been worried he was losing his new friend; his best friend.

But the weekend was here and now the boys could relax with a friendly game of football. Arthur had arrived first, grabbing a free area for the sport and just in case someone got lost. He looked around the lush park, taking in the couples and families out for a weekend stroll or to take in their only relaxation time. Arthur could only smile as he watched the families, wondering when the time would come when he could have one as well. It was always such a warm dream to him that seemed just out of reach. Well, with his new confounding feelings, it was even further away.

Shaking his head from his thoughts, he looked around and waited a little while longer for his friends.

"Hello," Erica said behind Arthur. He turned, but hesitated in greeting her. Behind the petite girl was an intimidating young man with the same colored blonde hair as her, even in the same hair cut as Erica. He had piercing green eyes, much unlike his own. However, his scowl was a little more menacing than Arthur's own, which was usually just foul and unappealing. Erica turned to introduce the man. "This is my big brother Vash. Vash, this is Arthur, my co-worker."

Vash held out a hand, but his expression never changed. "Pleasure."

Arthur took the hand and fought back a grimace at the other man's tight grip. He kept his eyes locked with him and even managed a slight grin. "Your sister has spoken very highly of you."

Glancing at his sister, Vash replied, "She has of you too."

Arthur felt a warmth spread to his cheeks. He released Vash's hand and looked away from the siblings. His eyes caught that Erica was blushing slightly as well. He then noticed her attire. She was in a kit that Arthur instantly recognized as the official kit for Liechtenstein. It was a blue top with white stripes, red shorts, and blue stockings. Arthur then realized that Vash was in Switzerland's kit; red jersey, white pants, red stockings.

"Hey, you're a fan?" Arthur commented. He pointed at Erica's attire. "I mean, I've seen the team play against England before, but I never knew a fan of the country's team."

Erica blushed more as she looked down at her clothes. "Oh yes. I have been a long time fan."

Nodding, Arthur smiled as he unzipped his jacket. It was such a brisk day that he brought it along to wear in case it got too cold. Underneath was his kit for England's team, only it was in the away colors. Arthur preferred the red over the blue style anyways. For some reason the red stockings just looked better to him. Erica gasped and smiled, pointing at Arthur's outfit with a knowing smile. He chuckled, nodding without having to say anything. Vash could only stand there and narrow his eyes at Arthur, assessing the situation very quickly.

"Hey!" Everyone turned to see Alfred come jogging up to them. Slightly behind him was his brother, Matthew. "What's up?"

"Alfred, what're you wearing?" Arthur asked, looking him over once quickly.

"What do you mean?" Alfred pulled out his jersey top and looked confused. "You said it was a football."

The poor boy had come in American football attire. His uniform was a jersey to the New England Patriots, the white jersey with red stripes circling around the number 76. Alfred, though, just wore blue sweatpants instead of shorts. He looked thoroughly confused until Matthew popped up beside him.

"You're in England, remember? Football is soccer to the rest of the world," he clarified.

Alfred slapped a hand to his face in embarrassment. "Aw man! What? Wow! That's so not cool!"

Vash's lips twitched, but he pretended not to smile. Erica, however, was giggling slightly. "It's okay. I think you look just fine. What's 76 for?"

Alfred cracked a smile, glancing at Arthur. "Oh you know, totally the coolest year ever."

"What happened in 1976?" Erica asked, truly lost by Alfred's words.

Arthur snorted into his hand, soaking in that Alfred's ego had slightly deflated. He moved to grab the ball he had brought along near the small orange cones that were to be used as goal posts. Matthew offered up that he was not playing and was only here to keep score, much to Alfred's insistent pleads. He certainly didn't look ready to play as he was in a Canadian hockey shirt and jeans rather than any manageable sportswear.

Arthur quickly set up the goals and the group decided the teams. Vash pulled his sister onto his team almost instantly, leaving Alfred and Arthur on their own team. Alfred was far more excited at this turn of events than Arthur was letting on. But then Arthur grew nervous. Perhaps Alfred wasn't that good at the sport. While it was just for fun, Arthur couldn't help but want to win. To show off for a little bit. Football had to have been his favorite sport ever. Rugby was a close second and sometimes he picked up a tennis racket when he really was up to putting his self-esteem to the test.

Alfred agreed that he would be goalie for the first round to which Vash challenged him. That left Arthur to face off against Erica. He wasn't too pleased with the idea, worried that he might hurt the poor girl, but she seemed unphased by the fact she was about to face a man bigger than her.

"Vash really wants to win," Erica mumbled to Arthur as they reached center field. "He thinks Alfred is a threat to his playing ability."

"Pity," Arthur mused. "Because I can assure you it's me he should be worried about. I used to be on a team back when I was in Uni."

Erica gasped, pleased by this sudden news. "Really? That's amazing! Then I will do my best to not bore you. I am not the greatest, but I can hold my own."

The two caught each other in the eyes and smiled. Arthur couldn't help but notice just how lovely Erica's eyes were or the way her smile wrinkled her nose just a little bit. It was rather cute, much unlike Alfred's. That man's smile was always bright and beaming, filling out his face and leaving nothing to the imagination of how he felt on the situation. While Erica's eyes were sweet and deep, Alfred's were large and open. So different from one another. It really made Arthur think how he could get along so well with them both and care for them like he did.

"KILL HER ARTIE! COME ON! WIN! WHOOO! KILL THE UMPIRE!" Alfred shouted from his position. Arthur turned to stare at him with wide eyes, clearly shocked at his outburst.

"Alfred, I'm the umpire!" Matthew called from the sidelines.

"DON'T YOU LAY A HAND ON MY SISTER!" Vash threatened, pointing a warning finger at Arthur.

The poor man groaned, looking back to Erica. "I'm sorry. I will try not to touch you."

Erica giggled, shaking her head. "My brother worries a lot. You don't need to be afraid of him."

Matthew came out to the center with the ball. "And don't listen to my brother. He's an idiot. I'm sure you both know this, what with working with him and all, eh?"

"Of course. One would have to be stupid not to know. Still," Arthur glanced back at Alfred, smiling affectionately. "He's a good friend."

Erica stared at Arthur for a moment longer until Matthew dropped the ball and the two were off. At first, Erica tried her hand at maneuvering the ball out from under Arthur's feet, but he swiveled it away from her, spun around, effectively catching her off guard, and raced down the field. Erica was momentarily stunned, but chased after Arthur as best she could. Vash steadied himself for the oncoming charge, but Arthur was faster. Faking once to the right, he kicked it left and Vash turned to watch it soar past him.

Alfred screamed from the opposite side of the field, his fists in the air. "GOOOOOOOOOOOAL!"

Arthur turned around, laughing until he saw Alfred pull his jersey over his head and start running around the field like a maniac. Matthew slapped his palm to his face in utter embarrassment while Erica looked away, red at seeing Alfred's bare chest.

"What in bloody hell are you doing, Alfred?" Arthur exclaimed.

Alfred came to a stop and poked his head out from under his shirt. "What? I see soccer players doing this all the time. We totally just scored, so I wanna do it too!"

Vash strolled up, holding the ball in his hand. "That's been banned since 2004. You can't do that anymore."

Alfred pouted, but pulled his jersey back down. "Aw… That's shitty."

The trio returned, leaving Vash in the goal. Alfred trotted back to his place. Erica, however, had turned to praise Arthur.

"That was incredible! I had no idea you were so good! No wonder you were on a team!" Arthur didn't know what to say. So much positive attention had him reeling back, his face aflame. "You must teach me how to play like you!"

Arthur opened his mouth to reply, even to thank her for her overly kind words, but the ball had suddenly hit the back of his head. His head fell forward as he yelped in surprise. His hand slapped on the back of his head, feeling a small bump forming. Arthur spun on his heel with furious eyes to see Vash staring him down.

"What was that?" Alfred yelled. He pointed at Vash, but looked at his brother. "Matt! Throw a flag! That's a foul!"

"Al, this isn't football, remember?" Matthew reminded him with a sigh. "There are no flags. I'd give him a yellow card, but it's an informal game. Just keep playing, everyone."

Sighing, Arthur saw no other choice. He decided Vash was far more protective and jealous of his sister than he really understood. He would just finish up this half of the game and switch with Alfred to be the goalie.

As the game progressed, Erica became a little more aggressive. She was able to make one goal, much to Alfred's chagrin, and Arthur congratulated her until her face flushed. The pair was almost evenly matched and by the end of the first round, the score was tied. However, once the second round started it was quite clear that Alfred and Vash were much more competitive than their partners.

The two skidded to the ground, scrapped their knees and elbows, used their heads and chests to bump in goals, and one than once collided while on the field. By now, the game had taken on an entire new pace and, unfortunately, Arthur and Erica were unable to keep up. The third round was about to begin when the group decided through sticks who was to play whom. Alfred pulled out the longest stick and Erica pulled the shortest. That meant it was Alfred versus Erica while Vash and Arthur stayed in the goals.

Erica was blatantly nervous as she headed to the center of the field. Arthur, worried for her, trotted out to give her a quick pep talk. "Don't worry about him, okay? He's American, remember? They can't play. This is Europe's sport, right?"

Erica smiled slightly. "That's not a very nice thing to say about your friend."

Blushing slightly, but not looking away, Arthur offered a confident smirk. "Yes well he's a big boy and I'm sure he can handle whatever I have to say about him. Now get out there and show him what for."

For a moment, Erica said nothing. She simply smiled. But with a quick nod, she thanked Arthur and prepared herself. Arthur headed back to his position, passing Alfred by. The other man flashed another wide smile and Arthur nodded back. He wanted to ask that he tone down the macho moves he had been pulling with Erica's brother, but his mind blanked when he caught sight of just how Alfred looked. He was covered in grass stains and his chest was slightly stained from sweat. Somehow, his always vibrantly healthy hair had been matted down, save for that one cowlick. He had removed his glasses before play so his eyes were shinning without inhibition. He looked positively sexy in ways Arthur never knew another human being could look.

Arthur walked past, his eyes glued to the ground and his heart hammering in his throat. It took all of his willpower not to keep walking and just go home for a good talk with himself about what a straight man thinks about and instead he just stopped at his spot on the field. Focus on the game, he repeated in his mind.

Alfred and Erica started, but it was quite obvious that while Alfred had eased up on how hard he played, Erica was still too nervous around the bigger man that she didn't know that well. Arthur was then struck by how different she carried herself when around people. When around Arthur, Erica was quite polite, but able to still smile and joke with Arthur, even asking him about his interests and open up to him about hers. But when around Alfred or any of the other employees, she became quiet and meek, often slipping away before anyone noticed she was gone.

But Arthur notices. And Erica notices that he stops her. She appreciates it. But not Alfred. He never leaves and he never lets Arthur leave. There is no way Alfred would miss Arthur when he slipped away, thinking no one would care if he left, because there wasn't an opportunity for Arthur to leave. Not like he wanted to. He found himself staying with Erica and Alfred when the conversation struck up whether it be at his cubicle, at lunch, or at the water cooler. The two always captured Arthur's attention far longer than anyone else in the past had; save for his ex-girlfriend.

There was a scream and Arthur's train of thought was broken. He looked up in time to see Alfred stumble as he tried to swivel and avoid hitting Erica, but her scream had startled Alfred enough that he lost his balance and fell to the ground. It didn't seem out of the ordinary, but Arthur had caught the sick way his ankle had twisted. He grimaced as the other man fell, hard, onto his shoulder and yelped out in pain.

"Alfred!" Arthur shouted as he tore off down the field. He reached Alfred at the same time Vash and Matthew had while Erica fell to her knees, her hands over her mouth in worry. "Alfred, are you okay?"

The blonde nodded as he held his ankle. He sucked in air through his teeth and his face was red from the way he grit his teeth so hard. But somehow he managed to wave everyone off and force a smile. "I-it's nothing. I think I just rolled it."

"Is it swelling?" Vash asked. He had bent down to one knee and moved to pull Alfred's pant leg up, but the man swatted his hand away. "Let me see it, Alfred."

"No, it's ok. Really!" Alfred winced once, but tried to stand. He wobbled for a bit until he managed to balance on one foot. "See? I'll be fine. It's just the first pain, ya know? It's always a bitch."

Arthur moved in to help, looping an arm around Alfred's back. "You should sit the rest of the game out."

"What? But we're not done!" Alfred whined. Arthur shook his head.

"No, you can't move. Even playing as goalie would be risky." The two men moved towards the sidelines. Alfred continued to protest, but Arthur just wouldn't hear of it. "I'll have to go and get you some ice, so you stay put."

"I want to get him ice!" Erica proclaimed from behind Arthur. The Briton turned, surprised by her strong tone as she was usually so quiet and gentle with her words. However, the look on her face was of pure guilt. She wanted to make up for an injury she was obviously blaming herself for. "Please."

"I'll go with you," Vash offered. "There's a store not far from here. We can easily buy a small pack of ice and be back shortly."

Arthur nodded. "All right. I'll stay here with Matthew and Alfred, then."

Erica smiled, though her eyes still seemed downcast. She quickly put her jacket back on and followed her brother out of the park, looking back every so often with an anxious expression. From beside Arthur, Alfred chuckled. He looked down at his ankle, touching it gently and instantly pulling his hands away.

"You didn't roll it, did you?" Arthur asked. Alfred shook his head, smiling sheepishly. "Why weren't you honest?"

"And what? Make Erica cry? I don't think so." There was a silence for a moment. Matthew had taken to sitting a little ways away from the two. He figured that they probably had more to talk about than he did with a man he had only met once before. Alfred played with the grass between his fingers, listening to the happy cries in the background from children. "You know, you're really good at soccer. Did you play in school or something?"

Arthur flushed, ducking his head. "…I was."

"Cool," Alfred commented.

"But… I wasn't as good as you think." Arthur sighed as he ran a hand through a hair. "I was mainly just a back up. I only look good because I was playing against Erica, I never went up against Vash, and you're not that great. No offense."

"None taken. I'm more into baseball. Ah…now that's a sport." Alfred looked up into the sky with a faraway look, almost as if he were longing to go home to America. Arthur gulped, looking at Alfred with the same intense stare, but hoping he would stay instead. "I was on my high school's baseball and football team."

"Two sports?" Arthur was surprised. "And you were still some sort of genius in school?"

"Only with math and science," Alfred chuckled. "But yeah, it was awesome. I was the fall and spring to summer sports player and Mattie was the winter boy. Our parents never had a season that they didn't go to a sports game of some sort. Matt's a whiz at hockey."

Arthur looked over, staring at Matthew's hockey sweater and smirking. He noticed it was rather well worn and probably had years of tough love on it. Smirking and wondering at just what life must have been like growing up in America in such a sports oriented household. He looked over at Alfred, his mind abuzz with even more questions.

But it seemed Arthur wasn't alone in his unanswered thoughts. "What about you? What was your home life like?"

"Quiet," Arthur replied quickly. He was surprised that of all the words he could have used to describe home, quiet was the first one to come to his mind. But he supposed that much was true. "It was…quiet."

Arthur was actually surprised with himself. He had told Erica only half the story to try and impress her, yet he had come clean to Alfred. It seemed Alfred didn't mind that Arthur had only been a bench warmer and not a real star athlete. Was it possible he had been impressed with the lame honesty? But Arthur had no need to impress his best friend. Pouting slightly, Arthur thought that it felt lame because Alfred's honesty sounded so much better. He didn't have to fake anything to impress, he was already so impressive.

Alfred nodded a bit to Arthur's statement before knocking his shoulder into Arthur's playfully. "Guess what's been going on with you has been a real whirlwind as of late, huh? I mean, you went from being so talkative to me to, well, not even replying to my texts. Is there something going on or…are you trying to avoid me?"

A tense silence fell between the two, dropping the temperature from a comfortable chill to a prominent shudder along their arms. Arthur had hoped Alfred hadn't noticed and that he simply just didn't care. But he knew Alfred had. The man had a crush on him and barely let Arthur leave his side when they were together. His mind reverted back to what he had thought about earlier with how Alfred treated Arthur; so differently than what he was used to.

Sighing, Arthur admitted defeat to his emotions. "I'm sorry. I'm not…used to someone being so…nice to me. I guess I… Well…"

Alfred nodded. "I'm sorry too. I guess I came off too strong? I just can't help it, I like hanging out with you. You're so much fun."

"See? That. Right there. I'm… I'm not good with people pushing me or complimenting me so much." Arthur rubbed his arms, looking down at his shoes. "It's…unsettling."

"Would you rather I called you an asshole and ignored you?" Alfred asked, laughing slightly. "I mean seriously, what do you want from me?"

"I!" Arthur looked away when he found the volume of his voice to be too loud. "I don't want you to do that… I just… I don't know… I don't know about a lot of things."

Alfred bit his lower lip and there was a pained look on his face, but it was not like the expression he made when he hurt his ankle. Instead it was one a lot more akin to when Erica had inadvertently caused Alfred to hurt his ankle.

"If it's because I said I like you, dude I'm really sorry."

Arthur looked at Alfred with wide eyes, but his face gave away exactly how he felt. "Wh-what makes you think it's that?"

"Because…Ever since I told you I liked you…you've put a lot of distance between us." Alfred looked over to see Arthur staring back at him. "If I make you uncomfortable because of who I am, just tell me. I know you think I'm a sinner and wrong, but I don't wanna freak you out. I can stop being your friend if I really bother you that much."

Arthur's heart had pounded hard and painfully in his chest whenever he thought long about these new emotions swirling in his head every minute Alfred was away from him. It wasn't pleasant like when he watched Alfred play earlier today or when he heard the man laugh. Why was it when he was around Alfred it was all so easy, but taking a step back made the simplest emotions turn ugly and confusing?

"I just… You're not a bother…when you're around." Arthur tried so hard to put everything he was feeling at that moment into words. "But…when you're away… I start thinking things… Things I don't think someone like me…should think about."

Alfred continued to stare at Arthur. He wasn't judging, disgusted, or teasing. He looked serious, something that was rare. "I think the question here is, who is telling you what you can and can't think?"

Arthur couldn't speak. His voice had gone dry making him unable to voice his thoughts even if he wanted to. Instead, he reached up and pulled out the cross necklace that had been tucked underneath his jersey. Alfred's lips thinned into a firm line as he nodded with understanding eyes. He looked up as the crunching of grass reawakened the men's senses. When had the children become so silent that they didn't notice they were still playing on the playground nearby?

"Here you go, Alfred," Erica said breathlessly. She held out the bag of ice with a furrow to her brow. "Are you okay?"

Alfred took the bag and smiled. He placed it on his ankle gently. "Feels great. Thanks."

* * *

* * *

_Hoshiko2_'s cents: Yup, Alfred would so be a Patriots fan. Sometimes it certainly seems half the country is, though I have no idea why. I hate the Patriots. Actually, I just don't like football in general. Baseball is where it's at. And my team is the world champ! YES!

Anyone happen to have the _Loveless_ soundtrack? I suggest listening to Yukio's theme song. It makes me think of Liechtenstein every time. In fact, that was the song I listened to while writing this chapter and an upcoming chapter between Erica and Arthur. You'll see. But don't worry, some good USUK will be happening verrrry soon as well.


	4. We wasted all our free time alone

Rain, Arthur thought sourly. He looked out the window and blanched. He truly hated the rain. Well, hate was a strong word. More like he could do without the accursed weather. He glanced at the internet screen that showed his bank balance. He had checked it to see if there was a chance he could buy a spur-of-the-moment plane ticket to a warmer country. Maybe America.

He looked to his mobile and saw it vibrate with Alfred's name on the ID. He smiled, picking up the device and reading the message. Seeing their friendship renewed, Alfred had been more insistent on their daily talks than before. Arthur had to admit, he preferred talking to his friend much more than he did ignoring him. However, that didn't change how he felt about him.

But with Erica there to offer her friendship as well, Arthur found he could easily put all his hormonal attention on her and not feel bad for any sinful thoughts in his head. The two had begun flirting to the point it was office gossip. But Kiku had bluntly stated that no co-worker could date another. He said he would rather not have to deal with that kind of drama. For that, Arthur kept his flirting with the young girl to a minimum and instant messaged her on the company messenger instead. He didn't even do that with Alfred, keeping it to only texts and lunch time meals.

Alfred, though, had stopped inviting Arthur to hang out, something Arthur had realized he was starting to miss. Flipping open his phone, he wondered if perhaps he should ask to see if his American friend was free tomorrow. But then he came to a stop as a young boy was standing in his way.

"Pe-Peter?" Arthur asked, stepping back. "What're you doing here?"

The boy turned, a scowl much like Arthur's on his face. He had dirty blonde hair poking out from under his black hood with devil horns, thick eyebrows much like Arthur, and devious blue eyes. Arthur looked at his Gothic attire, from the black pants, platform boots, and his black jacket complete with a little devil tail off the back.

"What? I can't just walk around?" Peter asked, his arms crossed.

Arthur started. "Don't get snippy with me, young man. I just asked you a question!"

"Then ask it, don't treat me like some brat." Peter glanced at Arthur's own attire, a business suit, and smirked. "Still working like some sheep?"

"Having a job doesn't make me a sheep, punk." Arthur shuffled his umbrella around, thinking of Peter's words. There were times he really did feel as such, especially since when he was young, he had been the one to say such similar things to blokes he saw leaving their skyscrapers. "I quite like living."

"Whatever." Peter turned away laughing. He looked up at the sky, his voice oddly far away. "I heard you haven't been doing well."

Arthur inhaled sharply, but said nothing. He wasn't sure what exactly he would say to the teenager. Nothing that wasn't too personal, even for the boy. Instead, he smacked Peter upside the head. "Mind your own business."

Peter yelped in surprise, not pain. He smacked Arthur's hand away and aimed a foot for the man's shin, but Arthur was faster. He dodged the blow and smacked Peter again. Peter came at Arthur, fists flailing and his eyes closed, and Arthur, thinking it was funny, simply put a hand on the boy's head and kept him out at arm's length. A strong of curse words flew out of Peter's mouth causing Arthur to scold the boy.

"Hey!" Arthur turned at hearing the familiar. Sure enough, Alfred was marching over with a stern expression. "Arthur! Don't pick on that kid! Don't you know that's not nice?"

"It's fine, Alfred," Arthur started. He pulled Peter to his side. "This is my nephew, Peter."

Alfred's expression morphed into surprise and then excitement. "Nephew? How awesome! You never told me you had siblings!"

Peter sized Alfred up before deciding that it was okay to speak. He chalked the man up to being a bit stupid, what with his goofy grin and innocent eyes. Someone that wasn't a threat. "He has three brothers and one sister. He's the baby of the family! Haha!"

Arthur shoved Peter. "Belt up. And Emerald is only a step-sister."

"Whatever." Peter brushed Arthur away and turned back to Alfred. "So who is this?"

"I'm Alfred Jones and I hail from America," Alfred proclaimed. He held out his hand. "Nice to meet'cha Peter."

At first, Peter looked from the hand to Alfred almost in disbelief the man was really acting this way. It didn't seem he would shake, so Arthur nudged him forward, muttering a reminder to mind his manners, to which Peter shot back a retort. Alfred retracted his hand to watch the two.

Arthur caught him staring and stopped, fixing his tie in embarrassment. "Peter, you know better. Do not be rude in front of our guest."

Peter looked up at Arthur with a pout. "You're still the same jerk as always, I see…"

Arthur ignored the insult and focused on Alfred. "I'm sorry. He's such a bother. I should call his parents."

At this, Peter panicked. He yanked Arthur's arm causing the older man to stumble, almost losing his hold on his umbrella. While the young boy's expression looked angered, his mannerisms were like that of a scared animal. He shook his head violently, eyes wide. "No! You can't! I don't want to go back! I hate it there! You can't make me go back!"

"Peter! That's enough!" Arthur exclaimed, effectively stopping the boy. He was quite startled by Peter's unusual outburst, especially about his own parents. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. There had been no word from anyone in the family that anyone was having trouble. Then again, Peter wasn't exactly family. "Don't act up in front of my friend, please."

"He's not so bad," Alfred said casually.

"Well thank you for being so understanding." Arthur scowled at Peter beside him. "But he has to go home."

"I hate you," Peter whispered, looking away from his uncle. Arthur felt a nail drive itself into his heart, but he showed only the slightest bit of hurt on his face. The two had been close back when Peter was much younger and, for a time, Arthur considered Peter like his own brother rather than a nephew. To see the boy grow and change into a little rebel that said such hurtful words so offhandedly like they meant nothing, meant so much more to Arthur.

A soft voice broke through the tension. "Peter?"

Said boy looked over at the man who had quiet called for him. From nearby, a young, effeminate man with pale blonde hair slowly approached the group. He seemed just slightly older than Arthur by a year or two. Alfred was struck by how childish the man's face looked, but saw that his eyes were rather old. Peter looked away at seeing the man's pained expression.

"There you are," the man said in relief. "You ran away from me so quickly, I didn't know where you where you had run off to."

"Ah, Tino." Arthur gave a small smile as he extended his hand out to shake the other man's hand. "It's good to see you again."

"Yes, but I wish it were on better terms." Tino gave a nervous glance at Peter. "Peter, don't you want to go home?"

Oddly enough, the young boy scooted closer to Alfred; a stranger. Alfred looked down at him in curiosity. Then he looked back at Tino. Slowly, something started to click in his head. A very familiar and cold feeling slid down Alfred's throat, dumping into his stomach. He didn't want to think it, but perhaps he and Peter were in the same boat.

"We can make your favorite meal if you want. Anything you want." Tino sounded so desperate to please Peter, but he still sounded so unsure of himself. As if he were just tossing around ideas without really seeing or knowing an inkling of what was truly upsetting the boy. "Please? Let's go home together."

"No!" Peter's face was red and his eyes looked watery. Still, he kept up the tough facade. "I don't want to go home. I hate it there…"

"Peter!" Arthur started.

"Um…" Everyone looked at Alfred who was standing with his hand raised like a school boy. "Maybe Peter should spend a night away from you guys. Just to clear his head, you know? A little teenaged rebellion is good for him."

"I'm sorry, but who are you?" Tino asked apprehensively.

"Oh, forgive me. Tino, this is Alfred. He's my best mate and we work together," Arthur said.

"Hiya!" Alfred beamed at Tino with a slight wave. "If you want, Peter can stay at my place with me and my brother."

"I think he should stay at my flat," Arthur said quickly, catching Tino before the poor man reacted badly. Arthur sent a warring look to Alfred for his bold statement at taking in a young boy after just meeting the boy's father. "He can stay the night and then I'll have him back to your by the morn."

"Only if the Yank comes too!" Peter interjected, pointing at Alfred.

Again, Arthur smacked Peter upside the head, startling Tino. "If you are to stay with me then you are to be on the best of your manners. That means no name calling, especially not to Alfred. He's my friend."

Alfred smiled, slightly touched. "Thanks Artie…"

"I said no name calling," Arthur hissed, glaring at Alfred, ignoring the slight blush on his face.

"You're still a jerk face," Peter grumbled. Arthur turned to bicker with his nephew. like clock work.

Alfred stood back and watched with amusement until he noticed Tino was staring. The smaller man looked obviously upset. His son was acting so carefree with his uncle, but he had just said how he hated him moments prior to then. Alfred could only imagine how the man felt to hear his son just say such simple words; simple words that held such power. Just like the ones Alfred had said to Arthur just weeks prior. Alfred was beginning to see a pattern.

The simpler an emotion was the more complicated a human made it out to be.

"Well, we better be going," Arthur started, interrupting Alfred's thoughts. He turned, raising his eyebrows. "Are you coming?"

"Oh yeah!" Alfred looped an arm around Arthur's neck. "This is gonna be awesome Dude, I've never been to your place!"

Peter scoffed, crossing his arms. "Wow, best friends and you've never even seen Arthur's flat? And how old are you? Acting like this is a sleepover."

"Hey, hey, there's nothing wrong with getting all excited to hang out with your best pal!" Alfred punched a fist into the air. "Should we stop and get some dinner like pizza or some take-out?"

"I want Chinese!" Peter exclaimed. He turned away, forgetting his father even existed, and roughly pulling on Alfred's arm to head down the sidewalk. "Take me to Chinese!"

Alfred merely laughed and agreed. Arthur quickly excused himself, promising Tino to call him in the morning, and left with the two loud boys. Peter didn't even look back even though his father waited for him to do so. Out of his peripheral, Alfred could see how hard Peter was keeping on a brave face, much like Arthur did when he was truly upset about something but didn't want to bring it up. Alfred noticed this infuriating trait of Arthur's when the two were talking and suddenly the man became bashful over something. He wouldn't make eye contact with the person he was upset with, but continue to talk to them until he found a way out of the situation. Alfred couldn't help but be irritated by this as Arthur seemed to only react this way when he was around.

The boys got into Arthur's small car and were off to the Chinese restaurant that Arthur claimed was near his flat. However, the entire time, Alfred's mind was not on the road. He looked out the window as the rain drizzled past, thinking of how close he and Arthur had gotten and then the block Arthur put up. This repeated itself every time Alfred revealed more about himself, whether it be his sexual preference or his home life. Glancing over, Alfred watched as Arthur calmly watched the road. Just what was in his mind? Alfred desperately wanted to know.

Arthur moved his hand down to rest on the stick shift, his fingers delicately wrapping around the top. Alfred turned his attention to the fingers. He had the sudden urge to reach out and take Arthur's hand in his; damned if there was his relative in the backseat or that Arthur was driving. As much as he wanted to know what Arthur really thought of him and himself, he also wanted to know what it felt like to hold the man's hand.

The car pulled to a stop and Arthur's long fingers pulled the stick up into park. Alfred looked up, surprised that they had arrived at the apartment complex so suddenly, cursing himself that he hadn't thought to look around at the setting to figure out where his friend lived. You know, in case he wanted to surprise him one day.

Peter hopped out of the car. "I see the restaurant! Let's go now!"

Arthur followed silently, his hands in his pocket. He was grateful the rain had finally let up. Alfred looked away, slightly disappointed Arthur's hands were away now. His mind still whirled over the fantasy of holding them, but for now, he put it on the back burner and thought about what to order instead. Deciding between Chow Mein or Mushu Pork was important business.

Once the boys had their meal, they trekked back across the street to Arthur's flat, went up four flights, and came into Arthur's modest abode. Peter kicked off his shoes and took off his jacket, tossing it onto the floor with no regard for his uncle. Alfred was slightly surprised at how skinny the boy looked; the jacket making him seem bigger than he really was. But what caught Alfred more off guard was how disorganized Arthur's place was.

"Wait, is this the right apartment?" Alfred looked out into the hallway at the numbers on the other doors. "This can't be your place. It's dirty as hell."

"Forgive me," Arthur mumbled, his face red from embarrassment. He set the bags of food down on the counter. "I didn't think there would be guests over and saw no need to clean. I generally clean my house every Saturday."

"It's just, surprising, that's all," Alfred said, closing the door behind him. "Your desk is always so spic and span, ya know?"

Peter, who had taken up a spot on the couch in the living room, turned on the television. "Actually, this is more Arthur. The cleaning thing is new."

"New? "Alfred looked to Arthur. "You mean you've just recently become a neat freak?"

"I just prefer it this way." Arthur had turned away by now, pulling down plates and gathering utensils. "It's nothing important. People change."

Alfred opened his mouth to reply when a small, warm body rubbed against his leg. He looked down to see an orange and white Scottish fold with strange black marks over his green eyes, much like eyebrows. The cat looked up at Alfred curiously, but didn't seem scared or apprehensive. He waged his tail once, leaned up to sniff Alfred's outstretched hand, and moved around his legs again in a friendly welcome.

"You're cat is adorable!" Alfred exclaimed. He scooped the creature up into his arms, effectively startling him, but once he scratched behind the cat's ears, the cat became jelly in his arms. Purring included. "What's his name?"

"Gentleman," Arthur replied.

Alfred snorted into his hand and then really belted out a laugh. "PLEASE tell me you adopted this cat and that name already came with it!"

Arthur reached for his cat, scowling at Alfred. "No, I did not. For your information, it's a very lovely name!" He took the cat in his arms, petting his head and making sure not to look Alfred in the eye. "Don't be a prat."

Alfred turned away, laughing and looking around at Arthur's flat. It was a modern layout with everything open and sleek. The floor was wooden, but with two rugs laid out, adding color. There was a breakfast bar facing the open kitchen right off the front door. Behind the bar stools was a small, round dining table, but with only one seat. The living room was open with a small couch, a bookcase, and a television. Everything else in the area seemed so…

Lonely, Alfred thought. He looked back to Arthur who was finishing up dishing out everyone's equal portions. He had put Gentleman back down and was now walking over to the dining table holding his plate and Peter's.

"Peter. Come to the table. I don't eat while at the telly," Arthur said. He moved to the closet which was just in the hallway, off the living room. He came back with two extra chairs, setting them in front of the table. "I'm sorry, I don't have guests over very often…"

"It's cool, dude," Alfred said. He sat down at the table with his plate, his eyes glancing at Arthur across from him. But it wasn't Arthur that caught his eye.

It was a picture frame with Arthur and a beautiful blonde woman in it. Arthur didn't look like himself, but more like Peter. He was in all black and red, a pierced eyebrow and chains hanging from his cartilages. His expression was of pure apathy. An arm was around the shoulder of a girl with a snooty look, glasses, and pig tails with pink streaks. She was in punk-Goth clothing. Alfred was struck by how angry she looked; as if she were disgusted to be sitting beside Arthur.

Arthur noticed Alfred staring and quickly moved to turn the photo away. He gave a stern stare at Alfred before taking his seat again.

"Who is that?" Alfred asked casually, oblivious to Arthur's obvious discomfort.

When Arthur refused to acknowledge Alfred's question, Peter decided to answer for him. "That's Arthur's ex, Elizabeth. They broke up a year ago. Weren't you two going to marry?"

"Wow, it was serious?" Alfred stared at Arthur who was, again, refused to look at anyone. He really wasn't enjoying talking about his life. "I had a serious relationship once. She broke up with me and I was so heartbroken. It took about two years to get over it."

"Two years?" Peter asked. He scrapped his rice around on his plate, watching Alfred in amazement. "Why two years? It's just a person. There are billions on the Earth."

"Yeah, it was just a person and there are a billion other to talk to, but they're not for me." Alfred was looking back at Peter, but noticed that Arthur was looking up at him. "You can't just go out into the world and hold your arms out, expecting everyone to come to you and give you a hug. There has to be that one person that hugs you back, you know?"

"Tsh, that's stupid." Peter looked down at his plate, no longer interested.

"Not if you've never been hugged before. Or if the person you loved left you after everything you had been through." At this, Alfred looked over and stared at Arthur in the eyes. "It's like someone stabbing you and you have no idea why. You were supposed to love them and trust them and then they used that against you. It's the most painful feeling in the world."

For a moment, the boys felt like they had found a connection. If it were only a moment that Alfred had found some way to understand Arthur, just a little bit more, and see why he was so lonely and closed off, then he would gladly take it. Although, he did feel bad that the something he had found out about Arthur was something as painful as a bad breakup.

"Well I don't need love," Peter said, breaking the two from their moment. "Love is stupid."

Alfred looked at Peter. "Kid, you're like fifteen years old. Love is supposed to be stupid to you."

"No, I mean all love. Even with parents and even…" He shot a glare at Arthur. "Relatives."

"That's enough young man!" Arthur yelled. "Don't talk about your family that way! You should be grateful they're there for you."

"You're adopted, aren't you?" Alfred asked suddenly. The table stopped to stare at him.

"No shit, Sherlock," Peter grumbled. He sat back in his chair, his arms crossed, and a pout on his face. "But Arthur really is my uncle."

Arthur sighed, looking to Alfred sadly. He felt terrible that the man had been forced into their family's problems. "Peter is my eldest brother's son, but they couldn't take care of him when he was born. So he was adopted by a family friend."

"Are you still in contact with your biological family?" Alfred asked. Peter nodded. "Then…what's wrong?"

"What's wrong? My parents are gay!" Peter shouted, banging his fists on the table. "I have two dads! And every bloody day I have to hear about it! Do you know what that's like? Do you know what kind of _love_ that is? It's forced! My parents don't really love me!"

"Ah, see, that's what I thought with my parents. I'm adopted too, ya know?" Alfred pointed at himself with a calm smile. "I used to live in a foster home and met the guy who I would later call my brother."

"You're adopted? And Matthew is not really your brother?" Arthur asked, slightly amazed.

"Nope. Weird, isn't it? We look alike. But no, we just grew up in the same foster home. But then we were adopted at the same time by the same family, so it all worked out." Alfred's smile turned sad and he looked down at his plate. "I'm guilty of running away from home many times. It's not that my parents were bad to my brother and I, it's just that I wanted to know my real family. I wanted to know who I was… As an adopted kid, it was really tough and I felt lost, but trapped at the same time."

Peter looked up as a silence settled over the group. Arthur was trying to digest that his best friend was actually adopted and that he had once been a little rebel as well. Not only that, but he had once been in a serious relationship like him. If they hadn't broken up, would Alfred be married already? Who was this girl? Was it even a girl?

Shaking his head, Arthur tried to keep eating, but he found his appetite was gone. Instead, he swirled the food around on his plate, wondering what troubled him so much. He shouldn't feel so torn over the revelation. No, his emotions should only be about friendship, not him being happy that Alfred had lost some significant other and was now single and living in England near him. That was selfish. That was something someone thought about someone they liked. Not about a best friend.

A foul taste of jealousy filled his mouth.

"So…what did you do?" Peter asked. He was sheepishly looking up from under his bangs at Alfred.

Smiling slightly, Alfred leaned over, his voice low. "I went home and talked to my parents. They're all I have in this world. Even if they can't understand me all the way as I'd like, they can come close and they do try. That's more than enough for me."

Peter turned sharply in his chair, getting upset and his eyes watering. "But! But that's not enough for me!"

Alfred shook his head. "It has to be. Think of it this way. There's billions of people in the world, right? Then why are you rejecting the only ones looking back at you? Even if it's not everything you want, it's all they can give. And that's more than you can say about the rest of the world, right? It's kinda lonely to think you're all you have in this world. Why not give a little back to those that are hugging you?"

Arthur reached over and pulled Peter into a hug. The young boy was about to cry and he knew that a boy of that age hated to cry in front of people. His nephew was no different. He rubbed his back and tried to find what to say. Alfred was always so eloquent with his words, able to say everything he felt, it only made Arthur feel that much more inadequate. He looked to his friend for help.

Alfred held his hands to his chest, making the shape of a heart, and then pointed at Peter. Arthur slowly nodded, but wasn't sure if he could say it. He couldn't remember the last time he told anyone he loved them. The last time he did, it was to his girlfriend, and look how she had treated his love.

"Peter," Arthur started, his voice hoarse. He cleared it once, but pressed on. "Peter, my boy… I'm here for you…"

It wasn't "I love you", but it was as good as Arthur could manage. Alfred sat back in his chair and finished his meal. He let Peter calm down and allowed Arthur this chance to reconnect with his nephew, their relationship obviously estranged over the years. Once they were done, Peter excused himself to the bathroom.

Arthur wiped his mouth with his napkin. He cleared his throat again, but kept his eyes downcast. "Thank you, Alfred."

"Hm?" Alfred lifted his head, a stray piece of fried rice sticking to the side of his lip. "For what?"

"For helping Peter… And me." A rare, warm smile appeared of Arthur's face. It made Alfred's heart swell.

For a split second, Alfred almost reached across the table to take Arthur's hand in nothing more than a comforting gesture. But he didn't act on his impulse. He knew that, despite his intention, Arthur would take it the wrong way. Still, he wondered if Arthur would reciprocate the action.

Peter came back, but wasn't hungry. Everyone agreed that they would put on a comedy movie and watch together. Arthur pulled a blanket from the closet, wrapping himself in it as he took a seat at one end of the couch. Peter took the opposite end and pulled Alfred to sit next to him. The boy wasn't quite settled with the idea of him and Arthur fully healed yet, and for that he held on to Alfred instead.

A chill went down Alfred's back and he rubbed his arms. Arthur looked over and offered his blanket. The two then spread it out over each other and settled in to watch the movie. However, Alfred had other plans.

Every time he wanted to touch Arthur today, Peter had been present. Now the boy could not see under the blanket. So Alfred pulled back his desire from the back to the front of the stove and took a chance. His hand calmly slid from his knees across the way and tickled his fingers across Arthur's. The man flinched, his eyes widening, and a blush forming on his cheeks, but he didn't pull away. That was enough to push Alfred forward just a little more.

Their faces red and their nerves tight, the two boys moved their fingers to intertwine together. A perfect fit. Alfred smiled, happily content in finding that mold that worked with his. Arthur, though, couldn't believe the feeling. He didn't want to. He refused to believe that a man's hand felt so wonderful in his own. And yet, he was making no movement to pull back in disgust, hide his hands between his legs, or even berate Alfred for what he had done. Instead, he squeezed his hand affectionately, earning one back from the man.

The two remained that way, secretly holding hands under a blanket, until Peter fell asleep on Alfred's shoulder.

"I think he should go to bed," Alfred whispered, nodding at the boy.

Arthur moved to get up, their hands releasing. Both chose to ignore that their skin now felt cold. Arthur pulled the blanket over Peter, lying him down so his head was on one of the throw pillows.

Glancing at his watch, Alfred said, "Oh, shit, dude, it's one. I don't think I can call my brother now. Is it okay if I stay here?"

"Of course," Alfred mumbled. He didn't look at Alfred and finished tucking Peter in.

"So, I'll just take the floor?"

Arthur stood up and shook his head. His face was red, but he was trying to look Alfred in the eyes. "You…can have my bed."

"Oh?" Alfred's eyes widened. "Well, where will you sleep?"

"M-my bed is big enough…for us both…" Arthur was rubbing his arm and completely unable to look anywhere but the floor. Faintly he recalled that the hand rubbing his arm was the one that had just held Alfred's only a few moments ago. It still felt so cold now that Alfred wasn't there. "It's…it's okay."

Alfred nodded and excused himself into the bathroom to change. Arthur just went to his room, not at all surprised to see Gentleman had already taken his spot on the bed. In the middle of the bed. Arthur quickly changed into his pajamas and got into bed, making sure not to disturb the irritable cat.

It's okay, Arthur thought, his heart racing. We…We were just holding hands. Plenty of good mates hold hands. It's a friendly thing, that's all. And…plenty…share beds… Nothing homosexual. It's a sleepover. It's okay.

The door opened and Alfred came in. He was just in his jeans. His shirt was off revealing a beautifully tanned skin over sculpted abs. Arthur had seen Alfred's chest just a week ago during the football match, but somehow, seeing it alone, at night, in his bedroom, made everything much more than it had been before.

"Wh-where is your shirt?" Arthur asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

"I don't sleep with shirts on. Too restraining." Alfred crawled into bed and faced away from Arthur. "Thanks for letting me stay over."

"Y-yes, of course." Arthur stared at the window on the wall across from him. For some reason, he was wondering if perhaps he could have Alfred over more often. The night hadn't gone to shit like he feared it would.

Suddenly, Alfred shifted behind him. Arthur could feel his heat. If he turned around, what would he see? His curiosity got the better of him. He shifted and turned around. Alfred's eyes were closed, but open upon feeling Arthur moving. They were so close, close enough to feel each other's breathes. To feel each other's warmth.

And yet, the only thing the other wanted was to be closer. To hold each other's hand again.

Alfred reached out and grabbed Arthur's hand. He felt the man stiffen and knew he was worried. With his free hand, he held a finger to his mouth to calm him.

"Nothing more…"

Arthur nodded. "Nothing more…"

But was it wrong that was they fell asleep, Arthur wondered just how much more he should want? Was it wrong that just before Alfred drifted off he wondered just how much more he could get?

* * *

_Hoshiko2_'s cents: Man, I should've had this done a week ago. But life threw me a curve ball like it always does. Not to worry, all is well. I promised some USUK interaction and I can safely say the next chapter will have it, but to be warned, it won't be what you asked for.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I gave length to make-up for my lack of an update.


	5. Wide eyed, panic on the getaway

_It was late. Alfred and Arthur had fallen asleep, but their hands had remained clasped. Coming on 2 AM, Arthur shifted closer to Alfred, probably in search of more warmth. He made a soft moan, nuzzling into Alfred's arm, until Alfred opened his arm, taking Arthur against him. There, Arthur relaxed in his arms and smiled. Alfred held the man close to his side, dipping his head into Arthur's hair. And there they stayed._

* * *

Sunlight awoke Arthur in the morning. He thought that he'd see his window like always, so it was a surprise when he saw bare skin instead. It was then he felt a heavy arm resting in the crook of his hip. Finally, he felt the warmth surrounding him. Alfred's warmth. However, Arthur was frozen. He was stuck in a predicament.

If he moved, there was a chance Alfred would wake up. If he stayed, Alfred might wake up anyways and take this position the wrong way. He might think that Arthur had voluntarily curled up beside Alfred and pulled his arm over him. But how had they ended up in this arrangement in the first place? Arthur recalled being slightly cold in the middle of the night, but he didn't think he had been pulled into Alfred's arms by the younger man. Or maybe, he really had moved on his own.

No, he couldn't have done that. That would mean Arthur had wanted to be this close to Alfred, and he certainly did not.

Alfred stirred, yawned and stretched, lifting his arms up into the air. Arthur instantly scuttled back to his place on the other side of the bed, trying to seem calm. Alfred was none the wiser as he lowered his arms to rest on his belly. He smacked his lips and then noticed Arthur awake beside him. He turned on his side, a small smile on his face.

" 'Mornin'."

Arthur forced a small smile. "Good morning… Sleep well?"

Alfred nodded with another yawn. "Your bed is really comfy. I should sleep here more often. Hah, just kiddin'."

Alfred ran a hand through his hair, ignoring Arthur's furious flush. The light on Alfred's ran chest suddenly caught Arthur's attention. His body had been very well cared for as he sported large biceps, toned abs, and a glorious pair of muscled arms. Arthur felt very pale and malnourished compared to the American. He continued to stare, wondering how a man could look so beautiful and yet, still have such a boyish face, much unlike his adult physique. With his glasses off, he seemed even younger than before.

Alfred caught Arthur staring, but said nothing. He wanted to crack a joke and make the poor man fluster about in that adorable way he always did, but there was something about this moment. It wasn't passionate or romantic. It just was.

Arthur cleared his throat, knowing that Alfred had been staring right back at him, probably unimpressed by his lame pajamas. He shifted out of the bed, trying to keep his eyes to the floor.

"I'll start on breakfast, yeah?" Arthur offered. Alfred mumbled something with a nod and Arthur moved to the door. He stopped, his hand hovering on the handle. Without looking at Alfred, he asked, "Did… did you enjoy staying over?"

Alfred hesitated. He had been in the middle of getting out of bed as well. His face was a light shade of pink as he thought about his time the previous night. The only real damper to the evening had been when Peter cried and Arthur revealed his past serious relationship. And yet, Alfred's first thoughts drifted to when they secretly held hands under the blanket only to fall asleep holding hands while sharing the same bed.

Still, all the tension. It would have been like a normal date, as if they had done it many times before, had it not been for Arthur's obvious discomfort. And yet, he had never refused. If he truly despised Alfred's actions, surely he would have said something.

"Yeah," Alfred replied gently. He smiled at Arthur as he got to his feet. "I like it here. I wouldn't mind coming over more."

Arthur looked over, a twitch of a smile. Again, there it was. Alfred saw it. That ghost of a good mood. "I'd like that."

Somehow, Alfred had a feeling Arthur meant more than he let on. But he didn't want to press it, so he just asked if Arthur would remember to make him some bacon. Arthur opened the door, surprised to hear the television on. Moving down the hallway, he came to a stop seeing Peter sitting on the couch, a bowl of cereal in his hands, and cartoons playing before him.

Peter looked over, the spoon still in his mouth, and his blue eyes looking far younger than they had been in a few good years. "Hey."

"You're awake?" Arthur asked. He moved into the living room, glancing at what was playing. It was some Japanese animation. "You still watch these kind of shows?"

Peter furrowed his brows, looking away with an embarrassed frown, much like Arthur's own expression. "B-belt it!"

Arthur chuckled, moving the kitchen. Alfred soon joined the group outside, pulling on the same shirt from the previous day. He took a spot next to Peter, pulling his knees to his chest with a big grin on his face. However, the show hadn't even made it to its first commercial before Alfred was running into the kitchen to save whatever was left of the food.

"What the hell?" Alfred asked, opening a window to let out the smoke that had overtaken the kitchen. "Dude, didn't you just put down the toast and start cooking the eggs?"

Arthur was too embarrassed to say anything. Instead, he tossed the charred remains into the trash can and moved to clean the dirty dishes. First he had woken up in Alfred's arms, then he was uncool in his pajamas, and now he had ruined the man's breakfast. To make matters worse, he realized that he was actually trying to impress Alfred.

"I have to go out," Arthur said suddenly. He walked quickly to his bedroom, slamming the door before anyone could ask where and why.

Alfred sighed, looking down at the counter. Peter had moved over to sit on the bar stools, cereal still in hand. He looked from Alfred's downcast face, to the hallway, and back to Alfred. Despite his age, he was a smart lad and added everything together quickly. He paused his chewing to think about what he should say next to Alfred.

"He cares," he decided to say. "He does, it's just, he sucks at showing it."

Alfred looked at the boy, squinting slightly. He had forgotten to put on his glasses. Still, he knew Peter was looking at him seriously. Because this situation was serious. Alfred cared deeply for a man that was straight, but was obviously showing signs of curiosity. There was a thin, red line that connected them because of this that could break any moment. Sadly, Alfred was in charge of how strong or frail that line would be. He was the one in control of when or how it would break, if it broke at all. For that, he felt under immense pressure no matter what kind of position he was in with Arthur.

For a young preteen to see this between his uncle and a man he had met only the day before, it was a bad sign that things were getting even more serious.

The door slammed down the hallway and Arthur, now fully dressed in a sweater vest and slacks, hurried to the door. He pulled on a coat and grabbed an umbrella.

"It's not raining, "Alfred said.

"Just in case," Arthur replied, already halfway out the door.

"He does that," Peter started once the door slammed close. He swirled his spoon around in his bowl. "It's always a safety net. He wants to make sure that it won't rain, even when it's the brightest of days."

"So that's why he can't see the rainbow," Alfred muttered to himself, looking at the front door sadly. He half expected Arthur to come back in, apologize for his actions, and just sit with him for breakfast. He turned back to Peter. "Why do you think Arthur cares for me? The closer I get to him, the more of a barrier he puts up between us. It's like, despite how nice I am to him, he shuts me out. It's only every once and awhile that he opens up and I feel so special."

Peter nodded. "Us Kirklands, we kinda tend to do that. Arthur especially. He used to be some tough guy that ruled the playground, or so my dad tells me. But then he got his ass handed to him when his girlfriend dumped his ass. Now, he just hasn't been the same. I guess, he thinks that people are tricking him when they're kind. He doesn't know how to handle someone actually liking him, you know?"

Alfred sighed. "I'm not after anything. I mean, I know he's a devout Catholic , so I'd never go there… But I still…"

"Think he's a little bi-curious?" Peter asked. He was spinning in his seat by now, legs swinging around him. He smirked at Alfred, pointing a spoon his way. "Sometimes just a push would help, you know?"

* * *

Arthur looked around the church nervously. He was grateful that not a lot of people were here this early in the morning on a Saturday. Not that he had anything to hide. Of course not. He was just here to confess, that's all. Nothing wrong with that. Luckily, the light outside the booth was green; Arthur was free to enter.

Sneaking into the booth, Arthur kneeled down with a sigh. He tried to calm his breathing and focused on just stared at his fists clenching his pants. Soon, the slot in the window slid open and Arthur heard the priest sitting down beside him in the next booth. Quickly, Arthur moved his hand across his face in a cross fashion before speaking.

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned," Arthur said, trying to sound as calm as he possibly could. "It has been four weeks since I last came to confession."

"And what is your sin?"

It was time Arthur was a little bit more honest with himself. Just a little bit. The hands on his pants were still clenched, enough to make his knuckles white. "I have been having…sinful thoughts… about another man."

"And have you acted on any of these thoughts?"

"No. …I mean, we held hands last night and we shared the bed, but only because he had nowhere else to sleep and it was too late for him to go home. We did nothing. That's…not to say I didn't want anything to happen." Arthur was grateful no one could see him at that moment. His eyes were wide and his head bent low as he stared intently at the floor. "I want…to… But I know the Lord would not approve of any actions and I don't either. I don't even know why I'm having such thoughts."

"You are young, yes?"

Arthur nodded, but remembered the man couldn't very well see him on the other side. "Yes. I'm only twenty-three, Father."

"A man's feelings at such a young age are always put to the test by God. This is nothing new. You will see in time where your true affections lie; that being with a woman as God has intended. Surely there is a woman or two in your life that you would feel more comfortable being with. Just make sure you never act on any of these sinful thoughts and God can forgive even the slightest bit of temptation."

Arthur let out a sigh of relief. Somehow, hearing the words that he had been telling himself all along repeated back to him seemed to quell his nerves. The priest was right. This was all just temptation. Alfred was a relatively new person in his life, bringing about new ideas and creating radical feelings in a straight man. Yes, Alfred was just temptation.

And one always knew what to do with such a matter.

* * *

Arthur arrived home, surprised to see Peter standing by the front door fully dressed and looking ready to depart. The younger boy looked up at his uncle, a small scowl on his face, answering the man's question before it was asked.

"I'm heading home." Peter looked down, kicking at the ground when nothing was there. He was nervous when Arthur didn't make any sound, so he covered his insecurity by ripping out his mobile from his pocket. "I already called dad, so you don't have to take me home, okay? Alfred's in the shower, but I already said good-bye, but he's a cool guy. Don't be such a dick to him."

Arthur scoffed and crossed his arms. "I'm not. We get along just fine."

"Well, Alfred doesn't think so." Peter glanced up when he saw Arthur's scowl worsen. "So maybe you can let up on him. He's just a Yank after all."

Arthur moved to smack Peter upside the back of his head, but the teenager was quicker. He ducked with a laugh, scooting to the door in one fluid moment. He opened the door with a wink and was out before anything more could be said. Arthur was taken by surprise that Peter had left so suddenly, but he didn't want to press it. He heard the shower shut off from down the hall in his bathroom.

While he waited for Alfred to emerge, Arthur put on a cup of tea. He finished reading the newspaper and tidied the place up a little bit more. Outwardly, he seemed calm and collected, just being a good host and cleaning up after a night of having guests over. However, he wouldn't be surprised if someone that was casually watching saw as Arthur's hands shook or his shirt was moving from how hard his heart beat in his chest.

When Alfred appeared, he was in the same clothes as last night, but at least he looked refreshed. He smiled when seeing Arthur. "Where'd you go?"

"Just to church," Arthur mumbled. He felt Alfred's eyes on him as he moved about in the kitchen. The other man took a seat at the bar, picking Gentleman and putting him on his lap. "I'm sorry if I was…rather abrupt this morning… I just needed to talk to someone."

"Ah, well I hope you put in a good word for me with the big man upstairs," Alfred said cheerfully. He stroked the cat's back, smiling down at the ball of fur. "So, do you want me to leave?"

Arthur had prepared a speech in his head while walking home and while waiting for Alfred to show. He wanted to tell Alfred that he appreciated his friendship, but that it just couldn't work. He could never care for Alfred as he did for him. That his feelings were anything more than hormonal changes or pent up lust after months of not having any sex. And that unless Alfred took a step back from his pressuring on Alfred's, Arthur would have to excuse himself from their friendship. He'd rather not, but he wasn't sure how much more he could take of these feelings confusing his every step.

And yet, as he turned to say the thoughts he had practiced so well in his head, the words couldn't form on his tongue. He looked at the man, smiling so sweetly at his cat, and thought that Alfred didn't deserve any of this. He couldn't help how he felt and it wasn't as if he were ever unkind to Arthur. Peter was right; he was a dick to the man.

"N-no… I was thinking…we could hang out instead. I owe you that much, seeing as you did stay here the night when you didn't have to," Arthur said instead. He offered a small smile as he looked over to see Alfred beam brightly in reply.

"Really? Yeah! I'd love to! Why don't we watch a movie?" Alfred asked. "Got any comedies?"

Arthur shook his head. "Not to your liking. I prefer historical movies."

"War movies? Those are good too."

"Sure, we can put one of those on." Arthur moved from the kitchen into the living room where he sorted through his collection of movies. Eventually, Alfred joined him, taking a spot on the couch. "What era do you like the most?"

"WWII," Alfred declared without hesitation. "Some of the best actors are in those movies, dude."

Arthur chuckled. He pulled out one that he was particularly fond of, holding it out. "Shall we watch _The Great Escape_?"

"Yeah!" Alfred exclaimed, startling the poor cat he had carried with him to the couch. He whined as the creature skittered off, claiming a spot on a bookcase, his nose turned up in distaste. "All right, movie time with Artie."

Arthur stumbled over his feet at the name, saying nothing and taking a seat instead. He began the movie, waiting for the odd feeling in his stomach to go away. They sat on opposite sides of the couch, an empty space between them. Alfred had pulled his legs up to cross on the cushion while Arthur sat with his hands on his knees and his shoulders far more rigid than he wanted them to be. Men on the screen were discussing plans to escape and both men ignored any ideas of such a thing.

"Hey…Arthur?" Alfred asked, his voice catching for a moment. His eyes skittered over briefly, catching Arthur's doing the same.

"Y-yes?"

"Is it okay…if I hold your hand again?"

Alfred thought back to what Peter had said; that Arthur sometimes needed a push. He could see how many times Arthur looked at him, a silent desire locked away for reasons he didn't agree with. Reasons Arthur was starting to question. And Alfred wanted to know his answers, starting now.

Arthur said nothing, finding it impossible to formulate any coherent sentence. Instead he merely slid his hand into that empty seat, to which Alfred took in his. Together, they sat, neither looking at one another and not watching the movie, their hands clasped.

This was fine, both thought.

But I don't like it.

"Arthur…?" Alfred started again. He noticed Arthur swallowing. "It's okay to say what you want sometimes."

Arthur hesitated. He looked down at their hands, feeling that was as close as he'd come to looking Alfred in his blue, blue eyes. "What…do you mean?"

Alfred leaned closer. Arthur noticed their hands remained clasped, sliding closer towards him. He swallowed again, feeling the temperature in the room heat up again as it had the night before when they lay in bed together.

"It's okay to experiment," Alfred whispered, his breath hot on Arthur's neck. He wasn't even close, but Arthur's nerves heightened his senses and he felt everything around him and Alfred. "Arthur, I want to kiss you."

There was nothing Arthur could do or say. He felt trapped at that moment. Not because of Alfred, though, but because of himself. He hated that he didn't just tell Alfred to leave earlier as he should have, that he put his hand out there, that he was even thinking of saying he wanted it too.

"Arthur… Do you want to kiss me?"

Somehow, in that moment, everything changed. Arthur nodded slowly. He felt Alfred pull his hand free from Arthur's tight grip, not knowing it had clenched so hard in the past minutes. They were on his face, so warm, clammy, and big. Bigger than any hands he'd felt touch him. Gently, they pulled his face up, Arthur closing his eyes, again to hide from those eyes. And then they kissed.

Men's lips were vastly different from a woman's, Arthur noted almost instantly. While he was used to so impossibly soft, puckered by lip gloss lips, he was surprised to find Alfred's were dry and a little rough; probably from him biting on them. He tended to do so when concentrating on something important. But that wasn't what caught Arthur's attention the most. It was the fact that Alfred was surprisingly gentle. He half-expected the boy to be overzealous with excitement at the fact that they were finally kissing. And yet, as he pulled back, Arthur was so let-down by this fact that he felt unsatisfied.

The men remained close, not wanting that sought after mood to end. Arthur licked his lips and found that his mind was completely blank. And for that, he saw no reason to hold him back and go in for another kiss. Alfred kissed back as well, but it was just as short as the first. And then came a third, fourth, and fifth, until Alfred opened his mouth and licked Arthur's lips.

The man had a moment where he almost gasped, but that would mean Alfred would see that as his intention of wanting to take this kiss a moment further. But wasn't that what he wanted?

Yes, yes it was.

So Arthur opened his mouth, curious to see if a man's tongue felt the same way as a woman's. Once Alfred came in, Arthur not only felt and tasted the difference, but he also saw Alfred let go of his inhibitions and devoured Arthur. It wasn't too much all at once, but it certainly was more than before. And it was all Arthur wanted.

They grew a little passionate, hands in hair, arms wrapped around torso's, and breathless calls for each other's names. Alfred reached out, fumbled for the remote, and turned off the movie prattling on in the background. The two continued to kiss, until Arthur slipped free from Alfred's mouth. He whispered Alfred's name and opened his eyes.

Their eyes caught. And Arthur found he no longer knew just what he was anymore.

Alfred whispered Arthur's name, moving down to nip at his neck. He felt as Arthur shifted so his legs were up on the couch, his entire body turned towards him. He was being receptive with more than just his tongue and lips. Alfred had turned his entire body as well, shifting closer so that he leaned over Arthur just enough to make the older man tilt his head back.

Somehow, Arthur was on his back and Alfred lay atop him, but not on him. There was a difference. Their legs hadn't moved and as long as they remained that way, Arthur felt he could keep a hold of his head. As Alfred moved to kiss his neck again, a thought occurred to him. These were places Alfred had thought of before and wanted to touch. That alone had Arthur moaning and squirming just enough.

"Arthur," Alfred whispered again, his nose brushing up behind Arthur's ear. "This is…uncomfortable… Can I…?"

But before Arthur was given the chance to understand what Alfred wanted from him, the man moved Arthur's legs. Then he lay on him. Now their chests lie flush up against one another. Arthur lost his breath momentarily, trying to see a way out of this situation, but it came too late. The moment Alfred pressed his hips down, his crotch came in contact with Arthur's and both could easily feel something hard. Something wasn't Alfred.

"Arthur?" Alfred started. His breathing was fast and his eyes were half open as he watched Arthur turn away, his face red in humiliation. "You're hard… I thought you didn't…"

"Shut up," Arthur whispered. He moved his arms to envelop Alfred's shoulders, closing his eyes once more. "Just kiss me."

Alfred held no complaints for the request and did as he was told. Slowly, Alfred became a little aroused too, especially at the squirms and slight moans from Arthur that happened whenever a finger brushed his ear, down his neck, along his shoulder, or down the curve of his body. A shiver went up Arthur's body and he instinctively bucked up, rubbing himself against Alfred.

Both men froze, a gasp caught in their mouths. Arthur didn't want to think how wonderful it felt, that temporary pleasure spiking up his spine. And then Alfred rubbed back down into Arthur. They both moaned, mouths meeting again, and a new, tentative dry humping began.

Arthur could not have seen himself in this position just moments earlier, but everything was spilling out. His pent up desire that he had refused to see and the unmasked Alfred always had for him, precariously always teetering to come falling out. A push was certainly all they needed.

Perhaps I could grow to like this, Arthur thought fleetingly.

But then Alfred cupped Arthur's hard cock in his hand, squeezing lightly through his jeans. Arthur moaned, caught off guard, and finding himself again in a new territory. He wanted to tell Alfred to stop, but then Alfred was doing it again; squeezing and whispering his name and placing precise kisses on his bare skin. Arthur could only grip into Alfred's hard back, bunching together his shirt.

Just as Arthur was trying to find a balance with all of this, Alfred decided he would rub the two of them together. Words, always so difficult to say, could not tumble out fast enough from Arthur's mouth. The friction had the boys moaning, overcome by the pure pleasure of each other. Arthur thrashed about, his toes curling, as he felt a release come to them both.

They lay together, a sweaty mess. What started as sweet became too much, too soon. Too aggressive.

Alfred smirked as he brushed aside a strand of Arthur's hair. "I knew it…"

"Knew…what?" Arthur asked, not meeting Alfred's eyes for any reason other than he was steadily becoming more and more aware of what had just happened.

"That you had something for me…" Alfred kissed Arthur's cheek, his lips pressing down, and then resting on the skin, only to kiss again. "This had to happen… We were both going crazy…"

Arthur growled. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Arthur," Alfred started, sitting up just slightly. "You're acting like you totally just enjoy the shit out of that."

"I didn't," Arthur snapped. He moved to put an arm over his face, looking towards the back of the couch. "I wanted you to stop."

"What? You really…" Alfred was at a loss of what to say. He didn't want Arthur thinking he had raped him; oh God no. He wanted Arthur to think that it was okay, that they could be comfortable together because Alfred knew. Knew that Arthur liked him. Instead, he grew defensive. He refused to blamed for this. "If you didn't like it, you should have said something. Say what's on your mind, damnit."

"I want you to leave!"

Alfred gasped, unable to say anything. He merely sat up, fixed himself up, got up off the couch, and left the apartment. A void worse than silence filled Arthur's ears and he found all he could do was curl in on himself and cry into his hands. He felt sullied, filthy, and a failure. He had let God down. Quickly, he moved his hands before him and started praying, begging for forgiveness and apologizing profusely.

A strange noise reverberated from the coffee table, snapping Arthur out of his torturous thoughts. It was his mobile. At first he thought that it was Alfred, texting him to say something. He really didn't feel okay dealing with anything Alfred had to say, but the vibration continued; it was a phone call. Arthur rolled over and picked it up, checking the caller ID. He gawked when he saw it was Erica's number flashing on the screen.

Quickly, Arthur cleared his throat and erased all traces of his upset attitude in favor of being pleasant towards Erica. "Hello?"

A faint gasp came from the other end. "H-hello. I'm surprised you picked up… I thought you might be busy."

"N-no, I'm fine." Arthur coughed when his voice broke. He refused to show any weakness in front of Erica. "I'm surprised you called."

"Oh, yes, I was just…thinking that… maybe we could hang out tomorrow?"

For a moment, Arthur was silent. It wasn't that he hesitated out of fear, but rather, he was surprised God had forgiven him so quickly. He truly was an idiot. God had given him Erica for Arthur to have a normal life. Not one with a sinner like Alfred. He looked up at the sky and whispered, "Thank you."

"I'm sorry?" Erica asked.

"Oh, yes. I would…" Arthur caught himself. Quickly, he felt the wet stain in his crotch. It was better to fear rejection than to know that he had come in his own pants from another man rubbing against him. "Erica, would you like to go on a date with me?"

"You mean, hanging out?" Erica asked, trying to not sound too excited that Arthur could have meant something else.

"No, I mean a real date. I've… fancied you for quite some time and I see no reason not to ask you out." Arthur had never felt more confident as he did just then. And hearing Erica's reaction only made the man's chest swell with pride at himself. "Perhaps, tomorrow after church? I know… a café we could go to."

Yes, erase that happy memory he had there with Alfred. He couldn't think back to any of those moments for fear a tricky emotion popped up, lying to him once more.

Erica was silent for a moment, but that was because she had been rolling around on her bed, the phone to her chest as she squeaked in happiness. She regained her composure. "I would love to go on a date with you."

Smiling to himself, Arthur knew things were finally going to turn around. He just couldn't believe his luck.

* * *

_Hoshiko2_'s cents: Yeah, I know you all hate me. Haha. I told you this chapter wouldn't be what you wanted. And I apologize for the long delay of the update. I wanted to make sure my research on the confessional scene was correct and I also have been having a few personal problems, but nothing I can't handle.

For those who don't already know, I have a tumblr. Feel free to follow me at hoshiko2. tumblr


	6. Clearly I am a passerby

Sunny days were good omens, Arthur told himself. Yes, perfectly good ones for a first date.

He brought with him a bouquet of roses, hoping Erica wasn't allergic to them and that she liked them. There were his favorite flowers. He could only assume Erica liked them as well. She is a girl and girls like flowers. Everything will be fine.

Erica was waiting just outside the café, but she wasn't alone. Arthur stopped, his shoulders growing tense as he saw this. Green eyes met his as Erica's brother caught sight of Arthur first.

Vash stood and strode over to Arthur. Erica came along, brushing past her brother. She wore a beautiful red dress, hints of gold around the lace, and a purple ribbon in her hair. Arthur even caught the faintest hint of make-up on her normally naturally clear face. Erica was first to Arthur where she surprised the man with a hug. Arthur laughed, patting her back, and then released her. He handed her the roses then.

"Oh!" Erica exclaimed. "These are beautiful! Thank you!"

Arthur blushed slightly. "You've welcome." He then acknowledged the fierce looking Vash beside her. "Vash, nice to see you again."

"Yes, of course." Vash held out his hand, to which Arthur took and shook. But when Arthur retracted his hand, Vash held firm. "May I talk with you?"

"Ah, but, Erica…?"

Erica smiled, the roses pressed to her chest. She turned, heading towards the outside seating area. "I'll get us a seat."

Arthur watched as Erica left him alone with her brother. The first time they met, Arthur didn't think too badly of Vash, but suddenly he felt extremely threatened by the man. He wasn't a large or tall man, much unlike Alfred, but size meant nothing. Alfred was gentle, despite his muscles, whereas Vash was skinnier, but much more menacing. It all depended on how he carried himself, and Vash loved to try to tower over Arthur or stare him down, keeping as much eye contact as he could, awkward or not. Arthur even recalled Erica once saying that Vash enjoyed collecting and cataloging weapons, specifically guns.

"What can I do for you?" Arthur asked, hoping the man wouldn't tell him to go jump in the River Thames.

Vash glanced back at Erica before turning on Arthur. "I'm sure you know this, but Erica is a lady. She speaks of you like you were a prince, so I expect this of you. I have no ill will towards you, but I don't want this all to be a lie."

Arthur nodded, hiding his anxiety. "I understand your worry for her, but I assure you that I will treat her with the utmost respect. My feelings for your sister are true."

A cold, slimy feeling withered down into Arthur's stomach. It whispered of his doubts and a nasty feeling of a lie. That he was actually thinking of another when he said those words. But as it was, that person wasn't here. He couldn't be anymore. Never mind the fact that when Arthur awoke this morning, he still felt Alfred's hands on him, his hard penis rubbing against his, and his hot breath blowing on Arthur's sweaty skin.

"Arthur?" Vash asked. Arthur had forgotten there was a different blonde before him. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, sorry." Arthur looked over Vash's shoulder at Erica. "Well then, I shouldn't keep your sister waiting."

Vash nodded. "I'll pick her up here after your lunch date."

Arthur nodded again. He bid Vash farewell and joined Erica at the table. She smiled brightly, having put the roses in a vase that somehow had appeared on the table.

"One of the waiters gave it to me," Erica explained, pointing to the vase. "Isn't it pretty?"

"Very. As are you," Arthur said, smiling at Erica's dress. "You look very lovely. Quite a fitting dress for a lady such as yourself."

Erica blushed, unsure of what to say. She looked to her lap where she twisted her hands nervously around her napkin, ripping the paper between her fingers. It wasn't that she hated the compliment, it was just she had to still adjust to the fact that she and Arthur were now dating. She had to learn that things on Friday, silly chit-chat about the weather or what was on television the previous night, were now going to be different come Monday. They couldn't go back to the way they were anymore.

Arthur, however, didn't see things as quite that differently. He merely found Erica to be adorable as she mumbled out a quiet "thank you", choosing to skim through the menu. He knew things were slightly different, but he thought things could go back to the way they were. Erica hadn't magically transformed into someone new in his head overnight. She was still the petite and slightly socially awkward girl that was overly polite. While she was a little more nervous than she normally was since they first became friends, there were perfectly fine; or so he'd have any one believe that.

The conversation turned polite and sweet after that. Arthur and Erica first made friendly jabs at their job, telling the other soft, surface information. Nothing too much, too fast, and mostly, nothing at all. Quite frankly, it was just pleasant and anyone else might think it was a perfect date, something that had no fighting and wasn't anything too serious. Arthur, however, found himself thinking all of this was too boring. This was unusual as normally he and Erica were very relaxed and friendly with another. So how was it they treated each other as strangers meeting for the first time on a blind date?

Lunch was almost over, surprising Arthur with the time. He was about to call for the check when a voice behind him made him jump.

"Arthur? Erica?" Arthur turned to see a smiling Alfred standing behind him. He came around Arthur's chair to stand to the side of their table, looking from one to the other. "What're you two doing here?"

"Alfred…," Arthur whispered. Seeing the man again made his heart clench and his ears fill with sounds from last night. To think he'd see the man he tried so hard to not think about standing so near to him, it made his body perk up in excitement that had been missing all day. Suddenly, he felt very guilty for being found out while on his date, almost as if he had something to hide. But he desperately wanted Alfred to leave right now, anything to save him from what he was about to hear.

"Oh, hello Alfred," Erica said. "Arthur and I are on a date."

Of all the things Alfred expected Erica to say, a date was obviously not it. Arthur watched in horror as it looked like part of Alfred's heart had the color sucked out of it; stolen. His smile faded slightly, his eyes widening with a new grey hue, and his feet solidified to the ground. His fists clenched and he looked abnormally stiff. Erica seemed none the wiser at Alfred's change in demeanor, but Arthur had caught it. He had never seen such a pained expression masked behind such a fake smile before. That smile could only hide so much.

Arthur hated it. Hated that such a genuine person such as Alfred was in pain, and yet was still trying so hard to be happy for Arthur and Erica. Hated that he was the cause of Alfred's pain. That that he couldn't comfort him. But most of all, he hated knowing he even had such thoughts. He shouldn't care. Alfred was his friend and Erica was now his girlfriend, boring as this date was. Arthur was straight. He cared not for these sinful feelings. He had decided that this was the path of life he would walk down.

And yet, his heart ached as if he had just mortally wounded Alfred. For seeing that expression, he might as well had. The man who came into his life, proclaiming himself as Arthur's hero and the one to bring color into his life. All Arthur had done was thrown that aside and then run away with his grey colors bundled all up in his arms, pretending they were real and something he should have placed over his heart, ignoring the deep shades buried deep within his heart.

But he wasn't ready. He couldn't find the strength to face whatever color was deeply rooted inside him, no matter how hard Alfred tried to let it free because he saw it first.

"O-oh!" Alfred stuttered. He took a step away, his smile still plastered to his now pale face. Keep the smile there, Alfred. Let them know you are fine. "I didn't know you two were dating."

Erica blushed. "I called Arthur last night and he asked me out. This is our first date. I was so surprised."

Alfred stepped back again, this time stumbling into the gutter where he slipped and fell. Arthur jumped out of his chair, hand out in a futile attempt to help Alfred, but any help he could give the man would be meaningless. Alfred was back on his feet without anyone's help; he was even laughing. But it sounded so forced, so hollow. Arthur gulped down regret and guilt, sitting back down in his chair.

"Are you okay?" Erica asked, surprised.

"Yeah, sorry. Ah, I should leave you two alone now. I have things to do, places to be" Alfred said hurriedly. His eyes scattered away from Arthur's worried face. He was making an effort not to even look his way as he made that sour lie.

"Oh, okay. We'll see you tomorrow then," Erica said, but then remembered something. "Oh! You won't tell Mr. Honda about this, right? You know the rules state no one in the company can date one another?"

For a moment, Alfred truly looked as if he would tell Kiku. A light flashed in his eyes and he seemed ready to open his mouth, but then his e yes caught Arthur's. Arthur didn't know that the expression he made seemed, to Alfred, was a desperate plea for him not to spoil this new relationship. But what Arthur thought he was making instead was a pathetic attempt to apologize to Alfred; for what, he didn't want to know. He just wanted Alfred to smile, to get that color back, and not to stare back at him with just as excruciating an expression.

Somehow, Alfred resigned himself to changing his mind. And it was then Arthur saw it. That this homosexual "thing" wasn't really a thing at all. It was real. And Alfred was really, truly, in love with Arthur.

And it was painful.

"No…I promise." Alfred gave a weak smile. "I'm your friend. I'd do anything to…keep you happy."

Arthur noticed Alfred said this while only looking at him. Erica's eyes flashed upon Arthur's, noticing this silent moment the two shared, but what it meant she couldn't even comprehend. Instead, she sat back in her chair, suspicion and jealousy silently flaring up.

Alfred blinked, the trance he and Arthur had on each other broken. He stepped away, moving towards Erica and away from the table. "All right. I'll see you two later. Have fun now and don't get too crazy."

Before either one could say anything, Alfred took off running down the street, his head down. Erica had turned in her seat to wave him off, but he didn't look back once. She frowned slightly and turned back to Arthur, but she saw he was almost out of his seat and his hand was out as if he were reaching for the man retreating down the lane. He ignored Erica all together, wishing at that moment that Alfred were in the chair instead.

Erica looked down at her lap, suddenly wishing the same.

* * *

_Hoshiko2_'s cents: Sorry this chapter is incredibly short. I lost a lot of the drive to write this one for a little while there and I feel sorry I had to cut some stuff out of this chapter, but I promise you, next chapter will be amazingly longer and full of more excitement. Prepare yourselves. The fun starts here.

Oh and congrats to me. I've graduated college (even though the ceremony isn't until next Saturday).


	7. Your nerves, gather with the altitude

Monday came without incident. Arthur half expected the sunny days to continue, but England had decided it would pour that morning. Not to worry, Arthur always had his umbrella, just in case. On the way to work he thought about what would be different now that he and Erica had to hide their relationship. He hoped maybe he had been wrong about the previous day and they weren't boring, but rather it was just that awkward because it was the first date. First times are always going to be initially uncomfortable, trying to settle into a new grove that neither was used to.

With a satisfied excuse resting in his mind, he entered work with fake confidence. At the elevators he ran into Erica, already talking to Alfred. Arthur stopped and turned, pretending to have trouble with his umbrella.

He hadn't expected Alfred to be here so soon. After yesterday and the look Alfred had given him, Arthur's conscience was whirring with guilt. Of course, he had nothing to be guilty of, or so he told himself. Alfred was important to Arthur; that would probably never change, however, that didn't mean he was _that_ kind of important to him. The same kind of level that Alfred saw Arthur. For that, he certainly couldn't blame himself that his feelings just strayed to the tried and true way of love; with that of a male and a female.

With a final whap of his umbrella against the doorframe, Arthur turned and rushed to see Erica and Alfred. Those few moments of stalling gave him enough time to boost himself with something hollow so he could approach the duo. "Good morning."

Erica turned, a bright smile lighting up her face. "Good morning, Arthur! Alfred has some exciting news!"

"Oh?" Arthur looked at Alfred. He was relieved to see that same pained look from the day before had been replaced with something much more genuine. There was a flash across his eyes of nervousness, same as Arthur's, but both willed it away in place of a formal smile. "And what would that be, Alfred?"

"I met someone," Alfred said happily, with no hesitation or sadness to his voice. It was unlike when Arthur shyly admitted to his relationship with Erica.

At this, Arthur felt a pang in his chest that tightened around his ribs and he felt it near impossible to move. His eyes stayed on Alfred. Erica was beside him with a wide smile.

"Someone?" Arthur asked, his voice an unusual steady hold. He would not betray any sickening feelings through his traitorous voice. "Like an old friend?"

"No. A girl." Alfred looked back to Erica at this point, missing as Arthur's color faded. "After I left you two, I went to the park because… I don't remember why, actually!" Alfred and Erica laughed, and Arthur didn't. "Anyways, I saw this ball some kid had forgotten and kicked it really hard. It almost hit her on the head, scared her shitless. I felt bad, so I asked her out to lunch. I got her number and everything!"

"How exciting!" Erica turned to Arthur. She grabbed his arm, watching him. Her smile faded ever so slightly at the shocked and wounded expression buried beneath his eyes. Arthur was staring at Alfred in a way he had yet to do so towards her. And that hurt her so much she snapped her fingers away as if Arthur's arm burned her.

"Yes…congratulations," Arthur mumbled, unsure of what exactly to say. It was as if he had gone into an autopilot mode, talking with a monotone voice and with no clear understanding as to what he was truly saying. "What's the lucky lady's name?"

"Elizabeth!" Alfred exclaimed.

And that was the end of that moment. Arthur no longer heard what was being said. He watched as Alfred pulled out his mobile to show off the picture he had taken of him and this Elizabeth. But Arthur knew because that was just his luck. Of course the man he was having sinful thoughts about would now be dating the girl that broke his heart and tossed him aside so carelessly. His ex-girlfriend, Elizabeth.

Erica turned to Arthur and asked that they go on a double date. Alfred laughed so casually, detached. He had left Arthur, gone on to this other woman. It shouldn't hurt, but it did. It made Arthur stand there cold and alone, weak in the knees in a painful sort of way. He felt his head move on its own as he looked at some spot on the tile behind Alfred, agreeing to this proposition. Yes, he agreed to go see the tile, not get involved in a painful affair that would bring out the worst memories, haunting him when it got too silent or too loud.

The lift came then and the trio boarded. As they waited while they rose, Arthur stood staring at his reflection in the mirrored doors. On one side was Erica, so sweet and unaware of Arthur's internal struggle. She was watching the buttons, lightly tapping her foot, brushing aside a stray strand of her hair at one point. Arthur should find her and only her beautiful, and he did, but when with her, he only wanted to be away. Before he had asked her out, his mind had toyed with the idea of courting her. He did fancy her, but it seemed liking her just wasn't enough.

His eyes drifted to the person standing on the other side of him, Alfred. Alfred with his hands in his pockets and a cheery smile back on his bright face, watching the digital numbers at the top of the elevator car change. Alfred had always been attractive, amazing even. How could he not with that accent and all the pleasantries of being American? He was everything Arthur wasn't, something enticing, something immorally wrong. So why was it his mind that should have been focused only on his girlfriend drifted to Alfred? Now he wondered if perhaps he and Elizabeth had even kissed.

Kissed as they had on the couch just Saturday night. Their breaths and saliva mingling, names whispered, and Alfred's weight pressing down on Arthur's smaller frame.

The chime dinged, signaling the lift had come to a halt. The doors broke open and separated Erica and Alfred from Arthur. Despite being in front, Arthur didn't move until Erica and Alfred were out first. They bid each other goodbye and headed to their cubicles to get started on work. But whatever Arthur did during the rest of the day, he certainly didn't remember a bit of it.

Instead he stared at his quiet mobile. Alfred should have texted by now, filling him in on every detail of Elizabeth or finalizing the double date tomorrow night. He should have visited Arthur to talk about nothing important and everything of significance. Come and flash him a smile. Waved when he passed by to go to the water cooler. Something. Anything.

Arthur could have just as easily done the same back to Alfred; he shouldn't have to rely on Alfred to constantly make the first move. However, given their regular relationship, Alfred was always first to do anything. First to invite Arthur to lunch all those months ago, first to hold his hand, take him up to the sky in a Ferris wheel, and first to kiss him. First to actually give a damn about his feelings and the lack of color in his dismal world he had barricaded himself in.

But that was fall. It was winter now. England was raining, a good reflection of Arthur's mood. The weather always had a tendency to echo his feelings, something of which Arthur thought that perhaps he and his country were on some deep psychological level together.

It was nearing quitting time and Arthur still had yet to hear a word from Alfred. The man hadn't even joined him and Erica for lunch; probably giving them time to be alone. Erica didn't seem to mind. She reveled in the fact that she could have Arthur all to herself. Arthur should have loved that fact too, but the more alone time he spent with Erica the more he realized he never enjoyed just Erica's attention. Whenever he was with Erica, someone else was always with them. More often than not, though, it was Alfred.

All Arthur wanted to do at that very moment was find Alfred and tell him. Tell him he knew now that he understood Alfred wasn't toying with him, playing around and just there to be some temptation. No. He knew that Alfred was a human being with real emotions, not some creature just because he was homosexual. It was despicable that he had thought such things, but it wasn't until yesterday that he consciously knew those were his underlying feelings.

The pain in Alfred's eyes spoke volumes. So did the love that he had constantly poured over Arthur's head, trying to fill his heart with the promise of color. He wasn't strange, he was a human. A human in love with another human being.

But what did that mean he felt now? What did Arthur feel?

People began packing up to head home, catching the lift, and saying good night to their co-workers. Erica was starting to head over to Arthur's cubicle when Arthur stood up, looking around. He made eye contact with Erica, but held up a finger, asking her to wait. She stopped just short of his desk and nodded. He rushed down the lane to catch Alfred before he left.

"Alfred!" Arthur exclaimed, his breath short.

Alfred turned, startled. He had a cookie in his mouth and Arthur had to smile. He always did love to sneak in his snacks.

Alfred pulled the cookie from his mouth. "What's up?"

"I, um, I… I was wondering…" What did Arthur wonder? He had no idea how to word it correctly. It made sense in his head, but his mouth couldn't form the correct words. Whatever he was about to say could easily be taken the wrong way, could be a mistake. But there was always a safe topic. Something that Alfred couldn't possibly misunderstand. "Um, how are you?"

Alfred's lip twitched and he raised his eyebrows as if he were in disbelief at Arthur's question. "Uh, I'm all right. Tired from the long day of work. But I'm gonna head home."

"Ah, right. Yes." Arthur nodded, backing away from Alfred. "Then I best let you go so you can hurry home."

"Yeah. See you tomorrow?" Alfred smiled.

The date. Arthur gulped, but nodded. "Y-yes. Of course. Tomorrow. See you then."

Arthur walked away, his pride in shambles. He felt terrible, seeing as he had gone to tell Alfred that he understood something. What was it? It suddenly didn't make sense, but felt all correct in his head. He closed his eyes, hoping to remember what it was he had finally gotten his fingers on. Fingers, yes, but not a grip. And for that, it had slipped away from him.

"Arthur?" Erica asked, slightly worried. "Are you all right?"

Arthur smiled, placing a hand on her shoulder briefly. "Yes. Shall we?"

* * *

Tomorrow was fast. It felt as if Arthur had only worked four hours, rather than his normal eight hours. But when Erica's bubbly face appeared over the top of Arthur's cubicle and whispered, "Ready for our date?" Arthur knew he couldn't very well say, "No."

It was raining, of course, giving Arthur the chills as to what could possibly happen. Of course Elizabeth will recognize him the minute they meet. Probably harass him. See that he was a business man and laugh. Would she tell Alfred of his embarrassing moments? Had Alfred already told her of their secret affairs? Had Alfred figured out who Elizabeth really was and invited Arthur to this date as punishment for Sunday?

All of that vanished when Erica announced they were at the pub Alfred had agreed they were to meet up at. Alfred had left work before them to pick Elizabeth up and said they would meet for a drink directly after work. The pub was a few blocks down the way, perfectly out of sight of Kiku or any other co-workers. But Arthur could have cared less who saw him that moment because as soon as the doors closed behind him and he looked out across the tables, the only person's gaze who he did mind was the one staring directly back at him; Elizabeth.

Erica tugged on Arthur's arm, his feet just moving and following so he wouldn't fall on his face. He preferred to remain by the doorway. Alfred looked over, smiling when he saw them. He stood up.

"Hey! You made it!" Alfred looked from Erica to Arthur. "Awesome! Well guys, this is Elizabeth."

Alfred waved his hand at Elizabeth who remained seated. She still wore her hair in pigtails with that gentle curve of her bangs over her forehead. Her glasses sat on the edge of her nose. She wore an outfit much more toned down than Arthur remembered. She used to be so tomboyish, wearing ripped jeans and ill-fitting shirts to hide the fact she had a small chest. But now it was a muted sweater and normal jeans. She detested jewelry, so it was curious that she sported two hair clips to pull back her bangs on the other of her face. However, the only things that were still as Arthur remembered were her fierce eyes and sarcastic smile spreading along her thin lips.

"Elizabeth, this is Erica and my best mate-"

"Arthur," Elizabeth finished. "Arthur Kirkland."

Alfred and Erica looked at Elizabeth, surprised. Arthur, however, found he could not look away. He had spent many nights thinking back to her voice, remembering the condescending tone dripping out with every sentence. Back when he was younger, he thought her to be intelligent for her view of the world and for how she never cared for anything, only Arthur. He wondered if he heard her voice again just what it would do to him.

Now he knew. It terrified him.

"Elizabeth," Arthur replied, his voice low.

"You two know each other?" Erica asked, looking between Arthur and Elizabeth.

"Very well, cutie," Elizabeth replied with a giggle. She sat back in her seat, crossing her arms. Her smug smile only increased in volume. "He's my ex."

In the distance, someone dropped a plate in the back that could be heard out front. It fit the mood so well, Arthur found it almost comical. But he didn't laugh. He noticed as Alfred's jaw dropped and he stared at Arthur, almost as if he were horrified. Erica wasn't sure what she should do next. The moment was terribly uncomfortable now. Somehow, she decided it was best to be pleasant.

"It's nice to meet you!" Erica said cheerfully, holding out her hand to Elizabeth.

Elizabeth was caught off guard. She stared at the hand for a moment before taking it and chuckling slightly. "You too, Eri. May I call you that?"

"S-sure!" Erica giggled. She took a seat across from Elizabeth, nodding to Arthur and Alfred that they should do the same.

Both men took their seats and faced one another. It was quiet for a moment before Arthur announced he'd be getting them their drinks.

"Don't bother. I already ordered your drinks," Elizabeth said, stopping Arthur before he left. "I know what you like."

Arthur looked down at the table, inspecting all the various stains and groves in the wood. The table had probably seen better days than this painful date right now, then again, this was an English pub. It probably saw a lot of bad days as well.

"Well! I didn't get a drink. I'll go get something," Erica said. She moved out of her seat and left.

Arthur didn't lift his head, nor did he offer to buy her the drink. Instead he waited until she came back, halfheartedly listening in on the football game playing on the television set nearby and the drunken men playing darts. Underneath the table, Alfred was lightly tapping his foot, probably feeling guilty for everything that was happening. Arthur acting in such a way wasn't making it any easier. And he could still feel Elizabeth's eyes on him.

"I'm back! And the bartender gave me all the drinks." Erica smiled and placed all four glasses on the table. She sat back down beside Arthur, giving him a reassuring smile, to which he reciprocated.

Arthur took his ale, knowing Elizabeth was smiling as she sipped her own rum. Alfred held up his beer suddenly and everyone looked at him.

"I propose a toast!" Alfred stated. He tried to look confident, but Arthur could tell he was trying to break up the mood. "A toast to our new relationships! I hope they go well!"

Elizabeth laughed, shaking her head, and raised her glass. Erica followed suit. Arthur glanced at Erica, then at Elizabeth, but finally settled on Alfred. He didn't want to toast this. He didn't want to because he didn't want to think that Alfred's relationship would go well. In the end, though, he knew Alfred was trying his hardest, so he did raise his glass. The four glasses clinked together and everyone drank.

"So, how did you two meet?" Erica asked, a moment later. She was looking at Elizabeth and Arthur, an expectant smile on her face. Of course, she didn't know that the relationship ended horribly and had no idea of the gravity of her question.

Arthur cleared his throat, clearly not comfortable with answering. Elizabeth smiled and leaned forward. "We were at a party. It was really stupid, but my friend dared me to go over and hit on him. See if it was possible that he'd flirt back. At that time, we were both new to Uni and had no idea what we were doing. For me, it was my first real party, but I had no intention of dating some little guy like Arthur there."

Arthur's eyes widened. He had never heard of this dare before. For all he knew, Elizabeth had seen him from across the room and had truly wanted to meet him.

Still, Elizabeth continued. "Well, I went over and he was actually such a turn off at first. Damn bastard. I gave him more drinks to soften him up. I'm not one to lose to dares, you know? By the end of the night, he was a right cheeky git, he was. I couldn't help but think he was cute!"

Elizabeth started laughing, as did Erica. Alfred tried to join in with his own laugh, but it died down as he kept watching Arthur. Arthur didn't find anything funny. Their first meeting, one that he chalked up to being special and something of importance, had been all because of a dare. It had been a lie. Elizabeth had once told him she saw no reason why she shouldn't talk to a lonely guy and Arthur had fallen for it. But it was a lie.

"I think he's cute too," Erica said. She placed a hand on Arthur's arm. It should have been warm and electrified him like it did when Alfred touched him. But it wasn't and it didn't. "He gets flustered when you talk about things he's embarrassed about. Does Alfred do that?"

Yes, Arthur thought.

"I don't know," Elizabeth replied. She flicked one of her pigtails over her shoulder as she turned her head to look at Alfred. Alfred tore his eyes off of Arthur and smiled back. "We haven't seen much of each other for me to know yet. You have the advantage of knowing Arthur before you dated him, so it's a little easier."

"Well," Alfred started. He put an arm around Elizabeth. Arthur took a drink of his ale. "I mean, I was freakin' out when I almost hit you. I thought I really had!"

Elizabeth chuckled, brushing her hair aside. "You're lucky that it didn't or else you would've gotten a right punch in the lip."

Alfred barked out a laugh and many people looked over, surprised. Erica giggled, but hid her face, a little overwhelmed by Alfred's raucous laughter, but Arthur was used to it. He looked to his ex to see if she found it revolting, but she only laughed along.

"I'd like to see you try!" Alfred said when his laugh died down.

"Oh, just you wait!" Elizabeth reached over, pretending to strangle him while Alfred laughed and played along.

The two continued to play with one another while Arthur chugged his ale, ignoring Erica who sat next to him, anxiously shifting in her seat. The couple looked at each, but didn't make a move to try and do something of a similar fashion. Instead, Erica looked at her glass and rubbed her arm nervously. Arthur listened more intently on that football game in the back.

"So tell me, Alfred. How did you and Arthur meet?" Elizabeth had pushed Alfred away and was back to focusing on her rum.

"Well, we work together," Alfred replied. He nodded at Arthur and Erica. "So does Erica. We all work in the same department together."

"Oh. Your boss allows this?" Elizabeth was looking at Arthur, but it was Erica who replied.

"No, he doesn't. We're actually…not supposed to be dating." Erica looked at her hands in her lap that fumbled around one another. Her face was slightly red. "If we were found out, we could lose our jobs."

"Oh!" Elizabeth looked delighted for all the wrong reasons. She smiled at Arthur, deviousness evident in her emerald eyes. "How exciting! So you two are sneaking it around. Nicely done. Arthur always was the type to never follow the rules, anyways."

"Really?" Erica seemed surprised by this, but Alfred wasn't. He knew of Arthur's rebellious phase from University life. "But, he's always so good at doing everything's he told to do."

Elizabeth snorted. Arthur blushed, suddenly ashamed of something he used to be. The two looked at each other and, regrettably, Arthur was the one to look away.

"Arthur didn't use to always be like that," Elizabeth murmured. "He used to be a punk ass and destroyed property and loved to go against the rules. Why he was at Uni, I'll never know. I guess it was to become just another little sheep in the livestock called business life."

Arthur snapped his head over, his fear coming to fruition. He opened his mouth to speak, but found he wasn't fast enough.

"That was who he _used_ to be! His past doesn't have to define him! And it's perfectly fine having a phase like that! Just as it's fine for him to be a hard working business man!"

Elizabeth sat back in her chair, her arms folded, and a satisfied smile on her face. Alfred and Arthur were looking at the aggravated Erica, stunned she had had exploded in such a way. Her face was red as she stared down Elizabeth. Everyone at the table had missed the fact that from the moment Erica was told that Elizabeth was Arthur's ex-girlfriend, Erica had decided she would show her that she was a better suited girl for Arthur. She gripped the table, her jaw squared, and glared at Elizabeth. Jealousy was an ugly thing.

"It's nothing to laugh at that he wants to have money and become successful in life," she defended.

"He's not really doing much with his life if he's just rounded up like the rest of you sheep," Elizabeth said haughtily.

Erica furrowed her brow. "That's not nice to say, considering your boyfriend is also a business man."

"Something I'm willing to overlook, given how cute he is."

Arthur and Alfred looked at each other, surprised that the situation had begun to turn so sour. Erica was normally so well mannered and of a gentle disposition, but she looked ready to jump over the table and throttle Elizabeth. Elizabeth looked thoroughly amused, obviously picking on Erica to get a rise out of her. Arthur knew that Elizabeth would never let go of that desire to constantly tease those with a weaker temperament, always going to rallies and making it a point to rile people up and purposefully going against another person's religion to see them explode. Looking back, Arthur thought that perhaps he should have warned Erica of this slightly obnoxious trait of Elizabeth's.

Arthur moved in to interject, but Erica flared at him, her eyes ablaze. She wanted to win this cat fight. So Arthur did the right thing: duck his head and just return his attention to Alfred.

Erica moved her head back to Elizabeth. "So you give your new boyfriend all that leeway, but not your ex?"

"I guess he didn't tell you that I was a heartless bitch that tore his heart out, did he?" Elizabeth glanced at Arthur, and for a moment, her expression softened. "That I was his girlfriend all through Uni and then just dumped his ass?"

Arthur sighed. "No because, believe it or not, I have more tact than you."

Glancing down at his glass, he noticed that he had drunk it empty. Seeing no further reason to stay and hear this painful conversation go on any longer, Arthur stood up. The chair's legs dragged along the ground, making a loud screeching noise. Erica stood up as well. Alfred watched them stand and his eyes widened.

"Thank you for inviting us, Alfred, but I don't think Elizabeth would be good company for me or Erica anymore," Arthur said calmly. He reached for his umbrella, but Alfred snatched it.

"Wait, please don't go," Alfred pleaded. He stood up, frowning. "I'm really sorry. I didn't want it to go this way. I…"

Elizabeth stood up. "Hey, it's okay. I'm sorry. Look, sit back down. I couldn't help what came out. Can you blame a girl for being a little jealous?"

Erica blinked, unsure of what to say. She scrunched up her lips. "What do you mean?"

"Hey, I was with Arthur for years. It's hard to just jump ship." Elizabeth looked to Alfred and smiled. "Sorry. I'm a bit honest too."

Alfred smiled. "I don't mind. I like honesty."

Elizabeth looked back at Erica. "Look, Artie's a catch, so even though I left him, I'm still a bit jealous that such a cute girl is now dating him."

Arthur bit his lip. "E-either way. Perhaps I should-"

"Wait, Arthur." Erica smiled slightly. She turned and lowered her voice so only Arthur could hear her. "Maybe we could stay for a little bit. It's just as awkward for her as it is for us. Please?"

Arthur sighed. He didn't want to stay and felt like the more he did, the less likely the date would get any less awkward. He wanted to drink more, but considering he was driving home, it wasn't the best idea. Elizabeth seemed inclined to be on better behavior for the remainder of the night, seeing as she knew she had crossed the line and Alfred looked pained to see Arthur leaving already.

There was no denying that look.

The date didn't go much better after that, or so Arthur thought. He continued to stare at his glass, hardly interacting with the rest of the group as they talked. Erica and Elizabeth began to warm up to one another while Alfred sat there, trying to invite Arthur into the conversation. But Arthur wasn't having any of it. He wouldn't let Elizabeth into his life or know anything more than she already did. The girl had a tendency to judge people frighteningly well.

By the end of the night, Arthur's emotional state was well spent. He was horrified to see Erica and Elizabeth actually exchange numbers and set up a "girl's day" out. Arthur could hardly believe to see his ex-girlfriend acting in such a girly manner. She was never one to hang around with girls for long as she found them obnoxious and too strange for her taste. Still, maybe Erica was right and Elizabeth was just as scared and jealous at the start of the date as they had been. That still didn't warrant her attitude towards him and his girlfriend.

"Well, it's been a pleasure," Arthur said, opening his umbrella. They had moved outside and were milling around, waiting to part ways. "Alfred, I will see you tomorrow."

"Of course."

Arthur and Erica turned, but Elizabeth reached out, grabbing Arthur's arm. "Actually, Arthur? Your number is still the same, right?"

For a moment, Arthur almost said no. But he hated lying when Alfred was present, especially since Elizabeth could easily ask Alfred for his number and she'd learn that he had lied to her. So he said, "Yes" and thought that would be the end of it.

But it wasn't. Later that night, he received the first text message from Elizabeth in almost a year. She had invited him to a quick lunch during his break time. She promised she'd be on her best behavior and she claimed it was because she wanted to know what she should get Alfred for his upcoming birthday. They may have just started dating, but Elizabeth was always one to give gifts.

Hoping he wasn't making a mistake, he agreed to come, but only if she didn't pester him. She wrote back with only a winking emoticon. Arthur's stomach sank.

* * *

The little bell above the door chimed in the small café. The smell of coffee and pastries filled Arthur's nose as the harsh winds of the wintery London pushed him further into the shop. He ruffled his trench coat to get off some the raindrops that had splattered him, managing to duck inside before it really had begun to rain.

Elizabeth held up a hand with a wry smile. "Hello, love."

Arthur moved to stand behind the chair before sitting. He was watching Elizabeth, weighing if it was a good idea to be here or not. Elizabeth held up her hands in defense.

"I'm not here to start a war. Come on, sit."

Arthur sat, but said nothing. The waiter came to get their orders and both agreed on tea. Arthur waited until Elizabeth began to explain what she invited him for, but it seemed she was waiting for the waiter to return. Whatever it was she wanted to say she didn't want to be interrupted.

Finally, she leaned forward, her voice low. "Did you know Alfred loves you?"

Arthur stiffened, his body visibly jerking back. His eyes grew wide and he wanted to refute her statement, despite knowing its truth. Still, he hadn't known for Elizabeth to have already figured it out. They met Sunday, it was Wednesday.

"Y-yes… I know he fancies me," Arthur replied. He placed his hands on the table, fingers intertwined together. "I wouldn't call it love. It's just a passing phase."

Elizabeth shook her head. "I doubt it. All he talks about is you. I feel like I'm dating you all again with how much Al talks about you."

Arthur bit his lip, unable to say, "Is that such a bad thing?"

Elizabeth sat back in her seat, taking a quick sip of her tea. She looked at the cup, deciding it wasn't good enough, and poured a small amount of milk and sugar in. Arthur still had yet to touch his own stewing beside him.

"Arthur, you need to get over me."

"I am," Arthur said firmly. "If you haven't noticed, I have a girlfriend."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes, frowning and shaking her head. "You mean the girl you conveniently had beside you all night last night? What a couple you two make."

"We just started dating."

"So did Al and I and this when it's supposed to be the most fun. The start." Elizabeth shook her head again. "You don't want to date Erica."

"Yes I do."

"No, and I'll tell you why. Because you're in love with Alfred."

Arthur wished he had been teleported back to last night rather than sit here at this moment. That would be less painful. It was true, he was starting to see that there were feelings welling up within him that he was coming to terms with more and more, however, that didn't warrant he was in love with Alfred. Did he care for him? Deeply. Love, though, was not something he was going to have his head second guess on him again. And it was because of the woman sitting across from him that he had become so distrusting of his heart and head in relationships.

"No, I am not," Arthur started.

"Yes. I can tell you are."

"No, Elizabeth." Arthur looked around quickly, leaning over as well. He ignored how red his face was. Somehow, it didn't even connect in his head that he was about to tell Elizabeth, his ex-girlfriend, information that he hadn't even admitted to himself. "I like him… But… I'm not in love with him."

"Not yet," Elizabeth winked.

Arthur sat back, hands over his face. "No! I can't! And isn't that your boyfriend we're talking about?"

Elizabeth laughed, a real and true laugh. It made Arthur lower his hands and smile slightly. He had missed hearing her laugh. She was usually just as sarcastic as he was when it came to really laughing, both choosing not to unless it really tickled their fancy. Rarely anything does for Elizabeth.

"Hey, I'm not letting him go without a fight," Elizabeth said with a wink. "He's quite a cutie and a good kisser. Have you kissed him yet?"

"Bessie!" Arthur shouted, hiding his face again. He listened as Elizabeth kept laughing. "Stop…Please… You know I am a devout Christian and homosexuality… is a sin."

"But you can't help it, can you?" Elizabeth asked. She had backed off in her teasing and sounded much more serious. She probably had figured out that he and Alfred had kissed; if she knew anymore it would kill Arthur. "So don't try to stop it."

"Bessie," Arthur warned, having not realized he had started calling Elizabeth by her nickname again.

"Artie," she retorted. "I'm serious. If you don't, this will kill you. You've already dragged Erica into this mess and you're going to hurt Alfred. I'm sure he's already upset about this whole thing with you and Erica already. When we met, it looked like he had been crying."

Arthur gulped, his throat dry. "What…?"

"I'm not sure. He just seemed so upset. So I invited him out for a drink."

"Wait," Arthur said quickly. "He told us that he took you out to apologize for startling you at the park."

Elizabeth shook her head. "No. Sure, he scared me because he kicked that ball so hard. He looked so upset, like a hurt puppy. How could I leave that? You know me and puppies. Well, either way, I took him to this café nearby and then gave him my number, asking him out. I don't think he'd have the self-esteem to ask anyone out at that point."

Arthur looked down at his lap, imagining a pool of guilt settling there. So many things he had realized in such a short amount of time. Was everyone full of lies? Even himself? Especially himself.

"Arthur," Elizabeth started quietly. "Do you know why I left you?"

"It was so sudden." Arthur's voice cracked. He didn't move his head. "One day you told me you loved me, the next, you started fighting with me. Why…?"

"Because I fell in love. With another girl." At this, Arthur lifted his head. Elizabeth was smiling warmly as she stared at her tea cup. "Her name was Amelia and, like Alfred, she was from America. She was only there for one year as a foreign student. I wanted to be with her before she moved home. But I was still with you. It was during that time when we fought that I learned I loved you, but I wasn't in love with you.

"So I broke up with you. I didn't want to have an affair or anything, but I will admit, we did kiss and I fondled her and, her boobs were giant, so I couldn't help it. I mean, the biggest bloomin' boobs ever."

"Elizabeth."

"Right, sorry." Elizabeth moved a strand her hair behind her ear and laughed nervously. "She was able to extend her time in the country past the end of the semester and we spent the summer together. It was… brilliant. I didn't care about anything anymore. Fuck my parents and fuck society. If I wanted to hold her hand in public, then I very well damn did. And Amelia was like that too. She didn't care.

"What we did care about, though, was when she moved home. She couldn't take the pressure of a long distance. I promised her to keep it an open relationship, but that in the end, I was in love with her. I'm dating Alfred, yes, and he reminds me a lot of Amelia, almost like they're siblings, but I doubt I'll fall in love with him."

Arthur frowned. He felt a sudden urge to push Elizabeth from her seat and threaten her. Instead, he dismissed the slightly violent notion and growled, "Do not hurt Alfred."

Elizabeth shook her head. "I won't. Once I see it's getting a little too serious, I'll back out. But I hope you come to your senses by then and just steal him away from me. I won't be mad."

Arthur shook his head. "What the hell do you take me for?"

"The same punk I liked back in Uni." Elizabeth gave a genuine smile Arthur's way. But rather than having it make Arthur smile back, he got out of his seat quickly. "Leaving?"

"Yes. I have to run." Arthur dished out his share of the bill, having not even touched his tea.

"Of course you do."

Arthur shot Elizabeth another glare and then turned to leave. He didn't realize until he had reached the lift back at his company that he was out of breath. He truly had run. And not because it had rained. No, it had stopped raining long ago. And the sun was coming out. But Arthur didn't see it and didn't want to.

* * *

_Hoshiko2_'s cents: So to make up for how super late this chapter update is, I made it extra long. I do apologize. It wasn't for any reason other than I just lost my will to write for awhile, save for drabbles here and there. But even that fell through after awhile.

In any case, if I haven't replied to your reviews here, please understand that I am truly sorry about that. The system here won't let me and I can't get in touch with people, except through PMs. For that, I want to thank every single one of you who reviewed and, again, I am really sorry. I love telling my readers that I love their kind words.

Anyways, the next chapter is already almost written and will be long too, but hopefully it won't take nearly as long to update as this past time. I'm officially an adult now with no more school to return to come fall, so I'll be free for awhile, until I can find a job. Also, I am working on a brand new series that will be coming out soon and will run parallel with this one. I hope you look forward to it and read that as well.

As always, you are all free to follow me on tumblr. Thanks!


	8. With new taste for speed

Spring was just starting after a particularly dreadful winter. It had snowed, much to Erica's excitement and to Arthur's irritation. He hated England when it snowed because it seemed everyone turned into a blubbering idiot, unable to do something normal, so stunned were they by the snow. It came almost every year, so it's not that big a deal. He guessed that because this year it snowed harder than the previous year it gave people an excuse to become morons, especially behind the wheel. He received a terrible fright one morning when someone drifted into his lane, almost causing a head on collision. Erica mentioned a similar harrowing experience where someone decided it would be right funny to speed up when the pavement was slick from the melted snow, almost losing control, and nearly hitting Erica and other pedestrians on the pavement.

Alfred, though, adored snow. He ran outside, his hands in the air as it fell, trying to catch it with his tongue. The first day it had snowed, it was in the middle of the work day. Alfred was busy working, like everyone else, but his shouts startled everyone from their cubicles.

"AH! IT'S SNOWING!" he exclaimed. He ran to the window, pressing himself up against came from his office. He didn't seem upset, but rather that he was used to such actions from his friend. He pried Alfred off the window and pushed him back to his seat. Arthur, meanwhile, stood laughing at Alfred. He was amazed someone almost twenty years old had really acted in such a manner. Somehow, it suited Alfred. Big and bulky as he was, the heart of the child with that dorky grin was what drew everyone he knew in. Briefly, Arthur wondered if Alfred had any enemies.

Over lunch that day, Arthur had asked, "Doesn't it snow quite often in New York?"

Alfred, pushing the last few bites of his hamburger into his mouth, nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, but I'm always excited. I love every season."

Arthur smiled to himself as he took a bit into his warm sandwich. That's so like him, he found himself thinking. And, because Erica wasn't with them today, he didn't feel guilty for thinking just a thing. It was merely a thought. No one else had to know of his little delight.

Winter had thawed and spring began to peak through in flower buds and blessed partly sunny days. It didn't last as London's gloomy rainy season began. Still, Alfred was excited as ever, making it near impossible for Arthur to find any reason to hate spring this year. He had enjoyed it when he was a child, but then grew to hate it as he hated the bitter rain. It reminded him too much of funerals.

During the rainy days, Arthur and Erica would spend time at one another's place and found that they both enjoyed embroidery. Arthur was best at sewing while Erica was at knitting. Together they spent many wet days inside, not talking much, and just working their hands. If over at Arthur's flat, Gentleman would want to get involved too, playing with the string and ripping out the nice pattern Arthur had just worked so hard to stitch in. Erica found the cat charming beyond words of more than a high pitched squeak, always putting him on her lap. But Gentleman never stayed in her lap for long. He would sit between them, pushing Erica away from Arthur as if to say, "Sorry, he's mine."

It was better than Vash who would promptly sit between them, his arms folded, and a right cross scowl on his face. He would even turn on the television or blast music to make sure the couple didn't have much time to chat, not like they did often.

Arthur's birthday passed without much incident. He hadn't told anyone of his birthday and it would have been forgotten if Elizabeth hadn't brought it up one double date. Alfred demanded there be a party that he and Erica plan. Arthur preferred they didn't, truly fearing large crowds. Somehow, he knew Elizabeth had stepped in and told them to not invite more than was necessary. As it was, Arthur had an office party that Kiku had organized and a quiet party at his flat with just Erica, Alfred, Elizabeth, and Matthew.

"Should we invite your brother?" Alfred asked. He remembered Peter's explanation of how he and Arthur were related, recalling that Arthur had at least one older brother.

Elizabeth watched Arthur carefully. Arthur hesitated and then shook his head.

"I don't think he can make it."

Eventually, the rain lessened, heading into the tail end of April. It was then that Kiku called Arthur into his office.

"How does France sound to you?" Kiku asked as soon as Arthur had taken his seat.

Arthur, caught off guard, wasn't sure how to respond at first. "Uh… It sounds like a lovely country. I, myself, have never traveled to it. Why do you ask, sir?"

Kiku smiled, his hands folded on the desk before him. "I need someone to travel to our French branch. It has been having a few economic problems as of late and we need representatives from all the branches to go and see it. The CEO has asked that I pick someone from my department that I feel best represents this firm, and I have selected you."

Arthur's eyes widened, a surprised smile touching his lips. His voice was light with affection. "Re-Really? Oh, Mr. Honda… Kiku, thank you so much for this, sir!"

Kiku smiled. His deep brown eyes were the nicest shade of friendly. He stood up, holding his hand out for Arthur to shake. They shook. Kiku passed over a small portfolio. "This has everything you need, including your Chunnel ticket and hotel information. You will leave Friday and be back by Sunday. The meeting will be Friday evening and Saturday morning. I left you a little leeway on Saturday to enjoy Paris."

Arthur was overcome with elation. He had been thinking of traveling for some time now, but never figured it would be handed to him, much less by his boss. He was grateful and couldn't stop gushing his gratitude until he left the office.

Alfred looked up from his cubicle. His heart skipped at seeing such a jovial expression on his usually grave face. He stepped before Arthur, not letting him pass. "Hey dude. What's up? You're beaming."

"I'm leaving for France!" Arthur exclaimed, hardly able to keep his excitement pent up within him.

Arthur's eyes widened and his own smile vanished. "Like…for good?"

"What?" Arthur laughed, holding his hands up. "No, no. For the weekend. Business trip."

Alfred was visibly relieved. It touched Arthur to see that he had been that worried of Arthur moving away. He put a hand on Alfred's shoulder, a rare affectionate smile escaping onto his face.

"I'm not going anywhere."

There was a flash in Alfred's eyes. Arthur guessed that Alfred was taking that in a different direction than he meant. And, for a moment, Arthur was perfectly fine with that. He kept his hand there and kept that double meaning going in Alfred's head for just a little longer.

Despite the fact things had been going swimmingly between him and Arthur, there were times Arthur could find Alfred's eyes straying to Arthur while they were on dates. Arthur would feel Alfred's hands stay on his for just a second longer when they were handing each other something. Hands would press into his back just a little tighter when they hugged. Their eyes locked on the other more than they would their own girlfriends.

And Arthur felt that was okay. There was no pushing the envelope and no one was getting hurt. Not that he could see. Or choose to see.

Erica came up not long afterwards and Arthur told her the good news. She gasped and hugged Arthur too. It was quick and friendly, nothing to get anyone's attention. "So you're leaving Friday?"

"In the morning, yes."

"Will we be able to see you off?" Alfred asked.

"If you wish. I'm leaving from St Pancras."

Alfred chuckled. "It sounds like pancreas."

Arthur rolled his eyes at the childish remark. But the trio had to break apart and get back to work. They discussed after work when they all met up with Elizabeth at the pub. It was becoming a habit of theirs. Usually Arthur and Alfred would play darts while the girls chatted at the table. Recently, however, Erica had been calling for Arthur to sit with her, leaving Elizabeth to play with Alfred.

The rest of the week, though, Arthur didn't care. His mind was set firmly on just France and visiting a foreign country. Maybe there was one time when he went with his family when much younger, but it was too far in the past for him to recall. Instead, he made a list and double checked everything was ready. He had given Alfred permission to come and care for Gentleman, even leaving him the key. Alfred jokingly said that he honored the fact he now had Arthur's flat key. Or maybe it wasn't a joke.

Friday was upon Arthur, but he hadn't slept the night before. It felt as if he had blinked and was at the train station. Around him, the sounds of people running to and fro from platform to platform thrilled his blood. He turned every which way, eyes taking in the new surroundings. It wasn't the Underground that he took so often and it certainly wasn't going to the same office building. It was going somewhere new.

"Hey!" Alfred's voice startled Arthur. He turned and smiled. " 'Morning, dude."

"Good morning." Arthur smiled at Alfred and then turned to see Elizabeth and Erica by his side.

Elizabeth had her hair done up in a bun, wearing a smart blouse and matching fashionable skirt. He knew she worked at a University's library, but he had never seen her in her work clothes. She usually changed before meeting up with everyone.

"Well, don't you look professional?" Arthur remarked. He recalled when they had first encountered each other again and Elizabeth teased him for his suit and tie. "It's all for show, though."

"Whatever. I can read all the books I want and barely deal with twats." Elizabeth crossed her arms with a smirk. "Now, make sure you don't run into any perverts."

"Yes ma'am." Arthur turned to look at Alfred, figuring he would say good-bye to Erica last. "Well, please don't do anything stupid. I trust you'll be fine on your own for a weekend?"

"Yeah, yeah." Alfred laughed, waving a hand. "But if you see something that says London burned to the ground, just blame Germany, okay? It wasn't me."

Arthur laughed too. He felt a sudden hand grasp his heart and squeeze it, momentarily taking his breath away. He realized then that he would be away from Alfred. They had spent almost every day together so much recently that the thought of being away a weekend was painful. Slowly, he reached out to hug Alfred, but Alfred was quicker.

They hugged tightly, Alfred slapping his hands on Arthur's back loudly. Arthur choked, but made no movement to release him. Arthur felt Alfred's breath on his ear.

Then, "I'll miss you."

Alfred released Arthur and moved back, his smiling betraying nothing. Arthur stood in shock. He would have continued to stare at him if Erica hadn't moved in for her good-bye. Elizabeth pulled Alfred away then, muttering about giving them some space.

Erica said nothing. She just grabbed Arthur and hugged him tightly. Arthur squirmed at first trying to get comfortable in the hold she had on him. But then he was able to move his arms awkwardly around her. "I'll call you when I get there, okay? I promise."

Erica nodded. She moved her head back to look at Arthur. He smiled reassuringly at her. He would miss her, hell, he'd miss Elizabeth. But he knew that he'd miss Alfred the most. That rush of guilt came at him for his treacherous thoughts. He pushed himself forward and kissed Erica. She kissed him back, arms tightening around him.

From away, Elizabeth looked over. "Aw, isn't that precious?"

She looked at Alfred. He was inspecting his mobile, texting someone. He paused to look over. He saw Erica and Arthur finish their kiss. He immediately looked away from the scene. "Yup, adorable."

Elizabeth smiled slightly to herself. Alfred, though, sent a text message and remained quiet. Erica eventually joined them and they waved Arthur as he headed to his platform. The group made their way for the exit. Elizabeth's hand reached for Alfred's as she chatted with Erica, but Alfred looked over his shoulder. And so did Arthur. Their moment was theirs alone.

And they remembered _I'll miss you._

* * *

Arthur found his seat with ease. He placed his small rolling suitcase in the hanging rack above and took his place next to the window. Sighing, he looked out at the platform, imagining it was already taking off. He would soon see the fields whizzing by and then feel the weight of the Channel overhead with only a bit of metal protecting him and the train from the crushing water above. It was exciting and thrummed his bones.

But then he realized it wasn't the anxiety, but a text message. It had been vibrating for some time. Pulling it out, he saw that it was from Alfred and had been sent soon after he had parted ways with everyone.

_Hey dude,_

_I know you're only going away for a few days and I feel like such a sappy ass bastard for saying this, but I'm gonna miss you. A lot. I don't miss people. Hell, I hardly miss my brother. I think that's because we secretly really are twins, so I know where he is and that he's fine. Not that I don't think you'll be fine in France, but I don't trust them Frenchies. Too smelly._

Arthur laughed into his fist at that remark.

_Hah! Made you laugh._

Arthur flushed, curious as to know how Alfred would know Arthur would laugh at something like that.

_But really, be careful, ok? I don't want you coming home and being even more depressed. I mean, you haven't been depressed, not really. But dude… you haven't been yourself lately. I wanted to ask, but the girls are always here, ya know? I just want to know if you're ok. Like, really ok. You seem happy with Erica, but I don't know. She could be beating you behind doors and I don't know._

_I wish we could spend more time together. Maybe a vacation is in order for us guys sometime soon. As friends only. I won't ever push you to do… those things again._

_All right, enough of this sap. We're men! Men aren't sappy! Well, no, wait, we're European. Well, no, you're British and I'm American. Okay, well Americans aren't sappy!_

_Alfred, out!_

Arthur stared at his phone for a little while longer, a long grin spread so far across his face that his cheeks hurt a little bit. He hadn't smiled this wide in a few months. He felt no shame that it had to come from Alfred, however he did regret that it had to come from a text message. How he wished he had heard Alfred whisper that into his ears before they parted.

He quickly typed up a reply, sending it back to Alfred.

Alfred was walking with Elizabeth and Erica. He held Elizabeth's hand, but didn't pay attention to anything that was going on in the conversation, choosing to ignore everything else. His mind was still on the text he had just sent Arthur. Would he reply? It was a long shot, but he would probably ignore everything or write back with a simple "thanks" which was never a good enough answer to someone's heartfelt words.

But then his coat pocket vibrated. Alfred quickly dug out his cell and checked his messages.

_Englishmen aren't afraid to say they are sappy. Because we're quite all right with emotions._

Alfred had to grin at that, but at the same time feel that Arthur was being just a little hypocritical with that statement.

_However, you have every right to feel "sappy" at this moment because I too will miss you. A lot. I feel that a vacation is very much needed. The weather is growing nicer. Perhaps we can spare a trip to the country side. You need to see more sights of my beautiful country than just London. I will take you on a personal tour of some world famous sights. How does that sound?_

Alfred typed his answer up, keeping it short and simple. Elizabeth had turned her attention back to Alfred.

"How does that sound?" she asked. She hadn't realized Alfred had been preoccupied.

"Huh?" Alfred put his phone away and smiled. "Oh yeah, sure. That sounds fun."

Elizabeth had caught sight of the phone before it disappeared. Her smile faded slightly. She looked away as she pulled her hand from Alfred's. He didn't notice her sudden change in attitude as she linked arms with Erica and started walking faster. Alfred shrugged and followed behind.

Now, miles away, Arthur was receiving Alfred's text. It was a much more concentrated and meaningful response than the one Alfred had given his own girlfriend. Something a lot more than "oh yeah, sure".

_I'd love to._

* * *

Arthur looked around, not sure what he should be expecting when he arrived in Paris. He saw many businessmen holding up sings of different people's names on them, like at the airport. None said his name, however, so he continued walking. Then he saw a man holding a sign with his name on it. The man had shoulder length blonde hair and a faint shadow of stubble on his chin. His blue eyes lit up as Arthur approached him.

"_Bonjour!_" the man exclaimed. He held out his hand to Arthur. They shook and smiled at each other politely.

"_Bonjour. Coment allez vous?_" Arthur recalled what little French he knew and spoke it, a horrible accent probably accompanying it.

If it was bad, the Frenchman didn't seem to mind. He merely smiled. "_Je vais bien. Comment s'est passé votre voyage_?"

Here, Arthur had to pause and stare at the man. He rubbed his arm, trying to recall anything, but nothing came to mind.

"_Que c'est impoli de ma part_. Do you speak French?" the man asked, his voice thick with a French accent.

Arthur was relieved to hear English. "Yes. Yes, I'm sorry. I don't know much French. I learned it once, but promptly forgot it."

"Oh, how I wish I could with English." The Frenchman laughed at his own joke. Arthur offered a nervous chuckle, but didn't find it quite as amusing. "My name is Francis, Francis Bonnefoy."

"Arthur Kirkland."

"Yes, I know. I waited for you for fifteen minutes. You better be Arthur Kirkland." Again, Francis laughed again, and again Arthur tried to laugh, but it didn't go far. "Now then, I am your escort to the hotel and I can answer any questions you have."

Arthur nodded. "_Merci_."

The ride to the hotel was interesting. Arthur was pointedly trying not to shove his face against the window like Alfred had all those months earlier with the snow as he saw all the foreign buildings pass by, history upon history in each wall, beauty and architecture at every turn. His blood was boiling to get out of the taxi and run around, not caring that his mouth was open and he looked like a bumbling fool. It was his first time in another country and he wanted to be outside.

But then, Francis started talking to him. "So, is this your first time in Paris?"

"Yes. I've never traveled anywhere."

"I've been to London before."

"Oh? That's where I live."

"Ah, what a surprise." Francis smirked, but then turned to look out the window. "Yes, I went to London. It smelled terrible."

Arthur blinked, unsure of what to say. He continued to stare at the back of Francis' head. "…I see. Do you travel often?"

"As much as I can, yes." Francis turned back to Arthur with a smile. "I have many friends all over the world."

Arthur nodded. "You're very lucky."

"Not really. I don't like much of the rest of the world." Francis patted Arthur on the knee. "It's okay, though, they don't like much of France either."

This man's humor really confuses me, Arthur thought. He twitched his leg away and looked out the window again. He never minded silence when with people, but with a new acquaintance, it felt awkward. What would he talk about, though? He tapped his fingers on his knees and tried to come up with some topic.

"So, seeing as you travel often… I wager you have quite a few friends from other countries?" Arthur offered.

Francis nodded. "_Oui_. I have friends from Spain, Germany, Canada, and America."

Arthur broke into a grin. "My best mate is from America."

"I hate Americans," Francis said with a smile on his face, again throwing Arthur for a loop. "Well, not them personally. My friend from America is fun."

Arthur nodded slowly. "Just…their government and the like?"

"Something like that." Francis then looked at Arthur carefully. Arthur felt a little nervous at being stared at in such a way. He was about to ask what was wrong when Francis began talking again. "You have nice teeth. That's good."

Arthur rolled his eyes with a sigh. "Alfred said the same thing…"

"Your Yank friend?" Francis asked.

Arthur nodded. Subconsciously his hand in his pocket was fiddling with his mobile. He wanted to text Alfred, let him know he had arrived, but he promised Erica he'd call her first. If she got wind that Alfred got word before her, she'd become even more suspicious. Not that there was anything to be suspicious of. It's just those last words Alfred had sent him. _I'd love to_.

They stuck with Arthur. What if Alfred really loved him? It wasn't possible. He was dating Elizabeth. He had moved on. He no longer looked at Arthur that way anymore. He just couldn't. It would be too painful if he did. Too painful for Arthur.

They arrived at the hotel not too much later. Arthur was relieved to be free from the taxi, worried he'd have to have more awkward conversations with Francis. As he went inside, it was to his aggravation that he saw Francis following.

"You don't have to come along," Arthur started. He wanted to still be kind, given that this was the man's job. However, he was starting to grow tired.

"Do you speak French?" Francis formed it be more of a rhetorical question rather than an actual question. He smiled at Arthur, patting him on the back. He headed up to the reception desk with Arthur by his side. "Leave it to me. I will handle this."

The hotel receptionist looked up and gave a stiff smile. "_ numéro de chambre?"_

Francis looked at Arthur. "Your room number?"

"318."

The receptionist nodded. "_Chambre double?_"

"_Ce n'est pas pour moi. C'est pour lui_." Francis pointed at Arthur.

The receptionist looked at Arthur, an eyebrow raised. Arthur fidgeted on the spot. He hated not knowing what they were saying.

"_Parles-t-il français_?"

"_Non_."

"Oh_. Il est anglais. Bien sûr qu'il l'est. Regardez ces sourcils_," the receptionist laughed. Francis joined in too, looking at Arthur again.

Arthur furrowed his eyebrows and looked away. At the far window he caught a view of what looked like the side of the Eiffel Tower. He began heading to the window to get a better look when Francis took his arm.

"This way to your room." Francis and Arthur walked, taking the lift up to the third floor. Once there, Francis waited as Arthur unpacked his clothes. "If you would like, I can take you around Paris tomorrow. Kiku is my friend and told me that he gave you tomorrow after the meeting as a day off."

Arthur hung up his suit and smiled. "Kiku knows a lot of people, it seems."

"He's a kind soul."

"As are you," Arthur said. "You don't have to show me around, but I would appreciate it. I'm afraid my French would only get me in trouble. I wouldn't want to be rude and tell someone their mother looks like a cow."

"Yes, we wouldn't want that."

* * *

The meetings on both Friday and Saturday went well. Arthur was relieved. He worried that perhaps something would go wrong. It was his first big meeting like this, but he kept his eye on the fact this could mean a possible promotion. Perhaps more trips. Arthur knew there were other branches of the firm, so there was a chance Arthur would be sent abroad to represent the England branch at all times now.

After the meeting, Francis kept to his word and showed Arthur the beautiful city. Arthur was blown away at the history older than his own, which he always thought was impossible. The buildings towered overhead, almost precariously from so much architecture dripping off the roofs and into the pavement. Arthur felt ridiculous as he snapped photographs left and right, asking Francis questions a mile a minute.

They came to a halt at the Eiffel Tower. Francis asked that they take a moment to rest to which Arthur had no problem in doing. He sat facing the tower, wondering about the year it was made, the people who created it, and everything surrounding its completion. He imagined the fashion completely different, everything a strange off color from the bright hue it was now, and for Paris to have a foreign feeling compared to how it sits in the world today.

Francis offered a drink. "So tell me, Arthur, how do you like my city?"

"I love it!" Arthur blurted out. He flushed when Francis laughed. It was rare he so openly admitted he liked something, but his excitement would've betrayed any lie he said. "I've never seen such a beautiful city. I wish we had time to visit the country side."

Francis' eyes lit up. "Ah yes, the country is more beautiful than this city could ever offer. I used to live there when I was younger. My uncle owns a vineyard."

"That's amazing." Arthur envied anyone who could have a retreat to French hills. Or anywhere with more nature in general. "I wish I could visit my own countryside…"

"You seem to be enchanted with beautiful things. Why is it that you work in such a glum building as our business? Surely the office in London is no more beautiful than ours."

"It's not." Arthur thought back to how rainy it had been recently in London. It's true, it had been rather glum, but there were always the flowers. Bringing that spark of color to the grays and blacks. "I used to always be outside, playing around in dirt when I was a child. I just never got that after going to college and then University. I will admit, I miss it."

Arthur chuckled to himself, sipping his beverage. "I feel silly for telling you this. We only just met."

Francis shrugged. "People tend to want to tell new people the oddest things."

"I haven't even told my girlfriend this. Only Alfred knows."

The conversation hesitated for a moment. Both admired the tower, thinking of what to say next. Arthur recalled back to when he had first confided in Alfred about his love of nature. He had told him over a few beers while the girls were in the water closest. He mentioned that he wished he could open a flower shop, but didn't think it would fare well. So he never acted on his dream.

Francis' voice suddenly broke Arthur's reserve. "What does your girlfriend and Alfred look like? You talk about them so much."

Arthur pulled out his mobile, touching the screen awake. He showed the image to Francis. "This is Erica. We've been dating for almost five months now."

Francis whistled lightly. "She's a cutie. You two look happy together. And Alfred?"

Arthur unlocked the screen and showed the inner wallpaper of him and Alfred. At this, Francis took the phone and grinned. "Wow, he is very attractive. And he's American?"

"Yes." Arthur felt himself blushing, but not for his usual reasons. Because he suddenly felt proud of having a friend like Alfred. Someone he could stand beside and say, yes, this is my best mate. Him. We are. Not you.

It was horribly selfish, but he knew that Alfred would only laugh and agree. Probably say it was him he was proud of having a friend like Arthur. Pat him on the back, hand on his shoulder, and a grin directed only at him.

A cold feeling nestled into Arthur's stomach. He took the mobile back and asked that they continue their trip. Eventually, they found their way to the Louvre. Waiting in line was painful. Arthur stewed in this new feeling gnawing into his side. He couldn't place a finger on what it was exactly. He knew the familiar bitterness of guilt and regret. Those were quickly becoming old friends of his that were making him grow grey prematurely. This new feeling wasn't the same, but just as troubling.

Arthur parted ways with Francis once inside. He took his time, examining each piece of art, memorizing the brush strokes and the dabs of paint on each canvas. He basked in the different feelings each painting expressed, like a different person on the planet. One, in particular, caught Arthur's eye.

The colors were mainly blue and white. The paint seemed to drip off of each line, the strokes sweeping every which way. In the middle was a man holding an umbrella. But the rain was falling on him and not outside. There were no details of outside his umbrella with most of the attention drawn to the man with no face. He wasn't even in the center, but off to the side, as if he were not truly a part of the canvas; not part of the world in which he had been created.

"It's beautiful," Arthur whispered. He feared his voice would shatter the painting.

And it was at that moment that the same force from earlier struck Arthur so hard it froze him to the spot. His eyes wavered from the painting momentarily. The feeling washed over him like a wave, neither calm nor gentle, but unforgiving as if reminding him that he was alone in a foreign country. Something he had been dreaming of doing for awhile now. To be alone and enjoying only his own company.

But his mind had played tricks on him all day. Seeing someone with glasses, hearing an obnoxious laugh, or mistaking Francis for Alfred. He missed Alfred and wished he was there, enjoying this vacation. Because he didn't want to get away from everything and be alone, he wanted to be alone with just Alfred. They hadn't been together, just the two of them, for some time. One of the girls was always with them or they had double dates. But Arthur hadn't been to Alfred's flat in months and who knew when was the last time Alfred was over to have a movie night?

To be honest, it was because Erica had wanted to be present for almost everything Arthur and Alfred did. She managed to constantly squeeze herself between them or conveniently invited herself along to whatever it was the boys were planning. Sometimes, Elizabeth seemed to be along in these coincidences, tagging along for the hell of it. For this, Arthur had no one to blame but himself. He had invited Erica to sit with them that first day when she joined the company. Also, he let Elizabeth know of his secret feelings for Alfred. Of course Elizabeth would come along to tease Arthur or make the situation just that much more painful.

But right here, right now, in this beautiful art museum, Arthur wanted nothing more than to see Alfred. He wanted him to come up from behind, take his hand, and make a comment about the painting with a low voice. It would be so low that Arthur would close his eyes and feel the vibration through his hand. He wanted Alfred to be with him as they walked the streets of Paris, taking pictures, and feel very much so like a tourist without regard for what the snobby French thought of them. He was on vacation with someone he l-

Cared for.

Catching himself, Arthur gasped, wavering on the spot. His chest seized up, an ache nestling into the corners of his heart. It was too soon to think such a thing after only realizing his mislead thoughts about Alfred in such a negative light. Much too soon after he started realizing that he couldn't be away from Alfred for more than a weekend. He felt pathetic.

More than that, he felt the terrible urge to contact Alfred. See how he was. Ask him if perhaps, by some comedic chance, he was thinking of him. Like Arthur was at that moment. As he continued to stare at the painting made so many centuries ago by a talented man. A man that was more of a man than Arthur that lied and hid his true potential buried so far in his heart. A man that was like Alfred, honest and vibrant in this life. He had to have been to have brought so much color into the world.

Arthur wondered if Alfred was sitting at home, watching the telly, complaining about dry British humor. If he had just come home from a date with Elizabeth. If Matt was there by him, ignoring his comments. If maybe, just maybe, Alfred was missing Arthur too.

Then, a text message interrupted Arthur's thoughts. He pulled out his phone and pressed the touch screen awake. Arthur's heart caught in his throat when he saw that the message was from Alfred. It was a crudely made creature made out of symbols from Alfred's phone. The eyes looked like Japanese characters or like sideways, lowercase e's while the mouth was a sideways three. Somehow, Alfred had made a circle around the creature with slashes and then topped it off with a cowlick, just like his own. He had made a little speech bubble next to the creature that only said _I miss you_.

An uncontrollable urge to laugh broke out of Arthur, erupting into a full blown raucous laugh. The nearby visitors in the museum were horribly frightened and moved away from Arthur. He quickly covered his mouth and stuffed the phone in his pocket, unable to look at that creature. Later he would have to ask Alfred not only how he made the thing, but what exactly was it. It resembled Alfred, somehow.

Eventually, as Arthur walked out with Francis back onto the streets of Paris, he sent a message back.

_I miss you too._

* * *

_Hoshiko2_'s cents: This was originally meant to end differently, but it turned into a long chapter. Much too long. So I split it up. Because of that, the next chapter will be out very, very soon.

There's a lot of subtle things I sprinkled about. I hope everyone caught them.


	9. For heaven's sake, keep me awake

Erica plopped into the chair with an audible sigh. Even without Arthur, everyone had decided to meet up at their usual pub that Saturday. Erica felt it was wrong to be at their hangout without him, but it was nice to be away for a little while. If only to get her mind straight. There were too many whirling suspicions she had about her boyfriend rattling about in her head to keep her calm.

Usually Alfred and Arthur would play darts together off to the side, chatting and laughing; ignoring the fact that Elizabeth and Erica were even there. At first, Erica didn't mind as she found a wonderful friendship with Elizabeth. Over time, though, she began to get jealous. There were times she'd look over and see Alfred's hand on Arthur's lower back, rubbing small circles. Arthur would smile at him; cheeks dusted a tinge of pink. And even when Erica or Elizabeth would remind them that they were still alive and present, it seemed as if the boys shrugged it off, preferring to stay in their own world. Only every so often they would rejoin them, dismissing their previous time together.

Arthur, always such a chatter box with Alfred became so subdued when they were alone together. It honestly terrified her. She clung to her boyfriend as long as she could, but somehow she was losing him and it was effortless.

Erica felt bad for feeling the way she did, but she couldn't help it. She was really starting to loathe Alfred. Not him as a person, she could never do that. He was far too kind for that. She hated how much he had such an effect on Arthur; one that Erica would never have. Arthur followed Alfred in the most natural way, never questioning where they went. He didn't mind the touches, sometimes leaning into them. Their eyes connected, sending messages without words, creating a bubble around just them.

However, Erica found that Arthur didn't even attempt to try such a thing with her. He would only smile, eyes fluttering away quickly. There were no subtle touches, prolonged stares into her eyes, or sought after alone time with just them. Erica pursued him while Arthur chased another.

But more than anything, it hurt. It hurt that Arthur had such promise, such an interest in Erica at the start. He was always so flustered and kind and gentle towards her, brimming with excitement to talk to her. The moment they officially got together, it was as if a switch had been thrown. Erica felt used.

She was just Arthur's escape from Alfred.

Knowing this, Erica couldn't tear herself away. She was terrified. What if she was wrong? If she did anything to jeopardize her relationship, Arthur might never forgive her. What if he was just a slow paced kind of guy? Elizabeth mentioned from time to time that he had a tendency to hide how he felt, which never added up well with Erica's shy nature. Still, it had been four months.

Some things were just impossible to hide away forever.

Erica had thought that she should just bring it up with Arthur, tell him of her insecurities and see what would happen then. However, there was the problem of her not knowing how he'd react. She honestly knew very little of his personal life, much less his reactions to things. Glancing at Alfred, Erica knew that he would know. But it wasn't like she could very well go over and ask for his help.

So she turned to the next best thing; Elizabeth. She took a seat next to Erica, holding two fresh glasses of beer. Erica didn't drink much, but she had ordered beer today as she felt extremely terse and grouchy. Alfred chalked it up to her missing Arthur, and escaped to watch the American football match that was being broadcasted a day late as it was by satellite. With his attention focused on something else, Erica felt free to talk to Elizabeth about her fears.

"How you holding up without Arthur?" Elizabeth asked, already sensing Erica's nerves. "You seem tense today."

"Oh… I'm just worried." Erica took her glass, but didn't take a sip from it. She preferred to feel the cool condensation against her fingers rather than have a burning sensation go down her throat considering there already was a growing, heated pain in her chest.

"What about?"

Erica glanced at Alfred once more, but his eyes were too keen on watching the players on the screen run after a small pig skin to care about what two girls off to the side were talking about. He was a good two tables down anyways. He wouldn't be able to hear them.

"I think Arthur is cheating on me."

Elizabeth's eyes grew wide. She leaned over the table, her voice dropping to a whisper. "What? With whom?"

Erica bit her bottom lip. She nodded at Alfred. Elizabeth turned to stare at her boyfriend so Erica took a rather long swig of her beer. Then Elizabeth returned her eyes on Erica.

"I…I don't think so." Her tone was rather firm, almost as if threatening Erica to object her. "Alfred wouldn't do such a thing."

"But…it's rather obvious that they…," Erica trailed off. She didn't want to utter anything that her mind said, lest it turn out to be true.

Elizabeth shook her head, putting her hand on Erica's. "No. I know Arthur. He wouldn't. Unless he was heavily drunk, but I think even then it just couldn't happen. Not with Alfred."

"I guess…" Erica didn't look convinced. She fidgeted in her chair, looking at the table intently. "I mean, you know Arthur better than I do."

"I _knew_ Arthur, dearie. There is a difference." Elizabeth sipped at her beer, allowing herself a moment to think. "I won't argue that Alfred and Arthur are rather close. I'm just as jealous as you."

"It's not just that…" Erica sighed. She thought back to the phone call she had gotten from Arthur when he had arrived in Paris. It was short and to the point. Then, moments later, Alfred had gotten a text message. She knew it was from Arthur by the way Alfred smiled as he replied back. "It's that Arthur no longer seems interested in me."

"Then he's a bloody idiot." Erica flushed, smiling into her drink. "He is. You're a kind and sweet girl. You can't possibly think you've done something wrong here."

"Well…"

"No," Elizabeth said, her voice in that same firm, unbreakable tone. "No, stop right now. Listen to me. Arthur did the same thing when we first broke up. The fact that you both did nothing wrong, but blame yourselves is stupid and pointless. There are times a person just doesn't have interest anymore. It just happens. Perhaps he has fallen out with you. That's not your fault. If it was, Arthur would be more vocal about it. And even then, it could be just a feeling. It happens. I fell out of love with Arthur because I liked someone else. That's not his fault, it's just I preferred them over him.

"If Arthur likes Alfred more than you, then it's nothing with you. It's just that… well. Maybe he's finally realized he swings for the other team. I'm not terribly surprised."

"You mean you're going to just let this happen?" Erica asked, shocked.

Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. "No. Alfred's a gem. I'm keen on keeping him."

"Even though Arthur is your friend and ex-boyfriend?" Erica leaned over, noticing Alfred had glanced over a few times by now.

A pained smile was on Elizabeth's face. She was looking at the table, but didn't really see it. "I knew I was going to be the bad guy going into this. I'm prepared for the consequences."

"Even if that means you might lose Arthur as a friend?"

Elizabeth hesitated. In that moment of hesitation, Alfred had decided the game was a loss and rejoined the girls. He took his spot next to Elizabeth, an arm around her shoulder.

"What're you two talking about?" he asked, oblivious to the awkward atmosphere he had just created by joining them.

"Girl stuff," Elizabeth replied easily. She smiled at Alfred, positioning herself against his chest. She smiled, enjoying the solid body behind her. "You'd hate to hear it."

"If it's periods, yes. If it's boobs, I'm there."

Erica giggled. "Is that any way to talk in front of ladies, Alfred?"

Alfred shrugged. "I'm not like Artie. I wouldn't know how to be polite. Man, speakin' of which, it's weird without him here. I know it's just for the weekend, but it sucks."

Erica glanced at Elizabeth, unsure if she should comment or not. She returned her stare, smiling and turning to Alfred. "Well, maybe you should send him a text or something."

"Yeah!" Alfred brightened at this. He pulled out his mobile, typing out a seemingly long text message. Elizabeth glanced over his shoulder.

"What is that?"

"Oh, Kiku showed me how to make really weird and amazing pictures with symbols and stuff on my phone. He does it all the time on his Japanese phone. When I was into internet blogs and such, this was the face I'd always use when I was signing off that it was me. I called it my Mochi." Alfred chuckled as he finished off the last little bit. "There! Sent."

"What did it say?" Erica asked.

"Just 'I miss you'," Alfred answered, smiling her way. It was so sincere. Erica had to look away. "It could totally be from all of us."

Elizabeth looked at her watch. "He's probably out on the town, enjoying all that Paris has to offer. I envy him."

* * *

Francis helped Arthur from his seat. "Come along, Arthur. You are drunk."

"No… No I'm not." But as Arthur tried to put an impossible argument, he slipped on his words and over his feet. "I just… I jes need sleep…"

"Yes you do, but you're also drunk."

Arthur stared up at Francis, a slow smile creeping up on his face. "Ya know…with…with a 'lil less hair on yer face, you could almos look like Al. Heh, shh, dun tell him I call him Al. Only in me head."

"_Mon Dieu_," Francis muttered under his breath. "All you do is talk about Alfred."

Arthur dropped his head. "Because…I… I like him. But!" He snapped his head back up, a finger pointing up at the sky. "It's a sin. I'm no sinner."

"I'm sure."

"But then again… Have you SEEN Alfred?"

"You showed me his picture earlier."

"He's too hot. Bloody Yank. An' he's smart. Why can't he be stupid? Then I can get away callin' him a stupid American."

"You still can."

"Naw. He'd call me a Limey. I hate that name."

"I'm sure you do."

Arthur stopped suddenly. Francis, his arm still looped around Arthur, almost tumbled over himself. He looked to Arthur, infuriated and confused. When he invited him out for a few drinks he did not expect it to go like this.

"Do you think… I'm going to Hell for wanting to fuck Alfred?" Arthur asked. His speech was slurred and it was apparent he was not fully capable of his actions, but his eyes were so firm and clear that he knew exactly what he had said just then. He looked at the ground, thinking that perhaps the ground would open up and swallow him into the fires of Hell right there.

Francis felt a pang of pity for Arthur. He wasn't particularly religious, so he'd never know the limitations of such, but he did know of the times he couldn't be with someone he loved for outside reasons. Arthur really had it bad for Alfred, that much was obvious, and it seemed Alfred was the same for Arthur. If only Arthur could be this honest when Alfred was around. Perhaps it would've been good for them both.

Francis righted Arthur, turning him to look him in the eyes. "Arthur. I know you are drunk, but you-"

Francis was cut off by Arthur's lips on his. Arthur's eyes were clenched closed and he had a tight fist on Francis' clothes. Francis' initial reaction was to push away, politely remind Arthur that he was indeed very drunk, and take him back to his hotel room, leaving for the night. However, something in him kicked him from behind to not do any of those actions. Here was a very vulnerable man that was in a lot of pain. He was traveling alone and releasing a lot of pent up stress, given that he was always on edge and stiff; or maybe he was just that way towards just Francis. Either way, Arthur needed a push.

Besides, he brought this on himself.

Francis had taken Arthur back to the hotel, unable to keep Arthur's hands off of him. One would have thought they were lovers and it did seem that way to Francis too, if only Arthur had whispered the right name.

"Oh…Oh Alfred…"

Francis sighed, pushing Arthur into his bedroom. Already Francis had Arthur's shirt sliding off of him, pushing him back onto the bed. Arthur was already hard, just with the thought that Francis, well, Alfred, was actually going to have sex with him. Francis had no intention of doing such a thing. He was just going to undress the man and let him pass out in his bed. Unfortunately, Arthur wasn't going to let that happen.

He grabbed at Francis' belt, ripping it off and complimenting Francis on Alfred's build. "So strong… I'm sure you work out everyday… Fat American, my arse."

Francis had to chuckle at that. Okay, maybe a little more. He took off his own shirt, kissing Arthur's skin, or trying to. He found that Arthur was much more persistent in touching any and everywhere on Francis with his lips and his fingers. When his lips weren't sucking on various spots, he was whispering Alfred's name, his hot breath tickling Francis.

Francis sighed figuring now was the best time to leave. But as he slid off the bed, Arthur's hand shot out and grabbed his wrist. Francis looked back. Arthur's green eyes reflected in the pale street lamps from outside, the curtains barely ajar. The look that Arthur gave him was full of a bottomless anguish. All the days, hours, he had put himself through torture of wanting and needing the love of a man that he told himself he couldn't have. All of that self-deprecation. The lack of self-esteem or even a desire for confidence. It was there in his eyes. Francis might have been the first to see it so openly and it honestly startled him. He had never seen a person look at him so, even if he knew it was Alfred Arthur was seeing right now.

"Where are you going…? Don't you want this…?" Arthur gulped audibly. "You love me…don't you?"

Francis studied him for a moment longer, but found no good excuse to pacify the emotional man. He just eased himself out of his pants, having Arthur do the same. Arthur was quite beautiful for a man. Alfred had good taste.

He took Arthur in his arms and tried to be gentle. Arthur demanded more, but if Francis went even slightly faster or harder, Arthur whined, throwing his head back, and cried. Actually cried. Tears. Not a very attractive thing. Francis knew it wasn't him, heavens no, it was probably the guilt. Or maybe it was out of happiness. He never said stop, in fact he encouraged "Alfred" the entire time. Francis figured with a little bit more practice, Arthur could be a very dirty talker, the way he praised "Alfred" for his length and perfect build and amazing blue eyes.

At one point, as Arthur reared his head back to let out a perfectly loud moan and Francis bent to nip at his neck, it seemed Arthur had come to his senses. His head jerked forward, looking Francis right in the eye. For a moment he looked as if he understood that this wasn't Francis, he was drunk, and there was a hard cock penetrating him in areas he figured he should not be penetrated. But he only called Alfred's name again and kissed Francis hard on the lips. He came soon after.

In the aftermath of their sex, Francis watched Arthur sleep for a bit. He wondered if perhaps he should leave now, but he knew in the morning Arthur would feel the after affects in his hips and lower back. He'd have many questions and would be terrified. Francis already felt guilty for having let it go so far, but he knew Arthur needed a good lay. He was so wound up; it was probably all from his repressed sexual tension towards Alfred and his failing relationship with Erica.

He glanced over at Arthur's mobile on the floor as it lit up in the room. He had just gotten a text message. Francis walked over to it knowing full well that Arthur wouldn't wake until morning. He turned on the touch screen, seeing Erica and Arthur's smiling faces. It looked so normal, so cute and perfect. But Francis could tell that it looked forced. Like Arthur had put his hand around her waist for the first time just to make the picture seem so, and then after that he felt he had to because of this picture. Erica probably expected it.

He slid the lock over to bring up the inner screen. The background was of Arthur and Alfred. This was much more relaxed. They sat on a fountain, somewhere in London, and one of them must have taken the photograph. They hadn't asked an outsider to snap their moment together. Arthur was laughing, actually laughing, while Alfred had his arm around his shoulder. His smile was so wide and pure that it made Francis smile as well; an infectious thing.

The text message then appeared. It was from Alfred.

_Hey dude. Thought I'd say good night. Me and the girls were out tonight. I think Erica and Lizzie were talking about something. It didn't look good. Be careful of Eri when you get back, okay?_

_Just lookin' out for my bro._

_Can't wait to see you tomorrow! :)_

Francis looked over at the sleeping form of Arthur's bare body. The moonlight streaked across his skin, making it seem even paler than before. He had so much weight on his shoulders. News of a jealous girlfriend shouldn't be added.

The message was promptly erased.

* * *

_Hoshiko2_'s cents: I await the fan freak outs. I really do. I've been waiting for this chapter to make its debut for awhile. I'm terrible, lol! But yes, come at me. I don't mind a bit. Heh.

As a side note, I'm terribly proud of myself for ACTUALLY doing the most FRUK you will ever see from me. I didn't leech or have as much trouble as I thought I would. No, this doesn't mean a damn thing. It just means I actually wrote a pairing I'm not fond of in order to progress a story.

Yes, this was progress.


	10. And tell me when it rains

_A/N: _Before I begin, I forgot to give credit to those that helped with translations from last chapter. …Unfortunately it was over a month ago, so I don't remember aside from my friend I know offline. In any case, I just wanted to put it here that credit for all the French goes to them.

* * *

The early morning peace was interrupted by a vibration coming from the nightstand nearest to Arthur. It continued to rattle until Arthur's hand slipped out from under the pillow and slapped down on it. His head, also under the pillow, peeked out as he pulled the phone to his ear. He didn't even care to check as to who was calling, and he was too groggy to recognize the custom ringtone.

" 'Ello…?" he grumbled.

"Arthur? Did I wake you?" It was Erica. She sounded chipper, as was the usual case. It almost hurt Arthur's ear. "I'm sorry."

"No, no it's all right." Arthur began to sit up, but a sharp pain surged up his lower back. He stopped and hissed as he buried his head back under the pillow. "What time is it?"

"A little after seven. Your train leaves in a few hours, right?"

Arthur stifled a yawn. "Yes, at ten. It's good that you called. I had forgotten to turn on my alarm."

"Oh." Erica forced a giggle. "That's good. Did you have a good trip?"

Arthur hesitated. _Had_ he had a good trip? It was nice, and the city itself had been pleasant, if the company would've left him alone. Then again, there was the inner turmoil he was having with himself over Alfred mixed with the guilt of being with Erica. That changed everything to feel so very disgusting in his body.

He wanted to tell her the truth, and for a moment, he almost did. He almost told her everything, from the moment he met Alfred, up to their sexual encounter on the sofa, to last night when Arthur had the most realistic wet dream of Alfred he'd ever had. However, considering they were on the phone and he was in France, he didn't feel that would be best. Instead, he decided that he would wait until he reached home. Then, he'd come clean to Erica. He owed her that much.

"It was interesting," was Arthur's reply.

They hung up soon after from a lack of anything more exciting to talk about other than Arthur's arrival time. Arthur rolled onto his stomach in hopes of lessening the pain in his back. It didn't. And now it felt rather slimy between his legs. Worse yet, he felt the sheets on his legs and chest as if there was nothing separating them. Slowly, he peeled back the covers to see just what made him feel so filthy, and froze.

The first thing he noticed was that he was naked. Buck naked. The second was that there was cum on his stomach and between his legs. The final thing was that he suddenly felt violently ill.

Movement beside him made Arthur jump. He pushed the covers back over himself. Then, Francis' head appeared from underneath his own pillow. Arthur stared at him, mouth agape and eyes wide. Francis squinted from the bright light in the early morning. He smiled when he saw Arthur.

"_Bonjour_."

Arthur snatched his pillow up in his hands and smacked Francis across the face with it. Something any reasonable man would do had they woken up naked, his loins covered in his own cum, next to a sleeping man. Correction, a sleeping Frenchman. Arthur was always such a gentleman, but this morning called for no manners. A man Arthur had met the previous day had possibly slept with him.

Francis nearly fell out of the bed with the force that Arthur struck him with. Arthur clutched the blanket around himself and held the pillow out like a weapon, threatening Francis with it.

"What happened? What're you doing here?" Arthur demanded.

Francis rubbed his head as he sat up. The sheets fell to reveal his glorious physique. Arthur didn't stare at it and wasn't the least bit turned on. He was more revolted at the amount of hair on his chest, even if it was blonde and less visible than dark hair. It wasn't like Arthur didn't have a little bit of chest hair himself. And why had the matter turned to such things in the first place?

"You were very drunk last night," Francis said.

"So you? YOU? YOU FILTHY, ROTTEN FROG! HOW DARE YOU?" Arthur wasted no time in slamming the pillow back down on Francis.

Francis held his arms up to protect himself, yelping out in pain. He blinked until the stars in his eyes vanished. Shaking his head, he glared at Arthur. "You must listen to me, Arthur. I didn't want to, but you begged me."

"I do not beg," Arthur growled.

"Well," Francis shrugged. "You did last night. You begged me to take you because you thought I was someone else. You even called their name."

"Tell me I thought you were Erica! With your long hair and all!"

Francis said nothing. He simply leaned over towards Arthur. Arthur tensed, but Francis held up his hands. He pointed at Arthur's phone. Arthur handed it over, and watched as Francis unlocked the iPhone. He turned it to face Arthur; Alfred's smile beamed back at him. Arthur's breathing increased and he began to cry.

"Oh God... No," Arthur sobbed. "No I can't."

"Can't what? You love him," Francis sighed.

"No... Oh God, I cheated on Erica."

"I would say you cheated on her long ago with your thoughts," Francis mumbled.

"Shut up," Arthur barked. He clasped his hands together. "I have to pray. Beg for forgiveness."

"Who will hear you?"

"He will. God will. I can't be like this." Arthur closed his eyes and started to pray.

Francis wasn't impressed. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "You mean in love with just one man? You are not in love with all men, just Alfred."

"But I can't be," Arthur whispered into his hands.

Francis turned and reached over. He grabbed a cigarette, lighting it up. He studied Arthur as he said, "Love will always do exactly what it wants to do. Just like God. He brought Alfred into your life for a reason."

"Yes to test me. I have to prove to Him that I am straight." Arthur's voice wobbled as he forced out every word.

"But what does it prove to you? That you can lie to yourself and to everyone? Even God? I think you have to think what there is to prove here."

Arthur acted as if he hadn't heard Francis, but in truth, the words struck his heart. What was he proving? He could blame it all on alcohol or report Francis for sexual harassment, but would that be enough for him? If he were more honest with himself he'd say no, because in the end, he had still done it.

He had still pinned for Alfred enough to miss him on the trip, more than he missed his own girlfriend. He went out and drank to wash away those feelings, which led him to sleeping with Francis in the first place. If he wanted to prove to himself that he wasn't gay then he had to start making the right decisions.

* * *

"Oh! There he is!" Erica exclaimed. She pointed at the gate.

Sure enough, Arthur was just emerging from the crowd. His blonde hair bobbed amongst the sea of dark coats and suits. He pulled his suitcase behind him and looked rather frazzled. The ride home hadn't been calming to his nerves.

Erica waved enthusiastically. Upon seeing her, Arthur picked up his pace. He smiled and waved back. Erica ran to meet him half-way. When he reached Erica, Arthur hugged her tightly, lifting her up off of her feet. He even went so far as to kiss her. Erica popped her leg as she clung to Arthur.

Alfred and Elizabeth, having walked after Erica when she rushed to meet Arthur, stopped short. Both said, "Oh!" Alfred averted his face. After a moment, they broke their kiss.

"Wow," Erica said breathlessly. "Welcome back!"

Arthur chuckled. He put Erica back down on the ground. "What can I say? I missed you."

"I guess so…!" She stepped away. Her face was red. She giggled into her hands before hugging Arthur around the arm.

Alfred laughed too, releasing the tension in his shoulders. It was safe now. He moved to hug Arthur. "Welcome back, dude."

Strangely enough, Arthur evaded Alfred's hug. He ducked his head and lifted his arm to rub at the back of his head, effectively pushing Alfred's arm away. He even avoided eye contact. "Yes, it's good to be back."

Elizabeth glanced at Alfred, seeing the hurt and confusion in his eyes from the rejection. Quickly she asked, "Do you fancy some lunch?"

"Actually, I'm rather tired. Long night." Arthur faked a yawn. He gave a weak smile to Elizabeth, ignoring Alfred to her side. "I was going to go home."

"Oh, okay." Erica began to release Arthur's arm. "Then should…"

Arthur stopped her. "No. If it's not too much of a bother, would you mind coming over?"

At this, Erica's eyes lit up. She nodded without saying a word. Elizabeth seemed surprised, but Alfred looked more upset than anything. He hated being so invisible. As Arthur gathered his things, Erica smiled widely at Elizabeth. She returned it with her own knowing grin. Alfred looked between the two with a furrowed brow.

He started to say something when Elizabeth cut him off. "Well, if you two are off, then Al and I will go too."

Elizabeth pulled Alfred backwards as they left. Arthur and Erica headed out together, Erica on his arm. This time when Alfred looked back, Arthur didn't.

* * *

Erica thought her heart was going to choke her as they pulled up to Arthur's apartment. She followed him upstairs. Once inside she looked around nervously. It had been quite awhile since she had been back. The last time she had come over was for a movie night. Before that, Alfred and Elizabeth had been there with them for a luncheon. Thinking of Alfred, Erica recalled that Arthur had barely even acknowledged him. She smiled, almost smug.

He missed me more, she thought proudly.

Just then, a small paw batted at Erica's leg. She looked down to find Gentleman. He peered up at her curiously.

"Hello," she said. "Do you remember me?"

Erica put her hand down for the cat to sniff her. After a few whiffs though, he flicked his tail. His eyes narrowed in disdain.

"It looks like he still doesn't like me," Erica said. She straightened and turned to Arthur.

Arthur shrugged to her sad smile. "He just has to warm up to you."

Erica frowned. "He was all over Alfred that time we came over for lunch."

"Alfred just comes over more often." Arthur bit his lip at the too casual a statement. At Erica's glare his face flushed. "W-which means you need to come over!"

Erica looked to the ground. Even though things today had been pleasant, it could be a onetime thing. It was possible Arthur was only doing this as he realized his lack of involvement in their relationship, but it seemed unlikely. Arthur had almost reverted back to his former self ever since they left the train station. He paid little attention to Erica. They hardly talked on their drive home, but he did hold Erica's hand during the ride.

"Arthur… Can we talk?"

Arthur's face fell. He mustered up enough strength to keep his composure. Maybe he was thinking too much of her words, but whenever a girl uttered that phrase, it was almost never good. "Sure…"

Foregoing anything Elizabeth had said about it not being Erica's fault, Erica asked anyways. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Huh?"

Erica blushed. She began twisting her fingers together like a nervous twitch. "I mean… with us. I just…feel like we've grown apart. And I worry that it's my fault. I mean, I try so hard, every day. I wear make-up, I dress up, I style my hair, I even put in the ribbon you said was cute on our first date. I do it all for you, and you never look at me. Really at me. You look past me. Am I not good enough?"

Arthur sighed, choosing not to reply right away for lack of something actually good to say. He should've known this was coming, but even if he had prepared, how could he have explained? Oh yes, I've been having homosexual thoughts about Alfred and oh, I even cheated on you with a Frenchman while away. That wouldn't go over well, no matter how kind and patient Erica was.

Truth be told, even if Alfred wasn't the problem in the picture, Erica was right. She wasn't enough. She was cute and enjoyable to be with, but she was dull. She didn't make Arthur's heart alight with passion, with excitement, with that joy of being with someone. Just being by their side, not even touching or talking. It wasn't because she tried hard or that there was something wrong with her.

Sometimes people just don't connect. It's no one's fault.

But it was Arthur's fault for prolonging everything this long. Erica deserved something, anything. Arthur wanted to give her himself. He wanted to stop longing for a man that he could never have. He refused to wander down that path. Erica was everything he should want in a woman, and before Alfred, she was. Waking up this morning and finding himself in the worst case scenario had changed his mind. He would do all he could to be a better man for Erica, for himself, and for God.

"I'm sorry," he said finally. "It's not you. It's me. Honest. I know men say that often to please their girlfriends, but I really do mean it. Please, believe me. I…I can't explain. Not yet. But I will. You…you mean a lot to me."

While waiting for Arthur's reply, Erica had begun playing with her hair. She looked up through her bangs at Arthur's eyes. Her own sparkled as if she were about to cry. She searched Arthur for truth in his words. Or maybe for what she wanted to believe.

Arthur hadn't completely lied. Erica meant something. He had gotten into this relationship for all the wrong reasons, but he aimed to change that. Starting now.

He pulled Erica into his arms, kissing her deeply like he had at the station. She wound her arms around his neck. Suddenly, Arthur's hands gripped Erica's shirt. He began pulling at it. Erica made a small noise of surprise, but never resisted. Instead, she reached down to move Arthur's hands. He pulled away when she rested them on her breasts. She smiled nervously. Arthur watched as she pulled her shirt off. He eyed her boobs, and then grabbed them without reservation. Erica rolled her eyes into the back of head, practically collapsing into his arms.

Gentleman was pushed aside as Erica and Arthur stumbled into the bedroom. When the door slammed on his face, he began howling. But it went on deaf ears.

* * *

Around three-thirty Arthur slipped out of bed to go to the bathroom. Erica remained sound asleep. She slept flat on her back, making cuddling after sex rather difficult.

Quietly Arthur crept to pull on his pants and trousers. Then he pulled open a drawer in his nightstand. A single pack of cigarettes sat there as if in wait. Arthur hadn't touched them since he first moved into his flat after graduating. He pulled out a single stick, and then went to the bathroom. He refused to look at himself in the mirror for fear of seeing himself. He practically ran to the balcony once he was relieved.

Smoking wasn't something Arthur did often, but now he needed it. In two days he had shagged two different people, and none of them felt right. Erica wasn't the best; it might've even been her first time. He took a long drag at the thought.

He should've been rejoicing that his manhood had been restored. He'd finally slept with his girlfriend. It was the thing all men craved for. And he had taken the right step towards patching things up in their relationship. His mind had been decided just hours ago. This truly was the correct path, wasn't it?

But as the night wore on and Arthur had long since finished his fag, one thing stuck out the most to him. Near their climax, Arthur began wondering how it would be if Alfred were underneath him. How he'd look, writhing and sweaty, calling his name. It wasn't that Arthur had lost interest in Erica during the heat of the moment. She could get better in time and with more practice. It was when Arthur first penetrated her. It didn't feel right. He was surely the only man that felt that way, judging by the men he used to hang with at college that shagged nightly with many different partners. They never brought up emotional things like this or how sex proved to you who was the one. Arthur was a sap, through and through.

The stars were fading now. Arthur still sat on the balcony looking at the sleeping city. A voice came to him, pushing away his frustrating sexual thoughts. It was of that damn Francis.

"_But what does it prove to you? That you can lie to yourself and to everyone? Even God? I think you have to think what there is to prove here."_

"_Love will always do exactly what it wants to do. Just like God. He brought Alfred into your life for a reason." _

Arthur heaved himself up and headed back inside. He noticed a blinking light coming from his mobile that he had set on the kitchen table when he returned home. It was a text message. Arthur unlocked the phone. It was low on battery and about to die. He saw that the text was from Alfred. It had come back at ten; hours ago. He wondered if he should even chance a look at it. Alfred might unintentionally guilt Arthur for his blatant ignorance of Alfred's existence this afternoon.

It didn't matter. Whatever Alfred had to say, Arthur couldn't do anything about it given the late (early) hour. He would read the text and reply in the morning. Before the phone died Arthur managed to read just one line from the message.

_Elizabeth broke up with me._

* * *

_Hoshiko2_'s cents: Hello, and my apologizes for such a big delay on the update of the series. To be honest, I participated in the Livejournal Summer Camp Event for the USUK community. I updated almost every day. If you're interested, I have it up here to read. Another reason I was missing was because I fell ill and have been having a lot of physical problems as of late. I went to the hospital twice and took a retreat into the mountains to help myself, but it's not been very affective. Nothing to worry about, though.

Now then, I also have a little announcement; a good one. Starting this weekend I will be starting a brand new mini-series. It will only be a few chapters long, but the chapters will be long. It will update once a week. I hope you check it out when it appears. And don't fret, this series will still continue.

Thank you for reading and reviewing. Reviews always make me happy.


	11. Exhale the stress

Arthur didn't sleep well after the text message from Alfred. He thought that he should charge his mobile and reply to the message, but that would be useless. It was a little after four AM. Alfred would be sleeping. He thought instead that he should read the rest of the message, but also decided against it. If Alfred was asking for him to come over, he'd feel guilty that Alfred had been left to be depressed while Arthur and Erica had sex.

He climbed back in bed around four thirty. Sleep came after a time, but only when he thought that the body next to him wasn't Erica. It calmed his nerves imagining a different scenario. One where he went to Alfred's rescue, cheered him up with movies and boyish immaturity, and then they shared the same bed together. Maybe they even slept holding hands again.

In the morning Arthur was up before Erica. He had texted Alfred when he deemed the time proper for him to be awake, but he received no reply. Soon, Erica joined him in the kitchen. She was wearing Arthur's dusty green bathrobe.

"I hope you don't mind," she said meekly, gesturing to the robe.

Arthur shook his head. "No, not at all. Would you like some breakfast?"

Erica nodded. Arthur turned to the cupboards, pulling out a frying pan. He watched as Erica took a seat at the kitchen table. On instinct, Arthur almost told her to move to a different seat. That was Alfred's spot. But at the last minute he caught himself.

"Ah-You!" Erica looked up, confused. Arthur awkwardly thought of something else to say. "Tea?"

Erica smiled. "That'd be lovely."

Arthur stood in the kitchen, watching the eggs and sausages cook. His mind was elsewhere. He knew as soon as he'd tell Erica about the break-up, she'd want to go see Elizabeth to console her. And that was fine. Arthur was going to Alfred's. Only now, Arthur had no idea what to do with his own relationship. Yesterday afternoon he had been so sure of his decision. He was going to keep Alfred at arm's length while draw Erica closer to his heart.

Now it seemed as if everything was going the other way around. All he wanted to do was rush to Alfred's side. He couldn't get away from Erica fast enough. And that crushed him. Erica was so elated over last night's intercourse, but Arthur couldn't be more impassive about it. Hell, he had even thought of having sex with Alfred in the middle of sex.

God, what's wrong with me, he thought.

Arthur came to when he realized the eggs were burning. So much for that. He decided it was a pleasant spring day that was better spent outside a café than inside. Erica changed into the clothes she wore the previous day while Arthur put on fresh clothes. They set off after Arthur sprinkled some food into Gentleman's food dish.

On the way, Arthur's phone vibrated. Alfred had replied.

_Hey. If you wanna come over, that's cool._

Erica glanced over. "Who is it?"

"Alfred," Arthur replied as he typed up a response. "He and Elizabeth broke up."

"What?" Erica stared at Arthur dumbstruck. "Just now?"

"Last night. Alfred says it was her so-"

"No way," Erica interjected. "Elizabeth loved him."

Arthur stumbled, almost dropping his phone. "Di-did she say she did? Alfred never told me…"

Erica shrugged. "She didn't have to. I could tell. A woman always can."

The couple was silent. An awkward, unanswered question hung in the air.

_Do you love me?_

If Erica had asked, Arthur would be truthful. He would say no. He only hoped that Erica didn't look at him imploringly, forcing Arthur to ask if she loved him. Of course she did. She had to have. Anyone that took all of this pain from the past months from Arthur had to love him if they didn't already leave him.

"I'm going to Alfred," Arthur chose to say instead. "I'm worried he's not doing so well. He doesn't seem the type to take well with these things."

Erica nodded. "Then I should go see Elizabeth. I hope she's okay."

Arthur nodded, hoping and praying Elizabeth didn't interfere. She claimed she wasn't going to let Alfred go, but then again, she had always known of Arthur's questionable attention to him. While he didn't doubt her affections for Alfred, there was still the matter that it had come at a very odd time. Even if what Erica had said about Elizabeth's love for him were true, there had never been any problems between the two.

During the awkward breakfast where Arthur forced a scone and tea down, he mulled over the idea that maybe, just maybe, Elizabeth was up to no good.

* * *

"Arthur?" Alfred asked, surprised as he opened his front door. There was a stick of Cadbury chocolate in his mouth and a tube of Smarties in both hands. "What're you doing here?"

Arthur held up a case of beer. "Since I wasn't here last night, I thought I would pop by to cheer you up."

Alfred laughed and moved aside for Arthur to come in. The flat was usually only semi-messy with a few dirty dishes and maybe some forgotten left socks, but today it was completely desecrated. Food hung off of dirty plates, stacked high. Pizza boxes littered the floor with candy wrappers in every nook and cranny. There was a noticeable stale smell. Arthur gawked at the sight.

"What… What happened here? Did you have a party?"

Matthew appeared from around the corner. He looked exhausted. His hair was slightly frazzled and his clothes were wrinkled as if he had slept in them. "When Al's upset, he eats. All night."

"Were you up all night with him?" Arthur asked. Matthew nodded and trudged down the hallway to his room, slamming the door, presumably to get some sleep. Arthur turned to Alfred. "You stayed up all night?"

Alfred dipped his head back to chug the Smarties. "I couldn't sleep."

Arthur put down the six-pack with a sigh. "I guess there's no need to drink given that you're drunk on food."

Alfred laughed. "I guess I should stop. I might gain weight."

"We wouldn't want that," Arthur said with a roll of his eyes. "Nothing like becoming the fat American, huh?"

It was then that Alfred lifted his shirt. Arthur had seen him shirtless, but only at night. Now in the daylight he could see Alfred's rippling pectorals and tan abs. How the man managed to stay tan in England was beyond Arthur. It certainly wasn't fake, though. Arthur was too close up to tell the difference.

"It'll all go to my sides! I'll get love handles! Look! I'm already getting flabby!"

"Alfred is a victim of American media telling everyone they're fat and ugly." Arthur jumped at Matthew's sudden reappearance. When had he emerged from his room? Either way, he had sided up next to Arthur with an unimpressed expression.

Arthur laughed at Matthew's comment. "I beg your pardon? Alfred, you are beaut- I mean not fat."

Alfred and Matthew both heard what Arthur hadn't meant to say. Arthur looked away as Alfred's face lit up in a red bloom, averting his eyes as well. Matthew glanced between the two before sliding over to the bookshelf where he pulled an overly large baby blue photo album.

"Arthur? You wanna see baby photos?"

"Matt!" Alfred exclaimed in embarrassment.

Arthur smiled and headed to the couch. He sat beside Matthew. "This should be entertaining."

Matthew opened to the first page where a young boy in overalls holding a stuffed polar bear stood staring up at the camera. It seemed so very nostalgic. The boy's innocent eyes were looking up at whoever was taking the photograph.

Arthur gasped and smiled. "Alfred, you're adorable!"

"That's me," Matthew said flatly.

Alfred snorted, taking the seat next to Arthur. He was finishing off the rest of his candy bar. Matthew turned the page. There were pictures of both boys in the bath, wearing old and worn pants, and staring at toys with wide and excited eyes. In one shot, Alfred was trying to hit an old tee-ball with an orange oversized plastic bat. Another was of him and Matthew passed out on a linoleum tile kitchen floor.

Arthur found himself smiling. He had never been introduced into someone's private life quite like this before. It made his chest warm.

"Why did you show me this?" Arthur asked when they were finished.

Matthew closed the album. "Well, I'd wanted to show you. We both had. We were waiting until you came over next, but it's been so long."

Arthur looked down feeling rather guilty. "I'm sorry."

Alfred put an arm around the back of the couch, his hands free of sweets. "Don't feel bad. You've been with Erica and I was with Lizzie."

"Speaking of which, if you don't mind my asking, but… what happened?" Arthur asked.

Matthew took that as his cue to leave. Alfred and Arthur didn't seem to notice. Alfred was playing with his sock absentmindedly. "I don't know. I thought things were fine. She seemed fine."

"Did she say anything when she broke up with you?"

Alfred shook his head. He picked at his sock enough to pull a thread loose. Arthur wanted to warn him that wasn't such a great idea, but instead kept his mouth shut. "She said my heart belongs to you, so there was no point in staying."

"What? She said she wasn't letting go of you," Arthur said. He felt his heart hammer at hearing Elizabeth's words. Now he was certain she was up to something and feared for Erica spending any more time with her.

There was a good chance Elizabeth was spilling her guts about everything. Possibly even about the conversation she had with Arthur only a few months prior.

Alfred shrugged. "What can I say? She just got fed up with me."

"You two never had any problems before, though," Arthur said.

Alfred was wringing his hands as he looked at nothing in particular. He seemed uncomfortable rather than upset. It was almost as if he was more nervous to be talking about his failed relationship with Arthur. Was he even concerned he was now single?

"Hey Artie?" Alfred asked suddenly. "I-is it okay if I hold your hand for a little while?"

Arthur was stunned. He didn't know what to say or how to react. It wasn't unusual that a man's girlfriend broke up with him and he sought out comfort from his best friend, however it was when he wanted to hold his hand. Arthur felt his heart begin to race. His mind conjured up the last time they had held hands. It had ended with them rubbing each other off through their pants on his couch.

It had almost destroyed them.

"Alfred…," Arthur started. He would remain strong. He had made an agreement with himself to steer clear of his betraying whims. "I don't think that would be wise…"

"Oh. Then…can I have a hug?"

Arthur chuckled. He could be so persistent. "Sure."

Alfred didn't just hug Arthur, he practically tackled him. Arthur yelped in surprise as he was pushed into the couch at the weight crushing into him as Alfred locked his arms around Arthur's neck. He buried his face into Arthur's neck, and made what Arthur hoped was not a whine. It was hard to pull his arms free. Still, he managed and awkwardly patted his back.

In the end, the boys had a movie marathon with Matthew and then went out for pizza and a few drinks. They had work in the morning and, after a long day, they all turned in early. Arthur was proud of himself for going home and sleeping in his own bed, ignoring the fact it still smelled of Erica. But as soon as his head hit the pillow he remembered a little detail that had eluded him all day.

He hadn't received one text message from Erica all day. Not once. He recalled sending one to her out of politeness asking for Elizabeth was doing, but never received a reply. He hoped that it was just her mobile had died, and not anything more dreadful. As he fell asleep, his gut twisted up into a hard rock, lodging itself into his throat.

It was going to be a long night again.

Come morning Arthur found himself irritable and cranky. He just wanted to call in sick and stay home, nursing a cup of tea all day, curling up in his bed with a book. That sounded lovely. He hadn't had a day like that in some time, hat with dating Erica and hanging out with Alfred, he had gone from no social life to too full a life.

In the end, responsibility won out and Arthur dragged himself to work. Perhaps sitting in front of a computer all day and answering phone calls would force that tight knot resting on his conscience away. As it turned out, he would never get the chance.

The minute he stepped into his cubicle, Kiku was at the corner calling him into his office. Heads turned, watching Arthur walk to the office. He stopped short when he saw Erica sitting in one of the two chairs in front of Kiku's desk.

"Please, have a seat." Kiku gestured to the open chair as he closed the door behind Arthur. Arthur took the seat and glanced at Erica. She looked nervous as well. Kiku sat behind his desk and stared at them both seriously. "I've called you both here because I have received a tip from a trusted source that you two have been dating for four months."

Arthur stiffened, clenching his pants slightly. He tried to show minimal signs of reactions. "May I ask who said this?"

"I'm sorry, that's private," Kiku replied. His tone was stern, but Arthur noted a hint of disappointment. "Now, is this information true?"

Arthur turned to look at Erica. She looked at him. Her eyes looked desperate and sad and pleading. She didn't want him to tell, but what was he to say? Could he defy his own boss?

Erica's words from the other day. "Am I not good enough?"

If Arthur were to say anything right this moment and bring their relationship to light, one of them could be transferred. Or worse, they'd lose their job. Arthur was pained to make this choice, but something struck him.

If he were to say something and be transferred, he'd be more upset not seeing Alfred, not Erica.

"Yes, it's true," Arthur replied. He looked away, but caught the crushed look on Erica's face. "We've been together for four months."

Kiku sighed. "I'm sorry… I hate to ask this, but unless one of you transfers, I'll have to fire you. The rules are clear."

Out of his peripheral Arthur could see Erica look at him once more. Her expression was almost desperate now.

"I see," Arthur said with a sigh. He dropped his head.

He was about to raise it and ask that he just be fired rather than move when Erica spoke up first. "Please, Mr. Honda, I'd like to be transferred to the Switzerland branch."

Arthur snapped his head up. He turned to Erica, his mouth slightly agape, but now she had turned away. Or perhaps she had always been turned away. In that instant Arthur knew. She was leaving.

She was leaving and it was effortless.

He wasn't putting up a fight to stop this from happening. Even as Kiku reasoned with her that she could transfer to France or the small Scotland branch so she didn't have the burden of moving so far, but she was relentless. She never looked his way. She wasn't looking back.

"Well… I guess that's that. I'm sorry," Kiku said sadly. He really did look troubled to be putting the couple into an awkward position. He stood up with a sigh. "Erica, I'll give you the rest of the day to clear out your things. If you need any help paying off any bills, please let me know. I will help in any way I can until you move."

Erica smiled, nodded, and stood up to leave. Arthur could only watch her in shock. The girl that had clung to him and their relationship for four months had just tossed it all away so easily. And just like that Arthur felt everything coming to a head.

He scrambled from his seat and followed Erica out the door. He felt pathetic and limp as he tried to keep pace with her. He reached out to grab her arm, stopping her.

"Erica, wait. That's it?" he asked. "That's…"

"There was never an 'it' to start with," Erica said. Her voice sounded hollow and distant. All of that determination in Kiku's office had deflated. It was as if she hadn't expected Arthur to follow her and stop her. She wasn't ready, so she didn't turn to face him. "You were never here, Arthur."

"What do you mean?" he whispered. "Of course I was…"

"No." Erica turned. Her smile was empty and her eyes were vast with betrayal. A tear slipped out. "No, you weren't. Elizabeth told me everything. She tipped off Kiku…"

Arthur wasn't surprised. He had figured it out from the moment he heard Kiku spoke of it. But he had no time to dwell on her intentions, enigmatic as they may be.

"What…? I don't…"

Erica lowered her eyes. Around them, heads were popping up over their walls. Alfred had actually begun coming out of his cubicle, inching closer behind Erica. She kept her voice low in order to make sure no one heard her.

"I knew from the start. And then you lied to me…for four months. You lied to my face the other night and then you actually…" Erica's voice wavered, but she persisted through it. "You've been in love with Alfred the entire time. How could you…?"

Arthur had no response. He could deny everything. Try and make everything work again. Prove to no one that he was something fake. Gain an empty satisfaction. But in the end, he was tired of that.

He was tired of it all. Of playing Erica. Of hurting Alfred. Of lying to himself.

But what could he say? What would ease Erica's hurt and lessen his betrayal? Nothing. Because not even his weak apology was enough to fix anything. There was no more fixing. And he watched as Erica left, knowing that was the best (and only) way to do anything. The faster she was out of his life and he out of hers, the better off they were.

Alfred watched as Erica brushed past him. She chanced a tearful look his way and mumbled, "Take care of him", but Alfred couldn't hear her. He furrowed his brow in confused, and then moved to Arthur.

"Hey… Arthur? You okay?"

Arthur's head had dropped. He didn't want to look at Alfred. He couldn't. Everything was all too fragile. Everything was so unstable. What was right, what was wrong, up down sideways left right diagonal straight and curved. Curved.

Curved.

Straight.

"I need a drink," Arthur mused aloud. He put a hand to his face, exhaling his entire soul out of his body. "Erica broke up with me."

"What?" Alfred pulled Arthur into a sudden hug. He rubbed his back and gripped his nails into his suit. "Dude, do you need to go home or something or should I get you water or some tea?"

Arthur shook his head. "I just need to get out of here…"

Alfred looked up, seeing Kiku still standing by his door. He had seen and heard the entire ordeal go down. He was frowning with his arms crossed, lost in thought about what had transpired.

"Kiku?" Alfred's voice returned him to attention. "Can Arthur and I head out early? He got dumped and I was dumped yesterday. I think we both need some drinks."

"Of course," Kiku replied.

But it wasn't a drink either wanted. It was answers. Answers to questions that were getting buried under pain and frustration and dead ends. But Arthur and Alfred were single now. There were no more ties, no more female figures to throw them off. That didn't automatically mean Arthur was to fling himself into Alfred's arms.

For as much as he craved the man's comfort, his arms were the last place he wanted to be. He was disgusted with everything. With Erica for not just breaking it off sooner if she bloody well knew, with Elizabeth for sneaking around and then mucking it all up when he had it planned out, with Alfred for being so fucking perfect for him, and with himself for being himself.

But mainly he was lost. None of his plans in life were working. He was used to being alone. No attachments. And whatever attachment he had would soon fade away or violently pass out of his life. And yet he wanted nothing more than to forever be by Alfred's side, if only to feel that nagging pain in his chest go away.

The closer he got to Alfred, though, the closer he turned back to religion and prayed and wondered and asked God if this was right. If this was His plan. He couldn't blame God, there'd be no reason to. He loved Him. He trusted Him.

So for now he went along with His plans.

* * *

_Hoshiko2_'s cents: What an update huh? I'm telling you right now, the next update will be as much fun, if not more. Haha. Arthur is slowly figuring things out. The next chapter will kind of decide just what he's learned so far. Keep in mind, we're almost halfway done.

Oh, just a pimping out of my other new series. I have a mini-series I'm updating as well. It comes out every Sunday, but it will only be four chapters long. This Sunday will be the third update. It's called _Hospital Flowers_ (yup, another story with an Owl City song name-although this time I swear I named it from just the title, and THEN I heard the song and realized it fit well with the story. Lol). I hope you check it out and enjoy! Thanks!


	12. I won't be caught off guard

It was only an hour in and Alfred knew that drinking wasn't the brightest idea he'd had.

Within another hour he knew it was the worst idea. Not that he was a bad drunk, but that Arthur was a terrible companion to take out when having some serious drinking time. A few beers were fine, but get some hard liquor into him and he became a raging Briton pent up with emotions. Most of them were ones Alfred didn't know his English friend had in him. He just didn't seem the type to care about politics of his country that much and he certainly never let on how much he disliked American history.

And then out came the problems of his failed relationship.

"She was so bloody clingy," he complained, slamming his hand on the table they had claimed in the far corner of the pub. "She was a sodding mess when I came home from France, acting like I'd been gone for months when it was a weekend! I couldn't breathe!"

"Well, you did pick her up and kiss her in the station," Alfred grumbled. He was only buzzed, but the whines of Arthur for the past two hours was getting to him.

It wasn't even late in the afternoon. The two had left immediately after Kiku had given them the day off. Arthur asked that they just walk for a bit and not talk, give him some time to calm down and collect his thoughts. Alfred was kind enough to do just that, as well as buy two drinks to go while they wandered. Somehow they found themselves at the same pub they always frequented. It was awkward, seeing as they would probably never come back now that they were single.

Alfred had been pacing himself and only taking sips. He wanted the drinks to last into the evening. However, Arthur was drinking as if he were a fish, finishing off his drinks faster than he had time to keep up with his own brain.

"So what? I can't kiss my own girlfriend?" Arthur glared at Alfred through already squinted eyes. He shook his empty glass at Alfred. "And _you!_ You and your bird broke up too!"

"I didn't want to," Alfred sighed. He took the glass from Arthur's hand before it slipped to the floor and broke. "She just said I was in love with you."

"Is that true?" Arthur asked, his hand inching towards the stolen glass.

Alfred shrugged. "I don't know. Hey, don't!"

Arthur had snatched back his glass and was trying to wrestle it from Alfred's grasp, but he was too drunk to keep a tight grip. He fell back in his seat with an unattractive pout. Then, he started to laugh.

"What's so funny?" Alfred asked.

"Us!" Arthur exclaimed, flinging his hands up in the air as if to indicate he and Alfred. "We are imbeciles! How long have we danced around each other?"

"Uh…"

"TOO LONG!" Arthur was still laughing. He shook his head until it fell onto his chest. "We're a right bunch of fools, aren't we? You're a bleeding queer and I'm just some confused Catholic. Or am I Protestant? I don't know!"

Alfred put a hand on Arthur's back. "You're Catholic, Artie. C'mon, we should go home."

"Home?" Arthur lifted his head and smiled widely enough to show teeth. "I like home. May I stay with you?"

"Um, well, I gotta call Matt and…"

By now Arthur had slumped onto the floor. Alfred yelped in surprise and pulled Arthur up by the arm. He slung it over his shoulder and kept Arthur upright by holding most of his weight. It would have been fine if Arthur wasn't so fidgety.

"Arthur, ya gotta stand up. Come on, dude." Alfred juggled Arthur and pulled out some dosh, tossing it on the counter. "I can't walk and drag you at the same time."

Alfred managed to open the door, but then Arthur was on the ground. He had grabbed onto his hand at the last moment, but that was all he had. The rest lay on the sidewalk, laughing into the cement. He might've even been drooling.

"Arthur, dude, this isn't funny," Alfred groaned. "Get up. You look ridiculous. Are you really that drunk?"

Around them, people walked by and stared or laughed. They avoided the couple with hurried whispers as they saw Arthur's pathetic scene. If it were Alfred on the ground and Arthur was the semi-sober one, Arthur would be having a fit at how embarrassed he'd feel. Now it felt like Alfred was acting out Arthur's role instead.

"People are staring! You're making a fool of yourself!" Alfred hissed.

After a moment, he collected Arthur into his arms. Then, he wound Arthur's arm around the back of his neck and put a free hand around Arthur's backside, resting it on his hip. Arthur still wobbled and laughed and hiccupped, but at least he wasn't on the ground anymore.

Alfred glanced at Arthur's car. There was nothing he could do but drive it home. He still didn't have a license and certainly not a car. So he shoved Arthur into it and awkwardly tried to drive possibly the smallest car he'd ever driven in his entire life. Just the size alone caused him problems, but he constantly had to remind himself to not make a turn onto the wrong side of the street.

* * *

Matthew looked up from his paper when he heard noises coming from the front door. At first it sounded like Alfred was just having trouble opening it, but then he realized that it wasn't open yet. And then there came another voice.

"Arthur?" he asked aloud. He got up to open the door, but just as he reached for it, it burst open on its own accord. "Al?"

Alfred sent a quick apologetic look Matthew's way before he dragged a very drunk Arthur to the kitchen table. He plopped him down in a seat with a loud sigh.

"Shit, I think I fucked up my shoulder. You're heavy for a small guy." Alfred turned to Matthew with his hands up. "Sorry, I meant to call. Erica broke up with him, so we got off early and had a few drinks."

Matthew raised an eyebrow and looked at Arthur. "A few?"

"Well, I had a few. He had the entire bar."

"He's here for the night, eh?"

Alfred nodded. "He can take my bed or the sofa. Either way, we should sober him up."

Matthew headed to the kitchen. "I'll get some bread and make some tea."

Alfred took a seat next to Arthur. He watched as Arthur swayed in his seat, a lazy smile on his face, and an unfocused stare at the window. He put a hand on Arthur's shoulder.

"Arthur? Are you gonna be okay?"

Arthur turned to look at Alfred, as if seeing him for the first time all day. He smiled and leaned close. The smell of alcohol was so overpowering, Alfred had to pull away with his nose wrinkled.

"You know… you are very attractive," Arthur said with a slight slur. "I dun know if I ever told ya that, but you are. I mean, are all men from America as fine as you?"

"No," Alfred replied with a chuckle. "Not really."

It was then that Arthur slid into Alfred's lap, arms wrapped around his neck. Alfred froze, hands held out and away from Arthur's body.

"I've always thought you beautiful, Al…" He nipped at Alfred's ear. "You know… I thought of you the whole time…"

Alfred gulped. A bead of sweat slipped down his temple. "The whole time…what?"

"I had sex with that Frenchman."

Glass shattered behind them. Alfred practically threw Arthur back into his seat as he jumped to turn around. Matthew stood just outside the kitchen with a stunned look, mouth agape, and accusing eyes boring into the oblivious Arthur. He then looked to Alfred and glared when he saw he was blushing.

"Um… maybe it's time for bed."

"It's not even six," Matthew said angrily.

Alfred grabbed Arthur and pulled him into his bedroom. "All the more reason for Arthur to sleep. He doesn't know what he's talking about. C'mon Artie. Beddy bye time."

Arthur laughed at Alfred as if it were the funniest thing in the entire world. Alfred laughed loudly as well, masking anything more Arthur could say that could potentially ruin his reputation, or whatever was left of it.

Once in the bedroom, however, Arthur was all over Alfred. He kissed him hard on the lips, and his tongue sloppily invaded his mouth. Alfred wasn't one to give up a moment to kiss Arthur, even if it was disgusting and tasted like ale. His hands gripped Arthur's back, holding him close as he felt Arthur stand on his toes to get a better height.

Before long, Arthur was pulling Alfred towards his bed. Without thinking, Alfred followed, lying atop Arthur as they continued to make-out. Arthur pulled at Alfred's shirt, only getting it up to his collarbone before he let his hands roam across his chest. He pinched Alfred's pert nipples and enjoyed hearing Alfred moan in reply.

"Stop, stop," Alfred whispered. The moment had caught up with him. "You won't like this in the morning."

"Piss on the morning," Arthur growled. He lurched up to catch Alfred's lips with his own. "I want you now. I'm hard for you, love."

Any other given day, and any other state of mind Arthur could've been in, Alfred would've thrown aside anything holding him back and taken Arthur there. However, that wasn't the case. He was here after having just been dumped with an extremely intoxicated Arthur. One who just said he slept with a French _man_.

"Arthur, no. Stop. You're drunk," Alfred pushed Arthur against the bed, holding him there by his wrists. "If you were sober you would not be like this. I know you're emotional because of Erica, but…"

"Erica was nothing to me," Arthur said.

"That's not true." Alfred glared at him. "You liked her a lot. Maybe you didn't love her, but that doesn't mean you didn't care about her."

"I'm such a bloody mess."

"Yeah, you are. That's why you need to sleep. You're gonna have one helluva hangover in the morning."

Arthur wriggled his arms, but couldn't free them. Instead he turned his head to the side, eyes half-open with a lustful glint to them, and smiled up at Alfred coyly. "Do you not want me?"

"Don't do this, Arthur," Alfred said sternly. Of course he wanted him. But not here and not now.

"I thought of you… Those times meant nothing."

"Times? It's plural now?"

"I also shagged Erica."

Alfred closed his eyes in pain. "Jesus Christ, Arthur…"

"I thought of you calling my name, writhing underneath me, _needing_ me."

To emphasize his point, Arthur bucked up to brush his hard-on against Alfred's crotch. He was delighted to see Alfred was, indeed, horny as well. He licked his lips.

"My, my, Alfie… It seems you _do_ want me."

Alfred let out a shaky breath. "Y-yeah… I do. But I won't take you. Not now."

"I'm too stuck up for my own damn good. If I want you now than I bloody will have you." Once again, Arthur tried to free himself, but Alfred pushed him deeper into the mattress.

"No, no you won't. I mean it. In the morning you'll thank me."

It hurt. Arthur was there, open and willing, but drunk. If he were sober, there would be no resolve keeping him from Arthur's arms. And that hurt more than anything. Knowing that Arthur would never be this desperate for him when his mind was right.

Alfred remained frozen as he hovered over Arthur. He wouldn't let go until he was certain Arthur was asleep. The Briton made only a few more attempts at escape and pleaded once or twice before lapsing into sleep. Once he began to snore, Alfred released him. He sighed and lay on the opposite side of the bed. The aching in his heart subsided long enough to allow him to eventually pass out.

* * *

Arthur awoke first in the morning. He expected to see the partly lit room of his bedroom as he did every morning, but was disturbed to see it was a nightstand that was not his own and a black and white photograph of the Brooklyn Bridge that was most certainly not his. He started to lift his head when a heavy weight forced it back down like an angry hand.

He groaned, touching his hand to temple. He had drunk again. Worse still, he was now in someone else's room. Quickly he took inventory and found that his clothes were still on. And then he heard heavy breathing behind him of someone sleeping.

Slowly he turned around to find half of Alfred's face resting on a pillow. He relaxed almost instantly. Briefly he recalled leaving work early and going to their regular pub. He must have gotten too drunk to go home and Alfred, chivalrous as he sometimes was, took him to his flat to sleep it off. He would have to thank him later.

Watching him sleep allowed Arthur to think for a moment, despite the pounding in his head. He had known Alfred for almost a year now. It was coming on summer. Arthur's birthday had passed and Alfred's was coming up. They hadn't been close, and yet somehow they were too close. Alfred had that affect on him. He could get under his skin, into his every thought, but never in his arms.

Arthur sighed, putting a hand on Alfred's cheek. He caressed it lightly, but not enough to disturb the sleeping man. "What have you done to me…? I was not born to be like this…"

"It takes awhile to become the person you really are."

Blue eyes blearily opened, looking right at surprised green eyes. Alfred smiled; sleep still a warm coat over his body. He shifted to face Arthur. The hand on his cheek had been removed, scuttling back against Arthur's chest.

"You're awake."

Alfred nodded. "I've been awake, but I wanted to just lie here and try to go back to sleep. It's like four. Not cool."

"What happened last night?" Arthur asked, wincing as he tried to lift his head again.

"Um…you tried to get into my pants." Arthur stopped and stared at Alfred, horrified. "You also told me you slept with Erica…and some French dude."

Arthur groaned and pulled the pillow over his face as he curled into a ball. "I'm never drinking again… I want to die, I want to die. I'm going to die."

"Whoa, calm down," Alfred chuckled. He sat up and tried to pull the pillow off of Arthur's head. "We didn't do anything. I mean, other than kiss."

Arthur blushed, partly because he was upset he had missed out on kissing Alfred. "Oh y-yes… Th-thank you…"

"I knew you'd hate it if we did anything more."

Arthur nodded, poking his head out from under the pillows. "Yes… I'm sure I would…"

Alfred smiled, patting Arthur on the head. "Well don't worry. I didn't give you my gay cooties."

Thinking he would get a laugh, Alfred was surprised when he didn't hear anything from Arthur. Instead he got a silent reply. So, he too became withdrawn into his own head.

"Hey…Arthur? Can I tell you something?" Alfred asked after a moment.

"Sure." Arthur propped his head up on his hand and looked at Alfred.

"When I was younger, you know back in the States and before I graduated high school, I used to date tons of girls. Well, not tons, but a lot, but you know. I never looked at guys or even thought of them. And then I met this one guy… He changed everything about the way I thought and just… I changed as a person. I started noticing him and other guys too. I thought at first something was wrong with me, but I really liked him. We were only internet friends at first, but he was moving to New York to study abroad. He…he lived in Japan."

Arthur was silent as he let the information sink in. Then, it clicked. "Kiku?"

Alfred nodded. "We dated online for half a year, and then when he moved to the same college as me, we dated that entire year before he moved home and we broke up. Then, by coincidence, I was hired by the same company he moved here to England for, and then I transferred here because we tried to date again."

"Yo-you did?"

"Yeah…in fact right before I met you we were going out on casual dates, but it didn't work out. Then he put in that rule that people in the workplace can't date each other." Alfred was actually blushing now.

Arthur narrowed his eyes. "So it's your fault then."

"Haha, guilty."

"So…are you and Kiku still close?" Arthur asked as he played with nothing on the blanket.

Alfred stared at him, and for a moment Arthur feared he might figure out that he was the slightest bit jealous. "Naw. Lizzie was right. I kind of belong to you."

"Kind of?" Arthur couldn't look at Alfred.

"Well yeah, but we're not dating." He offered a smile at Arthur, watching as Arthur tried to hide his face even more. There was no hiding the redness on his ears, though. "Hey Artie? It's okay, you know. To be curious."

Arthur shook his head. His voice was so quiet Alfred had to lean closer to hear him. "Not when I act on my curiosity…"

"You know… Lizzie told me you never were this religious. She's confused as to what happened. So…what _did_ happen?"

Arthur lifted his head finally. He didn't look at Alfred, not directly but stared a little ways to the side of his ear. "You remember when you asked about my home life and I said it was quiet? It was odd that I replied with that."

"Why? Was it not quiet?"

"No," Arthur replied with a shake of his head. "It wasn't that. It was more I was quiet. I didn't interact much with my family. Everyone seemed to have a problem with one another. My oldest brother didn't do this right, my youngest brother did too much of this, and I was just a blur among the faces coming and going through the house. Nevertheless I loved my family.

"One day my oldest brother had a child out of wedlock. My family disowned him and he about dropped the infant in a dumpster if my half-sister hadn't stepped in to save it."

"You have a half-sister?" Alfred asked suddenly.

"My father had a marriage after he divorced my mother. It was shortly after I was born, so I don't remember my real mother. My step-mother is more like my mum. My half-sister is only a year younger than me," Arthur explained.

He resumed his original story. "Well…my sister was too young to take care of the baby, so she gave it to family friends. Tino…and his partner Berwald."

"Peter?" Alfred asked, stunned.

"I told you he was my nephew, but that he wasn't raised by my brother," Arthur said calmly. "My brother checks up on him every now and then, but he is not fit to raise a kid. He still has a lot of problems going on in his life."

"What about your other siblings?"

Arthur took a breath. "My other brothers and I don't talk much. My half-sister, though, comes and visits now and again. She lives in Northern Ireland, though, so it's only once a year, if that. But…as for my parents… I wasn't extremely close to them, but I loved them…"

It was here that Arthur paused. He closed his eyes, and inhaled a gulp of confidence. "Shortly before going to Uni, my parents died in a car accident."

Alfred gasped, but said nothing. He allowed Arthur to continue.

"I was so lost in my life. I had never been more alone. My siblings did all they could, but without my family, I was on my own. My sister was taken in by my younger brother that lives in Ireland. He hates me, so I hardly ever saw her thanks to him. So I went to Uni alone and scared. It was there I met Elizabeth. She was unlike anyone I had ever known in my life. She was tough and brilliant and beautiful. Someone far out of my league. I was just as lost with her as I was without her, but at least when she was around I felt a sense of finding a way out of the dark. I loved her. And she left me too…"

Arthur paused again to swallow a thick lump pushing up his throat. He coughed one, twice, and blinked back a few tears of a lingering heartache. Alfred put his hand on Arthur's resting on the bed. He slowly rubbed his thumb around in small circles.

"I'm okay…," Arthur whispered unconvincingly. Still, he continued with his story. "By now I had no family and no girlfriend. I was slated to move to London over the summer for an internship which would then introduce me to the company we're at now, but I had no desire anymore. I didn't want to do anything, but die.

"And then I met a man. He was standing on a corner in downtown somewhere, I don't remember where, asking people to find God within them. Feeling rather childish I wandered up to him, ready to bother him. He wasn't fazed by my antics and instead asked me if I knew about death. I didn't know how to reply, so he said this to me…, 'No matter who you were, no matter how weak and helpless, one you were dead you knew what it meant to be with God and the living did not know and the not knowing haunted the living and the haunting was the doubt that God existed at all'."

Arthur closed his eyes and smiled. Even now those words still brought him comfort. "I had been lost since my parents died and acted out in Uni as a way to vent everything I had pent up inside me. Bessie was my vessel to get it out. With her gone I was lost in how to get out my loneliness and lost emptiness. The man turned out to be the priest at my church. He took me in and helped me through some of my darkest moments and fears. God helped me."

By this time Alfred's hand had stopped moving. He was watching Arthur with nothing to say back. Then, he smiled. "You know, I don't consider you gay. I think you've just… fallen for me. It's just people want to put a label on everything so they can store it away on some shelf. All black and white. Then later, if something bad happens, they'll have something to point to and blame, rather than looking at themselves or the real meaning of the problem."

Arthur looked up at Alfred. They locked eyes for the first time that morning. Arthur was unsure of what to feel. He touched Alfred's face, eyes saddening as Alfred smiled. Arthur's heart hurt with guilt of what he used to think Alfred was; some sub-human thing that had been sent by Satan to deter him from God.

He knew that if he told Alfred these thoughts it would cause him great pain, but he wanted to be honest with him. He was growing tired of hiding and running. It felt as if he had a clean slate now.

"I'm sorry," Arthur whispered.

"Hm?" Alfred tilted his head.

"I…used to think that you weren't…human. I thought that you were some sub-species sent to me by Satan so God could test me. I don't think that way about you now, of course…but… I just… I'm sorry."

Alfred was silent. He sat up to stare at the wall parallel to the bed, his back to Arthur. Arthur made no movement to talk to him. He wasn't sure what he'd say. What could he say? Nothing could really sound good after that dirty confession.

"Well that explains things," Alfred said as he turned to smirk at Arthur. "Like why you're so mean to me all the time."

Arthur sat up. He managed a small smile. "No, that's just my normal disposition."

"Still, you are pretty cruel to me."

Arthur gulped but found his throat had gone dry. "I'm sorry…"

Alfred sighed. "And I am too. I know that I haven't been very good to you at times."

"But you didn't kick me out of your flat after…well… _that_. But then again I never asked for it to go that far," Arthur said accusingly.

"You led me on just as much you know…"

"I know…"

They were silent again. Somehow their eyes found one another, as did their hands. Alfred rested his hand atop Arthur's and smiled at him. Arthur's face heated up.

"After all of that…you still care for me…?" Arthur whispered.

Alfred nodded. "I'm not sure why, but I don't question it. I just…do."

Arthur looked away. He wasn't used to having someone so emotionally attached to him. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it was unnerving. He was already failing fantastically at keeping Alfred happy, given how far he kept him at arm's reach. What if he messed up more? What if he drove Alfred to the point of leaving?

"No one has ever cared for me like you have before…"

Alfred smirked and scooted closer. He squeezed his hand. "Good. Then I guess that's my job. To be the only one that stays no matter what."

Arthur gasped, caught off guard by such a profound statement. Alfred must not have noticed or understood the depth of what he had said for he furrowed his brow and looked concerned.

"I'm sorry, I forgot to ask. How are you feeling?"

"I'll be all right."

"Did you love her?"

"I thought I could," Arthur replied honestly. For the first time in four months he spoke the truth about his feelings about Erica. "Did you with Elizabeth?"

"Not really, no," Alfred replied just as honestly. "To be honest… it looked awkward. You and Erica."

Arthur sighed. "Bessie… She knew… How much I care for you…"

Alfred stared at Arthur, but Arthur was fiddling with a fray on the bed spread again. His mind whirled. He had gotten himself into this mess by saying things that he probably shouldn't have said. Then again, he had said much worse the night before, at least according to Alfred. Nevertheless, Alfred was waiting for something. He should give it to him.

Four months was an awfully long time to wait for something.

"Alfred… I…you… You mean more to me than anyone…I've ever met. You came into my life and muddled everything up. I can't help, but… have some affection for you…"

That was enough. Enough for Arthur before he lost himself to his words instead of his thoughts, speaking faster than his brain could keep up with; telling him to stop. It was just for Alfred too. It was the closest to a confession he'd get from Arthur. He'd take it; it and a kiss.

Arthur made a surprised noise when Alfred moved to kiss him. It was soft and sweet, and Arthur kissed back. They kept kissing until tongues slipped into mouths and hands grew more adventurous across the body.

Alfred laid Arthur down, but stopped. He patted Arthur's hand, smiling at him. Arthur nodded in understanding and was grateful. Not here, not now.

* * *

Alfred came up to Arthur's cubicle. It was mid-morning by now and the duo had long since left Alfred's apartment. Matthew wasn't up, so there was no need for an awkward confrontation about last night.

"Hello," Arthur greeted with a smile. Everything was back to normal. He could breathe again.

"Can I see you for a minute?" Alfred asked.

"Sure."

They walked together with Alfred leading the way to the storage closet around the corner. Once there Alfred closed the door behind Arthur, turning to him with a smile. Arthur looked at him curiously.

"Hey, so I was wondering if you were free sometime this week," Alfred said casually.

"Um, I should be free. Why?"

"I want to take you out on a date!"

And in that moment, Arthur was without air again. He took a step back as his heart plummeted. From one problem to the next. Perhaps what he had said earlier that morning had been too much.

Arthur shook his head slowly. "I'm not… No. I never said I'd go out with you." Alfred frowned, about to say something, but Arthur stopped him. "I just got out of my relationship with Erica- You! You just got out of one with Elizabeth! How could I?"

"You said you liked me!" Alfred pressed.

Arthur backed up against a shelf, feeling trapped. Alfred hadn't moved away from the door and he didn't pose a threat, but Arthur felt there wasn't enough space between the two of them.

He shook his head again. "No I did not. I said I cared for you."

Alfred ran an aggravated hand through his hair. He was furious that they were going through this merry-go-round again. It just couldn't be happening. They were so close.

Unsure of what to say, Alfred turned and stormed out of the closet. Arthur watched while the familiar feeling of guilt dripped into the pit of his stomach. He went back to his cubicle and stared at his computer screen blankly for a few minutes. He should've been so much more frank with Alfred, but the man was almost twenty years old. He should have more brains than this. He should have known what Arthur meant.

Still, Arthur had done it again. He had hurt Alfred.

Not wanting to let this lie down, he got up and moved to Alfred's cubicle down the way. Alfred was furiously typing away. His eyes were blazing in anger and pain, brows furrowed in blind concentration.

"Al…? Can we talk?" Arthur asked hesitantly.

"No, I'm busy." Alfred paused, and then he rounded on Arthur. "On second thought, yes. Let's _talk_ Arthur Kirkland!"

By now he was standing and looming over the slightly shorter Englishman. Alfred grabbed Arthur's wrist tightly, squeezing until Arthur cried out in pain. People watched with wide eyes and muted surprise.

"Alfred you're hurting me!"

"Good!" Alfred snapped. He released Arthur's wrist, but the vitriol in his voice only grew more threatening. "You deserve more than that though! How dare you do this to me? Again!"

"It's not my fault that you misunderstood me," Arthur tried.

"You played me along! How could I not?"

Arthur growled. "No, I'm not doing this. You know my stance on this subject. I'm not changing it for you or for _anyone_! I'm not _like_ you! I don't change because some _man_ came into my life and I'm to suddenly think it's okay to go against my religion!"

"Then don't come near me again!"

Arthur felt his heart clench in pain. It hurt so much that he saw stars in his eyes. He faltered back, almost as if he were dizzy. Alfred turned away. He was leaving.

Leaving like everyone else.

If Arthur reached for him, would Alfred push him away? Would he hit him? Would he tell him to leave again?

Arthur stumbled, hoping to grab him. Stop him. Please don't leave me alone!

"Alfred? Arthur?" Kiku's voice stopped Arthur in his desperate attempt to grab Alfred. He had stepped out of his office with arms crossed and frustrated eyes. "My office. Now."

Alfred groaned and stomped in like a child. Arthur followed with his head hanging heavy from embarrassment.

Kiku didn't sit; a bad sign. He didn't allow for either man to speak either.

"I'll be blunt. I'm very tired and stressed, so I will keep this short. I know you two just got out of bad break-ups, so I will dismiss this. However, Alfred, if you lay another hand on Mr. Kirkland and harm him again, I will have to write you up."

"But!" Alfred started.

Kiku held up a hand. "Mr. Kirkland, I don't know the extent of this spat between you two, but I did see you approach Alfred on this matter that then erupted to the feud. I will have to ask you to not talk to Alfred unless it is on break or you are both with someone else."

Arthur nodded, pointedly looking away from Alfred. His blood boiled with insecurity mixed with anger. Had Alfred truly meant those words?

Kiku sighed, finally taking a seat. "Look… You two are best friends. What's so important that has you proclaiming you never want to see him again, Alfred?"

Alfred nibbled on his lower lip. If he said anything about the fact they were having issues because of their questionable friendship, it could be grounds for one of them to be transferred. Or lose their job. And in this economy? Arthur didn't want to risk having to find another job.

When Alfred said nothing, Kiku sighed again. "Perhaps you two should take a vacation. Maybe together to settle things with one another?"

He stood, his shoulders more relaxed now. "I'm going to leave the room to give you two a minute. When I come back I expect to hear a decision."

Then he left, closing the door behind him. Alfred and Arthur were still not looking at each other.

It hurt. All of it. Every inch of Arthur hurt. It hurt his head to think about Alfred's idiotic overzealous antics getting him into this mess in the first place. It hurt his heart to know he had hurt Alfred again and he was still so conflicted.

Finally, he said, "I just need time… I'm still not ready."

Alfred turned slowly. He regarded Arthur carefully. "You mean that?"

"Yes," Arthur replied. He turned as well. His eyes searched Alfred's for truth in the hatred he had spat at him. "Please…don't leave."

At that, Alfred reached over and slapped Arthur across the face. Arthur was stunned momentarily, but he knew he deserved that. He put a hand to his cheek.

"I won't leave," Alfred replied. "But…I need some time too. Away from you."

Arthur gulped, but nodded without saying anything.

"Maybe in a week or two we can talk or something. Go on that vacation. I did promise you a vacation of sorts last week, didn't I? We'll go somewhere then. But right now… I can't even stand to look at you."

Just then, Kiku returned. He was holding a cup of steaming tea. He smiled at the two in expectation, but Alfred simply stood and left the room. Arthur was left sitting alone.

Alone.

Although it hurt, he knew Alfred was right. They needed time. He just hoped that by the end of it he'd know where his heart sat. And Alfred would still be there with warm smiles and welcoming arms.

* * *

_Hoshiko2_'s cents: Well! I think this is the longest chapter I've put up for this series. It's one I've had in the mix for months, so I'm so happy it got put up!

The quote that Arthur says that he got from his priest is actually a quote from a novel I read called _Gardens of Water_ by Alan Drew. Very interesting and heart wrenching and emotional and powerful. I recommend it.

In any case, all the chapters from here on out will be rather long and full of a lot more action. I hope you enjoy!

Oh! And after my other series _Hospital Flowers_ ends this Sunday I will be starting a new series called _Run_. I hope you drop in to check it out! Thank you!


	13. Won't you take my away

Arthur's back ached from hunching over in his seat at his work desk for hours. He stretched, cracking his neck and rolling his shoulders. While tilting back in his chair and letting his head fall back, he noticed the calendar hanging on his cubicle wall. It was coming on July in two weeks, and with that would come Alfred's birthday. Alfred.

It had been far too long since they had spoken as friends. A few polite exchanges in the morning at the elevator, nods at the water cooler, and civil manners in meetings, but there were no lunches, text messages, or after work pub hang-outs. Nothing. When Alfred said he wanted a break, he really kept to his word. And now, Arthur had noticed it had to have been at least a month.

He wanted to approach Alfred, but considering Alfred had drawn the line for this break in the first place, Arthur thought it best he didn't. He would rather not start anything if it could be avoided beforehand. But as the days dragged on and Arthur saw no sign in sight that he and Alfred were going to reconcile, he grew desperate.

Alfred had changed so much in his life that it had become normal. Normal that Arthur no longer knew what was logical or emotional. Was he overreacting? Was he not acting enough? Should he think about this or that or even think about going down such a train of thought. When he was near Alfred he wanted nothing more than to be even closer, possibly hold his hand, and just have nothing else bother them. The sight of bachelorhood should have been more depressing than actually it was. Rather, it was a welcome relief.

Arthur was free. He could choose to be with Alfred if he wanted to or not and not have to worry about girlfriends pulling them away. Telling him that he can't put his hand on Alfred's back, shoulder, hand, face.

Arthur bolted upright in his chair. Why was he thinking about such things again? It seemed to be a reoccurring event; whenever he and Alfred needed time apart, Arthur only tried to pull him back to him. He never learned his lesson. The only thing he discovered was how desperate he was becoming of Alfred's attention.

Finally, an idea occurred to him.

_Vacation._

He stood up without letting his mind wander to the pros and cons of such a thing. He wanted to be spontaneous, catch Alfred off guard, and surprise him into agreeing to go along. Where, he had no idea. Possibly up north. Maybe Wales or Scotland? Alfred would be overjoyed at the prospect. But would he be happy enough to deal with Arthur?

Shortly before Arthur reached Alfred's cubicle, he slowed. What if he said no? Would Alfred be revolted at the suggestion? Would there be more of a distance between them, created by Arthur's foolish request?

Arthur turned to retreat, thinking that it would be better if he kept his mouth shut, when he heard Alfred behind him.

"What're you doing here?"

Arthur slowly turned back around. Alfred was leaning on the side of his cubicle, an eyebrow raised, and a curious look on his face. Curious, not disgusted. Not angry. He wasn't telling Arthur to go away.

Arthur cleared his throat, and then asked, "U-um… Alfred, I was wondering…Did you want to go on that vacation you promised me a month ago?"

Alfred didn't reply right away. That wasn't good or bad. While Arthur hadn't planned on Alfred jumping up and down in sheer ecstasy, he had relied on the fact he'd looked stunned if nothing else. Instead he was stoic as he continued to stare at Arthur.

While he waited, Arthur looked at Alfred. Really looked at him. Whenever they stopped to be pleasant with one another, Arthur usually kept his eyes averted. He still had the photo of Alfred on his iPhone (Erica's was erased), but he couldn't bring himself to even look at that. He didn't want to see those blue eyes and think they were angry at him again.

Alfred had changed in his eyes. Before he looked like he had a boyish charm to him, something that Arthur wanted to tease to get that smile from him. If he had dimples he would be the poster child for adorable dork. However, Alfred was attractive in a more mature way.

His suit fit him well and Arthur trailed his eyes along his arms. He remembered exactly what they looked like when bare. He seemed taller, even though Arthur was sure that he hadn't grown any in just a month. The glasses made his face seem more defined. He certainly did look older with them on. Arthur momentarily forgot that in a little while Alfred would finally be twenty, not twenty-three. Even his tie attracted Arthur.

He had no idea what had come over him. It wasn't lust, but it sure felt close enough to it. But it was most likely just longing.

This vacation had to happen. Arthur would go crazy if he didn't have Alfred back. That much was certain. He would never let this kind of fracture open up again.

"How long?" Alfred asked, his voice low.

"A-a week, I guess," Arthur replied. His heart hammered in his chest. He willed himself to keep going despite his nerves. "I was planning on going… around the country. Maybe up to Scotland and Wales."

Slowly, the chasm closed and Alfred smiled. It wasn't his usual open smile; it seemed wary. But it still made Arthur smile and that was good enough for him.

"I'd like that, yeah. I'll go ask Kiku for the time off. He's been wanting you and I to talk again."

Arthur released a sigh he had been holding for a month. Before he could catch himself, he said, "It's 'wanted me and you', Alfred. Not 'been wanting you and I'."

Alfred broke out into a laugh, and then slapped a hand on Arthur's shoulder. It was warm. It was familiar. Arthur smiled wider, leaning into the touch before Alfred pulled his hand away and put it in his pocket.

"All right, I will…go and figure out the plans. Monday good?" Arthur asked. He started walking backwards to his desk.

Alfred nodded. "Sounds perfect to me. Oh, and Arthur?"

Said man stopped, nervous. "Y-Yes?"

"…I'm glad we're going."

The car was packed and the goodbyes had been exchanged between Matthew and Alfred. Kiku had given them the week off, making them promise they come home on better terms with each other. The day already seemed brighter than it really was.

Arthur drove north, making their first destination Stonehenge. Alfred practically begged that it be a stop. They had spent the remainder of the previous week arranging where to go, departure times, hotel reservations, and making all other necessary plans come to fruition. It worked so smoothly that Arthur could hardly believe his luck. Perhaps things were looking up?

But as they left London and the music was all that separated them, Arthur felt very scared and alone. Here he was with Alfred, his best friend that hadn't spoken to him in over a month, and he found the atmosphere practically unbearable. His insides churned with anxiety, causing his entire body to break out into a sweat.

This is ridiculous, he thought. He's my best mate! He knows me better than anyone! A silly fight isn't going to keep us apart.

It wasn't a silly fight, another voice said in Arthur's head. Arthur gripped the wheel a little tighter.

He knew he was right, that other voice.

Alfred's heart had been stomped on. Arthur had toyed with him once again. In his defense, he didn't know the extent of his words, but he should have known better. To say Alfred was attached to Arthur would be an understatement. However, that was all Arthur was going to say about it. He refused to see it as anything more.

The fault lied there and he knew it. He was terrified. Terrified of his mouth, mind, and heart. But mostly he was terrified of Alfred. What if he left? What if he took away everything that had made Arthur begin to question everything? Arthur had no idea until that very moment just how much stock he put into Alfred. How much he trusted him and had become accustomed to having him in his life.

"How about some lunch?" Arthur asked after an hour. He wasn't particularly hungry, but he needed something to do other than drive and think. His mind ran away faster than the car did.

"Sure!" Alfred pointed out a nice looking bistro off the highway and they pulled into the parking lot.

It was sprinkling so the duo went inside and took a seat. Having a menu before Arthur didn't change his thoughts. Nor did having a plate of bangers and mash on the table for him to eat. And it only got worse as they got back on the road and continued on their journey. Alfred seemed oblivious to the awkward situation and quite enjoyed singing along to the music. Arthur just could not put his mind at ease.

Eventually they came to a stop and Arthur cut the gas. He waved a hand out at the view before them.

"Well, we're here."

Alfred was staring with mouth agape. "Stonehenge? You brought me to Stonehenge?"

"I felt it was a good starting point on this vacation," Arthur chuckled. He turned to get out of the car, but felt a hand stop him.

He turned back to find Alfred smiling warily at him. "Hey, let's have fun this week, okay? I'm really happy to be here."

"…I'm sorry." Arthur was surprised he had said it all so quickly. Too quickly for him to even register that he had said it, and now he had to explain just why he was apologizing. Where would he start? "Alfred, I'm sorry for…for misleading you with my words and actions. I…I never meant to…"

"Hey, it's okay," Alfred interrupted. He pat Arthur's arm reassuringly. "I know. I was at fault too. I totally over reacted and shouldn't have said those things. We're still friends, right?"

"Yes," Arthur sighed, smiling widely. "Best friends."

Arthur reached over with his free hand and pat Alfred's hand on his shoulder. They starred at one another, measuring the truth and love in their eyes. It was still there. Never broken, only tested. And they had come out on top together. Still together. Still there.

That evening, they checked into their cottage-style hotel room. Alfred loudly commented on how small it was, but stopped short when he saw the beds.

"Uh, Artie? They gave us a King."

"What?" Arthur struggled with the door and his suitcase, finally just shoving the door against the wall and jerking himself into the room. He stumbled up beside Alfred and groaned. "What is this…? I didn't ask for this!"

"It's okay. I mean, it's so big we won't even notice." Alfred dumped his suitcase on the bed. "And it's not like we haven't shared the same bed together before."

Arthur grumbled, but didn't say anything more. They were going to walk around the small English village and look at architecture that had Alfred beside himself in excitement. He sat down for a moment and Alfred went to the water closet. That gave Arthur a moment to think.

Time at Stonehenge had been pleasant. Almost too pleasant. He and Alfred hadn't returned to laughing and joking, touching and holding. There were awkward at times, jumping away when an arm strayed or the eyes lingered for a moment too long. Sometimes Alfred would say a joke that would catch Arthur off guard, or Arthur would push away at Alfred's antics a little too hard.

They were off balance. And it was that balance that they craved to get back.

The walk around town proved to be just as pleasant as the late morning at Stonehenge, if not more. They had a pleasant cup of tea, a pleasant look at the small houses with the expansive history, and a pleasant dinner. Nothing beyond what anyone would call pleasant.

Arthur felt he was going out of his mind.

If this was what his friendship with Alfred was going to be reduced to, then he'd be better off without a friendship at all. What happened to the familiarity, the crude jokes, the touches, the looks, the…

Arthur cut his thoughts short. He had almost thought… _the taboo._

It was not taboo. This was not forbidden because there was nothing. Nothing. Alfred was a friend. Attractive, yes, but God never said looking at another man was terrible. Men had admired the male physique for hundreds of years, drew paintings of them and had statues made out of marble of these beauties.

But weren't some of them gay too?

Arthur smacked himself in the face, causing Alfred to jump in alarm.

"You okay?" Alfred asked, startled.

"Y-yes. I just… It's been a long day," Arthur sounded exasperated. "Do you mind if we head back to the hotel?"

"Naw, it's cool."

The hotel proved to be a worse venture. There was still the matter of a shared bed. But Arthur wasn't in the mood to sleep right away, so he deflated in the small chair by the window while Alfred lounged on the bed with the small television mumbling away in the background. Arthur paid him no mind as he let his mind shut off for a bit. No more thinking about the male figure or Alfred's figure or comparing the two and how Alfred was so much better and-

"ARG!"

Arthur jumped up and stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. Alfred had jumped again and watched Arthur leave. Then, he moved to the bathroom door, lightly knocking on it.

"Hey… Are you okay? Do you want me to turn off the T.V.?"

"No," came Arthur's muffled reply through the doorway. "I… I have a terrible migraine. I came in here to…to take a shower."

To prove his point, Arthur all but flung himself at the shower, where he turned it on. He snatched his hand back with a hiss at the scalding temperature he had accidentally turned it to. Outside he could hear Alfred shuffling back to the bed. Arthur slowly stripped as he stared at the tiled wall.

It was odd; sometimes he could come to accept his physical attraction to Alfred, and then others he couldn't. Why was that? Well, when he looked at Alfred he had no trouble memorizing his features, looking at the curves of his body and imagining what he looked like underneath his clothes. It wasn't hard. He had seen all but one very particular spot on him. And he could only imagine after feeling it through his taut pants.

Arthur turned the water to cold and stuck his head underneath it, but it did nothing to soothe his raging thoughts.

Okay, he thought, Alfred is attractive. He's a very attractive…man. I am fine admitting this. Women find other women attractive and aspire to be like them. Yes, that is all.

He lifted his head as a thought occurred to him. Yes, that was it, wasn't it? That was the whole reason. It wasn't a crush, and surely not love. He had no inner attachment to Alfred other than the man had a pleasing body. Arthur had just wanted to explore. He was curious, but only for the body, nothing more.

Yes, that was all.

Satisfied, Arthur finished up his hasty shower and emerged much more confident to face Alfred and sleep beside him. He came out into the main room to find Alfred in the middle of undressing. Arthur stopped short and stared.

Alfred turned around, his shirt over his head. "Oh, hey. Have a nice shower?"

Arthur licked his lips, throat dry. "Yes. Lovely. Getting ready for bed are we?"

"Well you said you had a headache, so I thought it would be best," Alfred said through a yawn. "Besides, we're getting up early and all that."

"Quite right." Arthur got into bed as Alfred finished up changing. "Still no shirt?"

"Nope!" Alfred climbed into bed and nuzzled into his pillow. He smiled over at Arthur. "Hey, I had a great time today. Did you?"

"Mm hm," Arthur replied. He closed his eyes, preferring to see the darkness rather than the ceiling, or worse, Alfred's eyes. "I hadn't been to Stonehenge since I was a little boy."

"So it was like memory lane for you?" Alfred had turned on his side by now, watching Arthur. "Hopefully not a bad one…"

Arthur turned his head, but didn't look at Alfred. He smiled lightly. "No… Not all memories of my parents are bad. I am quite fond of them, to be honest."

"Well, that's good."

The two were silent. Arthur shifted back to lie flat on his back, head looking up at the ceiling. Alfred looked at the sheets. He kicked his feet a few times and flopped from side to side, but sighed when he couldn't get comfortable. He took to punching his pillow, but that did little good either. Finally, he bounced onto his back and Arthur smacked him in the face with a pillow.

"Ow!" Alfred laughed. "What the hell?"

"I should be asking you the same," Arthur grumbled. "What exactly are you doing?"

"Trying to get comfy. This bed is too… not my bed."

"Brilliant deduction."

"No, I'm serious. I just can't find a good spot."

Arthur sighed. "Shall I count you sheep until you fall asleep then?"

"What, really?" Alfred chuckled. "You still do that?"

"N-no, but I'm tired and I want to sleep. I'd like it very much if you did the same too, but your persistent jumping will keep me up all night."

Arthur paused when he noticed Alfred staring at him. It looked troubled.

"Why are you taking to me like that?" Alfred asked, his tone one of serious worry. "You haven't talked to me like that since we met… Are you mad at me?"

Arthur sighed. "No… I'm sorry. I am really tired and… I have a lot on my mind."

"You can talk to me about it if you want." Alfred scooted over just a little more. His knee touched Arthur's leg. He didn't move it away.

Arthur focused on that touch for a moment before he closed his eyes. "Just…about you… About us…"

"What about us?"

"About…" _Everything_. "About how… Okay… I'll admit you. You are…very attractive and I do…enjoy looking at you… You are…hot."

Alfred snorted. Arthur shot him a glare. "No, I'm sorry! Just, you saying the word hot like that! It's just not like you!"

Arthur turned his back to Alfred as the other man continued to laugh at him. Alfred pleaded with Arthur to turn away, but to no avail. He was upset at the poor timing Alfred had on his laughing fest. Arthur was finally being honest with him and he had to laugh? The nerve.

"I'm sorry," Alfred said after a time. His voice was much more controlled now and he certainly wasn't laughing. He pulled on Arthur's shoulder again. "Please? Come on Arthur. You think I'm hot. Keep going."

Arthur didn't turn around, but he continued with what he had started to say. "Yes, you are hot. Amazingly hot. I'm amazed you're not working in Hollywood you're so bloody hot. I think that's why I keep…acting the way I do. A man like you doesn't just _work_ at the business like I do. Have you seen me?"

"Yes, and you're beautiful."

Alfred's words caught Arthur off guard and he gasped, losing his train of thought again, but not from frustration. He turned slightly, but regretted it almost instantly. If he were to look at Alfred he would miss this chance. He had to come clean and it had to start somewhere. Looking at Alfred, seeing those blue eyes and that young face would make him lose his nerve.

"A-anyways… I'm fairly certain everyone in the company has taken a fancy to you at some point or another. You may be crude and obnoxious and loud and brash, but you are kind and compassionate and very loyal. Anyone would be attracted to that. I am just another victim to your charm, I'm sure."

Alfred was silent for a time. Arthur wanted to turn and look at his expression. Was he mad? Was he sad or disappointed in Arthur's confession? Did he look at Arthur a different way now?

"Well… Then how is it we haven't touched or kissed or done anything in months and yet…you still touch my hand or look at me like you want to never leave my side?" Alfred whispered. He leaned over, close to Arthur, and turned him to look at him.

Those eyes. They stared into Arthur's and knew. Knew Arthur didn't mean it. He couldn't. It was a lie, wasn't it? Admit it. It had to have been.

Arthur's face was warm and he had to look away. Alfred turned Arthur around more so that he faced him. Arthur was looking at the bed, the pillows, always averting his eyes.

"How is it…you just…?" Arthur gulped, his voice hoarse with stress. "Do you deny what I say?"

"No, I know you think I'm sexy. You told me so when you were drunk." Alfred smirked at Arthur's slightly groan. He cupped his chin and looked at him. "But… I know you're lying. Arthur…why can't you admit it?"

"I don't…! I can't… I just…" Arthur closed his eyes in pain. He held his head and sighed. "I just…I'm not ready… There's still too much I'm unsure about… The minute I'm near you I want to be away… But I hate seeing you with someone else or not having you touch my back when we're walking through a crowd and you're steering me through it, or that brief caress on my hand as we walk side by side, or when you don't remember that my favorite color is green and always, always buy me something blue. I hate it."

Alfred was blushing by now. He was closer. So much closer. Their lips could touch if they just moved an inch. Arthur still had his eyes closed, but he could feel Alfred there. He could always feel him.

"No, I just…"

"We could experiment again…"

At this Arthur pulled back, shaking his head. "No. I couldn't do that again. How would we be any better than friends with benefits? We wouldn't be. I hate that term. I could never settle into that sort of arrangement with you or anyone."

"No," Alfred sighed. He took Arthur's hands, feeling the spark of _something_. "Like…a test run for the week. We could pretend, act like we're a real couple, and you could see what it would be like."

"But…how is that any better…?"

"It's…not… But at least by the end of the week, you'll know. Right?" Alfred tried a smile, but it faltered when he saw Arthur's worried expression. "Look, the only way you'll be able to get anywhere is if you move forward. You keep sitting on your brains and don't do anything. If you don't want to do this, that's fine. But you need to make up your mind on what you want. I've tried to stay for as long as I could, but there comes a point…"

Arthur's eyes widened and he clenched Alfred's hand, cutting him off with a kiss before he finished. He should never say that. It was a horrid statement he almost uttered.

"No…," Arthur breathed, lips moving with Alfred's as he spoke. "No…no please… Don't…"

"Then…"

"Okay…," Arthur agreed. He kissed Alfred quickly and then whispered, "Just this week…"

They kissed and touched and held each other like they had on Arthur's couch all those months ago. It felt different. Almost familiar. Alfred's hands were becoming a reoccurring sensation against Arthur's skin. And he was delighted it had returned. His body felt dehydrated from the lack of physical attention from Alfred, and now was lapping it up for all he was worth.

Arthur moved with Alfred, allowing the other man to lie atop him and stroke his sides, gripping at his pajama shirt. But Arthur gasped for them to wait and they waited and he asked that they take it slow.

"I want to know for sure…," he said, looking at the eyes above him.

Alfred nodded. "You got it…"

And when Arthur moved in the middle night to curl up beside Alfred, rubbing his face into Alfred's chest, it wasn't because he was cold. That much he knew for certain now.

The morning brought about a new feeling within Arthur. He felt lighter. He never noticed how heavy he was before, but it was as if the ground around him was soft and squishy, and it wasn't from the early morning light drizzle of rain. It certainly wasn't from anything he ate. It could have been excitement from the upcoming drive to Northern England, but that wasn't the case either.

It was Alfred. Any and everything Alfred. He seemed taller, brighter, wittier, and all around better. Like he had come out from a cocoon and transformed into this whole new amazing man that Arthur couldn't stop staring at. And Alfred felt the same with Arthur, touching him, laughing with him, gazing at him longingly, and touching his back when they were in a crowd or brushing his hand against his when they walked beside each other. Arthur leaned into his touch, sometimes giving his own small moments of affectionate touches back.

And when night fell the two retired to their hotel for the evening and Arthur grew a little more adventurous. He enjoyed the feeling of Alfred atop him, but found a whole new experience lying on him. Feeling dominant was joyous. He explored Alfred's chest with his hands, straddling him and staring at the tanned skin. The moonlight peeked in through the curtains and highlighted just a small section of Alfred's pecs.

That was enough for Arthur. He happily indulged himself like never before. Tongues, teeth, lips, fingers, hands. They were everywhere on Alfred's torso. Alfred moaned and called for Arthur, toes curling and whispering how he'd always wanted it this way. Always just Arthur.

Morning came and another day began. The day brought about the times the men could be boys together. Just enjoy the other's company, talk and jest and bicker and banter and smile and be together. It was riveting to say the least. Arthur found he was enjoying daylight as much as he was night.

The day was fun. It was light. It was them as just them. Nothing to worry about with touching, exploring, adventuring into the homosexual side of this friendship. They could just enjoy the sights, act like any other couple of best mates, and just be. The just being was what was getting Arthur.

He felt at ease during the night, becoming a whole new man at night when he moved to take off his shirt and lie across Alfred, or pull him down on top of him. He felt daring at night. He rubbed himself against Alfred and they fell into a rhythm similar to that of on Arthur's couch last fall. Only this time, there was no anger, no confusion. It just felt so good and they came together and kissed and held each other as they drifted off to sleep.

But it came the end of the week all too soon and Arthur realized he was no closer to understanding his feelings than he had been on the first night. He was far more confused.

He could tell Alfred to keep up this charade, but he knew that would only damage them further down the line. What if Alfred grew tired of it not being official or became angry with the situation again? Arthur would not be able to handle another separation on his account. So he could tell him no and let him down easy.

But was that what he wanted?

All week he never thought much on the subject of him and Alfred as two separate beings, letting his mind fall into the comfortable position of thinking of them as "us". He enjoyed the carefree way he could bicker with Alfred about politics, life, his eating habits, how English cooking really is good, and the differences between America and England. He enjoyed the casual dates and the careful hand holding. He liked being with Alfred.

Then, a scenario entered his mind. Supposed he did agree to date Alfred and something came along that tested Arthur's limits. Alfred overstepped them again and they fought. They broke up. And Alfred left forever.

Arthur could not handle such a thought. It woke him up in the night and he clung to Alfred, watching him sleep and praying for the idea to vanish with the morning light. Only, that morning brought about their packing and the start to drive home. They had only one more night together. And it was here that Arthur had to make a decision.

Alfred hovered above Arthur again, kissing along his jaw gently and then pulling back to smile at him. Arthur watched him with lust-laden eyes. His fingers stroked into Alfred's golden hair.

"So…it's our last night," Alfred whispered. He trailed a finger along Arthur's lips. "Did you… did you decide?"

"Yes…I have," Arthur lied. He hadn't, but he would have to.

He cleared his mind of everything and thought of what it was he would do right here and now. He could break this man's heart now, or break it later because of his inability to feel comfortable with a secret homosexual life.

"I can't."

Alfred stopped. He stopped everything. He sat back on his knees and looked at Arthur. Arthur sat up and tried to look at Alfred, but those eyes were gone.

"Please… let me explain… I had a lovely week. I can't remember the last time I had such an amazing… But I am still unsure and uncomfortable with this. I couldn't handle hurting you by my lack of inexperience and… I just can't do it. There's still something in here that's keeping me from you. And I don't want anything to come between us. I don't want to lose you…"

Alfred nodded. He hugged Arthur, rubbing his back, and kissed his cheek. "You won't."

"You deserve someone better…" Alfred pulled Arthur away to say something, but Arthur stopped him from speaking by placing fingers on his lips.

"You deserve someone better. I can't keep doing this to you. Hurting you. How many times have I…to you…? The times we have fun are great, but we can't keep doing this. This space between is what's tearing us apart and it's my fault. You deserve someone who isn't afraid, someone who can love you…"

Arthur caught Alfred's sniffle. "Alfred are you… Are you crying?"

Alfred shook his head. It was obvious he was. Tears already dripped on their bare legs. Arthur sighed, a pang of guilt punching his heart and lungs.

"Oh Alfred…" Arthur managed to sneak a glimpse at the man and caught something. _Something_. It was that. "Oh… Oh no… You're in love with me, aren't you?"

At first, Alfred shook his head, but then he nodded and began to weep. He buried his face in his hands and sobbed. "You're just so perfect and beautiful and I… I'm sorry! I just love you!"

Arthur was helpless. He didn't know what to say or do. He couldn't even find it in him to comfort Alfred. He was disgusted. Not at the sight of a grown man crying, but at the sight of himself.

Even if he wanted to, he couldn't take it back. The damage was done. And Arthur had no one to blame but himself.

Alfred grabbed Arthur from behind his head and pulled him close so their foreheads touched. He closed his eyes, but Arthur kept his open. Watching Alfred's tears.

"I love you."

Alfred kissed Arthur's forehead and then both of his cheeks, but stopped before he could touch his lips. That hesitation was enough to disturb Arthur into kissing him. Alfred didn't move, didn't even dare to try and purse his lips against Arthur's. He stayed still. Then, he turned and got up, heading towards the bathroom.

"Where are you going?"

"I just need some time alone."

Arthur laid awake in bed, eyes open, staring at the wall, and wondering when he would hear Alfred cry. The tears never came. He couldn't hear even a whimper.

He prayed for forgiveness. Not from God, but from Alfred. All the prayers in the world wouldn't grant him this. Alfred would leave him, forget he loved him and find someone else. Someone better. Someone who wasn't afraid to admit it.

Admit that he was in love with Alfred.

* * *

_Hoshiko2_'s cents: Ah hah, please don't hate me too hard. I know this chapter really sucks in terms of these two and I won't be surprised if some of you guys stop reading this, but hear me out. I promise you this will be the end of such chapters. No more of this happening.

I apologize for the lack of update too. I kind of lost my strive for this chapter because I had to rearrange the entire series. It was not working. But my pal, nasty_show, got all the juicy spoilers and helped me figure it out so I should be able to update on a regular basis again! I even made this chapter especially long just for you guys. I hope you enjoyed it, even if it was terrible of me to do.

By the way, for those who didn't know, there is a side story that is between this chapter and the next. It's under the 4th day of the Summer Camp event.


	14. We should've known we'd grow up

Alternate title for this chapter: I Can't Lie. It's a song title by Maroon 5, and the perfect companion song for this chapter.

* * *

Daybreak broke and Arthur stirred when the sun peeked in through the curtains. His body had been tense during the night, becoming hyper-sensitive to having Alfred sleeping so close to him. During the remainder of their trip they had asked for their rooms to change from a double bed to a single bed. This hotel had been no exception. Now Arthur wished dearly it was a double as originally planned, if only because he flinched at every move Alfred made, fearing it was him turning to talk again. Luckily, Alfred had been just as stiff on his side of the bed, hardly moving at all.

When Arthur rose in the morning, he noticed Alfred had already been up and had packed his things. Arthur's heart sank at seeing how rushed he was to leave the hotel. He left the room while Arthur was in the shower, only coming back with a quick breakfast from a nearby convenient store that had bitter tea and flaky pastries. Arthur's stomach needed something a little more sustainable to last him through the four hour drive back to London, but he didn't ask for anything else. He simply packed up his things as well, loaded the car, and left.

The drive back to London was as awkward as the drive out of it had been, if not more. Alfred remained quiet, not jumping in excitement as he had before. Arthur didn't try to initiate any conversations, rarely even looking over at him. They stopped for bathroom breaks and for a late lunch, but other than that, there was no communication.

With London only an hour away, Arthur decided he'd had enough. He and Alfred couldn't go back to not talking to each other as they had the month before the vacation. His nerves and Alfred's heart couldn't handle the emotional separation. And, quite honestly, it was getting old.

"I'm hungry," Arthur declared suddenly. He startled Alfred who glanced over with a raised eyebrow. Arthur began pulling off the highway. "Just a small break."

"We already ate," Alfred commented. He eyed the pub with a frown.

Arthur parked, and then scrambled out of the car. He heard Alfred sighing loudly as he followed, slamming the car door behind him. Arthur strode into the pub and went to a far away booth in the corner. Alfred looked around, and then slowly joined Arthur. He sighed once more when he took a seat.

A waitress came to deliver the menus, and Arthur took it politely, but didn't open it. He laid it flat on the table and stared at Alfred. Alfred was skimming the back at all the alcohol. He was obviously ignoring Arthur's intense gaze.

"Alfred," Arthur said sternly. When Alfred didn't look at him, he tried again. "Alfred. We need to talk."

Another sigh, but at least he was looking at him now. "What? What more do you need to say?"

"I don't want this to be the end of us," Arthur started. He paused when the waitress came to dump two glasses of water on the table. Quickly, Arthur took a swig to cool his tight throat. "I want there to be some conclusion to all of this."

"We came to one last night," Alfred mumbled. He was sliding his finger up and down the glass, letting the perspiration collect on his finger tip. "You don't care about me and don't want to date me."

Now it was Arthur's turn to sigh. "I never said I didn't care about you. I said that I do, but not to the extent of wanting to date you."

"Why?" Alfred hissed as he leaned across the table. His eyes had a furious fire behind the normally unruffled blue. "What's keeping you back?"

"Me," Arthur replied calmly. He would not be disturbed by Alfred's anger. He deserved any vitriol Alfred was going to spit at him, but he wouldn't let that keep him from saying what needed to be said. "I am what's keeping me back. I am not emotionally ready. I explained this to you last night."

Alfred shook his head. "You said I deserve someone better and all of that nonsense."

"You do," Arthur started.

"Don't assume you know what I want," Alfred snapped. He sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. His face had grown red with anger. Arthur had to look at his lap as Alfred continued. "I told you last night that you're perfect. You're just… I want to be with you."

"Yes…I know…" Arthur ignored the painful pounding in his chest.

"Then…"

Now Alfred's anger had melted. He sounded distant and sad. His tone was now more of a child that had just seen their beloved pet being put to sleep. Arthur could hear Alfred's heart tearing in two again, and he was helpless to ease the pain.

Arthur balled his hands into fists in his lap. He had to look up, no matter what look Alfred was giving him. "Alfred… I… I told you how much you mean to me. But as I said before, there is still this… restraint within me that I need to figure out. By myself. You can't help me. Pretending this will work out and then realizing it won't in the end would be much more painful than what you feel right now."

"You don't know what I'm feeling," Alfred whispered pitifully.

"Yes I do." Arthur gulped. "I feel it too. You think I enjoy seeing you in this state? Knowing it's all my fault? Constantly…"

Arthur's voice broke and he had to look away. He snatched the napkin from the table and put it to his eyes in case a tear betrayed him and dripped out. Alfred reached over to take his hand, forcing their fingers to twine together. Arthur shivered at the touch.

"I don't blame you," Alfred said. His voice was serious now. "Honest. Arthur, I never blamed you for this."

Arthur couldn't help but chuckle. "No, but I bet you blame my religion."

"Actually, I don't. I know that there are other Catholics and Christians and what not out there that question their sexuality too, and they have just as hard a time as you do."

Arthur nodded slowly. He was staring at the perspiration pooling at the bottom of Alfred's glass. He wasn't really listening anymore; the soft mumble from the television broadcasting some football game in the background, the chatter from the few residents of the pub, and the clatter from the kitchen were meaningless to him. His thoughts talked over one another, stumbling to and fro around his dark conscious, falling like glass and scraping against his emotions until they frayed, bent, and broke.

"Maybe you should branch out and find others to talk to?" Alfred suggested. "I'm sure they could help you a lot more than I could."

"I don't like going to help," Arthur replied, voice faint. He pulled back his hand, hiding it between his legs. "I can do this on my own."

Alfred resumed his heavy sighing. "Fine. But… I can't stay attached to you."

"I understand. That was why I wanted to tell you this. You deserve someone who _can_ return your affections and will make you truly happy. In this state of mind I am in presently, well… I can't. I would like to, but…"

Alfred nodded. "Yeah… I got it. I get it now… You think you're doing me a favor?"

"I know I am." Arthur's voice was growing unstable, but he continued to talk. Even if he wavered he had to press on. "Staying with me will cause you to constantly be just like this. Unable to look at each other, holding back…tears… And…"

Alfred jumped out of his side of the booth and pushed his way into Arthur's side. He pulled him to his chest, and Arthur broke. He hadn't cried last night, allowing Alfred his time. But here in the pub, it felt as good a time as any. Here in this unknown pub in some small village off the main stretch of road.

Then again, anywhere with Alfred was a good place. No matter how much it hurt and how much he cried.

That was what Arthur thought back to when he lie in his bed alone at night. He stared up at the ceiling, listlessly petting Gentleman who slept against his side. He thought back to all the colors and sights and smells from that day at the pub, from the night prior to their departure, and especially that glorious week.

"It was glorious, wasn't it?" Arthur said aloud. "I had…an amazing time. I felt…comfortable. No… More than comfortable. I felt…happy."

Gentleman flicked his tail in his sleep, but paid Arthur no attention. Not until Arthur sat up. He stared intently at the opposite wall. He continued to talk to himself even after Gentleman turned his nose up at him and left the room.

"Yes… Happy. We were happy. I held his hand, and he held mine. I was happy being there. Seeing his smile. I felt no remorse. None. There was no guilt to any of my actions. Even now… I don't… I don't care. The only thing I care about is…that I made him cry… But I made him cry… because of me…Because I said I can't make him happy.

"But that's just stupid, Arthur. You did. For seven beautiful, wonderful, amazing days, you made him happy. Because…"

_Because you were happy._

Something inside Arthur clicked. His heart made sense now. His brain no longer had anything to hold him back. Not his religion, not some excuse of being uncomfortable or not good enough, not even himself.

Gentleman watched from his cat bed as Arthur rushed out the door. He didn't particularly care, and if he had been a human he might have noticed that Arthur ran without taking his umbrella.

Arthur ran, and ran, and didn't stop running until he had made it to Alfred's flat. He could have driven; he could have taken the Underground. He could have done a lot of things. But somehow, running made the most sense. Because anything else would have just felt not fast enough.

He was stupid. There was no other word for his actions. For his bumbling mess of a ruined friendship. But maybe, maybe, oh just maybe, if he got to see Alfred right now, he'd tell him. Tell him everything. And then it was possible, or more than possible if he prayed, but it could happen. He and Alfred could be happy.

Happy.

Yes, happy. That was what he dreamt of all these nights, right? From the end of the vacation up until last night he had wild fantasies of he and Alfred, holding hands, kissing, enjoying each other's company, making love, and Arthur coming home to Alfred's smile. Nothing strange or odd. Just them.

Along the way, Arthur noticed sourly that it had begun to rain, but still he pressed on. He had to see Alfred. They had waited far too long for this moment. So many foolish twists and turns brought on by one or the other or both. Either way, it had led Arthur here.

Right here. At Alfred's apartment complex. He was taking out the trash, his hoodie turning a dark naval blue as the rain pattered down his shoulders.

"A-Alfred!" Arthur called breathlessly.

The man turned, but it wasn't Alfred. It was Matthew. He seemed surprised to see Arthur there, and then was even more shocked at his drenched appearance, wheezing against the gate.

"Arthur? Did you run here?"

"Is Alfred here?" Arthur gasped, ignoring any delays. "Please, I have to talk to him!"

Matthew, such a kind and gentle man, suddenly became defensive and cold. He stood between Arthur and the doorway. He stared Arthur down, sizing him up, and Arthur thought the man might actually come down and punch him.

"Why do you want to know?" Matthew asked bitterly.

"B-because! I have to talk to him! I've just… I need to tell him something." Arthur looked at Matthew desperately, realizing this was a test of will. He wasn't angry with Matthew; he had every right to protect his brother. "Matthew, I know I've ruined possibly the best friendship with anyone I'll ever have, but I aim to fix that. Right here. Right now."

Matthew narrowed his eyes. "Do you know how Alfred was after that little _vacation_ of yours? Do you?"

Arthur winced. "N-not particularly, but I could infer by how he looked at work…"

"I bet you weren't even upset," Matthew snapped. "You didn't go home and cry, or hole yourself up in your room, eating away your problems, only to come out and give that heartbreaking pout."

Arthur knew that pout. He'd seen it one too many times.

Despite Matthew having good intentions, Arthur was getting fed up. He had come all this way. He wasn't in the mood to deal with a brother. He wanted the real deal.

"It's no business of yours to know how I was," Arthur said sternly.

"But it is my business of how my brother is. And it's no longer yours to know." The sheer vitriol in Matthew's voice honestly scared Arthur.

Still, he wouldn't give up. If he had to force his way into that complex, then he would.

"Please," Arthur tried once more. "I have to see your brother."

"You finally figured it out, eh?" Matthew asked suddenly. He frowned at Arthur's lack of a reaction.

Of course he had figured it out. The man who went out on sunny days with umbrellas and feared what he thought of himself more than the truth had just run well over fifteen miles through the rain. All for a boy. A boy. But he's the kind of boy you want so much it makes you sorry, still Arthur didn't regret a single day.

"You're too late."

Three words. They stopped Arthur more than they had when Alfred had first said, "I like you", and then more recently, "I love you." They hurt more, dug deeper, and tore at Arthur's heart more. Just the thought of those words being true was enough to take away what little air he had in the first place after stopping at the gate to catch his breath.

"You're…you're lying… It's only been…"

"Three weeks?" Matthew asked, interrupting Arthur. He smiled more and crossed his arms. "What? Did you think he'd wait for you? Sorry. He's moved on. He has a cute new girlfriend. He's out on a date with her right now. So even if you went to him and told him you loved him, he wouldn't listen. He's had enough of you."

_Enough of you._

Arthur stumbled back, just as Alfred had that day when he saw Erica and Arthur out on their first date. He slipped into the gutter, mouth agape, and eyes wide in horror. Matthew watched in glee at seeing Arthur finally, _finally_ react to having Alfred be the one to move away.

"I…I see…"

All of Arthur's demeanor had changed. He had come charging up, brimming with confidence and knowing exactly what he'd say. But now, armed with this terrible knowledge, even if he saw Alfred now, he'd probably turn and leave. He had no right to try. Alfred had finally had enough of Arthur. He should have seen it coming. Everyone had enough of him.

Just like Elizabeth at school, his parents before then, and his siblings all of his life. Why should Alfred be any different?

Because he was since they met? Since he had first asked Arthur to come to lunch with him and spent every lunch with him and taking him out on casual dates, talking to him, watching movies with him, bickering about petty things, touching one another secretly, Alfred had always been special.

So instead of saying anything more, continuing his quest to find a way to make it work, Arthur retreated. He hated being a coward, but he hated harming Alfred even more. It tore him up inside more than any words, intimate or not. With his head hanging low, Arthur trudged through the rain back home. He wouldn't call a taxi or take the Underground. If he got sick, he knew he'd deserve it.

If he had turned around he would have seen as Alfred emerged from the apartment complex.

"Matt?" His brother turned around, slightly alarmed. "There you are. You were gone so long, I thought you fell."

"Oh, no, sorry. I got to talking to someone." Matthew's cold demeanor was gone, replaced by his ever pleasant and non-threatening face.

"Oh…" Alfred glanced down the sidewalk. "Is that Arthur? Was he here?"

The thought of Matthew telling the truth didn't even cross his mind. He walked back up the steps and gently pushed Alfred back inside.

"No. He won't be coming again."

* * *

Weeks passed with no incident. Arthur never approached Alfred about their vacation, and if Alfred knew about Arthur's failed impromptu visit to confess, he never asked about it. The two had gone on their vacation to reset their friendship, and so they would. No more emotional baggage or confusing and tiresome problems that came between them.

For a few weeks, all was well. Alfred's birthday was a success thanks to Arthur's quick thinking in creating a surprise birthday party. And while they had shared a moment alone and exchanged kisses, they never went past it or talked more about it. The summer would remain quiet.

Fall was upon them fast enough, with the color changing on the leaves and the air growing bitter. Arthur remained alone as usual, only seeing Alfred at work. They had played with the idea of seeing each other outside of work again, but then Alfred's social life took over and he catered more to the many girls that came into his life. Arthur didn't mind.

Or at least he told himself so.

As winter was fast approaching, Alfred came up to Arthur as they headed home from work. The sky reflected an oncoming storm in the dark and heavy clouds that hung above them, threatening to break loose at any moment. Arthur clutched his umbrella with a small scowl at the weather.

"Hey, Arthur?" Alfred asked. Said man turned around and smiled pleasantly. "Hey, what're you doing this weekend?"

Arthur ignored the sudden _thud_ in his chest that had been quiet for months in favor of replying to Alfred's question. "Aside from church on Sunday, nothing. Why?"

"Well, there's this party and it's gonna be put on by my American friends. They remembered you from my birthday party and want you to come too," Alfred answered. "So, what do you think?"

To be honest, Arthur did not want to go. He was surprised Alfred had even asked him. He was never one for parties. The birthday party was a hard enough ordeal already. Arthur thought Alfred knew this about him. Still, there was something else.

They had restarted their friendship, but it wasn't much of one. There was just lunch. That was a good start. Yes. It was a start. When they were first friends they started with just lunch and moved on to hanging out. Perhaps this was Alfred's hand at the hanging out again.

So against his initial fear of a party and a crowd and drinking and loud Americans again, Arthur agreed. Alfred smiled brightly and they arranged a time for Alfred to pick Arthur up Saturday night.

* * *

Saturday came and Arthur was dressed nice enough. He had put aside his usual sweater vests and long sleeves for a T-shirt from his old school days of being a punk. Then he struggled to fit back into his pants, faded from time and hard wear, and then went out to meet Alfred. Alfred approved his outfit with a smile, and they were off.

The party was audible from the street. Arthur crinkled his nose at the questionable neighborhood Alfred's friend lived at, but then he remembered Alfred mentioning that a lot of his American friends didn't strike it as easy as he had in finding a job out in London when they moved for internships. Many were jobless and on the verge of being sent back home, or were as jobless as the rest of England. So Arthur kept whatever harsh critiques to himself and promised he would have a good time.

Alfred's friend opened the door with a loud, "HEY!" and ushered the two inside. Alfred and his friend hugged, slapping the other on the back loudly, before Alfred turned to Arthur.

"You remember my pal, Arthur? He threw my birthday party!"

"Oh yeah!" the fried yelled over the music. The trio had wandered too close to the stereo speakers. Then again, it seemed there were speakers in every corner of the small flat. "Hey, nice to see you again!"

"Likewise!" Arthur shouted. He leaned over close to the man's ear, but his voice still was hard to hear. "Where can I find the beer?"

Alfred laughed. "Yeah! Work's been a bitch! I'd love something hard!"

Alfred's friend directed the two to the kitchen. There were American and British girls lingering around near the fridge, but they parted for Alfred, calling his name and smiling at him. Arthur followed along with his head bent low. Everyone knew Alfred, even the men. They called him to their sides and gave more hugs, offering him booze and clinking them together in celebration for nothing. Arthur had to struggle to find even something remotely good. The Yanks had all brought their imported beer. Disgusting.

Arthur stood awkwardly by the door, watching Alfred from afar. Then he slid into the living room looking for a place to sit. The couch looked dirty, probably from all the smoke the Americans were creating from their cigarettes. Everyone held a red cup and squeezed into a tiny corner of the room to grind one another in what Arthur guessed was dancing. He preferred the kitchen where there was a chance he could nab a seat at the table.

However, going back he found he had lost sight of Alfred. He grew panicked. Alfred was his drive home and he had made Arthur promise that he'd keep watch of him in case he drank too much. His American friends were a little too heavy on the alcohol, and there was a good chance Alfred was being peer pressured into drinking more.

Not only that, but Arthur hated being alone. Even though there were well over thirty people in this flat, Arthur didn't notice a single person.

"Alfred?" Arthur yelled over the low bass. A head appeared from around a corner and, with a sigh, Arthur moved to his side. "Where were you?"

"Sorry, bathroom," Alfred laughed. "What's up?"

"You told me to keep an eye on you," Arthur reminded him. He was close enough now that he didn't have to bellow just for Alfred to get a vague idea of what he was saying. "Is there anywhere else we can go? It's too loud in here!"

Alfred bit his lower lip. "Well, there's a balcony, but everyone's smoking out there."

Arthur sighed, agitated. He shouldn't have come. Even if it was to spend some time with Alfred outside of the office, it wasn't really time with him. It was more he was babysitting him. Alfred flirted with all the girls and Arthur drank himself into the beginning of a stupor.

So this was the rest of his life? He was to forever watch Alfred from afar? And it was all his fault. He had let the best thing slip away from him. It was his punishment.

Arthur noticed that he was low on beer and tapped Alfred's shoulder. "I'm getting another drink. Would you like something?"

"I'll go with you." Alfred turned to the girl he was chatting with and excused himself.

Together, the two of them squeezed through the crowd and back into the kitchen. It wasn't as full as it had been earlier that night. There were only a few couples making out in the corner and one other male standing by the fridge. He turned and bumped into Alfred.

"Oh! Sorry about that." He was English; one of the few Englishmen at the party aside from Arthur.

"Naw, it's my fault."

And, as Arthur knew he would, the man blamed himself once more before handing over the beer to Alfred as an apology. He wasn't nearly as drunk as the rest of the crew. Arthur snagged a bottle of his own, and tilted his head back as he chugged as much of the disgustingly watered-down beer as he could. Honestly, how could Americans like this?

"What's your name?" Alfred asked.

"Trey," the man replied. He smiled up at Alfred, only a centimeter taller than him. "You're a foreigner too, just like all the others. I like foreigners."

Alfred smirked. "So do I."

Arthur rolled his eyes and turned to look out the tiny kitchen window. The sill was dingy and covered in dust. The man of the flat didn't clean, judging by the state of his couch and kitchen floor. The window itself was covered in a white film from lack of wash, making it near impossible for Arthur to see outside. He caught that there were people outside, but he couldn't make out faces or even how many there were.

Bored, Arthur turned to find Alfred gone again. He sighed and moved towards the line for the water closet. The door was locked, but an unknown voice snapped at him to go away. Others in the hallway claimed they hadn't seen him. Arthur figured he must have gone to the living room with that Trey fellow.

After waiting a few moments for a couple to move aside from their blockade in the doorway, Arthur managed to come into the living room. He didn't need to look long for Alfred or for Trey. They were easily spotted on the couch.

Making out.

Arthur's beer probably fell, and he might have wobbled until he hit the wall, and he remembered knocking into someone, but his eyes were trained on Alfred's lips on another's man. It wasn't that he was kissing another man, or that he was even kissing someone else. Arthur had steeled himself to the knowledge that Alfred was popular with the ladies, and even with some men, and could seduce any of them with that smile. The problem was that should've been him.

_That should be me…  
That should be me…!  
That should be me!_

Arthur let go of everything in that moment. He prayed to God, and then he stopped. He cried out to Him, and then he was silent. Everything changed. He had stayed by His side in hopes that all would be clear. That he would find some pathway. But instead, he had been reduced to just some friend that was to watch from the sidelines as his life crumbled away.

No more. He wouldn't have it any more.

Alfred and Trey stopped when Arthur flopped on the couch next to Alfred and slung an arm around him, laughing all the while. "Who's your new friend?"

"Uh, Arthur, this is Trey," Alfred replied slowly. He watched Arthur carefully, unsure of his actions.

Trey held out a hand and smiled. "Nice to meet you. You're Al's best mate, eh?"

Arthur bristled at the familiar nickname Trey was already using. He knew Alfred hardly twenty minutes. Sure, they had snogged, but that didn't give him the right to just know everything. Arthur wasn't sure what was talking, the alcohol or his brain.

"That's right. I am." Arthur smirked as he grasped Trey's hand and squeezed. He enjoyed seeing Trey wince. "I'm his _best_ mate. No one else. Nope. Just me. For the past year we've been tight. Very tight. So tight I bet I know more about him than you do."

"Arthur…"

"More than you ever could. In fact, if you asked me right now how tight we are, I would tell you exactly how tight."

"Arthur…"

Trey's hand was finally released. He shook it out once and then looked back at Arthur. "Okay, how tight?"

"Tight enough that I know where to touch to make him moan."

Alfred shot up and roughly pulled Arthur up beside him. "We're leaving now. Thanks for the… conversation, Trey."

"Hey, call me." Trey winked.

Arthur didn't miss that blush on Alfred's face, nor the shy smile he offered the other Englishman. Arthur wanted to lurch forward and throttle Trey's stupid neck, but Alfred's hard hold on him made it impossible for him to make much of any move.

They forced their way through the throng of people until they found the front door. Alfred didn't look back as he shoved Arthur outside, and then down the stairs, and finally out into the chilly midnight air. Arthur laughed as he clung to Alfred's side, just as he had all those months ago when he and Erica broke up. Perhaps it really was that time again, and Alfred's mouth didn't reek of booze and another man.

"Arthur, knock it off," Alfred grumbled, pushing Arthur away. "You can't."

"I can't what?" Arthur asked as he wrapped his body around a lamp post.

Alfred shoved his hands in his pockets and looked up at the empty night sky. The stars weren't visible in the bright lights of the city. It distressed Alfred all the more. "You can't _do_ this. You can't push me away and tell me we're friends and then climb into my lap when someone else makes a move. You told me what you want, so I'm doing what you asked."

"What if…I made a mistake?" Arthur was staring at a puddle in the gutter. He couldn't see the stars either. He couldn't even see his own reflection.

"You didn't," Alfred replied hastily. "We've been around this block enough times to know."

"Have you…had enough of me?" Arthur's whispered words would have been lost in the silent evening if Alfred hadn't picked up on the last bit of his sentence.

He sighed and shook his head. "I am in…_that_ sense. You'll always be my friend, but… Arthur, I can't stay forever. I have to leave. You said so yourself, I deserve to be happy. So… Here's my going to get my happiness."

Alfred handed over some pounds to Arthur and stared at him squarely in the eyes. "Go home. Take a cab and go home. Sleep all of this off."

"What…What about you?" Arthur asked, already knowing the answer.

"I'm going back inside."

Arthur didn't take the money. He just backed away, still staring at Alfred. It was the last chance. He had hinted that he wanted to go back to Alfred's arms, go back and never leave. But Alfred was already gone. Of course he was. Matthew had said that Alfred already had a date only two weeks after their vacation. And here Arthur was, months later, alone and clinging to another stupid dream.

"Good night, Alfred."

Arthur turned to walk away when Alfred stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "Don't blame God, okay? This isn't His doing. You know you would hate yourself if you blamed any part of this on your religion. This is my choice."

Arthur shrugged Alfred off. He continued walking down the sidewalk as straight as he could, but found he kept wobbling. He focused his mind to keep going straight, but it was to no avail. His eyes teared up.

"Stupid… Walk straight… Walk _right_!" he said to himself.

But no matter how many times he put his good foot forward, he tripped over himself and ended up swaying to the right, to the left, forward, back. And after a time, he finally fell. He collapsed on the ground, sobbing into his hands, overrun by the emotional night and the lowered tolerance from the alcohol.

And looking back on it now, his break-up with Elizabeth the previous year really didn't hurt as much anymore. At least he still knew who he was. At least he still had somewhere to go to not be reminded of her at every corner. His move into his new flat and his new job was a big enough change to get his mind off of the fact he was alone, with no family and no beloved. But now, as he sat on the wet cement, Arthur felt more alone than ever.

When he went home it looked too empty. It needed Alfred there, on his couch watching movies, in the kitchen making popcorn, at his kitchen table making a mess with the cheese from the pizza. It just needed him. Arthur just needed him.

Too little too late, though. And now his world felt so cold. He wanted Alfred's heart to beat for him instead; beat like yesterday.

* * *

_Hoshiko2_'s cents: Sorry for the long delay again. Trouble at home had taken a hard toll once more, and then I attended a wedding this past weekend. Thanks for all the patience, guys. I hope you all liked this.

As a side note, the 4th chapter of my Summer Camp event is Alfred's birthday party surprise that Arthur is said to have thrown in here. Feel free to go back and read it. I make mention of it once more in a later chapter.


	15. I'll find a place to stay

Arthur stumbled into his apartment some time much later that evening. It might have even been in the early morning. Either way, Gentleman was not happy with being roused so late at night. Arthur picked him up and carried him into the bedroom. After he stripped from his wet clothes and burrowed under his covers, he pulled his cat down under the blanket with him to push his face into his fur.

And then he began to cry.

At first it was subtle, just a few hiccups here and a sniffle there, but soon it became a full-fledged wail. He blamed himself. For everything. From the moment he had let Alfred into his life to the minute he had let him right back out. And now that he knew exactly what he wanted, it was too late.

His heart ached and bled onto the bed as the cat in his arms licked at his tears, no longer angry at his master. Gentleman mewed lightly, and then rubbed his head underneath Arthur's chin in hopes of cheering him up.

From Arthur's pants came a vibration made loud in the silent room. Arthur stopped crying and released Gentleman, sitting up as he wiped at his face. The cat glared at the mobile lighting up on the floor in disdain. Didn't the caller know that his master was upset and obviously only needed a feline's comfort at the moment?

Arthur leaned down and glanced at the caller ID. It was Alfred. Thoughts of fear and guilt and anticipation flooded Arthur's heart and mind. It made Arthur unsure if he wanted to answer the phone or not. It could be Alfred was calling to apologize, or to ask Arthur to come back, but it could have even been Alfred yelling at Arthur some more, or worse, that he was hurt.

Quickly, Arthur pounced on the mobile. "H-Hello? Alfred?"

"Hey," he said, obviously calm and unhurt and definitely not angry. So it was might be him apologizing? Arthur tried to not let his heart get the better of him. He was not some silly teenage girl. "I just wanted to call and see if you were okay."

See, that's why you don't get your hopes up, Arthur thought. He sat back on his bed with a sigh. "As all right as I can manage…"

"Did you get home?" Alfred asked.

"Yes. I am back at my flat."

"That's good." There was a pause. Arthur noticed a distinct lack of music and American accents behind him. More noticeably, there wasn't an English accent either. "Hey, um, I'm sorry… about just leaving you at the party and then forcing you to go home, even though I invited you. That was…that was shitty of me."

"Yes it was." Arthur wanted to laugh, maybe even let out a sigh of relief. But his voice was monotone and he didn't feel up to chuckling. "Is that all you called for?"

"No…" Another pause. Now Arthur's heart began to pound. "I just… I'm sorry. You finally figured it all out, huh?"

"…Yes."

Alfred sighed. "I can't. You understand, right?"

Arthur nodded, but remembered Alfred couldn't actually see him. "Yes, I do. But why can't you?"

"Well… You told me to go on and look out there in the world, you know? Find someone who can 'make me happy'?" There was a noise of rustling sheets behind him, and the phone made a noise as if it were moving against Alfred's ear. He was probably in his bed too, lying down, not in someone else's bed, and certainly not with that Trey fellow.

Speaking of him. "So, I guess this means you've found yourself a boyfriend, huh?"

Alfred gulped. "Yeah, but if it makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to hang around us. I mean… you know."

"I know."

Arthur was alarmed at his reaction, or lack thereof one. He was sitting on the edge of his bed in the dark of the room with the silver light from the streetlight outside casting eerie shadows against his pale skin. His eyes stared at his wet clothes still limply lying on the floor. His heart and head were silent for once, a welcome respite. But now seemed an odd time for them to be dormant.

There should be warning bells, cries of aches and pains as his heart shattered and his mind came up with more lies to soothe all of this. Something to gloss it over so he could wake up in the morning and carry on his day, as if nothing happened. Because he never wanted anything to happen. Nothing should happen in his miserable little life.

Alfred was the one good thing that had happened. And, again, he had let him go. The guilt tormented him as he sat there, sinking into himself.

"Arthur? You still there?"

Apparently Arthur had been too quiet for too long. He inhaled suddenly, and sat upright. "Yes, sorry. I'm rather tired and still a bit drunk from the party. I will head to bed. I have church you know. Congratulations on your new boy. I hope he makes you happy. Good night."

His hurried good-bye was followed by a sharp hang up. He stared down at the mobile, now silent and dead in his hand. The battery was still slightly warm against his hand. For a few moments, Arthur debated whether or not he truly wanted Alfred to call him back. If he did, what would he do? Would he tell Alfred to leave Trey and come back to him?

Alfred was never there in the first place, not officially. He tried and Arthur kicked and shoved at him until he finally took the hint. It was unfair of Arthur to finally get the hang of everything and then yank Alfred back. Alfred was black and blue from all the unintentional abuse Arthur had caused him.

It was time they took a break.

They needed to be apart.

It was healthier this way.

* * *

Alfred looked at his now silent mobile and sighed. He heaved himself up from his position on the bed where he'd been lying on his stomach while he talked on the phone. Now he trudged into the living room, his final destination to be in the kitchen where there was a tub of ice cream waiting for him. Sitting on the couch was his brother. Maybe that would be a better alternative.

"Matt…?" Alfred started, his voice tired. "Can I talk to you…?"

Before Matthew could reply, Alfred had plopped down on the couch beside him and began to tell him of the past few months. How he'd been dating and Arthur seemed perfectly fine. How he and Arthur hardly saw one another and he missed him, but thought Arthur wanted it that way. And about tonight at the party and with Trey. When he was done, Alfred's shoulder felt heavier. Strange, shouldn't talking make one feel better?

Matthew was silent for a minute. He had to let everything sink in. Then he thought carefully of what to say to not confuse Alfred, or make the damage worse than it already is.

"Al… I think you should stay with Trey," he started. He held his hands up horizontally, palms down, before his face. The left was higher than the right. He moved them up one by one up above his head. "You need a relationship that builds like this: a ladder. You know, a normal one. The one you've been having with Arthur for the past year has been…like this."

Matthew's hands went in every direction; up, down, sideways, and diagonally. He then let his hands fall to his lap and frowned at Alfred.

"Do you understand what I'm saying? I think Arthur's right. You do deserve someone else because you need to see what life is like out there without Arthur."

"That's the thing…," Alfred murmured. He was looking at Matthew's hands in his lap, eyes prickling with tears. "He said he made a mistake… What if… What if I'm making a mistake?"

Matthew sighed. "You'll never know if you don't try. And besides, it sounds like Arthur was adamant in you staying with Trey just now. I guess he wants this to be over with too."

Alfred could only nod numbly, his eyes coming in and out of focus as his mind was overtaking any of his other senses. Slowly he fell into Matthew's chest and sighed loudly. Matthew could only pat his back, and then eventually rub it as he heard Alfred begin to sniffle.

* * *

For the next few days it was almost painful to watch Alfred and Arthur try to work around each other. Both would've preferred it if everything would revert back to the way it was after the vacation; at least there was an emotion to cling to and a finger to point at, but not now. There wasn't a single emotion to pick out of the whirlwind in Arthur's heart, but it didn't make him feel full of pent up frustration, anger, or even sadness. It just felt empty.

He was depressed.

Alfred watched from afar, unsure of how to approach his friend. He wanted to help, take him for some beers and end the night with movies, but that all seemed too far gone now. A beautiful dream that was just on the fringe of his memories that slowly vanished during the weeks.

One thing Alfred was good at doing was hiding how happy he was with his new relationship. He did his best to only talk about his dates with Trey with other office pals, going quiet whenever Arthur was within earshot. But he wasn't always perfect. Arthur had wandered too close to the break room more times than not and overheard Alfred's declaration that he and Trey had plans to go to the zoo, to the movies, to the park, and so on. Arthur even once heard someone comment that Alfred's new boyfriend sounded too perfect to be true.

Late winter brought little change in Arthur's life. He went to church, fed his cat, went to work, and came home to repeat another day of monotony. He would've been perfectly fine with this a year ago, but not now. Now he craved something more. He craved social interaction. He craved movie night, pub hang-outs, lunches. He craved Alfred.

Then one day, his mobile rang. For a brief moment, Arthur had an exhilarating thought that it was Alfred. Then he thought himself pathetic upon realizing that it was the most exciting thing in his life in months.

Bitterly, he snatched up his phone and, without checking the number, answered with a sharp tongue. "Who is it?"

"Whoa! It's just me, Arthur. Calm down."

Arthur's eyes widened and he had to take a moment to remember just whose voice that was. But it couldn't be. Why was she calling now, of all times? Arthur checked his mobile to reassure himself it was a joke, but it wasn't. Elizabeth's name was quite clearly there on the caller ID.

"E-Elizabeth?"

"Of course," she replied calmly.

"I'm… I'm sorry. Forgive me. Yes, hello. What can I help you with?" Because that was all she could be calling for, Arthur thought to himself. She needed something. She wouldn't call otherwise.

"Help me? I don't need help," she laughed. "No, a little birdie told me you've been down and needed some cheering up. Since he doesn't think he'd help you any, he gave me a ring to see if I could help. So it's really _you_ that needs help. Right?"

Arthur was stunned. He didn't know exactly what to say. He didn't know what to believe: Alfred calling his and Arthur's ex-girlfriend for help, or the fact that Elizabeth actually _did_ it. The girl wasn't exactly wonderful at keeping up with her promises, nor agreeing to them in the first place.

"Arthur? You there?" Elizabeth asked after a moment's silence.

"Y-yes, sorry. What?"

Elizabeth chuckled on the other end. "Thought you'd be surprised. I was too when he called, but he sounded really upset. It seems he's worried about you, but doesn't know how to talk to you about everything. So I think we should hang out."

"When?"

"Now."

"Now?"

"Now!"

Arthur scoffed at her rather sudden invitation. He could've declined, saying it was too short-notice, and that he had other errands to do around his flat. However, looking around he knew that was an outright ruse, and he'd suffer another night alone for his lie. Weighing his options, he leaned more towards going out, but one thing nagged at him.

What's the worst that could happen? He'd already faced the worst so many times, and lived. Whatever the worst was, it wouldn't kill him. It'd make him stronger, if nothing else.

With a sigh he asked, "Where shall we meet?"

A half an hour later and Arthur was actually heading into the pub he swore he'd never go into again. This place, this silly little hole in the wall pub would never leave him alone, would it? But Elizabeth insisted on it since it was easiest for her to get to in a short amount of time. Arthur had a strange feeling that she had already been there and just couldn't be arsed to go somewhere else.

She wasn't alone, however. There was a blonde girl with her. Her locks were in a messy shoulder-length bob and she wore a shirt that definitely highlighted her rather perky assets. For a moment Arthur stared at the girl, but not because of her bountiful breasts as he would have normally done, but at her bright blue eyes. They were so like Alfred's, it was almost uncanny. In fact, it almost scared him at how alike the two were.

Elizabeth stood and moved to hug Arthur, something that also startled the poor man. He wasn't sure how much weirder the day could get.

"Are you going to hug me or not?" Elizabeth asked, pulling Arthur away to look at him, her eyebrows raised.

"Not," he replied flatly. Then, he looked to the blonde. "You have a friend?"

"Yes." Elizabeth turned to regard the blonde who was now standing. "This is Amelia."

Recognition crossed over Arthur's face.

_Arthur. Do you know why I left you? Because I fell in love. With another girl. Her name was Amelia and, like Alfred, she was from America._

Oh yes. Amelia. For a moment, Arthur thought he might be cruel to this woman he had never met, curse her for taking away his girlfriend, or even just leave the pub. But there was no more tie on his heart to Elizabeth. He had dated her and moved on. It was as simple as that.

So he held out his hand and smiled in a pure English-welcome fashion as they greeted one another. Amelia was lovely, to say the least, and pleasurable to be around. Her laugh filled the pub, attracting attention from the other customers. Her laugh, so much like Alfred's. Loud. Lovely. And her smile. It drew Arthur in even if she talked about something as drab as her moving back to England and the ordeal of finding a flat with Elizabeth.

"So…you two are final in your relationship?" Arthur asked as he finished the rest of his beer, surprisingly the only one he'd had for the night.

Amelia nodded. She glanced at Elizabeth and smiled with pink cheeks. "We're tired of being long distance. With my new job, it'll be much easier for me to move here."

"After I dated Alfred, I realized I didn't want anyone else," Elizabeth commented. She put her hand atop Amelia's. "She's it for me."

There was a glow to Elizabeth, one Arthur and Alfred had never created within her. She radiated a beauty unlike any other person in the pub. It couldn't be tamed by any words or laws. Amelia shared this mutual happiness. This mutual love. This moment that Arthur was not a part of, and couldn't understand given the predicament of his heart.

Eventually the couple parted ways with Arthur with a promise of meeting up again somewhere else during the week. It was uplifting to know Arthur had some more purpose during the day, and that he could enjoy having a social life again.

On the way home, Arthur began to think of his life and the course it had taken the past few months. Surely there were more downs than ups, and currently Arthur felt stuck in a hole deep in the pit of his own anguish and despair, but if he kept climbing, there was a chance he could get out. Alfred had offered his hand in a roundabout way by calling Elizabeth, and she and Amelia were there with a hand as well.

Now it was up to Arthur to help himself. He had to sort out his priorities. The number one priority of his life was to sort out the war raging between his heart and his head.

Arthur had been reading up online about people's plight when it came to discovering their sexuality and their religion and how it clashed. Most often it didn't end well, and some people had to change towns or give up their relationship. Arthur was lucky to find a few wonderful blogs of people's stories through their experience, and had even given thought of joining a community dedicated to those in religion that're struggling with their coming out, but backed out of it.

One afternoon, he read up on one person's story and found himself particularly touched. Sitting up, he reread from the beginning to soak it all up as it related to him the most.

_My story begins when I was much older than most of you here. I had lived a "straight" life from childhood until well into my adult years. I had never had a problem with dating women and was popular when younger. My family had raised me as Catholic, and I respected my religion with the utmost love and adoration to God._

_I'll admit, I am forty years old, much older than most of you younger kids coming to realization. Let me tell you, it's just as hard coming out when you're old as it is when you're young, so don't think I got off easy here._

_Anyways, I had recently moved to a new area with my fiancée to get a job so that we could get married in the fall and begin our life together. I was thirty-five by this time. My fiancée was a woman I had met through a friend, but she lived a few towns away. I didn't want to keep it long distance. Moving closer to her not only made me happier, but introduced me to the man that changed my life._

_I worked at a real estate company and met Greg. He was two years my senior, and very much so gay. I had nothing against homosexuals, and was in fact intrigued at meeting Greg as he was the first homosexual man I had ever met. I asked him about his lifestyle and he was more than happy to answer any questions I had._

_Before I knew it, we were friends. We hung out on the weekends, had lunch during our breaks, and I even introduced him to my fiancée. I should have seen something then, looking back on it all now. My fiancée was not too thrilled to see my hanging out with a gay man, and voiced her opinion of Greg more often than not. I didn't like hearing her rather offensive words thrown at the man who had become a close friend of mine. We fought often._

_One night she threw me out and I made my way to Greg's apartment on the other side of town. He was kind enough to let me come inside for the night, and it was there I explored what was in my heart. It was something that my fiancée had seen long before I had. I never noticed how often I touched him, how many times I looked at Greg to see if he was looking at me, how often Greg held my hands and how I never minded when he did._

_But I was scared. I was a thirty-five year old man with a stable job, well on his way to living a normal life until I died with a woman and God beside me. I prayed to God for help and guidance. Many times I was angry at Him and cursed his name, only to apologize and beg for His forgiveness. Many times I asked Him, "Why was I born? If I was born to only burn in Hell for eternity, why would you make me? Do you not love me?" And more often than not, I wasn't given an answer._

_That year was the worst. I told Greg that we couldn't be friends anymore. That I chose my fiancée over him. And Greg understood. He knew of my feelings for him, and backed away. He was truly a wonderful friend._

_But him leaving me did nothing to help my heart. I found myself comparing everything my fiancée did to Greg, and thinking how Greg would be different. It got to the point that I was thinking such thought while making love to my eventual wife. I knew then and there that I had to figure things out for myself._

_One night, I had a dream. In it I saw Jesus. He stood beside me and was naked, as was I. I felt extremely humble and embarrassed to be beside him as a naked man, as he was with me, as if he were equals. But a thought occurred to me, and I had to peak to see if he was as well endowed as I was. That tiny peek caused me great shame and I apologized to Jesus for even wanting to look at another man's penis._

_He only smiled and said, "We are all of the same body and all have the same love to share. It matters not to me or God with whom you share your love with. You were born to spread the love as I have with you all of your life."_

_When I woke I felt the weight of the world leave my heart. I knew what to do. I broke off my engagement with my fiancée and moved in with Greg. We have been together for four years and are eagerly waiting when our state will legalize same-state marriage. Eventually I told my priest of my decision and of the dream, and he was proud of me for finding the right path. _

_I have to admit, certain aspects of my journey have been more privileged than some of you younger folks, but we all share the same painful and scary path. We are all bound together by our love of God, and by the love we wish to share with someone who happens to be the same sex as ourselves. My advice to you, whoever you are reading this, is go for it. Go for the love you want to be with. God and Jesus Christ love us and want us to be happy. I am firm in this belief now._

Arthur sat back in his seat. He stared out the window across from him and let his mind absorb everything. He thought and thought and his heart raced in his chest. It didn't tighten and it didn't choke him of all emotion. Rather, it gave him a slow inkling of what felt like courage.

With that miniscule amount of courage, Arthur posted to the community for help and advice.

_Hello. It's a pleasure to meet all of you. I feel rather nervous posting here as I have become quite familiar with all of you and your stories, and yet you do not know of me._

_My name is Arthur and I am twenty-five years old, currently residing in London. I haven't been a Catholic nearly as long as some of you, but I have my reasons for joining so late in the game. I lost my parents when I was in my first year of University and rebelled against society through-out all of my schooling. I had a girlfriend during this time that encouraged me in my behaviour._

_However, shortly before I graduated, my girlfriend broke up with me. As I later found out, she had cheated on me with another woman. My loneliness led me to meet the current priest at the church I now attend._

_Last year I met a younger man at my company. His name is Alfred, he's from America, and he's bisexual. I had never met a homosexual before, so I was greatly curious as to his lifestyle. We became fast friends. This was exciting to me as I haven't had a real friend in years. Wow, I feel so pitiful for actually revealing that._

_By fall Alfred and I had at least one altercation that resulted in a rather… embarrassing sexual encounter. Mollified by my actions, I prayed to God and He gave me a girlfriend. I felt better at first, but seeing Alfred's reaction actually upset me far more than I thought it would. As my luck would have it, he got a girlfriend too. My ex-girlfriend._

_I'll skip the next few months and just say that we both eventually lost our girls and remained single. Alfred took that to mean it was a good time to move in on me once more, and I regrettably did lead him on some. However, I put my foot down and said no. It almost ruined our friendship, but we tried a test run in a relationship for a week. In the end, I still wasn't comfortable with the idea of myself in a gay relationship._

_Well, a few weeks later I realized I was wrong. I did want to be with him. I still do. But my problem is that he has a boyfriend now. He's very happy with him, but I'm not sure if he's over me. I don't know what I should do. I have treated Alfred rather badly in my indecision and I regret my actions. I'm trying to cope with the changes in my life as far as my sexuality is concerned, but I'm very lost._

_Oh dear, it seems I've rambled quite a lot. Terribly sorry for such a long post. I just felt compelled to post after reading the Greg post from a few weeks back. Any advice would be greatly appreciated._

_Arthur_

With a sigh, Arthur clicked the Submit button without proofreading. If he did, he would just highlight it all and erase it. Then he promptly shut off his laptop and continued on with his day.

For a few days he would glance at his laptop and wonder if anyone had replied to him yet. He could very easily check it at work, but he made it a point not to do so lest he get a virus or have Kiku walk in on him. Curiosity eventually won out and Arthur did check his e-mails. He was surprised at what he received.

**Welcome back ****Arthur Kirkland**

**You have **_**31**_** unread e-mails in your Inbox**

Arthur hurriedly clicked on his inbox to find that he indeed did have thirty-one e-mails. All of them pertained to his post on that community. Most were well wishes in his plight, others were asking more questions to clear up some misunderstandings others had.

One in particular, however, caught Arthur's eye.

_Hello Arthur. You may recognize my screen name. Yes, I'm the same user who posted the Greg story that so inspired you to post._

_I am in awe at your story, though that's rude of me since it's not a story, but it's your light. Still, I am surprised you and Alfred are still friends after having dealt with all of this, and so young too. I commend you for that. Greg does too._

_Now, my advice to you is to do what Alfred is doing. Take a break. I know you've probably tried all of this and it's created a lot of friction between what you want to do and what you think you should do. I'm telling you that this is what you __need__ to do. You don't need a break from Alfred, but from your heart and head._

_Go out and do something that makes you happy. I assume you have hobbies and other friends by now? Maybe if you get out and go out with friends, make new friends, and get your mind off of Alfred for awhile, you'll find a good answer all on your own._

_It seems this Alfred fella has it pretty hard for you. I mean, to stick around for you after all this time, it's obvious he's in love with you. I'm across the pond from you and I can see this. I hope in time he realizes your intentions are clear now and he'll come back to you. Make your feelings known so he's not left without knowing, and leave it at that._

_Let things play out in God's hand. He has already set your path for you and you are coming to understand it. Now let it blossom. It will be scary and hard, but I think you have already gotten past the worst of it. You have committed yourself to this forum and asked for help and have realized that it's futile to deny what God has set in store for you in your life._

_I wish you all the best in your journey. If you ever need my help again, please don't hesitate to message me._

Arthur reread the comment once or twice, and felt a smile worming its way across his face. He would confront Alfred and let his feelings be known. And he'd start his life. He was tired of being sad, or hiding from happiness, of letting his life slip away. His time out with Elizabeth and Amelia had shown him that.

But more than anything he wanted to be able to spend time with Alfred and never have it be uncomfortable ever again.

* * *

_Hoshiko2_'s cents: Well, like that comment said, we are past the hardest part. I assured you guys this chapter wouldn't be as sad as the last and it's only going to get better from here on out. Thanks for sticking through some of the nastiest stuff in the series.

Also, the story of Greg that I wrote about is loosely based off of a speech I heard given in class one day that sparked the inspiration to this story. The man's name was Greg, but I made the user who posted it from someone else's point of view.


	16. The silver sound is all around

Alfred had been noticing Arthur for some time now, but hadn't had the courage to go up and talk to him. He was worried what would happen if they actually started engaging in conversation again. What if Arthur was mad at him? Or worse, he was insulted at his request for Elizabeth to check on him, and then took it out on Alfred?

However, judging by how Arthur was on his cell phone as he stood by the elevator, laughing at whomever was on the other end of the phone, he seemed fine. Better than fine. He looked healthy again. For awhile, Alfred was very concerned for Arthur. He seemed to be teetering on the verge of collapsing some days, ready to cry another, and perfectly stoic other days. It creeped the other employees out, and no one wanted to talk to him. Worst of all, Alfred didn't even want to talk to him.

In all honesty, Alfred just didn't know what to talk about with him anymore. He had to watch everything he said around him, from how his day went, to just talking about the weather. Because more often than not, Alfred would say something that could potentially upset Arthur. Even just mentioning his boyfriend could set the Englishman off. And Alfred wanted all of the fighting to end.

He was certain Arthur missed Alfred, just as he did him, but neither approached the other. Walking on eggshells was one thing, but the other two were now barefoot in a sea of broken glass, shattered by the many faults of their friendship.

Seeing Arthur so jovial finally gave Alfred enough strength to come up beside him. He waited until Arthur hung up and got in the elevator. There was no one else in the lift, so Alfred took that as a sign that he and Arthur _could_ talk.

Arthur glanced up at Alfred, pressing the button for the lobby. Alfred gave him a quick smile, and then stood by his side, watching as the numbers on top lit up at each floor.

Finally, he asked, "Hey."

Arthur glanced over again, a polite smile passing by his lips. "Hello."

"How have you been?"

Arthur looked up at the numbers as well, his shoulders slightly tensed up underneath his ears. "I've been doing better. I'm seeing my new friend, Amelia, tomorrow."

A _girl_ friend? Alfred was mildly surprised. He thought for sure that Arthur was single, or that he was too uninterested to get another girlfriend. But he told himself to remain calm. Nothing was certain yet.

"Oh really? That's cool." Alfred was nodding his head without even realizing he was nodding. It was just the nice thing to do when making conversation.

"Yes. It seems a little bird told someone that I was sick."

Alfred frowned slightly. Arthur smiled to himself, seeing that frown in the reflection of the metal elevator doors. "I'm sure the bird didn't say…sick."

"Nevertheless… it was a kind thing to do," Arthur said, his tone kind and warm. Warmer than Alfred had heard it in awhile.

They both relaxed, the tension ebbing away. The doors opened and the lobby came into view. Both men exited the elevator, but continued to walk together towards the parking garage.

"Speaking of birds… Is this Amelia girl your new girlfriend?" Alfred asked, his tone definitely not one of jealousy or even mild curiosity. Nope. He was still just making conversation.

Arthur chuckled. "She is a female friend of mine, yes, but I assure you she is unavailable."

"Oh, that's too bad."

"No, not really. She is quite happy in her relationship. I wouldn't want to be in the way of that." Arthur began to drift away towards the space where he had parked his car.

Alfred saw this and moved to follow him. "Well, um, hey, what're you doing right now?"

"Going home," Arthur replied, still walking.

"Oh, well, you wanna hang out?" At this, Arthur stopped. He looked at Alfred, an eyebrow raised. Alfred only smirked back, one hand in his pocket and the other holding his briefcase. "Ya know, like old times. Down at that dinky ass pub?"

A smile wormed its way onto Arthur's lips. "You know I hate that place, don't you?"

"I hate it too, but it's got darts and cheap beer." Alfred was smiling too.

"Fine, but you're driving." Arthur turned around and headed back towards Alfred. "I heard you finally have an actual license. When we were at the party, you had cheated and took your brother's car, yeah?"

Alfred blushed. "S-so what? I'm a good enough driver! I just gotta remember to not start driving down the other side of the road."

Arthur barked out a laugh. "Yes, that would be quite tragic."

The two climbed into Alfred's lovely red car. There was a flat car deodorant in the shape of the Statue of Liberty hanging from the rearview mirror and a Stars and Stripes decal sticker on the front dash over the radio. Arthur admired it, but said nothing about it.

"So, _are_ you dating?" Alfred asked after they had turned onto the street, heading for the pub.

"No," Arthur replied. He was looking out the window, his voice still kind and warm. "I have no real desire to right now."

"Ah. So, you're not dating at all?"

"No." Arthur was calm. Alfred was put off by this. He didn't like how casual and yet stand-offish this entire affair was being.

"…Well sooner or later some pretty girl will fall in your lap," Alfred joked. He slowed as he approached a street light changing from green to yellow.

"Or guy."

Alfred hit the brakes harder than was normally needed, ending up a few feet from the crosswalk. He and Arthur lurched forward, pulled back into their seats by the seatbelt. Alfred snapped his head over to Arthur, shocked.

"What?" he asked, for lack of a better word to sum up all of what passed through his head.

Arthur shrugged. He was still calm, and not at all disturbed by the sudden stop. He moved his bangs aside and looked through the windshield at the dimming sky. "I never know just who could come into my life."

Alfred's voice had whittled down to almost a whisper. "So…when did you know for sure about your sexuality?"

"Little by little," Arthur replied. He nodded at the light as it had just turned green and Alfred wasn't paying attention.

Alfred began driving, but very slowly. Almost to the point the cars behind him were getting frustrated with him. "…Because of me?"

"You did help me, yes," Arthur started. His eyes turned to a more somber expression. "Lately I've been talking to others in the same situation as me. It's helped a lot."

"So you might…date a guy now?" Alfred's voice was distant. Empty. He wasn't sure how to handle all of this news.

Again, Arthur shrugged. "I'm not interested in anyone right now, but like I said, you never know who could come into my life."

"So if the right guy…"

"He left," Arthur said suddenly, cutting off Alfred.

Alfred got the hint and was unsure of what to say. He remained quiet, still driving slower than normal, and his eyes focused on the road. Arthur wasn't going to push him to speak first. If he had something to say, he would say it. But after a few terse moments and some hard gripping on the steering wheel from Alfred, Arthur decided that perhaps he should.

"It's all right," Arthur mumbled after a moment. "I hurt him too much. I don't deserve him. I am perfectly fine with this now."

Instead of immediately replying to what Arthur had to say, Alfred pulled the car up to the cub and announced their arrival. He hastily got out of the car and all but ran into the old pub. Arthur took his time, practically knowing the name of the bartender now, and took his usual spot near the dart board. Alfred joined him a few moments later with two jugs of beer in his hand. He put down one in front of Arthur, and then took his seat.

There was no conversation, though. No talking. No chitchat. Not even attempts to break the ice. It was just silent around the duo, while the pub came to life as more business men entered and took up their seats in the back in front of the televisions. The sports game of that hour blasted in the background, and eventually people began smoking, hazing the air.

Arthur seemed calm enough. He was leaning back in his seat and inspecting the wall behind Alfred. He hardly noticed it, but it was full of black and white photos from back in WWII. He once heard that the pub once belonged to a rare homosexual couple that had met during the war, but that was as far as he knew. Faintly he recalled a news article about it, but couldn't remember any names.

Just as he was about to see the faces in the photographs, Alfred began talking. "It pisses me off."

Arthur looked at him, noticing his glass was almost completely empty, whereas Arthur had hardly touched his. "What does?"

"I've been the one helping you all this time! And now you've got it all figured out." He was pouting, glaring at Arthur's beer glass. He should get drunk, he thought. He has a looser tongue when he's drunk.

"Yes, but you are happy with Trey now," Arthur stated flatly.

"I am! Yes! Yes." Alfred was drunker than Arthur thought. Either that or his emotions were starting to take over; never a good sign. "He's a good guy. Calls me every night. Tries to see me daily."

"Cute."

Alfred eyed Arthur and smirked. "You're not jealous?"

"Not at all. I left you for you to be happy with Trey. And you are." Arthur gave another casual shrug. And Alfred was getting angry at how many shrugs he was seeing. How much this bounced off of Arthur. "Besides, I told you how I felt at the party."

"Not really," Alfred grumbled. "You just said you made a mistake. I thought you meant coming to the party or something."

Arthur raised a brow. "Are you really going to try and blame this on me?"

"C'mon! I was drunk!"

Arthur sighed, rubbing the back of his head. "It was my mistake to not take you up on your offer earlier. I must live with it. That is what I meant."

"So do you like me?" Alfred asked; the question on his mind for the past half hour.

"Yes," Arthur said without hesitation. He saw a glint in Alfred's eyes, and thinking that it was just the beer talking, he dismissed it.

Alfred was dating another. Despite the desire in his heart to be with Arthur, he was already with another. He was off limits. And Arthur had no desire to fight for him.

Once more, Alfred sized Arthur up with a critical eye. "You're being so blunt. It's rare."

"Should I stop?"

"No!" Alfred exclaimed. He shot his hands out to grasp at Arthur's hands. "I like this. I like you."

Arthur blushed, tugging at his hands. "But you are with Trey."

"Can't I just have you both?"

At this, Arthur snapped his hands back and shot a glare Alfred's way. Now he was certain it was the alcohol talking and not Alfred from his heart. He was also just the slightest bit hurt and insulted.

"Certainly not," he spat. "Just stay with Trey and we can stay friends, all right?"

Alfred huffed, crossing his arms. "It just sucks…"

"It was your choice," Arthur reminded him. He took a sip of his beer to help clam himself down. Eventually his face didn't feel as hot.

"No, you're forcing me to stay with Trey."

"Only because it is right." Arthur's tone was dabbing more into the lecture side of his normal tone. Alfred scooted back in his chair and his lip stuck out more. "Now that you know it shouldn't change anything. I made it clear at the party my intentions for you. I even came to tell you two weeks after we got back from our vacation, but you had already begun dating."

Alfred blinked once, twice, and then frowned. "No I wasn't."

"Your brother told me you had been. I went to your flat to see you, but you were out," Arthur explained. He vividly recalled that confrontation with Matthew, and wished to never have another like it happen again. "He said you were had a date and that I should leave."

For a moment, Arthur worried that perhaps Alfred was angry. He just seemed more confused than anything. He was silent as he tried to piece everything back together. Two weeks after the end of their amazing vacation, now tainted by a bittersweet taste. Alfred was still eating away in his room, only coming out to fizzle out his brain by playing video games for hours. And then Matthew would trudge up to him and demand he take a shower and brush his teeth.

He never remembered Arthur ever coming to visit him. And he certainly didn't leave long enough for Arthur to come and then just leave.

"I swear…I didn't start even _trying_ to look at anyone for at least a month," Alfred started. "I think…I think Matt lied."

Arthur inhaled sharply, a bitter taste filling his mouth. He wasn't angry. It was beyond anger. But then, he calmed down. If he had seen someone do the exact things he had done to Alfred, and then come to say "I love you, let's make it all better", he would probably step in too. How could Matthew trust Arthur? Looking at his track record, Arthur was not exactly the cleanest or purest of guys to keep to their words about keeping away or their actions of come closer.

"Don't be mad," Arthur said. He reached out and let his fingers touch the tips of Alfred's clenched hands. "He is your brother. He wants to protect you."

"I am not someone to be protected from," Alfred hissed. "If he had only let you…"

"Then what?" Again, Arthur stopped Alfred mid-sentence. "You were in a bad place at that time. I had acted one way, but said another. I had torn you in two and stomped on your heart. Did you really think that my coming there and confessing anything would have lifted your spirits and made everything better?"

It was a day of rare events. Arthur was being blunt and stern, and Alfred was being self-reflective and silent. The explosion of cheers from the sports game made Arthur jump in his seat. He glanced over and took another swig from his beer. Alfred's glass was empty by now.

"No," Alfred finally said. "I would've probably thought you were doing it for pity…or something. Or that you were coming back once _again_ to say you were sorry and you wanted me back, but you didn't mean it."

"Were you angry at me?" Arthur asked, a lump forming in his throat.

Alfred nodded. "I was. I felt betrayed and used. Abused. I wanted to hate you. I did. But I couldn't. I just wanted this all to end. I still do…"

Arthur was relieved to hear that Alfred didn't hate him, or never had, but he did internally flinch at the choice of words Alfred had said. But it was the truth, wasn't it? And that was why he didn't want to fight this. He wanted Alfred to be happy, with or without him. He deserved happiness.

He loved him.

"I am sorry," Arthur started, sounding dejected. "It was selfish of me…"

"No," Alfred interrupted. Again he grabbed Arthur's hands, looking at him in the eyes. The earlier sign of a drunken state was gone. "I had a hand in all of this too, you know? We're both at fault. But…we're still here. We're still here together."

Arthur nodded, the lump growing larger. He felt tears of relief biting at his eyes. "Yes. I want to stay with you. No matter how. I just want to be able to see you and talk to you again…"

"Then let's do that." Alfred was starting to smile again. "You want to meet my boyfriend?"

"I've met him."

To be honest, Arthur _didn't_ want to see Trey again. While he could handle Alfred being away from him and no longer loving him, he couldn't see the man that was doing a better job at being a love interest for Alfred than Arthur. At last, not yet. Not so soon.

"I mean a proper meeting." Alfred released Arthur's hands. He ignored the fact his fingers felt cold, but tingled were Arthur's hands had been. "Not when you're drunk and telling him you know how to make me moan."

Arthur blushed, ducking his head. "I did make a fool of myself that night, didn't I? Well…I suppose an apology is in order at least. That and a congratulation."

Alfred beamed. He glanced over at the game and noticed the dart board. He nodded at it. "Wanna play a round?"

"Always."

* * *

If seeing Alfred was awkward, then meeting Trey was downright painful. From the moment he saw Arthur and Arthur held out his hand to shake it, Trey was not happy. More than once he pulled Alfred aside, a tight hold on his wrist, and hissing his displeasure. Arthur would just wait patiently until the couple would rejoin the conversation.

He was upset at seeing Trey manhandling Alfred like so, and Alfred not putting up any fight, but it was not his place. If he stepped in, Alfred might get into more trouble. If Trey truly felt threatened by Arthur, then the two of them had trust issues to work on. That was not Arthur's department.

However, it was surprising to see Alfred putting up such little resistance to Trey's actions. He never pushed him away or told him to stop like he did Arthur when Arthur did something he didn't like. It was almost as if Alfred was hiding how he really felt just to pacify Trey.

That became even more evident as the day wore on. The trio had met up in Picadily Circus; somewhere that Alfred loved and would be a nice and simple walk around, window shopping and stopping for lunch. Window shopping was pointless because Trey wasn't interested in anything in the shops, and put down anything Alfred wished to buy. A few times, Arthur had to sneak in a purchase which he would give to Alfred at work come Monday morning. Given the man had to put up with _that_ kind of boyfriend, Arthur couldn't help but feel pity for him.

While Arthur wasn't fighting for Alfred or even working to even garner the man's attention, he found he didn't have to. Trey was making a splendid display of himself, and Alfred was slowly being drawn to the more patient and calmer man. Arthur would welcome him with a smile and assurance that, yes it was a beautiful day and I do quite like that tourist trinket I've seen all my life, but right now, it's spectacular.

Finally, lunch came. Trey forced Arthur to sit across from him, and waited until Alfred excused himself for the restroom that Trey leaned over towards Arthur and sneered.

"I know what you're doing," Trey growled. Arthur merely raised an eyebrow at him. "You're going to try and steal Al, aren't you?"

Arthur shook his head, placing his menu face down. "I assure you I am not. Alfred and I have had a talk. We are going to remain friends. He is happiest with you."

"Bull shit," Trey spat. "They first night we met you said you know how to make him moan."

Arthur smiled, recalling that horrendous memory, but treating it now as it if were some long ago warm memory. "Ah, yes, well I was quite drunk. You'll have to forgive my manners. At that time, yes I was rather…jealous of the attention Alfred was lavishing on you, but I was not in a good place in my mind then. I am much better and have moved on without resentment towards your relationship."

"Good." Trey sat back in his seat and casually picked up his menu. Arthur thought that things were going to be normal for the first time that day, but then Trey decided he wasn't finished speaking. "Then I don't want Al around you unless I'm there. I don't trust you. I bet you'll try some trick to get him to leave me, or shag you, or both. You understand?"

"That's hardly fair," Arthur started, furrowing his eyebrows. Was Alfred really attracted to such an immature and brash man like this?

Trey cut him off curtly. "It's either that or you don't see him _at all_. I have Al around my finger, and you know it. If I tell him not to see you, then he won't. Got it?"

Arthur narrowed his eyes challengingly. For this, he would not stand for it. He would have to have a word about this with Alfred when Trey was most definitely not present. Briefly, Arthur wondered just what Matthew thought of this Trey fellow.

Remembering the anger Alfred had for his brother after learning he had lied to Arthur all those weeks ago, Arthur asked Alfred, "Did you talk to your brother about what he said to me?"

It took Alfred a minute to catch on to what Arthur was implying, but then his eyes lit up in recognition. "Oh yeah. Yeah…he apologized to me, but said exactly what you said. He was trying to protect me."

Arthur sighed. "So you didn't fight or get upset with each other?"

"Naw. I mean, what's past is past, right?"

"Right."

Trey watched the two all the while, completely out of the loop, and not enjoying any minute of it. He made a big show of putting his arm around Alfred and acting like a cuddly boyfriend for the first time all day. Alfred reveled in it, much to Arthur's annoyance.

It wasn't for any other reason other than he was strongly against these two dating anymore. Not for his own reasons, but for how Trey treated Alfred, and how Alfred became around him. Were all those times he boasted about his relationship to others a lie? Or was Trey actually a good guy, but only when Arthur wasn't around?

Curiosity getting the better of him, Arthur excused himself to go to the restrooms. He hovered around outside the doorway and pulled out his mobile. He quickly looked up Matthew's number and called it.

"Hello?" Matthew answered.

"Matthew, it's me, Arthur." Arthur bit his lip, nervous all of a sudden. Matthew hadn't hung up yet, but he hadn't said anything either. "Listen, I wanted to ask you something. Alfred's boyfriend, Trey… Is he… Well… How do you like him?"

"He's all right," Matthew replied. "A little bit obsessive over Alfred, but I think he likes that the most."

"Is he…rather aggressive with Alfred?" Arthur asked.

There was a pause, and then a sigh. "So it's not just when I'm around?"

"You mean he acts this way when even _you're_ there?" Arthur was stunned.

"Yeah," Matthew replied with another sigh. "I hate it. It's like I can't even talk to my own brother before Trey just gets right in there. It's…"

"Infuriating? Annoying? Frustrating?"

Matthew chuckled. "All of the above. I thought it was me, but I guess he does it to you too. I mean, it's not a huge surprise given that Al _always_ talks about you and that's got Trey on edge and jealous, but still."

"I don't like him," Arthur said bluntly. He surprised himself at how confidently he had stated his dislike of the man, but he really couldn't find any other way around it. "I don't like how Alfred is when he's around. He isn't himself. He's rigid and a mess and just…"

"Yeah. I understand. I didn't think I'd agree with you on this, but… I really wish they'd break up."

Arthur inhaled sharply. "I don't want them to break up, not if Alfred really is happy."

"Arthur," Matthew said quickly. "I know you just don't want him to break up with Trey because you think they're legitimately happy, but look at them. You're calling me to see if Trey really is as terrible as he seems to the rest of us that isn't Alfred, and you can plainly see that Alfred isn't Al when Trey is there. That's not healthy. He isn't happy."

"Then why would he want to date such a…"

"Because he'll date any one to get over you," Matthew replied bitterly. "He had so many dates with girls, but no one caught his eye, even though he seemed genuinely interested in them the first date. I guess because Trey is more aggressive in what he wants, Alfred feels more comfortable in letting himself be dragged along."

"I…" Arthur didn't know what to say. Once again, he felt it was his fault.

And yet, Matthew was partially to blame too. He had come to confess, and Matthew had stopped him. He didn't know it was a lie at the time, but now that he did, he wanted to have some choice words with the Canadian.

"Matthew," Arthur started, his tone growing darker. "You lied to me. You said Alfred was dating when he clearly _wasn't_. I understand you reasons, but just know this is your fault."

"I'm still against you and Al dating, but I prefer you to Trey." Matthew skirted the confrontation, but didn't sound incredibly confident. His voice grew a little softer and he seemed to curl in on himself.

"I should go," Arthur said, remembering he was to be in the bathroom and he had been gone than what was considered normally. "We'll talk about this later."

When Arthur returned to the table he overheard Alfred trying to make plans for the couple to meet up with Arthur again for another day. Arthur wanted to vehemently object to the idea, but Trey had threatened him with a nasty alternative. It didn't seem he was far off base with his statement of Alfred being wrapped around his finger. He was awfully whipped. And the idea of Alfred being forced to stay away from Arthur ground a hole in his stomach.

Still, he refused to see Trey ever again. The less time around such a nasty man, the better.

So when Alfred pleaded and begged Arthur to come to another day out, Arthur refused, and then made up an excuse to leave lunch early. Trey watched him all the while, a victorious smirk on his lips. It vanished as soon as Alfred scurried after Arthur and stopped him just outside the restaurant.

"Arthur, why're you leaving?" Alfred asked with a pout.

"I'm sorry, Alfred, but I do have other things I must attend to," Arthur replied simply.

"But… Didn't you have fun?"

"I enjoyed your company, yes, but Trey could do without having to ever see me again."

Alfred glanced back towards Trey's area, and his pout turned into a nervous smile. "He's just…a really shy guy. I know he doesn't seem it, but…"

"Just." Arthur held up a hand to stop him and came forward, placing a hand on Alfred's shoulder. He was probably getting glares from Trey, but he no longer cared. That man was nothing to him now. "If he asks you to stop seeing me…would you?"

Alfred's eyes grew wide. "What? No way! I'd never not see you!"

Arthur smiled warmly. The double negative statement was all he needed to hear. "Thank you. I trust you won't let a _chap_ like that tell you how to live your life, right?"

"Right." Alfred smiled broadly and put a hand on Arthur's shoulder to mirror his movement.

"Just… be happy. That's all I want," Arthur said earnestly. "I don't care who it is with. If…that bloke is your love, then… Your happiness is all that matters."

Alfred blushed and removed his hand. He took a step back, his foot rubbing the top of his other one. "Aw, geeze Artie. I don't love the guy. We're a little too early for that, don't ya think?"

Relief flooded Arthur's heart. He wasn't in love. Good. There was still time to save him from this disaster of a relationship. "Good. I want you to love whomever you love."

Alfred looked up from the ground. His eyes searched Arthur's for a moment, just as he had when they were at the pub a few days ago. Alfred knew now. He knew quite well of Arthur's adoration for him. He might not know the extent of it, but he was assured that Arthur's feelings were no longer something that were held back by anything.

And suddenly, Alfred felt as if his place with Arthur had been reversed.

He opened his mouth to say something, when Trey made an appearance.

"Are you two done?" He slung an arm around Alfred and pulled him tight to his side. "Our food is here and it'll get cold. You said you had _things_ to do, right Arthur?"

"Right, yes. If you'll excuse me." Arthur gave a polite nod, smiling at Alfred, and ignoring Trey, and then hurried off down the street in the opposite direction of the restaurant.

Alfred watched him leave, thinking of all the times Arthur had run away before, and realized that while Arthur was quite literally walking away, he wasn't. He was still there. He had opened his heart, told him of his feelings, and challenged his own religion and self-confidence and self-security. And now he knew.

And Alfred went out with someone else. Even when he had been told the truth.

With a glance at Trey, Alfred ducked back inside, but he remained silent the rest of the meal. Trey left not much later, saying he had his own things to do, and so Alfred was to go home alone. Once there, he avoided Matthew's curious stares. He locked himself in his room and thought.

And when Trey called later that night for his habitual good night call, Alfred ignored it. Trey could say good night to his voicemail and then bitch him out come morning, but for now, Alfred needed to be alone. The colors were becoming brighter in his eyes. Things were clear.

But the path looked dirty. He had to hurt someone, but he knew which one he never wanted to hurt again.

* * *

_Hoshiko2_'s cents: Short chapter, but that's because next chapter will be much longer (and more dramatic). Originally Trey wasn't to be this bad, but I got a rather overwhelming amount of reviews stating their intense dislike of the character. In response, I decided to make him that much nastier. I had fun, let me tell you. Sorry Trey, but OCs do not last long in my stories.

Before I send you off, I have something to say. It is a huge thank you. An amazing and overwhelming amount of people have sent me side PMs on here and tumblr and a few sweet ones on livejournal expressing their love for the previous chapter, and how Greg's story in particular hit home with them. During the course of this series I have been getting e-mails like that here and there and I still have them saved on my e-mail.

I didn't know what would happen when I started this story, but I had no idea it would actually help so many people feel good about themselves, or find ways to get through their own religious and homosexual barrier. It's…it's uplifting, to say the least. I cannot imagine your guys' situation, but I'm glad that my silly little fanfic brought you guys some relief, some happiness, and some assurance.

I love you, and while I may not be incredibly religious, I do believe in God, or some other form of being in this universe that ultimately wants you to be happy. I want you guys to be happy too. So I will work even harder to not let anyone down. Thank you again. I love you guys. You're all the best.


	17. A ghost of a good mood

Arthur was feeling something amazing these past few days. It was jovial bliss, unlike anything he'd known. Alfred had stayed true to his promise and gone behind his boyfriend's back. He came to see him in secret, staying over for hours at a time, and acting as if nothing had changed between them. But things had changed.

The two were less careful. They moved into each other's touches. They were more open about their feelings only to each other. And they reveled in the fact that they were alone, together. Sometimes Arthur worried that this was as close to cheating as they could get, but he made sure it never went too far, and stopped any advances Alfred could even think of trying. But if Trey ever called, Arthur never encouraged Alfred to pick up his mobile.

While the two prepared to watch an old black-and-white movie marathon on television, a knock came at the door. Arthur moved to get it, wondering just who could be there so late in the evening, and suddenly feared the worst. What if it was Trey? He could have very easily gone to Matthew and asked for his address.

Heart pounding and sweat forming on his palms, Arthur answered the door. And in a sudden wave of cold realization hitting the back of his neck, he violently wished that it was Trey.

"Well if it isn't my lil' brother!"

Arthur had half the mind to slam the door in the Scot's face, but his brother caught on and grabbed the door quickly.

"Ah! Not so fast, squirt! I came a long way to see you." The man pushed Arthur aside easily and strode inside. He looked around the room with a smug look to his face.

"Scott," Arthur started, his voice a stretched thin with patience. "I have company over. Now is not a good time."

Alfred turned around in his seat on the couch and saw Scott, Arthur's eldest brother. The man stood a good head taller than Arthur and was much more powerful looking. Both shared the same green eyes, but the similarities ended there. His shoulders were broad and his eyes dark and intense, unlike Arthur's bright and calculating own. Scott's face was littered with freckles to match his ginger hair.

He turned on Alfred and held out a hand. "Well, you must be the company. Hope my brother hasn't been too hard on you."

Alfred jumped up and took hold of Scott's hand; a heart handshake. "No, not really. I'm Alfred Jones."

"An American?" Scott released Alfred's hand and smiled back at Arthur. "You went far to find a friend."

"Belt up," Arthur grumbled. He nodded at Alfred. "We work in the same company. We met over a year ago."

"Well, it's good to see you've finally made and _kept_ friends."

"Artie's got a ton of friends," Alfred said happily. "Elizabeth and Kiku are his friends too."

Arthur blushed at Scott's stare. He turned for the kitchen, mentioning something about putting on the kettle. Scott took another look around the apartment.

"I never expected my little brother to be working and have a nice flat like this," Scott said offhandedly.

"Yeah, I heard he was really different," Alfred chuckled, remembering the pictures of Arthur dressed in his punk attire. It was strange to imagine it now, but to his old friends and Elizabeth, it was probably just as strange to see him now with normal clothes and not damning the government.

"Different?" Scott asked, confused. "No, I mean, he just never seemed the type to settle. I always pictured him as a writer or some songwriter or having some kind of job that's off the radar. Not a business man like the rest o' the country."

Alfred studied Scott for a minute. "When's the last time you saw Arthur?"

"Five years ago."

"Five? Five _years_ ago?" Alfred was absolutely stunned. He couldn't even fathom not seeing Matthew that long, and they weren't even true blood related brothers.

Scott shrugged and moved towards a bookcase, looking at the books and photographs. "Been busy. A little poor, a little rich, a little lost. You know, life."

"So…you don't know about Arthur being a punk or…him being religious?" Alfred asked carefully.

Scott didn't react right away. He grabbed the frame that was of Arthur and Elizabeth back in their second year of University. He was wearing a ripped black T-shirt and had fake piercings in his ears. His pants had numerous amounts of belts dangling off of them and looked faded rather than well worn. He was new at this punk phase then, and looked more like a scene kid trying desperately to fit in, rather than his girlfriend of the time who had dyed hair and authentic looking punk attire on.

He turned with an amused grin. "My son's adoptive father writes when I have an address. He tells me things. I only know what he's told me, but I did know of those phases."

"The Catholic thing isn't a phase. He's dead set on it," Alfred said, only a hint of bitterness to his voice.

Scott was much quicker than Alfred, and his eyebrow quirked up in interest. "Is that a problem?"

"No, not really. He can worship and follow whatever he likes."

Alfred tried to play it off cool, but Scott wasn't having it. He watched the America for a minute, thinking about all that he had said, but he hadn't seen him and Arthur interact enough to know how good of friends they were.

"So you and the squirt work together, huh? Known him a year?"

"Yup!" Alfred beamed proudly at this. "He's my best friend. I'm really lucky I met him. I might not have stayed in London if I hadn't."

"Got a lot of friends?"

"Oh yeah, a ton. Some from America on exchange programs and some Britts, but Artie's the best one out of all of them."

Arthur had just returned from the kitchen, a tray filled with a tea set in his hands. He stopped short and dropped his jaw. Redness freckled his cheeks and he had to look away at hearing such a wonderful compliment. Alfred blushed too, rubbing the back of his neck. He hadn't meant for Arthur to hear that, not like that anyways.

Scott only watched the two as if they were a soap opera on television. He grabbed the tray from Arthur and sat at the table.

"Well! This looks stuffy as always. I hate tea."

Arthur pulled his chair out angrily, scrapping the bottom of the floor with the chair legs. He sat roughly and with a horrid scowl at his brother. "Then you don't have to _drink_ it. I only brought it out because it's the _nice_ and _proper_ thing to do."

Scott held his cup away from Arthur. "No, no, I'll drink it. I haven't had tea in a couple a' months. Shouldn't hurt. Alfred, come sit with us, eh?"

Alfred smiled and sat, enjoying Scott's company. "So, you're Peter's real dad, right? Have you seen him since you got into London?"

"Actually," Scott said, putting his cup down. "That's why I'm here. Tino and Berwald mail me every so often. My last residence was up in Bolton. I got a letter a couple a days back that said Peter's gone missin'."

Arthur nearly dropped his cup, and his eyes went wide in fear. "What? Oh dear God! Why haven't I been told? When did this happen? Has the police been notified?"

"Whoa, calm down squirt," Scott said, a hand up. "Lemme finish."

Alfred was upset and about ready to jump out of his seat and dash out the door with Arthur. He stared at Scott anxiously. "Did they find him?"

"Yeah," Scott started. Both men beside him sighed in relief. "He was tryin' to head up to see me."

"You?" Arthur furrowed his brow in confusion. "He hasn't seen you in two years. Last I heard, he didn't like you."

"Tino wrote me a year ago sayin' Peter ran off from home and stayed with you for a night. Said he met some American that told him he was adopted too and that he should love his family no matter what." Scott looked at Alfred. "Was that you, by any chance?"

"Yeah." Alfred's face felt warm and he found he couldn't look at Arthur. "I…I didn't meant for him to run away _again_."

Scott laughed a booming and raucous laugh. Definitely one of a true Scotsman. He slapped Alfredo n the back. "I'm sure ya didn't, but that's a kid for ya. You tell them one thing and they do another."

"Scott," Arthur started, his teeth set. "Why did you come here if you wanted to see your son?"

"Well, I invited them all here."

Arthur put his cup down with strained anger. The delicate china tinkled at the force of being hit on the table. "You what?"

Scott belted out a laugh. "Ah, you are still gullible, squirt."

Alfred glanced at Arthur and saw he was reaching his limit. "Hey! You know what? I'm getting' hungry! I'm gonna run across the street and get us some Chinese food!"

Before anyone could protest, Alfred was up and with his jacket and umbrella in hand, rushed out the door. Scott sat in silence in the wake of Alfred's loud departure. Arthur stared at his tea, lost in thought.

So long. It had been five years since they last talked. Scott had barely made it to his own parent's funeral. If he had gotten letters from Tino for these past few years, what did he and didn't he know?

"So… you were a punk once?" Scott asked. He leaned back in his seat and draped an arm across it, looking at Arthur. There was the telltale sign of a playful and brotherly teasing on the horizon.

Arthur had to play his cards right and stay calm. "Yes. I thought it fit best for the type of person I was back then."

"And what kind of person was that?"

"Someone angry that he had no family and was all alone in this world," Arthur replied bitterly. He lifted his tea cup and blew gently on the steam, trying to quell the unspoken resentment he had for his siblings.

"I was there," Scott murmured. He looked at the table sheepishly; something Arthur hadn't seen in years.

"No you weren't," Arthur snapped. He was losing control of his emotions quickly. "You left, just like the others. You left like mum and dad did."

"Hey! I didn't _die_!" Scott yelled. Now he was insulted and angry. "You think you were the only one upset at their death?"

"So you ran away? That was how you handled it?"

"It's not like you didn't either, Arthur. You think being a punk, or becoming Catholic, or going out every day as a business man is how you should live your life?"

Arthur reeled back, inhaling through his nose sharply. His eyes flashed as he yelled, "You think you can just show up and tell me how to live _my_ life? How dare you? I haven't seen you in years! You never even thought to write to me or check in on me! Then again, I didn't expect any less from you seeing as how you treated me when I was a boy!"

"It's called being brothers! I picked on the others too!"

"But me the most!"

"You only think that because that's how it seemed! We're brothers! I will _always_ pick on you!"

"Well maybe I don't want that!" Arthur's voice had grown to a thunderous volume by now, and he had slowly risen from his seat to stare down at his redhead brother. "I don't want you, or anyone, telling me how I should live! I am just fine living the way I am now!"

"Really?" Scott crossed his arms with a firm frown. "The Artie I knew as a kid wouldn't just settle for fine. He'd try for the best. He would do whatever the fuck he wanted. He'd go into our backyard and commandeer the entire land saying he claimed it for England, and then throw water balloons at anyone, even the cat, for stepping on _his_ land. The Artie I knew would fight back at his brothers and not give a fuck if he broke their nose or twisted their arm until one of them cried. The Artie I knew wouldn't fall under the rule of a Bible, or not ask that Yank out."

Arthur's face had changed from a wide array of emotions from Scott's declaration. First he was shocked, then embarrassed, then angry, and now he was blushing and flustering to deny anything. Sure he knew his feelings for Alfred in his heart, but he wasn't ready to tell anyone but Alfred. Elizabeth and Amelia were exceptions because they were his lesbian friends that knew everything.

"Wha? I don't! Alfred? He! I just!" Arthur sat suddenly. He stared at the table and thought of how utterly obvious it was of how hard he had fallen for Alfred. Even his brother that hadn't seen him in years knew.

Then, Scott's hand was rustling Arthur's hair. "C'mon squirt. I can always tell when ya like someone. Remember that brunette down the street from us? I teased you until you ran down the street and threw rocks at her saying you didn't like her, and you never would. You always were terrible at that dating thing."

"Shut up," Arthur mumbled, the malice absent from his tone. "Alfred and I are…just friends. He has a boyfriend."

"I knew he was queer." Scott returned to reclining in his seat. "Well, whoever he's dating, it's wrong. It's obvious he likes you and visa versa, so… Have you told him?"

"Yes," Arthur sighed. He might as well just come clean. It was the perfect time to do so given he had already revealed his long standing hidden grudge towards him. "He's…figuring things out, I guess. Wants to make sure he's making the right choice."

"And you? Are you making the right choice?"

"Scott… Don't… Alfred and I… we've been through a lot this past year. More than I'd like to think about some times. I just… I need to be where I am right now. It's the only way I'll move forward."

"Then you need to stop being such a damn pansy ass and get some balls. Tell that guy to break up with his boyfriend and date you."

Arthur laughed, wishing it could be that easy. He knew he never would say such a thing. Alfred had to learn on his own that he should never rush into a relationship just to get over someone. He had done it once before with Elizabeth, and now he was doing it again, only this time, it was horribly unhealthy.

Just then, Alfred returned and with him came the strong sense of Chinese food. Plates were pulled down and places were set. Scott remained seated all the while having no idea where anything was. After they had pulled from the boxes their preferred meal of choice, Alfred swung the topic of conversation back to Scott's son Peter.

"So… Are you doing to see Peter tomorrow?"

Scott nodded, slurping up some Chow Mein. "Yeah. He doesn't know I'm coming, but Tino and Berwald do. Hey, do you know about Artie and I?"

"Um…that you two are brothers?" Alfred tried.

Arthur stopped eating and stared at Scott anxiously. He hadn't explained the full extent of his relationship to his brothers. He had only mentioned his half-sister. Well, it seemed tonight was just full of surprises and it wasn't going to end.

"Arthur is the only one conceived by both of our parents. The rest of us were born from an adulterous relationship," Scott said casually. Alfred's jaw dropped. "Yep! I was born before our parents wed, but our dad was engaged to mum at the time. Dad fucked a Scottish girl and got me."

"I had…no idea."

"Figured as much." Scott winked at Arthur's humiliated expression. "Squirt doesn't like to talk about it."

"It's embarrassing…," Arthur whispered.

Alfred shrugged. "Family is family. Mattie's not even my real brother, but I feel like he is as such."

Arthur smiled at Alfred, grateful he took things in such stride. Scott caught that moment and smiled to himself. The evening continued without further surprises. Alfred invited Scott to join him and Arthur in watching their movie marathon, to which he accepted.

However, it was apparent that Arthur was falling asleep soon enough. His yelling with Scott and semi-resolved issues had drained a lot out of him. He was now bobbing his head up and down, leaning closer and closer towards Alfred's shoulder. Alfred smiled at him, and put an arm around his shoulder, pulling him to just rest completely against him.

Scott looked over. "You should break up with your boyfriend."

Alfred sighed. "Naw… I couldn't do that. Arthur doesn't want me to leave my guy for him. He wants me to be sure."

"What could be surer about leaving one guy for another?" Scott asked. He fiddled around in his pockets for a bit, finally pulling out a lighter and a cigarette. "Look, it's not my place as Arthur kindly mentioned while you were gone, but I want you to take care of him. He's still got a lot to learn. I don't care how mature you think he is. He's still a kid at heart."

Alfred's lips twitched. "He'll always be a squirt to you, huh?"

Suddenly Arthur made a grunt and stirred beside Alfred. He lifted his hear and blearily blinked at Alfred, slightly jarred of his surroundings. His eyes warmed almost instantly and he melted into a smile.

"Hi…," he whispered, his voice husky with sleep.

"Hi," Alfred replied. He was smiling and staring down at Arthur in that wonderfully shared moment they both enjoyed; waking up in each other's arms.

Of course, they weren't in bed and Alfred hadn't been sleeping, but it felt the same. It was comfortable. That level of trust to just let all inhibitions go and touch the man next to you despite any outside influences or other issues that kept one from normally touching the other. And to be honest, they loved touching the other. Whether it be stolen or with intent, it was exciting to feel that sliver of warmth shared between them.

Alfred stood and helped Arthur to stand. He was still woozy from sleep and fell into Alfred's arms. He nuzzled against his chest, molding into a perfect fit. Scott watched, amused. Alfred shot him a nervous smile and tried to help Arthur stand some more.

"C'mon, bed time."

Suddenly remembering there was a relative present, Arthur snapped his head up. "Scott?"

"He's here. He's staying the night here on the couch," Alfred cooed.

Arthur turned his green eyes on Alfred and asked, "And… and you?"

How he could deny that, he'd never know because it was impossible. If Arthur wished it, he would get it. "I'm staying right here with you."

At this, Scott just smiled with the unlit cigarette in his mouth. He got up and then headed for the balcony muttering something about it being too gay for him. Alfred struggled with the drowsy Arthur until they got into Arthur's bedroom. The sleeping Gentleman, absent during Scott's entire visit, was disturbed out of his spot. He'd rather scurry under the bed than go outside where a strange smell was accompanied by a strange voice he had heard all evening.

Eventually Arthur was in his pajamas and had been laid in his bed. Alfred joined him, stripping down to his underwear seeing as he had no appropriate clothes to sleep in. He didn't mind. Sleeping beside Arthur was the only thing he thought of now. He could be like before and hold him while they slept; sour memories of their vacation surfacing to the top. Every night after they had jerked each other off, Arthur would crawl in between Alfred's arms and settle against his chest, a content sigh escaping his lips. It was always the best sleep they ever had when they were together.

Things were different now. And yet, so little changed.

Arthur's hand sought out Alfred's and he intertwined their hands. He cared not for Trey or what he could possibly have to say about this. He'd never know. Alfred was his right now.

And Arthur was his.

That's why at that moment, while they lie side by side, facing each other, and smiling in the darkness of that familiar room, Alfred moved in for a kiss. It was a kiss, but held so much promise. Arthur kissed back, eyes slipping closed and hands tightening around Alfred's. And it felt right.

There was no Trey, no more religious reasons holding him back, no more pushing away, pulling back, heartbreak, or rainbows breaking and failing to come into their veins. It was here and now and it was them. And Arthur knew and Alfred knew. And someone whispered, "I love you" and they kissed once more and never thought to call it cheating. Because it wasn't.

Alfred was his and he was Alfred's. That how it should have always been. He was a right fool for thinking differently. So they fell asleep as they always did as if they had for years. It wasn't a secret but a shared moment that didn't have that nagging feeling of guilt come morning.

But come morning, Alfred knew he'd need to talk to Trey. If he wanted any sort of happiness, he had to sort things out first.

And find a road leading to a humble abode where both of their routes met.

* * *

_Hoshiko2_'s cents: Okay, I hadn't planned on all of this happening, but I wanted to thank all of my 300 followers on tumblr. Originally it was to be an off-shot with just having Scott appear, but I wanted to add in this bit with Alfred and Arthur and realized this was an original intention in the next chapter. I wanted to hint at what was to come rather than just push it all into one chapter. So a really short chapter and the next WILL be longer.

The finish line is in sight. Sorry to say.

Also, I quoted a lot more of the song's actual lyrics in this chapter. And if anyone had a problem with Scott (Scotland's) characteriterization in this, I do apologize. Seeing as he's not official in any sense of the word, I just went with what I wanted and what I felt would work best to get something out of Arthur for something that'll be coming a few chapters from now.

Thanks to everyone again! The next chapter will be up in a week. I have to search for an apartment and will be under major stress. I hope this can tide you over until then! Happy Halloween! :D


	18. The colors fall like snow

It was warm. Everything on Earth was warm. Leaving the comforts of these arms and this blanket and that leg looped around his leg would mean everything would be awoken with the coldness of the frozen world. So Arthur clung on to that last leg of sleep for as long as he could, nestled there in Alfred's arms. It was all becoming far too familiar to him, but he no longer fought it. What was the point when he loved it so much?

A hand pressed his shoulder and rocked him awake. He blinked up at Alfred, thinking it was him, but was surprised to hear a chuckle from behind him. Turning he saw Scott standing by the bed.

"I knew you were gay."

Arthur turned around, but found he couldn't sit up. Alfred's hold on him was too tight. And he found he didn't mind it too much. Just one little movement could drop the blanket off of his shoulder and he'd be forced to wake up fully.

"Scott? What're you doing here?" Arthur whispered.

"Just saying good-bye. I'm going to go see my son."

Arthur remembered the previous night and Scott's reason for even being in his flat. He started to stir despite his inner desire to stay right where he was.

"Should I go with you?"

"No, you're needed here." Scott nodded at Alfred. "You take care of him. He's an American so he probably doesn't know what he's doing half the time. Gotta keep him under your English thumb."

Arthur smirked, and for a moment he wanted to break that bond he was sharing with Alfred. He wanted to stand up and hug his brother, possibly for the last time in quite awhile. Scott had a knack for not appearing again for some time. And while it had upset Arthur a good deal of his life, after last night's emotional confrontation, and a good night's sleep, he felt it all wash away. And he had no idea why he was ever mad to begin with.

"Yes, well, best of luck to you," Arthur said. "Your son's a right prat like you, so I can see you two getting along just fine."

"Oh, then there's no hope for me." Scott grinned.

And Arthur returned it.

After Scott left, Arthur shifted back down to rest against Alfred's chest. Still one to follow habit, Alfred had taken off his shirt last night, leaving Arthur to admire the bare skin. He could feel Alfred's heartbeat, and sought it out as he nuzzled against his pectoral. Alfred squirmed, making a soft grunt, before he settled.

And for a moment, it was all at peace.

Then there blared a loud ring coming from the nightstand behind Alfred. His body twisted around suddenly, pushing Arthur off of him, and he grabbed his obnoxious mobile.

"Hello?" he asked, his voice heavy with sleep. "Yeah? Oh… Sorry. I was… Yeah, I'm at Arthur's. …No, his brother came over last night and we… I'm sorry… Well you didn't call… Look I- Yeah, but… Okay. Okay. All right. Fine. 'Bye."

Alfred hung up with an aggravated sigh. He fell back against the pillow, staring up at the ceiling. Arthur waited until Alfred turned and noticed him. When he did, his entire body turned to curl up beside Arthur's.

He smiled and breathed, "Hello…"

"Good morning," Arthur replied, returning the smile.

"Sorry I woke you."

Arthur shook his head. "Scott came in here earlier to say good-bye. He left to see Peter. Was that Trey?"

"Yeah…," Alfred sighed. "He's mad I'm here."

Arthur's heart skipped a beat in fear. Was Alfred going to leave? If he left, would he ever come back? The kisses from last night came rushing back to his slowly reddening cheeks, and he recalled the feeling of being whole and complete with Alfred by his side. Would he lose that again?

"But," Alfred continued after a moment. "He can wait. I want to stay here with you."

Arthur's anxiety slipped away and he visibly relaxed. Alfred looped an arm around his waist and shifted closer, eyes closing. Warning bells shot off in Arthur's head and he stopped him.

"No. No kissing." Seeing Alfred begin to pout, Arthur had to vehemently shake his head again. "I mean it. We should have never kissed last night. I meant what I said- you can't have us both. You have to choose."

Alfred chewed on his bottom lip, looking down at the mattress. "I just don't want to hurt anyone…"

"Then…just figure out who you're comfortable saying good-bye to the most."

Alfred frowned and looked up at Arthur. "Huh?"

"Well, think of it logically, Alfred. If you were to break-up with Trey, I can guarantee you he won't want to see you again, yes?" Alfred nodded, biting his lip again. "And if you stay with Trey, there's a good chance he'll tell you to never see me again."

"No way!" Alfred exclaimed. His shout startled Arthur. Alfred wound his arms around Arthur's waist, pulling him much closer than they had been before, and he looked Arthur in the eyes. "We have gone through too much to be separated by anything now. I won't let anyone destroy what we have. Our relationship is special. I intend to keep it that way, no matter what we are; friends or more."

Arthur's face was quickly becoming heavy with blush, and he had to look away. He squirmed, uncomfortable from Alfred's declaration. However, his heart was soaring, happy to hear someone was so adamantly against leaving his side.

"I've never known anyone to…want to be with me…as much as you," Arthur mumbled into his shirt.

"Well, no one's me."

Arthur breathed a laugh. "Yes… I suppose you're right…"

They were silent, allowing Arthur that moment to calm down. Alfred shifted down so he could look at Arthur easier. His eyes were wide and curious, staring into Arthur's shield and breaking past it as he so easily did. By now he would've quirked up a smile and teased Arthur, or kissed his nose, but he remained serious.

"Arthur? Do you want me to break up with Trey so you can date me?"

Arthur lifted his head, willing the instinct of blush to stay at bay. He wanted Alfred to understand him so his meaning wasn't lost. "No."

"No?"

"No, I don't. I want you to figure it out. See why Matt and I are…not pleased with your decision of dating Trey."

"But if I break up with him… I'll want to date you."

"I understand, but that is not my reason for wishing your relationship to…end," Arthur said. "I feel selfish enough as it is wanting it to end in the first place, but if you did break up with Trey and didn't…desire to court me anymore, then I would be fine with your decision. Whatever you choose, I will stand by you, but I want you to really see why I don't approve of Trey."

Alfred nodded slowly, seeming to understand what Arthur meant. "But…in the end it's my decision, right?"

"Yes, of course." Arthur smiled for Alfred, and leaned over to peck his forehead. "Now then, let's get up. I'll make you breakfast."

"NO!" Alfred whined. He tightened his hold on Arthur, burying his nose into his chest and complaining.

Arthur scowled, trying to free himself from Alfred's arms, but the two dissolved into a heap of giggles. They stayed in bed for at least another hour talking about food, and possibly what they should do that day. In the end, they opted for a trip downtown to do some window shopping.

* * *

It was Tuesday night when Arthur heard a banging on his door that stopped him from starting his dinner. Dressed in his apron and his slippers, he set his cutting knife aside and moved to look through the peephole.

"Alfred?" he asked, surprised, as he opened the door. "What're you doing here?"

Alfred brushed past Arthur and stormed into the apartment. His face looked red and his hair was slightly wet from the light drizzle outside. His eyes held a furious blaze to them, and Arthur knew without him saying anything that he and Trey had gotten into a serious fight.

"Fucking! I am so fucking pissed! I cannot fucking _believe_ Trey!" Alfred shouted.

"What happened?" Arthur asked without having to.

"Trey is _forbidding_ me from seeing you! Like, he told me if he finds out I'm seeing you again he'll just come down here and kick your ass!"

Arthur's eyes widened and he grew worried. "What? But…does he know where I live?"

"No, but that's not the point!" Alfred flung his hands up in the air, and he began to pace around the small living room. "The point is he's taking our relationship _way_ too far!"

"Well…that just means he doesn't trust you," Arthur said simply. "It's obvious given that he's immensely jealous of me when I have shown no reason to feel threatened. At least not to him."

"He hates that I'm going behind his back-"

"As you shouldn't be."

"And that I'm lying when he asks where I've been-"

"As you shouldn't be."

"Damnit! Stop agreeing with him!"

Arthur sighed. "Alfred, stop this. If you're unhappy with Trey then you should stop pulling him down. Just tell him straight that you no longer fancy him as you did, and break up with him. It's torture to the poor man to be putting him through all of this. It's not right. I did that with Erica and it seriously damaged her confidence."

Alfred looked to his feet like that of a child. "I know… I just…"

"You don't want to hurt anyone, and yet that's what you're doing to Trey. I may not like the bloke, but no one deserves to be used. No one."

"I think we're too different," Alfred sighed, running a hand through his hair. He took a seat at the island counter, resting his elbows on the marble top. He rested his chin in his palms. "Trey and I… I think that's the reason we fight so much."

Arthur resisted saying anything more, and opted to take a seat beside Alfred instead. His fingers itched to touch Alfred, put a hand on his shoulder, and just tell him bluntly why he hated Trey. Why he badly wanted to remove the man from Alfred's life, and absorb all of that inner turmoil into his body. He hated seeing Alfred so distraught, but he hated seeing him so conflicted in his thoughts.

More than anything, though, he hated being toyed with like this. It had only been a few days since Alfred made it sound as if he had made up his mind; he would break up with Trey and they would be together. For those few days, Arthur had wandered to and from work, around his apartment, and out on that impulsive zoo date with his head in the clouds. He felt it was actually coming. Everything was coming to fruition.

To have it suddenly be put on halt because Alfred had a change of heart was almost too much to bear. And yet, it wasn't because he knew he was getting his just desserts for all of this. It was karma come knocking. Hadn't he treated Alfred this way for the past year?

So, instead of telling Alfred why Trey was a terrible boyfriend, Arthur swallowed it. The reality of the situation was that Alfred had to figure it out for himself. While Arthur struggled with his own revelations within himself he had tortured Alfred, dragging him through a torrent of messy and painful situations. So, Arthur would do the same. And he would never leave his side all the while.

"How do you mean?" he asked.

"Like, I leave the seat up, and he doesn't," Alfred started. He held up a closed fist and lifted a finger for every point he brought up. "He lights the lights on and I don't. I shower every day and he doesn't, but I think that's a European thing. I play video games and he doesn't… You know, stuff like that."

Arthur chuckled, shaking his head. "Those are not much of a difference to cause a fight like this."

"Oh? Well then, what do you consider differences?"

"Well…like us," Arthur replied softly.

Alfred tilted his head, turning his body more towards Arthur. "You mean like you're English and I'm American?"

"No, more than that. You're loud, I'm not. You like soda and coffee, but I don't."

Alfred interrupted him by pointing and saying, "But you'll drink coffee! I've seen you!"

"Only when tea doesn't do it for me," Arthur replied, smiling.

Alfred laughed. "All right. Go on. What else?"

"You love the snow," Arthur said.

Alfred scrunched up his face. "But I like all the seasons."

"Yes, but the snow really lights you up."

Alfred shrugged. "Well I miss the sun. It's hard to find here in London."

"Quite."

"So what else?"

Arthur looked just past Alfred's shoulder fondly as he continued. "Well, you're good with children whereas I scare them into crying. You're often caught smiling at nothing. I'm more often than not frowning. Your favorite time of the day is noon and mine is twilight. You love books, but hate to read, especially my favorite works like Shakespeare. You like rock and I like classical, but we listen to both, and occasional I'll listen to country if you listen to punk. I play the violin and you play the acoustic guitar. I love nature, but you prefer the city."

Alfred's expression had changed from a warm smile, to a stunned and shocked stare, his mouth opening slightly. Arthur caught this stare, but instead of cutting off his thoughts, he simply looked down at the floor and forced them all out. He could swallow his desires to keep Alfred to himself, but he physically felt unable to stop this torrent of emotions pouring from him.

"Y-You're kind and outgoing, running into the center of attention. I prefer the sidelines, but you pull me out with you. And that's okay…" Arthur lifted his head to look at Alfred earnestly. "Because you never leave me."

Alfred stared at Arthur, and Arthur wished he could look past Alfred's wall and see what he was thinking. Know how desperately he wanted to hold him, kiss him, take him away to a world where nothing kept them apart. Not girlfriends, boyfriends, religion, or work. So much was stacked against them. One more thing between them could quite possibly break them.

But it was impossible, wasn't it? They both knew it. They had withstood fights, temptations, cheating, secret moments, and teetered on the verge of The End, and yet it had never come. Even if they were shoved to the very edge, neither would let go.

It was them together or none at all.

Arthur took off his apron, placing it back on the little handle it hung off of. Alfred looked over curiously.

"Aren't you gonna finish cooking?"

"No," Arthur replied. He reached for his umbrella and shrugged on his coat. "I thought perhaps we could go grab some Chinese across the way. Care to join me?"

Alfred grinned and jumped up. "Only if I get to buy."

"If you insist."

* * *

But the good mood only lasted for so long. It wasn't long before everything shattered.

Arthur was walking home after work, two bags of groceries in his hands. He inwardly grumbled about hating the rain, when he stopped. Just outside his apartment complex was a man that was hunched down in front of the doorway. He worried that it was either a homeless man, or worse, someone was injured. Hopefully it was just someone forgot their key to get in.

However as Arthur scooted closer to get a look at who it may be he noticed a single strand of blonde hair poking out from underneath the sweatshirt's hood. A cowlick.

"Alfred?"

The man slowly lifted his head. Alfred's always colorful face was empty. He was grey, like that of a worn rag. His hair was even mopped to the side of his face, rather than bouncing off of him. His eyes, dulled from his tired and sad expression, looked at Arthur, and he moved to get up. But Arthur was faster.

"Alfred!" he exclaimed, rushing over to hold the umbrella over him. "What in the world? What're you doing here? And standing in the rain no less? You'll catch the death of you!"

"You didn't have your cell phone…," Alfred mumbled. Arthur pushed the grocery bags into Alfred's chest while he struggled to get out his keys and open the door.

"I never do when I go shopping." He nudged Alfred inside. "Get in, hurry. It's freezing. Up to my flat. Go on."

Alfred trudged to the stairs and went up the four flights until he reached Arthur's floor. Arthur hustled past him to his apartment, opened the door, and hurried Alfred inside. Alfred stood in the middle of the apartment, water dripping off of him into a puddle on the hardwood floor. Arthur rushed out of the room and quickly returned with a towel. He took the groceries from Alfred, setting them on the island counter, and then rubbing the towel over Alfred's hair. All the while Alfred didn't move.

"Honestly. You're a right fool," Arthur scolded. "Standing out in the rain like that… You'll catch your death of cold, you will."

"Who cares…?" Alfred mumbled pitifully.

Arthur stopped his drying, pulling back the towel. "What did you say?"

Alfred dipped his head down in hopes Arthur wouldn't see his face. "I said who cares?"

"Alfred… What…?"

Alfred's head fell until his chin bobbed on his collar. His shoulders shuddered and Arthur heard the tell tale sign of sniffling; crying. Alfred muttered something, but Arthur wasn't able to hear it.

"What?" he whispered gently, trying to life Alfred's face to look at him, but Alfred remained stubborn and kept it firmly in place.

"I'm a fuck up," Alfred repeated. "A fat…stupid fuck up…"

Arthur's initial instinct was to hug Alfred, to take away that pain, and to comfort him, but the irritation he felt at Alfred's self-destructive words pushed him to come off far harsher than he had meant it to be. He pushed Alfred's head up roughly and held his face squarely between his hands, looking him sternly in the eyes. His eyes were muddled behind tears threatening to slip out.

"Stop this. Stop it right now," Arthur said firmly. "You are _not_ fat, you are certainly not stupid, and you're not a fuck up."

"But I gained weight!" Alfred started.

Arthur stopped him immediately by smacking Alfred upside the back of his head. "When will you learn that it's muscle?"

"But I am stupid," Alfred protested, wincing at the slap to his head. "I mean, look at what I did to you, and Lizzie…and now Trey…"

Arthur glared at nothing in particular as he spat, "Trey is a disgusting man that is not worth your time. I loathe him. You're too good for him."

"He broke up with me," Alfred sniffled.

Arthur paused for a moment, surprised such a statement had startled him. Why should it? He wanted this. Perhaps it was because Trey had done it instead of Alfred. Or maybe it was because he hadn't actually thought this day would come. The other night when Alfred had seemed so downtrodden with upsetting Trey, he was no longer convinced he would break up with him. And Arthur had accepted it.

But now…

"Well good," he heard himself said, his senses slowly returning. "You're better off without him."

"Still a fuck up…"

Arthur clicked his tongue to the roof of his mouth in annoyance. He resumed rubbing Alfred's head, only he was a little more rough this time around. "Didn't I just tell you to stop that nonsense already? We all make mistakes. It does not automatically mean you're a fuck up. Have I not messed up numerous times with you, or with Erica? What does that make me?"

"An exception," Alfred replied.

Arthur scoffed at him, but stopped his ministrations. He pulled Alfred's head so that their foreheads met. He closed his eyes as his tone turned softer than it had since Alfred had arrived. "You're ridiculous…, but surely not a fuck up. Trey is. We all make mistakes."

"I did with Trey," Alfred said abruptly.

Arthur sighed, feeling all his stress slipping away. Strange that it was happening now. "Yes you did, but I didn't want to tell you why. I wanted you to figure it out for yourself."

"I knew right away," Alfred said. He straightened up, pulling his head away. He wiped at his face and looked down at his feet.

Arthur looked at him, stunned. "Then why? Why did you let him control you and treat you so horrible? You became someone else with him around."

Instinctively, Arthur reached out to wipe at Alfred's tears. Alfred nibbled on his lower lip. "I wanted him to stay. I wanted someone to stay… After you kept going and leaving. I liked that he needed and wanted me. Because I wanted that with you. And even though you told me, kinda, I thought you were pulling my chain again."

Arthur's throat felt dry and he wasn't sure what to say to that. It felt as if they had released everything and there was nothing left. Nothing that wasn't already said. In the simplest terms, Alfred was single, Arthur was single, both loved each other, and there was only that small bridge to cross; asking the other out.

But that could wait. Alfred was in no mood to jump from one relationship to the next. He needed time to calm down, especially after Trey's sudden break up. And Arthur needed to be his support. There was too little of color left in Alfred's life. Arthur was his sole remaining piece to his dying palette.

Arthur kissed Alfred on the forehead. "Well I'm glad you learned your lesson, though the means of it coming are not desirable, it can't be changed. Not then, strip down and take a shower. I'll put your clothes in the dyer in the meantime. How about pizza for dinner?"

Alfred nodded to Arthur's question. Then, he began peeling off his sweatshirt and damp shirt. Arthur blushed and shot out a hand to stop Alfred. "N-not here!"

"What does it matter? You've seen me naked."

Arthur pushed Alfred towards the bathroom. "Go change in the bathroom you idiot!"

Arthur was laughing, but Alfred wasn't.

A warm shower and a warm dinner helped calm Alfred's shattered mood. He curled up beside Arthur on the couch as they watched the BBC late into the night. Gentleman sensed Alfred's distress and demanded admittance into his lap, purring until he fell asleep. The unspoken question in the air remained there, and no one felt ready to pull it down.

Arthur knew his heart was skipping in anticipation, hoping, praying, that Alfred would turn to him and ask him to be his boyfriend. He wondered just what Alfred was thinking, or if he was thinking the same thing, or if he still even wanted it.

Eventually, Alfred began yawning and the two remembered the time. Gentleman was disturbed, but upon seeing Arthur begin heading for the bedroom, he pattered down the hallway to claim a spot on the bed. Alfred took off his now dry shirt and lay in bed next to Arthur, but this time he didn't try to pull Arthur into his arms or snuggle up beside him.

Instead he stared at Arthur, his eyes deep in concentration. Arthur smiled at him and began to close his eyes.

"Arthur?" Alfred asked. His voice sounded far too close to what was the start of something big. His tone held that question, and Arthur knew it.

"Yes…?" he whispered.

"I…I want to date you."

_But. There was a but._

"But…Not yet." Alfred took Arthur's hands in his, and Arthur inhaled sharply. "I want to make sure my head is on right. After all that's happened… I mean all this shit with Trey came to a head in a week. Scott was here on Saturday, and it's Thursday. I need time to…you know?"

Arthur opened his eyes, relieved. He wanted Alfred, but he wanted him when the man was sure. "Yes. I'm glad you know what you want. To be honest, I was worried you'd rush into something with me. That's also why I didn't say anything with Trey. I want you to know what you want."

Alfred smiled slightly, the first of the night. He squeezed Arthur's hands. "I do know what I want. It's always been you. But I want to be at my best. I don't want to ruin this. I want this to last."

Arthur was grateful the darkness masked the blush on his cheeks from being visible to Alfred, despite their close proximity. Nevertheless, he shifted down in his spot to avoid Alfred's stare. He smiled in spite of himself.

"Me…too… I'll wait for you… You waited for me for so long… You once said you'd fill my veins with color, and yet I took so much from you…"

"It's not like I didn't really do my job, did I? That just means we need to spend the rest of our lives together making it up to one another."

Arthur chuckled. He felt Alfred kiss his forehead, and finally move close. Arthur returned it by laying his head just underneath Alfred's chin, sighing in contentment. "I'd like that…"

* * *

Mornings came and evenings went. Alfred had settled back into his routine of smiles and happy, heart high-fives, but his eyes told another story. They were still drained, and he would only look at Arthur in the eyes, feeling that it was only with him that he could trust his true unhappiness with. And Arthur kept that trust and didn't let on that there was anything wrong.

He didn't press to know details either. He left Alfred to his own devices. If he had tried to cheer Alfred up past taking him to the pub and texting him late into the night, he knew Alfred would get defensive and claim that it wasn't his place to know. Alfred tended to act that way when he was upset, and Arthur had grown to respect that.

So much had changed since a year ago. A year ago Arthur would be rejecting any notion of his heart hammering away at just the sight of Alfred passing by his cubicle, and Alfred would be clamoring to Arthur's side in hopes of persuading him to his own opinions and way of life. Both had rubbed off on one another and learned a good balancing act.

And slowly, very subtly, Arthur noticed his mood improved. Sure he had to go through so much heartbreak and pain to find this revelation, but more often than not he found he was smiling when his mind drifted off of his job, rather than frowning or scowling. He stayed by the windows, staring off in the distance more, allowing his mind to wander and think about other things that filled him with joy, rather than rushing back to work. More and more of himself was returning; the him that he enjoyed being around.

And when Alfred invited Arthur to hang out after work day and the two went back to the zoo as they had before, Arthur knew. Today would be the day. So he let himself walk beside Alfred as a friend one last time. So that way, when the time came for them to head home, Arthur invited Alfred back to his place, and put on movies knowing Alfred would want to stay late.

So when they crawled into bed together and Alfred kissed Arthur's nose good-night, Arthur waited with baited breath. He hoped he wasn't wrong, but there was something different now. Something right. Everything was flushed out of their systems. It was a true beginning to the end of their year-long ordeal. Girlfriends, boyfriends, failed vacations, ruined moments, and religious hesitation hadn't kept them apart. Time and time again they were tested, and every time they came back together.

"Arthur?" Alfred asked. He shifted to lean on his elbows, looking down at Arthur.

"Yes?" Arthur moved to lie on his back, looking up at Alfred. There was a small smile there, his secret of what he knew was coming that only the sliver of moonlight peeking through and highlighting both of their faces knew.

And then, "Will you be my boyfriend?"

"Yes," Arthur said. His smile betrayed him from wanting to keep all of his excitement inside, and he began nodding vigorously. "Yes I will, Alfred."

Arms encircled Arthur and pulled him up to meet Alfred's lips so they could kiss. He fell to lie beside Arthur, laughing and sounding as if he were about to cry. He kissed Arthur's face and kept repeating, "Yes! Yes! Finally! Yes!"

Arthur laughed too, uncaring how else he should be responding. He kissed Alfred back whenever his lips came close to his. "Yes, yes finally. Finally."

"I love you," Alfred said, breathless. He buried his face into Arthur's shoulder, tightening his hold on him. "I love you so much."

"And I love you."

Alfred's breath hitched and he sat up again to look at Arthur, disbelief making his mouth fall open and his eyes widen. "What…? What did you say?"

Arthur sat up, reaching a hand out to caress Alfred's cheek. "I said I love you. I have for a year now, but I'm sorry it took me so long to see it. I love you."

Alfred was right. There had been a rainbow above Arthur all along, that ghost of a good mood, but there had been the lack of color in his veins. The color wasn't one of black or white or purple, but of a rainbow; of everything- everything that love was. His everything. His Alfred. And he was his Arthur.

Together they lie together, kissing and hugging and laughing, but saying nothing other than their love for each other. And that was how they fell asleep, and how they awoke the next day. Together. As it had been for a year, and how it would be for a long time coming.

* * *

_Hoshiko2_'s cents: This chapter is extra long because it was one of the original chapters I had in mind from the get-go. I wanted to make sure it was perfect, so I hope everything came out right. And no, this isn't the last chapter. There are three left after this one. There is still one more hurdle they have to overcome; let's wish them the best of luck.

But there will be no more of what has already happened. That aspect of the story is done. However, the theme of this story will continue until the end.

Oh, a side note: I wrote a drabble for my dear pal, nasty_show, about Alfred and Arthur going out on a "date" at the London Zoo to see pandas (even though there are no pandas), so the reference to the zoo is from there. It's on my tumblr under the tag "Hosh's stories" if you'd like to see.

Thank you!


	19. Subtle variations of blue

Alfred could spend the rest of his life waking up in Arthur's arms. Lifting his head to see Arthur's sleeping face, hearing him breathing evenly, feeling his warmth and light heartbeat encompassed the whole of his body. He was complete. Nothing outside of this room mattered anymore.

"Arthur…?" he whispered. He continued to stare at him when Arthur didn't sir. He stroked one finger down Arthur's cheek, smiling to himself. "Arthur… I love you… I will never leave you… I'm going to be the one person in your life that stays with you forever… You're so beautiful and wonderful… You're everything I want… "

After a few more caresses across Arthur's face, the man finally stirred. He blinked after opening his eyes, and then smiled, sighing and settling against Alfred's arm.

"Hello there…," Arthur whispered.

"Good morning…my boyfriend." Alfred giggled at the sudden remembrance of yesterday. "My boyfriend!"

Arthur began to chuckle as well, cupping Alfred's face in his hands and kissing his nose. "Yes, my love… We are together… Finally."

"Fucking finally," Alfred sighed. "Man… It's been a year since we met and it took all that and more for us to finally be here. No more boyfriends or girlfriends, huh? Now I can kiss you and hold you and your hand and not have guilt. None of it. I'm free to be yours."

"Let's be honest," Arthur started. He released Alfred's face, trailing his hands down across his neck before settling them against Alfred's bare chest. "We've been dating practically since we met, haven't we?"

Alfred was silent in thought for a minute, and then a wide smile spread across his face. "Yeah. Yeah we kinda have been, huh?"

They kissed and reveled in the warm glow surrounding them, encasing them in this rainbow bubble. Alfred touched along Arthur's sides, smirking at the way Arthur would protest with a red face and try to squirm away. Then Arthur would try to get out of bed, but it was unsuccessful as Alfred's hold on him around his waist was too strong. And then they wound up in the same positions they had been in from the start.

Their kisses became more and more heated as they always did, when Arthur stopped Alfred. He licked his lips, making it a point to have Alfred make eye contact with him.

"My love…our relationship before this hasn't been a very…stable one. I'd like for _this_ one to be…a normal one. You know…dates and the like."

Alfred nodded, smiling. "No, I hear ya babe. I was thinking the same."

"Good…," Arthur said, relieved. "I was worried… I know how…horny you get."

Alfred blushed, but laughed and shrugged. "Naw. I'm not really. It's only with you. I can't help it. You're just…you're so cute."

"W-what?" Arthur asked, taken aback. "You…you mean to tell me you've never…been with another person…intimately?"

"Yup," Alfred replied. "Never felt the need to."

"Not with Kiku, or Bessie… or even Trey?"

Alfred shook his head. "Not a one of them. I didn't want to."

"Then…with me…" Arthur trailed off, his thoughts over riding his voice. He couldn't fathom what Alfred was insinuating.

Alfred closed his eyes, resting his forehead against Arthur's. "You've been the only one I feel comfortable enough with to…do those kinds of things. I can't help it when I'm with you."

"You're…better though," Arthur said. "Last year you had me on the couch and we rubbed ourselves to fruition despite the fact we weren't ready."

Alfred chuckled, his face slightly pinking. "Yeah… See? I really can't help myself. You're just so sexy."

On cue, Arthur ducked his head and denied it, but Alfred wouldn't hear of it. "Stop that, you! C'mon. Let's make out until I take you out on our first real date."

Arthur peeked an eye out at Alfred to look at him. "A date?"

"Yup!" Alfred kissed Arthur's cheek. "I have the perfect date in mind too!"

It took far too long for the couple to actually leave for their date than they had originally planned on it. Arthur blamed Alfred for this as the man was much more physical than Arthur was used to. Sure he reveled in the undivided attention of Alfred, but it was still something he was having a hard time adjusting to.

Alfred didn't mind; if he did, he never made any mention of it to Arthur. Usually he found new and exciting ways to make Arthur react, such as getting him to slap his hands away, give him a seething glare, or even going so far as to tell Alfred to stop. It didn't matter to Alfred. He knew Arthur didn't always mean what he said. Mainly because now they knew that there was nothing they could say or do that would keep them apart.

Arthur could yell and turn away, seemingly angry or uncomfortable at the situation, but the experience from the past year had taught them that Arthur was only putting up his facade. Alfred knew all too well that Arthur was as much a sap as Alfred openly was, he was just horrible at showing it. Or rather, he preferred not to.

Compared to Trey and his obnoxiously outward preference of how to treat a relationship, Arthur was a welcome reserved type. He didn't want others into his life, especially now that Alfred was a major part of it. His life wasn't spectacular, nothing to write about, but if there was one important aspect of his life that he wanted to keep away from curious and invasive eyes, it was his relationship with Alfred.

That didn't mean Alfred couldn't be secretive from time to time too. Right now he was giggling to himself as Arthur put on his coat, and then chuckling all the while on the Underground.

"All right," Arthur huffed. "What is it? What is so amusing? You haven't stopped snickering since we left my flat."

"It's just…! The date!" Alfred squirmed where he stood, hanging onto the railing above him.

"Yes, this surprise…," Arthur said, annoyed. "What about it?"

"I just can't wait to see your reaction!" He leaned over and poked Arthur's cheek, earning him a slap on the back of his hand. With a laugh, he dangled his hand between him and Arthur, brushing his fingers against Arthur's.

Glancing over he saw the telltale sign of blush. "You're a right idiot…"

Eventually they got off at their stop. Arthur's curiosity was piqued when he noticed the area.

"Alfred?" Said man ignored him and jumped up the stairs, two at a time. "Alfred, wait for me!"

He hurried to catch up to Alfred, panting when he reached the top, and wondering why he didn't just take the escalator. Alfred was waiting for him at the top with a snarky smirk, hands in his pockets, and eyes shining brightly in anticipation.

"What took ya so long, old man?" Alfred joked.

"S-shut it you," Arthur panted. He looked up and frowned. "Why are we here again?"

Here referred to the Westminster station. Arthur turned around to look at Alfred, seeing the man acting more like an excited child than a twenty year old man.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Arthur asked, taking a step back. He worried that the man might launch himself out and hug him in broad daylight, much like they had on their first adventure out together as friends. Arthur gasped suddenly. "You! This is!"

Alfred, unable to contain himself anymore, exploded with a loud, "YES! YOU FIGURED IT OUT!"

Arthur sighed and put a hand to his face. It hid his smile perfectly. "You want to reenact our first time hanging out?"

"Yup!" Alfred chirped. "Only it'll be better than the first time. The first time we hung out was so perfect, but it wasn't super perfect. I wanna capture that in our first date."

Arthur choked on something he would later claim was not akin to sentimental emotion. No, it was more he couldn't believe Alfred had actually said their first time out together was perfect. Arthur thought it had been fun, yes, but the entire day he felt on edge. It had been the start of a year-long journey that tested so much of his patience and everything he knew.

During the day he had wanted to hold Alfred's hand, talk to him as more than just chums from work, and possibly end the day on a good note. But even that was dashed when Alfred came out to him and assumed that Arthur too was gay, something that turned extremely problematic for them both in the coming months.

And yet, here they were, ready to give that same day a second chance on a crisp spring day.

In a rare act of courage, Arthur stepped closer to Alfred, took his hand, and squeezed it lightly, before letting it go. He pulled his coat's collar closer to him, looking away from Alfred's grin.

"Well…shall we?"

Their day was blissful and full of laughs, secretive glances, wistful exchanges here and there when no one looked, and ended on a high note; the kind Arthur had craved for awhile ago. And while Arthur declined Alfred to staying the night as he had church in the morning, it wasn't like before. He didn't hasten away with a furious shade of red that spread to his ears and know that he had just wounded a poor boy's heart, but rather it was met with a quick kiss they shared on the doorstep of Arthur's apartment, and a gentle "goodnight" before they went their separate ways.

Much better than before, and a perfect revival of their bitter memories, now warmed by the date.

* * *

Alfred all but skipped into his apartment around dinner time. Matthew looked over from where he sat at the dining table. He was currently busy with some work that he had brought home from his job, but spared a moment to watch his brother dance around the room, humming to himself. Matthew raised an eyebrow at the strange behavior his brother was in.

"Al? What happened?"

Alfred turned with a smile that dripped happiness. His eyes were half open, as if he wasn't fully awake, but was rather dreaming. Perhaps he was with the way he looked at Matthew.

"Arthur," was all he said before he resumed dancing with no one around the table.

Matthew sighed. "What has he done now? I swear, if he's put another stupid lie in your head that makes you think you two can get together, just drop it. It's a lie. Just watch. He'll change his mind by this time tomorrow."

Alfred collapsed into a seat across from Matthew, sighing heavily. For a minute Matthew wondered if Alfred was frustrated or annoyed with his constant badgering of his friendship with Arthur. But could he blame him?

Finally, Alfred said, "We're dating."

"Oh. Well." Matthew sat, dumbstruck by this brand new information. "I…uh… Congrats?"

Alfred jumped up, did another short jig on the spot, and rushed out of the room. He soon returned with his cell phone in hand, his thumbs flying across the touch screen.

"So…did you guys…go on a date?" Matthew asked. He felt extremely awkward now, despite the tiny voice in the back of his head telling him he should be happy for Alfred, and to put his own feelings aside.

Alfred looked up from his texting for a moment to beam over at Matthew. "Yup! We went to Big Ben and the Eye and all of that fun stuff we did a year ago!" He returned to furiously typing away. "It was amazing, dude. You have _no_ idea! I just! AH! He's my boyfriend! I have to call him right now!"

Before Matthew could say anything more, Alfred was out of the room. A moment later his bedroom door was heard slamming closed, followed by the sound of Alfred's voice talking to Arthur on the phone. Matthew sighed, putting his work aside. His mind was full of too many conflicting feelings to keep a focused mind.

Eventually Alfred emerged from his bedroom in even higher spirits. He was clutching the phone to his chest as if it were actually Arthur in a miniature form. Knowing Alfred, he really thought that way.

"Hey bro, what'cha cooking?"

Matthew looked over his shoulder, giving a small smile. "Nothing much. I felt in the mood for pancakes."

Alfred rolled his eyes. "When do you _not_ feel in the mood for pancakes?"

Matthew chuckled and flipped over one onto a plate. He handed it to Alfred who thanked him and leaned against the counter, popping the fresh cakes into his mouth. After a few silent moments with only the sizzle of the batter on the frying pan did Matthew turn to Alfred.

"May I ask a favor?" Alfred raised in eyebrows in answer, his mouth full of food. "…Do you mind having Arthur to dinner tomorrow night?"

Alfred gulped down the remainder of what was left in his mouth and gasped for air. "S-sure! Not a problem!"

I hope so, Matthew thought, turning back to his pancakes.

* * *

Arthur hadn't the foggiest idea why he had been invited over to Alfred's flat for dinner. He had gotten a phone call shortly after church was let out. He didn't see any reason to not accept, thinking it would be a romantic night in. They normally had movie nights at Arthur's place, so it would be a good change of pace to be somewhere else for once.

However when it was Matthew who answered the door when Arthur knocked, he was terribly mistaken.

"Ah! M-Matt!" Arthur stuttered. He had the feeling of flight creeping up his spine. He hadn't seen Matthew since their last encounter out on the front steps of the complex. While they had come to a truce while Alfred was dating Trey, it was a different game now.

They were dating, and Matthew probably had some choice words to give to Arthur. He wouldn't say they had to break up, would he?

"Al's in the back getting ready. I'm leaving, don't worry," Matthew said. He didn't sound threatening in the least, but more like his normal and kind self. Of course, that could change in a moment as it had in the past. "I just…Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Uh…" Arthur's heart raced. Still, he hated to turn him down. What if it was something important like some food Alfred was allergic to that Arthur never knew about? Yes, that was important enough to stay and hear him out. "Sure…what is it?"

At this Matthew dropped his head, shoulders slumping forward. "Do you blame me?"

Well, this is a turn of events, Arthur thought. He was stumped as to how he should reply to this, and it took him a moment to come up with a reply. "Um… What for, may I ask?"

"When you came here I really thought you were going to upset Al some more," Matthew started, his voice pathetic and weak. "If you had just told him…you would've gotten with him sooner. He would've never met Trey and then… Arthur, he was so hurt by him."

Arthur's heart clenched. He knew that Alfred had been emotionally abused, but had it been worse than he feared? Alfred would only let out so much when at work, that fake smile almost always in place. But at home, that was another story, one Matthew knew much better than Arthur did.

"What did he do to him…?" Arthur asked, his voice dipping dangerously into an aggressively protective tone. "He dare not have laid a hand on him…"

"No!" Matthew exclaimed suddenly, his head snapping back up. "No, it was never like that! But… I feel that Trey's words were worse than if he had ever hit him. Alfred would sometimes come home in tears, eating for hours, other days he would come home angry. He would even get piss drunk and say he should just go to your place and… And fuck you."

Arthur's jaw dropped. He hurried inside, remembering he was still standing on their front entry way. It was better to discuss this when the neighbors weren't able to hear such private affairs.

"He…Did he really?" Arthur hissed.

"I think he was just horny," Matthew said pitifully. After closing the door he had resumed looking down at the ground. "But do you know why he and Trey broke up?"

Arthur shrugged. "I don't particularly care for the reasons, but why?"

Matthew looked around nervously, but a wry smile made its way on his face. "It's embarrassing. Maybe that's why he didn't tell you. But they were trying to…you know… and Al…said _your_ name."

Arthur could've died right there on the spot than hear that. He couldn't even complete a full train of thought enough to respond. And really, what could you say to something like that?

"Yeah, just moaned it and-"

Arthur shot out hands to stop Matthew, backing away until he was against the door. "O-okay! That's enough of that! Thank you! Yes, I am glad to hear that, in a strange way, but! That's enough."

"What's enough?" Alfred bounded out from the bathroom wearing a nicely pressed button-up shirt and his hair combed with a wet comb to slick it back slightly. Arthur took note of that cowlick still defying all acts of taming it.

"No, I meant it's not enough," Arthur said quickly. He gestured wildly at the kitchen. "Can you put the tea on for me, love? I'm parched."

Alfred smiled. He came over and pecked Arthur's cheek. "Sure thing, babe."

After Alfred had bounded from the room, his spirits impossible to break, Arthur looked back at Matthew. He wanted to put a closure to the distance the two had created between themselves from all the acts of the past year. Enough was enough. He hated to have Alfred feel pitted against his boyfriend and his brother. It wouldn't be fair, and Arthur would hate if the same were to happen to him.

"As for what you asked earlier," Arthur start, his voice much more stable now. "No, I do not blame you. You were only protecting Alfred. I was at fault too, you know? I drove him to stay with Trey."

"Yeah, but you were with Al after they broke up," Matthew said. He had begun twiddling with the ends of his T-shirt nervously.

"And you were there for him before and during," Arthur said firmly. "When I hurt him, you were always there for him. And when he needed you when Trey was hurting him, you were there. You're a wonderful brother. Alfred's decision to be with Trey was his and his alone. All we can do now is move on."

Arthur stuck his hand out, smiling at Matthew as a friend would. His grudge against him for lying, for keeping him from Alfred, for just protecting his only brother dispersed in his heart. He felt he could start anew with Matthew. It could happen; it already was with Alfred.

Matthew looked at the hand, and then returned the smile. He took his hand, shaking it, and said, "Yeah. That is all we can do."

They released hands and Matthew reached for his sweatshirt draped over a nearby chair. "Well, it seems you have a date now. I should get going. I will be back tonight, so none of _that_."

Arthur chuckled. "We're not at that point in our relationship. We've agreed to treat this as a normal relationship and to take it slow. We have the rest of our lives to indulge in such things."

Matthew felt a weight lift off of his shoulders. He merely smiled and nodded at Arthur's worse, turning to say his good-bye to Alfred, and duck out the front door. As he left he saw Alfred embrace Arthur, kissing him on the nose, and Arthur closing his eyes with a wide smile. It struck him hard at how far they had come. They were different together, but in a good way.

A year ago, Arthur would not be here. He wouldn't have given such a heartwarming handshake in forgiveness and acceptance, nor would he have casually talked about his relationship so openly to Matthew. He also wouldn't have boldly declared that he and Alfred would be together for a long time; their entire lives in fact.

But it wasn't meant to last. And Arthur knew it.

He could feel happy during the day knowing that he led a normal life, and go home to receive text messages and phone calls from Alfred declaring his love for him, but Arthur knew there was one last obstacle he had to face. It was the very thing he had had dreaded since he first met Alfred. And now that he had come clean with himself and with Alfred, there was one more person he needed to tell about his decision to spend the rest of his life living with the knowledge that he was gay.

He approached the steps carefully, looking both ways down the street as if someone were about to jump out from the bushes and see what he was doing, calling him out before his act was done. Quickly, he rushed inside, pushing the large doors open, and scurrying down the aisle. It was quiet, as usual. Arthur had taken the day off from work to make sure he wouldn't be seen. He told Alfred that he was fine, but he wanted a day to rest and relax. He felt a slight twinge of guilt that he hadn't let Alfred in on what he was doing, but he felt it was for the best. Alfred was likely to make him even more worried and stressed.

So, with a reluctant step forward he knocked on the office door. When he entered the room he saw the priest he had come to know like that of a long lost uncle. Arthur smiled and greeted the man politely.

"Please, sit my son," the priest said, gesturing to the seat before his desk. He sat in his own.

Arthur did as he was told. "L-lovely day today, isn't it Father?"

"It is." He nodded, glancing at the window. "But surely you have work. Why are you here? Does something trouble you?"

"Yes Father." Arthur's palms grew sweaty, and his heart was so loud in his ears he could only hear the Father, none of his thoughts. "I…wanted to tell you of a decision I made a few days ago."

When the priest didn't make any move to stop Arthur, he continued.

"Last year I came to you with a troubling issue about my feelings for another man. My best friend in fact. I tried to abide by the words you offered to me, but it wasn't working. It was going against the very core of who I was."

"You mean to tell me that you've been…acting on these…temptations?"

Arthur nodded. Keep it together, he told himself. Be as you were with Alfred when you first met Trey. But that was false confidence, he thought miserably. Well, Alfred didn't know the difference. He could keep it up if he continued to act tough.

"Yes I have," Arthur finally replied after having a moment to collect himself. "And I have recently agreed to a relationship with the same man."

The priest's color drained and he leaned back in his chair. He stared at Arthur, unsure what to say. Nevertheless, Arthur continued to talk.

"I have learned now that God made me this way. I was born to be a homosexual for some reason. I believe that He will love me, even if others cast me out. I know where my heart lies. I will continue to worship Him and lead my life the Catholic way, but I cannot deny my feelings for Al-my boyfriend."

Arthur caught himself before he said Alfred's name aloud. There was nothing worse than having the priest start shouting he would condemn Alfred along with Arthur. Arthur would prefer he just know the church was praying for his soul, not Alfred's.

The priest cut him off with a stern declaration. "You cannot live a Catholic life if you continue to lie in bed with that man, letting him soil your sheets and your way of thinking. The Bible clearly states that no man should lie as he does with a woman."

"Is that all that matters?" Arthur asked. "Is that all that is important is what I do with my boyfriend when no one should know about? There's more to a relationship than that. Love is never wrong. Father, you have preached on this subject so many times and I have faith in you-"

"Then why do you go against me and God Himself in this matter?" the priest interrupted.

"I'm not going against God. I am not. I am being who I was born to be."

"Stop saying that," the priest hissed. "Arthur, you are a good man. A decent man who works hard and has been repenting for his past mistakes for the past few years. You've always been dedicated to God."

"I still am!"

The priest shook his head. "I'm afraid you cannot be if you continue this sinful lifestyle. Please, let me help. There is a way. I can talk to you and make you see the light. It is unholy to be-"

"Talk to me? See the light?" Arthur looked confused. "Father, you talk to me as if I am lost. You have been there for me when I did lose my way, but right now I am not lost. No, I was this previous year, but I can assure you I am very much settled in my heart as to what I want."

"Yes, you _want_ it, but that doesn't mean you need it!" The priest had risen from his chair by now and was moving around to sit on the desk before Arthur. He looked down at him, hands clasped in his lap, and a very condescending look as he stared Arthur down. "The Devil has always put something of want before us and it makes humans forget to look for what they need. You do not need this man. You need God's love. You will not receive His love if you live your life as this."

"What?" Now Arthur was getting upset. "I do not need you to tell me that He loves me! He does! He brought me this beautiful amazing wonderful man that I love! I know I love him! And I love God too! I can continue to love whomever I want without your acceptance! I only need my boyfriend's, God's, and my _own_ agreement! God would never have sent me this man if He didn't want me to meet him and fall in love with him."

The priest shook his head. "You are mistaking a serpent for a sparrow. That man was not sent by God. He is a tool by Satan."

Arthur stood up. "That is quite enough! Bash me and hate me all you want, but I will not have you say such things about the man I love! I know my place! He knows his! It's right next to each other!"

"I cannot have you here then," the priest said solemnly. "You must have known I was to do this if you were coming here with no intention of changing."

"I was hoping you would accept me as God has," Arthur whispered. He remained standing for fear of moving any closer to the priest he once was happy to know. Now it was smeared with this undeniable fact that he was revolted by Arthur's presence.

The priest moved to sit back behind his desk, his eyes no longer meeting Arthur's. "I accept no one who is against the workings of the Bible."

Arthur sighed. "Then…I guess I will leave."

"If you ever set foot in my church again I will damn you to Hell," the priest declared firmly. "Do you understand me?"

"Perfectly."

When Arthur turned, he heard a defeated sigh from behind him. He chanced a glance over his shoulder, and in that moment of hesitation, he heard something he desperately wished he hadn't.

"I'm going easy on you, Arthur. I took you in when you had been so deep in your own misgivings. You needed light. You needed His love. But now you've gone too far… I've failed you…"

Arthur gripped the doorknob. "You…haven't failed me… You showed me the way. I don't regret being here. I always needed guidance… You were that guide, and I have found my way."

"No you haven't…," the priest murmured. "Please, go Arthur… I will not tell the rest of the church of this exchange. If anyone asks, you moved away. But I will pray for you and your soul. You still have a chance. This mortal pleasure will mean nothing when you burn for all of eternity. Please think of that."

"I have," Arthur whispered. "I have for hours, days, months, and an entire year… I know what to do."

Arthur left the office and headed to walk down the aisle, knowing it would be the last time he could do so in a place that had become far too familiar with him. However, he stopped and turned to face the altar. The stained glass window from behind reflected a magnificent and seemingly timeless picture on the floor as if the floor had its own picture etched in the tile.

Kneeling in prayer, Arthur thanked God for his time here at the church, and asked for Him to give him the strength to get out of the front doors without collapsing into tears.

As he made his way down the aisle, he felt the piercing glare of eyes behind him, watching as he took his final steps out of the church he loved. And God was merciful, for there at the bottom of the steps was Alfred. He held an umbrella and looked up at Arthur with no surprise on his face.

Arthur all but stumbled down the steps as he collapsed in Alfred's arms, unable to speak for fear he would scream and crumble into a mess of emotions that he dare not show any out in public. He ushered Alfred to his car hastily, hoping that the priest hadn't decided he would follow Arthur out and catch sight of Alfred.

The drive back was painful as Arthur willed himself not to cry. Not to even let out a sniffle. There was a terse silence between them that Alfred didn't want to break by turning on music. Instead, he simply reached over and held Arthur's hand for the remainder of the ride home.

In the comfort of Arthur's apartment, he felt he could finally break, but instead he walked to the bathroom as if in a trance. His eyes were empty, clouded over by the immense cold surrounding all of his being. He climbed into the shower, turned on the water, and fell to his knees. He curled up on himself, shaking from trying to keep quiet as he cried into his knees.

After a few moments, the door was heard opening. Seconds later, Alfred stepped into the shower, still fully clothed. He said nothing as he wrapped his arms around Arthur, holding him close and letting him sob against him.

* * *

_Hoshiko2_'s cents: I apologize if the exchange between Arthur and the priest was too much. I tried to tone it down as I didn't want it to go towards the whole throwing the Bible and literally kicking him out ordeal. Instead I wanted it to be two friends parting ways because one no longer agreed with the other. Hence the rather curt cut off at the end between them.

Rating will go higher next chapter, just letting you know. ;3


	20. The feeling of letting go

_A/N:_ The full title of this chapter is: "The feeling of letting go, I guess we'll never know." FF. net won't let me post a longer name.

* * *

In the morning, everything seemed normal. The couple awoke together, mumbling for a bit about how cute the other was before littering kisses on the others face, and then eventually got up to start the day. Alfred didn't catch on right away that anything was wrong with Arthur, until he noticed that he skipped his morning tea, and then forgot his umbrella by the door. Alfred thought perhaps he should wait a bit before bringing it up to him, at least a day or two.

But as the week wore on and Arthur showed little to no improvement in his mood, Alfred grew worried. Arthur was prone to daydreaming or fading out in the middle of a conversation, but now it seemed borderline depression, if he wasn't there already. So Alfred did what he thought would be best; ask Arthur out on dates.

Arthur denied him.

Alfred left him presents at his desk of candies and little messages stating Alfred's affections.

Arthur ignored them.

Alfred called and texted.

Arthur never answered.

Without any immediate family in the vicinity after Scott's departure, Alfred had no one he could turn to. He feared not only for Arthur's well being, but for their very new relationship. After their first glorious week together, they had hit another roadblock. It seemed they were doomed to hit more and more difficulties the longer they stayed together.

"Maybe…it's all a mistake," Alfred mumbled into his hands. He sat at the table, his face pressed into his hands so only his mouth was shown with his elbows propped up.

Matthew sat beside him having heard about everything from the previous week. He furrowed his brow and frowned. "What? You with Arthur?"

Alfred nodded. "It just seems everything is stacked against us, no matter how much we advance together."

"But that's all that matters, isn't it?" Matthew asked. He wrapped an arm around Alfred, giving him a firm squeeze on his shoulder. "That you're together. Alfred, you both worked so hard to get here. And instead of a honeymoon month, you got a week, but it won't last, this terrible stroke of luck. Arthur's depressed. Who wouldn't be? But right now he needs you, more than ever. You can't just give up."

Alfred was silent for a time, but then lifted his head and looked at Matthew. A small smile appeared, reassuring Matthew. "When did you get to be so smart?"

"You ask me that every time I give you advice," Matthew chuckled, releasing his brother. "I've always been the smart one."

"Yeah right," Alfred joked. His spirits were still low, but his heart felt stronger.

Matthew was right, as he tended to be, though Alfred would never admit such a thing to the younger man. Alfred didn't quite know how he would be able to help Arthur, but all he could do now was try. As he had been doing for the past week.

"What should I do?" Alfred asked after a long sigh. He deflated against the back of the chair, his head hanging over the back.

"Don't ask him out on a date, just take him," Matthew said. "Or do your movie nights there and stay the night again. Surprise him. Anything with you will cheer him up, I'm sure of it."

"I'm just so worried," Alfred admitted. "What if…he breaks up with me?"

"Doubtful."

"No, I'm serious," Alfred started, bringing his head up.

"And so am I. He loves you, Alfred. He went before his church, before his own priest, and stood up to him saying he loved you and he was not leaving you. He's told God, and he's accepted himself as gay. There's no way he'll leave you."

Alfred bit his lower lip, not feeling any confidence from Matthew's strong words. But, if he had assurance in himself that he was doing the right thing, then maybe things could work out.

* * *

Sunday came, the first Arthur had ever experienced since becoming Catholic of not going to church. It felt empty and hollow and all sorts of wrong. He prayed at his bedside and paced around the apartment, lost in his Bible. He told himself that as long as he kept to his own prayers and worshipped from home, God would understand. But it did little to reassure him.

Through-out the day Arthur felt a nagging pang in his heart, as if he were missing something important. Whenever he thought of church and what he was missing out on, a different sort of feeling slithered across his chest and nestled into his stomach. This other pain made him feel sick, and he took to laying in bed the majority of the day. With it he brought his laptop where he surfed the Internet. Eventually he made his way into his old forum where he previously found a path from the many kind users.

There, he decided he would write once more.

_Hello._

_I'm not sure how many of you remember me, but I am Arthur. I was the Englishman who wrote about loving a man, but being too nervous about taking any action. I had been inspired by Greg's Story, and all of your wonderful words._

_I come to you once more with distressing news. First, the good bit. Alfred, the American I had fallen in love with, and I are finally together. We confessed our love for another and last week we had many a blissful times together. But it was not to last._

_The bad part of this is that I told my church of my sexuality. And was promptly barred from it. I fear I am stuck in a terrible depression, and have managed to push myself away from my boyfriend. I do not blame him, but I feel a sense of guilt when he is near. As if I am causing him pain as well._

_Ah, I will keep this short as it's already rather bothersome. The reason for my post is that I'm at a loss as to what I should do. I've been depressed before; after my parents were killed. However, I found an outlet in my eventual girlfriend, and rebelling against society. However, now, I feel as if I have a hit a corner and cannot get out of this maze of emotions. Please, if you would be so kind as to give me advice, I'd greatly appreciate it._

_Arthur_

Now felt like as good a time as any to get up and eat, but when Gentleman pounced on his lap, Arthur felt compelled to stay right where he was. So he browsed through the Internet some more, and decided he would look more into the gay sex lifestyle. He had seen a few pictures and read only short articles about it here and there, but knew nothing of techniques or what he should expect. He only guessed it was good judging by the pictures of men with their heads tilted back and a look of sheer ecstasy etched into their face.

However, that didn't help deter him from feeling nervous about it. Oh sure, he and Alfred had jerked off in the past, and Arthur had briefly wondered what giving a blowjob would be like, but never acted on it. The idea of fully giving Alfred his body didn't terrify him. It was the act itself.

Sex with women had always been something natural. Sex with men, well. Let's face it, Arthur was worse than a virgin. He was a horny virgin. and a terribly inexperienced one at that.

He changed the webpage instantly, his face too hot and his loins becoming too active, and decided he would check his e-mails. Thinking his inbox would be empty, he was pleasantly surprised to see so many replies popping up. Starting from the first post, he began to read. Over time, he sat up, not minding that he disturbed Gentleman. Certain parts of replies jumped out at him and touched his heart.

"_You need to find an outlet to help you channel your frustrations that will not get you arrested or in danger. Perhaps try painting or writing? It is up to you if you wish to display your emotional works to others, but getting your feelings out onto a medium such as canvas or paper will help in removing some of the weight from your shoulders."_

"_I understand the church is like your family, and family members fight sometimes. Don't let that destroy you. There's people around you that, believe it or not, worry about you and want to help you. And I bet your boyfriend is the first on the line."_

"_All I can say is to let Alfred hold your hand and help guide you back to your short lived happiness from before. God sent him to you for a reason, He wants your nothing but your happiness."_

"_If you never tell anyone about the situation the help you need might come too late."_

"_I know this is hard and I know this isn't much, but Arthur, you are an extremely strong person. You have endured so much pain and have been through so much to be with Alfred and you deserve to be happy. You have Alfred's support and love, as well as mine and many others here. If you need anything else, even if it's just to talk, I will be here."_

"_His love, care, and support are invaluable to you Arthur and there's no weakness in being a resourceful individual. I would've been a stronger person had I had such a loving resource to support me. So trust Alfred, Arthur, and go to him and trust in him that he will understand and support you."_

"_You know that God does and will love you regardless of it. But your church doesn't. But while they're not _right_ they're also not _bad_ and probably still care for you, if they're trying to 'make you see the light'. You may have to just accept the fact that while they once helped you and showed you the way, they may never accept you as you are and therefore it's time for you to move on."_

But one message in particular caught his attention. It was the last one, and it stuck with him the most.

_Dear Arthur, _

_Firstly let me express my most heartfelt joy on Alfred and you finally being together. It is wonderful news, and I really am so very happy for the two of you. _

_I followed your story from your first post, but as I am not the best with advice, I held back from commenting on your previous posts, however, I would like to try and help you now._

_I am sorry to hear how things turned out with your Church, and how they treated you. Just because that Church has closed its doors to you, though, does not mean that others will follow suit, that is important and I hope you do realise this. Don't be disheartened by this one persons actions. The priest does not speak for his entire congregation and I am sure there would be many amongst them that would have been supportive of you._

_As I am sure you are aware, you are not limited to practising your faith in a religious building, you can continue to practice it anywhere. However, if that is the type of environment you feel most comfortable in, then this website might be beneficial to you: http:/ /www .gaychurch. org/Find_a_Church/foriegn_nations/UK. htm  
_

_If you are feeling lost, or upset, talk to Alfred, talk to us. As long as you talk, work together and help each other, you can make this relationship work. I wish you all the best for your future lives together._

_Kind Regards,  
Holly._

Arthur sat staring at his screen, and felt unsure just how he should react. His mind was spinning with thoughts and emotions, merging together to create a jumbled mess that he couldn't act upon because he didn't know which one was more prominent. So he sat there, staring at his screen and reflecting on the comments.

He could go out and get a hobby. A hobby… Yes. He was rather fond of gardening.

The priest wasn't bad. Yes, of course not. He was kind and spared him public humiliation and didn't damn him right there on the spot.

A link, a gateway to more churches. Another home that he could possibly fit into. But was he ready?

Alfred. Support. Trust. Communication.

One thing stuck in his mind among all of the rest. He had to see Alfred.

Sure enough, there was a knock on Arthur's door. Gentleman, having moved to the foot of the bed, bolted up from his spot and rushed to the front door. Arthur followed not long after, wondering just who it could be, and hoping it was no one but him. He had been there at the church, perhaps he was here now.

When Arthur opened the door he was met with flowers, roses to be exact. Arthur stumbled back in shock, momentarily thinking that the roses had magically appeared, and not noticing they were being held by someone. Finally he looked away and saw a beaming Alfred standing in his doorway.

"A-Alfred!" Arthur stepped back, allowing his boyfriend inside. "What're you doing here?"

"Surprising you!" Alfred replied cheerfully. He handed the roses over, kissing Arthur's forehead once his hands were free. "I wanted to spend the day with you. Is that okay?"

"Y-yes…," Arthur mumbled, still staring at the roses in awe. As if they were a sign. As if all of this was something special. "S-shall I put it in some water?"

Before Alfred could reply, Arthur was in the kitchen, fetching a vase. Alfred stooped to pet Gentleman on the head, and then moved into the kitchen. He watched Arthur for a minute without speaking. His eyes just watched how Arthur moved. Swallowing, he thought of how much pain Arthur could be in at this very minute and how little of it he was sharing with him.

Alfred moved quickly to wrap his hands around Arthur's waist, pulling him flush against his chest, and resting his head on Arthur's shoulder. Arthur gasped in surprise, but said nothing. Didn't move to push him away or pull him closer. He stood there, hands still on the vase and the roses, motionless.

Then, "Stay with me."

Alfred lifted his head slowly to look at Arthur. He was staring intently out the window, his jaw set firmly, and tears threatening to trickle out. If Arthur cried, he would never stop. All of his emotions might drain right out of him, crumbling the usually proud man onto the floor into a heap of his own body. He'd feel embarrassed, curl in on himself, and push Alfred even further away.

"You got it!" Alfred exclaimed. He kissed Arthur's neck, cheek, and then his nose before releasing him. He trotted back to the front door where he had placed his backpack. "I brought my suit, but it's down in the car and I'll get it in the morning. I brought a ton of movies I bought. These are new, right from Hollywood!"

Arthur hesitated a moment before turning. All traces of his previous internal struggle to prevent his imminent breakdown had been erased from his face. Only his face, though. His eyes still held the strain.

"I would love to see all of them with you. Let's order pizza and start."

Alfred nodded. "You got it babe."

Movies came and went, pizza was devoured and digested, and now the yawns had settled in. Arthur was comfortable against Alfred's chest, his head safely tucked under his arm to rest on his heart. His rhythm was steady and alive.

"Come along," Arthur said, turning off the movie. "Let's go to bed."

"Man, it's been awhile since I got to spend the night!" Alfred said as he stood and stretched. He stopped suddenly when he caught Arthur's downtrodden reaction to his offhanded comment. "Opps! I mean! I'm sorry."

Arthur shook his head, shoulders hunched down. "No…You're right… I haven't been a very good…boyfriend at all, have I?"

Alfred chose not to reply to that. If he said how he felt, that no, Arthur was the most perfect and beautiful boyfriend and Alfred loved him more with every waking moment, Arthur would most likely deny any of it and become even more upset. Instead, Alfred asked, "Are you okay?"

"How do you mean?" Arthur asked.

Alfred nibbled on his lower lip, waiting a moment to say something. "I know things lately have been... But are you still...mad?"

Arthur furrowed his brow. "Mad? What would I be mad about?"

"Me," Alfred said as if he were a child that knew they had gone wrong.

"You?" Arthur scoffed. "Why would I be mad at you?"

Alfred averted his eyes as a slight blush crept up his neck. "Because I'm the reason you lost your church and your priest and your religious friends..."

Arthur propped himself up on one arm with a frustrated sigh. "Alfred, that is not true. I chose my path. I love you. You and only you. I am not leaving you no matter what. I know that now. I'm sorry that I seemed distant, but it was not because of you my love."

Alfred's eyes returned, the moonlight reflecting off of the blue. They looked open. Scared. Vulnerable. Alfred had only looked that way once before; when he cried.

"So...you're not going to break up with me?"

Arthur's jaw dropped, and he almost laughed had he not pulled Alfred to his lips to kiss his reddening cheeks. "I cannot even fathom such a thought. Oh my dearest, has this been bothering you for awhile?"

Alfred released a deep sigh, smiling at Arthur. "Yeah. Sorry."

Arthur settled back against his pillow. He cupped a hand against Alfred's cheek, keeping eye contact to ensure that block was down.

People always said Arthur was hard to read. It was more he didn't know what to say, and would more often than not mess up how he wanted to say something. But Alfred was something else. Just because someone is loud doesn't mean they are always so confident or carefree as they may seem.

The American was better at getting out how he felt in comparison to Arthur, but actually admitting it to himself or another was different. Many times Arthur caught Alfred smiling just to smile. To keep up some mask. He would do it at work or when he was with Trey or when Arthur was near Erica.

Fake.

But Alfred himself wasn't fake. He was guarded. He was an orphan that probably held back a lot of horror foster home stories, locking them away so he wouldn't burden others. And wouldn't that be like him? Arthur found he loved him even more with that thought.

"My love... You shouldn't keep such a thing hidden. If you are troubled, please tell me."

Alfred closed his eyes, leaning into Arthur's touch. "I do... Most of the time..."

"You hold so much in your eyes... So much in your smile..." Arthur frowned, worried. "You shouldn't have to hide it. Why do you keep it away from me...?"

For a moment, Alfred stared at Arthur. Weighing his worth and how much he could trust him. Then, "When Matt and I were in foster homes, before being adopted... Matt would cry a lot. Often times he was overlooked by others. No matter what I did to cheer him up, he kept crying. After awhile, I started smiling. Make it seem it's all ok. And he would believe me. He'd stop crying. I think he needed that. It helped him through some tough times. Now, it's just a habit."

"You smile for others even when you disregard your own feelings?" Arthur's heart stung at all the times Alfred had pulled such a smile on him. Protecting him, destroying himself.

Quickly, Arthur reversed their positions. He held Alfred close to him so Alfred could feel Arthur's heartbeat. "I will always love you. No matter what mood you are in. No matter if you think it'll hurt me or make the situation worse. I will love you. Please, don't put that smile on for me. If I need cheering up, just be there.

"When you cried, I felt closer to you than I'd ever felt before. Or when you held me in the shower. I needed that. I needed you. Not a smile. Just the truth. The real you."

A shudder ran through Alfred, and his body deflated against Arthur. He curled his hands over his face, burying himself into Arthur's chest. He started laughing, but then it was accompanied by a sniffle.

"I needed that," he said. Muffled in Arthur's chest. "God I needed that."

"I know, my love." Arthur kissed his forehead, holding Alfred against him. "I know..."

"And you need to talk to me," Alfred mumbled. He pulled back to stare at Arthur, his eyes searching his. "Don't leave me out, babe. I'm here for you. Please don't shut me out."

Arthur nodded, biting his lip. "I'll try... As long as you try too."

They laughed together before resuming their hug. Both could feel each other's heartbeat, feeling like it was one.

* * *

It was only a few days later that Arthur went to see a new church. The following Sunday, he went to Mass again. Alfred threw him a celebration and took him out to dinner and a real movie out. Arthur was so elated to be welcomed into his new church that he held Alfred's hand all through-out the movie, forgetting to let it go after they had exited the theater.

* * *

Spring came and went. Alfred and Arthur slipped into their relationship effortlessly, as if they had been there all along. Matthew no longer called on nights Alfred just couldn't bring himself to leaving Arthur's arms. Nor did he question when he would come home and find Arthur lying on his back on the couch, and Alfred on the floor at least a foot away. He simply excused himself after saying hello and go to his bedroom for the remainder of the evening.

During the days, Alfred and Arthur were careful around each other at work. They kept the chit chat down to a minimum and only snuck off to the storage room or bathroom once or twice. A week.

"Arthur?" Said man turned to find his boss, Kiku Honda, standing in the doorway of his cubicle. He nodded at the direction of his office. "If you could see me for a moment?"

"Certainly." Arthur rose from his seat and followed Kiku to his office.

There, Alfred was already sitting and waiting in one of the seats across from Kiku's desk. For a horrifying moment Arthur assumed Kiku knew about their relationship. He hesitated by the chair before settling himself down into the chair next to Alfred, watching Kiku warily. But the Japanese man simply smiled.

"Arthur, your last trip abroad brought us excellent results from our French branch," Kiku started. "We were all pleased with the result. As such I have decided that I'd like you to go to another meeting abroad."

Arthur's face paled. "T-to France…?"

Luckily, Kiku shook his head. "No, the meeting is in New York City."

"N-New York…? As in America?" Arthur confirmed, his voice becoming tight and distant. Beside him he felt Alfred tense up in anticipation.

Kiku smiled and nodded. "Yes, the very same one. I have you itinerary here for you."

"W-wait Kiku!" Alfred interrupted. He was halfway out of his seat and his expression was that of desperation. This could be his only chance! "W-what about me? Why would you invite me in here unless you…"

"You're not as slow as most would think," Kiku said, his smile widening. He held out two vanilla folders to Alfred and Arthur. "Seeing as you are a native to the city, and are due to spread out in the business world, I felt it be best if you accompany Arthur on this trip as well."

Alfred was out of his seat, snatching the folder, and jumping around the room. He bellowed a cheer, pumping his fists into the air. Arthur could only laugh as he watched Alfred. Kiku sat back with a pleased smile on his face as well.

"How long are we there?" Alfred asked, suddenly getting in Kiku's face with an eager and childish expression. "Do we get to see the city? Is this fully paid for?"

"Alfred," Arthur called, pulling the overzealous man back by his pants and moving him to the chair he had jumped out of. "Let the poor man breathe."

Alfred sat back, but was no less enthusiastic. Kiku calmly told them the details of the meeting, what to expect, and when exactly the meeting was. They had been given a generous three whole days in the city. That gave them one day to adjust to the time difference, one to have fun in the city, and the final one to actually go to work and attend the meeting. They'd leave Saturday morning, arriving in America late in the afternoon, early evening of the same day and return after the meeting adjourned Monday afternoon, arriving in London Tuesday morning. Kiku had given them that day off knowing they'd have jet lag, unused to travel.

Once their short briefing was over, Alfred and Arthur headed back to their cubicles. At least, that was what Arthur thought before he was dragged by the arm into the storage room. Alfred closed the door and pushed Arthur against the wall, kissing him until he made those soft moans and put his hands in Alfred's hair.

"I'm going home," Alfred breathed.

Arthur smiled, feeling the affect of Alfred's giddiness seeping into his own mood. "Yes, my love. You certainly are."

"And you'll be there with me," Alfred whispered. He bent his head to kiss along Arthur's neck, his breath ghosting Arthur's skin. He shivered and leaned into the touch. "I'll get to be with you in my city… Can't meet the parents, not enough time, but we can go back. If you like it, that is."

"I'm sure I'll love it," Arthur murmured. He arched his back in hopes to get more of Alfred's lips on his body. "In fact, I know I will…"

Alfred obliged with Arthur's silent request, leaving a small mark underneath Arthur's collar. He kissed it, licked it, and then separated from Arthur before he let the rest of the company know of his attraction to his co-worker. He left the room first, and then Arthur came out moments later. They kept apart for the remainder of the day until it was time to go home. Arthur conveniently followed Alfred back to his flat, gathered some overnight clothing, and then took him home.

* * *

"WE'RE HERE!" Alfred shouted, bounding down the escalator towards the baggage claim. Arthur followed, shaking his head. The man had been practically unbearable all through the plane ride, bouncing in his seat and bothering other passengers.

"Yes, Alfred. You're home. You can be loud and have it be acceptable again," Arthur remarked. He looked around the unfamiliar sight and inhaled deeply. He had finally made it.

The remainder of the week was sheer torture waiting to get on the plane and actually land in America. Alfred had come over every day and showed him places that he was going to take him. Arthur really had no say in it given that all the places on the itinerary were places he always wanted to go to. He let Alfred take the reins in this trip.

The first day would consist of Arthur only pressing his face against the taxi glass to look up at the skyscrapers and peering out the hotel window at the impressive view. They were far too exhausted from the extensive plane ride to go out sightseeing. The hotel room itself was a double Queen, but one of the beds was just to be used to hold their luggage. Alfred hating sleeping alone, and, while Arthur wouldn't admit it, he was beginning to as well.

"Arthur," Alfred whispered, caressing a finger across Arthur's brow. He lay on his side, pajama pants on and shirt off, and a warm smile plastered on his face. His eyes shimmered in the dark with the low light from the outside reflecting off the blue in his irises. "I can't believe you're here… in my city… with me. I'm just so happy… I could die right now."

Having closed his eyes, Arthur opened them to stare at Alfred. His heart swelled, tightening his chest and quickening his pulse. He stretched out a hand and touched Alfred's chest, rubbing across his collarbone before settling just above his heart. He could feel the thrumming of his heart. "I hope you don't die. I have so much planned for us tomorrow. I don't want to go alone."

"I won't," Alfred chuckled. "Not unless I died of sheer happiness at when you see my girl."

"Y-your girl?" Arthur sputtered.

"Yeah! The Statue of Liberty!"

Arthur sighed in relief. "Oh…_that_ girl. Yes. After seeing her in pictures all my life I am excited to finally meet her."

"She's beautiful," Alfred said fondly. Arthur yawned, and received a swift kiss from Alfred on the nose. "You still think my yawn is cute, don't you?"

"Yup!" Alfred giggled, yawning himself. He snuggled down into the pillows and pulled Arthur up against him. "All right. Bed time. Tomorrow will be awesome. I'll make sure of it."

True to his word, Alfred did everything in his power to keep Arthur on his toes. They left early in the morning to visit Alfred's favorite bagel shop that was next door to his favorite coffee shop. Arthur had to admit, the bagels in New York were pretty amazing compared to the ones from stores claiming they were New York styled. The brisk spring day of the city gave Arthur energy and he admired the few trees that would pop out of seemingly nowhere on sidewalks or flowers hanging down from balconies. But nothing compared to when he saw Central Park.

"I have found myself…falling in love with nature again," Arthur mused aloud suddenly. Alfred was beside him with a hot dog and looked over. "When I was a child I loved playing outdoors. I saw fairies and even made up stories of unicorns and living in nature. Like a Lost Boy."

Arthur waited for Alfred to start sniggering or mocking him for such a "girly" hobby, but it never came. The constant threat of being laughed at by his older brothers prevented Arthur for openly saying his fondness for floral.

"A-and… I've been thinking of picking that hobby back up. Perhaps start a garden on my balcony. The flowers you gave me all those weeks ago sealed the deal in my mind. It was a sign."

"You mean like when you chatted with all those people online?" Alfred asked. He tossed his trash away and reached for Arthur's hand. He felt more at ease holding Arthur's hand here than in London. "I think that's a great idea, babe. Go for it. You can grow food too like peas and tomatoes."

Arthur smiled, squeezing the hand that fit perfectly inside his. "Thank you, love."

Arthur's head swirled with all of the images he saw. All of them iconic, all of them famous, all of them another memory in his heart of a time he shared with Alfred. They took pictures and had others take pictures of them, and at one point Alfred stole the camera and snuck in candid shots of Arthur. But Arthur's best memory came from when he laid eyes on the Statue of Liberty.

They took the ferry across the bay to Liberty Island where the statue stood. He watched as the statue grew larger, hearing only the soft splash of the waves hitting the side of the ferry and the mumblings of tourists around him. Alfred had sneaked off somewhere, probably to take more pictures, before he returned and put an arm around Arthur.

"Isn't she a beaut?" Alfred asked. He looked up at the statue with bright, prideful eyes. He missed home. There was no other way to say it. How Arthur wished he could just give up his life in England and move here with him, if only to see that sparkle in Alfred's eyes every day knowing he was living back home.

Something occurred in Arthur. He truly loved Alfred. There comes a time in a person's life when they realize that it's not just love or something cute like an infatuation they have for a person, but that it's struck them hard in the heart that they are inescapably in love with the person they stood next to. When they realize that yes, they truly are capable of imagining the rest of their lives with them, moving in with them, marrying them, perhaps having a family with them. That time came for Arthur now.

And in a rare burst of confidence, driven by only his adoration for Alfred, Arthur moved and kissed Alfred, stealing his attention from the statue so he only paid attention to him. Forever.

That night when they returned to the hotel, Arthur pulled Alfred to their shared bed. He sat upon it and looked up at him. He ignored the pounding in his heart, the anxiety, the initial fear, and started to remove his shirt. Alfred's eyes widened momentarily before he bent to kiss Arthur, helping him to finish. Then he pulled his own off.

Arthur paused for a moment as he felt Alfred's lips upon his neck. He shivered at the touch and voiced his fears.

_"I don't get it. How will this make you happy?" _

Arthur lay back, his neck arching into Alfred's touch. Alfred's fingers ghosted over Arthur's artery, down along his stuttering heart, and came to rest on his hip. Slowly, Arthur opened his legs.

_"I don't even know what to do. That can't possibly bring you joy."_

Alfred's fingers swirled around Arthur's entrance. It was tense and tight, but warm and slick. Licking his lips and keeping a watchful eye on Arthur, Alfred slowly eased his finger into Arthur.

_"That doesn't matter to me. I want you to feel it. For you to be happy."_

Alfred and Arthur breathed together, their faces close. Alfred pulled his last finger out and shifted above the other man. Their eyes met. Alfred moved inside Arthur and they closed their eyes until Alfred was all the way in. A perfect fit.

_"I want some color in your veins. For you to have it all, with nothing and no one between us."_

They moved in a sweaty hot mess, arms and legs around each other, moaning and crying. Arthur stretched his body taut, his head falling back on the pillow. His hands, fisted in the sheets, reached for Alfred, thrusting above him. Again, their eyes met. This time, Arthur felt his heart burst. He pulled Alfred down, sitting up to meet him halfway with his lips.

_"I want you to love me."_

"Alfred!" Arthur cried in a whisper, their lips separating.

Alfred moved to finish them off. His pace quickened, but his movements still gentle. Arthur could feel it. His heart swelled with love. Sheer, unadulterated love.

Again, Arthur called for Alfred. His hands flew up to the side of his head as he tossed it back and forth. Alfred hitched Arthur's legs around his hips, watching as Arthur began to come onto his stomach. He called for Arthur, hitting that oh so impossibly warm and soft spot that made Arthur desperately call for him and move in such sensual ways. But this was far from Alfred's desire. He wanted to see Arthur react to his love, to see he meant it all. That it was only him, always him.

"Arthur, I love you!"

"My love! Alfred! Ah!"

They came together. Arthur had never truly come. Not like that. Not so raw and hot. So passionate. So...

Alfred collapsed on Arthur, his breath on Arthur's sticky neck. The two made no movement for anything more. Instead, Alfred simply turned on his side, held Arthur to his chest, and together they lay. Two men, beside one another.

* * *

_Hoshiko2_'s cents: So, we have one chapter left! We certainly have come a long way in Alfred and Arthur's journey. I'm so glad you could join me in this adventure. There will be two specials on the horizon after this: a Thanksgiving and a Christmas Special, so I hope you return to see them.

The replies from the forum were actual replies from my tumblr. For about a day I had a "game" where I posted Arthur's post asking for advice and had my followers reply with their own. The best would be chosen to be shown the entire reply. So many of the replies were so amazing, I decided I would include sections from certain replies to showcase here.

The winner was my friend nasty_show for her amazing response. I had my roommate help me in deciding (and trust me, it was NOT easy) and we settled on this as it held three things that tied it all together. The other responses had only one of the three in theirs and it was too scattered. I felt that Holly's was the best, especially since there was that link. I thank all those who joined as it was an overwhelming amount and I was blown away by some of the stories you shared with me.

So shout outs to stormybabe, tsulicious, americanfeline, sanguinehero, jazzyginny, uma-quase-nerd, and all1sees. You guys were a big help! Until next time!


	21. I'll blend up that rainbow above you

_A/N_: The full title of this chapter is "I'll blend that rainbow above you, and shoot it through your veins"

* * *

Daybreak broke. The sirens and honks from outside the window couldn't pierce this ever growing familiar atmosphere of togetherness. Alfred had woken first, but Arthur stirred not much longer. Arthur was on his side, curled against Alfred, his fingers grazing Alfred's skin. Alfred had turned in his sleep to lie on his stomach, keeping one leg and one arm across Arthur.

Hazy memories turned clear as Arthur recalled just what had occurred the night before between him and Alfred. The sting of fingers penetrating him, the awkward moment when they couldn't find lube, so Arthur had to suck on Alfred's fingers, the nervous glances, the pauses when Arthur grew too nervous. But then there was that eternal moment in time when they were connected and they moved together.

It had been romantic and beautiful and awkward, but it hadn't been the way Arthur had planned at all. He wanted candles, perhaps some roses on the bed, classical music playing to capture the mood, and Alfred waiting for him on the bed. No, he hadn't planned such a thing in his mind many many restless nights. It just came to him one day while at work.

But yesterday, Arthur had been struck with the craziest thought in his life. He was irrevocably in love with Alfred and wanted to seal the deal. Give himself away to Alfred, take Alfred's virginity, and his homosexual (and sober) virginity as well. There was no one else he'd rather be with. The fact remained, however, that he had truly had sex with another man.

Arthur nearly bolted out of bed, but stopped with a hiss of pain. Alfred propped himself up, still lying on his stomach, and frowned.

"Don't move too much, babe. It's gonna hurt."

Arthur put his head back down on the pillow and groaned. "Oh goodness... Did we really...? Last night..."

"Yeah."

"Oh God..."

"You said that a lot last night. That and Jesus Christ," Alfred commented. Arthur flushed and buried his head under the pillow.

"Stop it. I wasn't even washed and what if there was still _matter_ back there? And it was so awkward. I didn't even know what to do... I'm sure it was terrible."

Alfred frowned more. He turned to lie on his side and pulled the pillow off of Arthur's face. "Stop that. Sex isn't pretty. It's not meant to be. Porn glorifies it. It's meant to be intimate. Yeah it was awkward, but I loved it. I loved showing you all of me and feeling all of you. Didn't you like it?"

Arthur's red face became an even more intense shade and he averted his eyes. "Y-yes..."

"Then what's the problem?" Alfred smiled and pecked Arthur in the nose. "That's all that matters is how good it felt. Not the technicalities of it. Besides, we can get better later on. Right?"

Arthur slowly began to smile, his shoulders relaxing. "Yes... You're right..."

Smirking confidently, Alfred shifted closer to Arthur. He rubbed his nose against Arthur's neck, saying, "And we'll get practice. I'm sure of it."

Arthur flushed. He smacked Alfred upside the head and then buried himself under the covers. Their laughter filled the room, eventually fading to muted mumbles of "I love you" and "you're beautiful", finally hushing to their kisses and fond touches.

After a time they separated, joined only by their hands. Arthur looked up at the ceiling with wide open eyes. "I can't believe a man could make me feel so good. I just wonder how it's possible..."

"You're over thinking things," Alfred started. "Because you've only been with a woman, you don't think about the fact she's made you feel good. Because it's 'normal'. But because you're with me, you start thinking of the morality of the situation. Can't you think 'God, it felt great' and not wonder what gender made you feel good?"

Arthur had turned his head towards Alfred as the man spoke. He smiled and nodded. "Yes, you're right. I'm sorry my love."

"Naw, it's ok." Alfred kissed Arthur on the nose before moving to get up. "We need a shower. We're sticky. Didn't clean up last night."

Arthur moved too quickly once again and hissed in pain. He looked down at the bed sheets, groaning. "I bet they'll charge us extra for ruined sheets..."

Alfred waved it off. He boldly got out of bed without a care that he was stark naked before Arthur. Arthur certainly did not look at his crotch twice before looking up at Alfred as he spoke.

"It's fine. If Kiku asks, I'll tell him I spilled coffee because I tripped or something. Now c'mon cutie. We have a meeting."

"C-cutie? I am certainly not cute!"

Alfred paused at the bathroom doorway to wink. "You're right. You're sexy. Especially when you call my name and then Jesus Christ's name."

"SHUT UP!"

Alfred's laugh could be heard even after he shut the door and turned on the shower. It gave Arthur a time to think. He was still alive. God had not smited him. Hell had not opened up in the middle of the night to devour their eternal souls. He had slept with a man. Again. Well this time had been of his own free will and he was sober. But it was strange to still feel the electricity Alfred's hands had left behind, the sparks still enticing his blood in his veins to become excited. Light. Colorful.

"Son of a bitch...," Arthur whispered. "You actually did it..."

* * *

It was after Alfred's twenty-first birthday. The summer had been quite full of love. Dates, weekend visits turned sleepovers, night romps, and even one glorious vacation during Easter holiday had brought about a nauseously infectious smell of love in the air. It was almost as if the couple secreted it from their very veins. Co-workers at their job began to become suspicious at seeing Arthur's mood improve to the point he became sociable. They became even more suspicious when they noticed Alfred would be absent whenever Arthur was, or vice versa. Many didn't care and thought it was a welcome relief to have the office grump turn into a sweetheart in a matter of months, but one in particular did care.

And that was when it fell apart. Arthur was called into Kiku's office, again surprised to see Alfred already there waiting for him. Unlike their last trip to the boss' office together, this time felt wrong. Kiku closed the door, the shades to the windows looking into the cubicles were drawn, and Kiku wasn't smiling.

"Is something wrong?" Arthur asked. He didn't even chance a glance at Alfred.

"Yes," Kiku started. His tone was dry, most unlike him. "I have been…told that you two are dating."

There was a pregnant pause. Neither Alfred nor Arthur leapt to deny it. Instead, they waited to hear more. Was Kiku upset with them? Would he make them break up or transfer them as he had Erica? Arthur tried to conceal his fear, but he was probably starting to sweat.

"You both know the rules… If this is true, which… I have a feeling it is, then I will have to ask one of you to transfer…or have you resign." Kiku looked down at his desk, unable to meet their eyes. "I hate for it to come to this…"

Alfred shifted in his seat. "Kiku… This isn't fair. What proof do you have?"

"I have heard many people reporting strange noises coming from the storage room when you both are not at your desks. You're both absent on the same days."

"That means jack shit Kiku, and you know it." Alfred sat back in his chair, arms crossed, and a look of frustration across his face. "You can't do anything without proof."

Kiku stared at Alfred, and then narrowed his eyes. Arthur gulped, fearing what his next move would be, and seized up when Kiku produced a manila envelope from his desk. He didn't open it, but the edge of what looked like a photograph peeked from over the corner. There were pictures. He had physical proof.

"I have proof right there," Kiku said sternly.

"What?" Alfred had gotten up from his chair by now and was leaning over the desk. "What the hell? Who was spying on us? Was it you? Was it someone at work here?"

"That is none of your concern," Kiku started. He put a hand on the envelope in case Alfred tried to take it.

"It is if my privacy or Arthur's privacy have been compromised!" Alfred shouted. "Tell me how you got this information!"

As Kiku and Alfred's voice continue to rise in volume, Arthur started tuning them out. He thought of what that picture was of, and his mind wandered off on its own. Perhaps it was the times they went out for movies and left holding hands, giggling all the way to the car where they shared a few kisses before heading home. Perhaps it was when they went shopping, and Arthur stared dreamily at coats he could never have and Alfred dragged him along by the elbow towards more fast food joints. Or maybe it was when they had been on vacation. Their Easter holiday had really been something else and they had no shame for being openly in a relationship during that time.

He thought of waking up beside Alfred and the joy it brought him to see that smile almost every morning. Seeing Alfred sitting across the table from him in his socks and trousers, skin glistening in the early sun shining through the window. Sometimes when Alfred stayed the night, Arthur would wake before him and read in bed, glancing down to smile at his sleeping beloved.

He thought of his laughs, his loud boisterous chattering, his moans, his pleas of want and desire, his mumbles of affections and whispers of love.

He thought of a life without Alfred and how he could no longer stand for such a thing.

"Alfred, stop it," Arthur said suddenly. He stood up and pulled the envelope from Kiku before the man could react. "I do not care what is in here, but I would like for you to dispose of it. You have no use for it. Alfred and I _are_ dating and we have been for months now. I don't care to keep it inside anymore."

"Arthur, what're-"

"Quiet Alfred, I'm talking," Arthur snapped without any malice in his voice. His eyes never wavered from Kiku's. "You can fire me or I can quit, whichever you like, but I will not be sent away from Alfred. Nor will I let him be taken from me. You have no right to do this. It's unfair that you put this rule of yours in place just because you and Alfred didn't hit it off. I'm sorry, but I will no longer tolerate being here in this environment. I have finally accepted who I am and what I want in life and who I wish to share that with, so I don't want to have to hide it anymore."

Alfred jumped up at hearing Arthur say he would quit and reached to stop Arthur from talking, but he wouldn't be deterred. It felt wonderful to finally get that out. Kiku had no reaction as he allowed Arthur to talk. Once done he folded his hands on the desk and simply nodded.

"Then you may clear out your desk."

Arthur turned on his heel and left the room. Alfred was left looking between the two. He shot Kiku a pained look and then rushed after Arthur.

"Arthur!" Alfred called. The man was briskly walking down the line of cubicles back to his. Already curious prairie dogs were popping their heads over the top of their walls, phones hanging away from their ears. "Arthur, wait! Wait!"

Suddenly, Arthur turned and grabbed Alfred's wrist, pulling him close and kissing him on the mouth. Around them were gasps and loud items clattering off of desks onto the floor. Some girls were chattering to themselves and hanging up their business calls. Alfred's eyes were wide and watching Arthur, the man's own eyes clenched closed.

Once done Arthur pulled away with a small confident smile. "I'm tired of hiding it. I did so for too long. Probably longer than I knew. It's time we lived up to who we are."

"Well…yeah," Alfred replied, obviously flustered. He ignored the stares from the rest of the office. "But… babe, what will you do for a job?"

Arthur's smile only increased. "I had been saving up for this moment. I wasn't going to stay here for the rest of my life, Alfred. I couldn't do that to myself. I'd been thinking of some ideas. Don't you worry."

"But…"

Without a moment's hesitation Arthur had turned away and rushed back to his cubicle. It was as if he had been driven mad with an unexplainable drive to get out of the building as quickly as he could. His words to Alfred had been true. He wasn't meant to be a business man. His punk phase and bratty days had been the window into the true potential he had within. Alfred had been that catalyst to unlock that sleeping part of Arthur he had hidden away because of sibling teasing, parental neglect, separation, and finally, bitter heartbreak forcing him to withdraw into himself. But with Alfred there was no need to hide anymore.

And so he wouldn't.

Arthur swept his cubicle clean in minutes. Alfred hovered by the entryway warily. He watched without saying anything, switching his weight from one foot to the other, and biting his lower lip. Arthur knew he was there, but paid him no mind. Instead he stuffed the postcard of New York, the small rose plant next to his monitor, the picture of him and Alfred at the Statue of Liberty, and loose change from the bottom of a drawer all into a box. He had nothing else he truly needed. Everything else had belonged to the company.

Feeling detached from even the ground, Arthur strut out of the office. Eyes watched him, whispers were made, but no one bid him farewell. Alfred followed all the while, but stopped at the elevators. He still had to finish his day of work, and knowing Kiku's mood, he wouldn't allow Alfred the chance to go home and be with Arthur.

Arthur turned to regard Alfred finally, that same smile in place. "Go back to work, love."

"I can't," Alfred replied. "What will you do? How will you pay rent? What about Gentleman? How will you eat?"

"Relax," Arthur interrupted. He put a hand on Alfred's cheek, pulling it away when the bell signaled for the lift. "I have it under control. I'll see you tonight."

"Okay…"

Once home Arthur moved to dispose of any evidence he had of ever being confined in a business environment. He threw his business suits and ties to the far reaches of his closet. Alfred would be slightly sad to see all of the ties gone, seeing as he quite liked Arthur in ties, so he kept a few that matched his sweater vests.

Meanwhile, Gentleman watched with interest from his perch on the windowsill. He wasn't used to Arthur being home so early in the day. He had only been gone two hours before coming back. His tail whipped in irritation as his entire schedule for the day had to be rearranged now.

Arthur noticed his cat and moved to pet him on the head. "Things might be a little tight for awhile, Gentleman. But fear not. I have an idea. Hopefully it'll all go as planned and this idea will be set in motion soon."

Of course the cat didn't understand him. He leapt from his spot and trotted off to find some place he could be alone. Arthur didn't mind. He turned on his computer to listen to some music, finding his favorite jazz songs and turning up the volume, not caring if the housewives of the complex could hear it or not. If they were upset, then they had bad taste.

Eventually Alfred came over. Arthur wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him into the flat, and kissing him with all the passion in him. He whispered for Alfred to make love to him, and Alfred would have if he wasn't so worried.

"Wait, babe," Alfred said, stopping Arthur from tearing off his clothes. "Babe. Arthur. Stop. I mean it. I'm freaking out. I've been freaking out all day."

"I told you not to worry," Arthur replied casually. "I have a plan."

"Mind letting me in on this plan of yours?"

Arthur sighed, frustrated Alfred wasn't naked before him. Or better yet, atop him. He watched as Alfred moved to the counter chairs, arms crossed. Arthur sat beside him.

"Those replies from that forum I told you about," Arthur started. Alfred nodded, remembering when Arthur had told him of his online Catholic forum he visited frequently. "They got me thinking. Perhaps I should take back up what was my hobby and turn it into a job."

"Your hobby…?" Alfred furrowed his brow and frowned. "You wanna be a seamstress? Er, seam…man?"

Arthur shook his head, chuckling. "No, love. A gardener. I want to open my own nursery."

At this Alfred's eyes grew wide and he uncrossed his arms. "What? In this economy? Is that a good idea, Artie? I mean, think about it."

"I have," Arthur said quickly, firmly. "For months I've thought about it. Ever since I joined my new church I've been thinking about it. It's not so bad to try new things. I mean, I tried with you, and look where I am now."

Alfred shifted forward and took Arthur's hands. "Babe, I'll support you in anything, but… I mean. You're comparing a relationship and a _job_. I don't want you to get hurt or something, you know?"

Arthur nodded. "I understand the risks. There's a man at my church who can be of help to me. He's a nice bloke. We've been talking and he said if I ever became serious about this then he would work with me to make it a reality. We'd co-own it together."

"Really?" Alfred looked a little less worried now. "But…a nursery? Will people go for that? It's not spring."

"People buy flowers in the other months, idiot," Arthur laughed. "And there's more to a nursery. There are bushes and trees as well. People need those all times of the year. Trust me. I know what I'm doing. I am older than you and have had a little bit more experience."

Alfred blushed, but finally smiled. "Ah babe, I wasn't doubting you. I was just nervous with the economy and all. But if you had faith in your ability and your friend and such, then I won't stand in your way. But it'll be tough at first, right?"

"Well, yes. I had saved up some pounds just in case…"

Alfred shook his head. "Nope! Nope! I don't like imagining you struggling when there's something I can do. And I'm not talking about charity. Artie, how many times had I stayed for a weekend or during the week? How much of my things are here? How much do you hate me leaving? I should just move in!"

Arthur gasped. He hadn't thought of it, his mind focused only on the nursery, but such a thing did seem possible. Alfred practically lived there as it was. But having his monetary input towards rent would help in the first few rough months of starting the business.

"Stay," was all Arthur said as he wrapped his arms around Alfred's neck again, much like he had when Alfred had arrived.

This time Alfred responded much more eagerly. He picked Arthur up under his legs and carried him to the bedroom. Once again, Gentleman found himself trotting out of the room with his nose upturned. He hated it when his spots were compromised. He could smell their hormones secreting too much testosterone, disturbing his delicate nose. So he sat as far away from the noisy bedroom as possible.

* * *

_Three months later_

Alfred's move to Arthur's apartment took only a half an hour and a hearty handshake good-bye to Matthew. Matthew hadn't minded Alfred's move. He had a friend lined up to be a potential roommate should the day ever arise that his brother left. Now he was free to contact his friend and invite him over to stay.

However, Arthur's move to his nursery took longer than either had anticipated. It was fortunate for their sake that Alfred _had_ moved in for Arthur found his savings dwindle away. His friend from the church had managed to find a rather old building that just needed renovation to be up to code for business to open. Arthur's money went into the work while his friends went into ordering all the materials needed to be successful.

During this stressful time, Alfred had been very accommodating. He tagged along to help when he could at the nursery, although more often than not he just got into trouble and ended up putting the team further behind. So instead he took to working around the apartment. He did the laundry, cleaned, cooked (rarely allowing Arthur back in the kitchen; his subtle way of telling Arthur he was done having his food), and sometimes went grocery shopping while Arthur was out.

They enjoyed coming home to each other, waking up beside the other, falling asleep in each other's arms, and sometimes, ending their nights together with jazz music listlessly filling the flat. Arthur was a terrible dancer, but Alfred was kind and never winced when Arthur stepped on his toes. Nor did he joke about the fact an Englishman couldn't dance. Sometimes they washed the dishes together, hips butting back and forth in a playful game of space that resulted in splashing water on each other. They supposed they could spend the evening drying each other off, and then ending up laughing until bed time.

The constant drive in each other's belly to make love whittled down after a time. That's not to say they didn't have sex, because they certainly did, but it was no longer a terse and stretched feeling between them. That taboo situation was long gone, replaced by warm familiarity and kisses and hugs whenever they felt like it.

And Arthur felt his heart growing heavier with color each day, but not in the terrible sense depression brought about. No, this felt heavy and warm, but light and airy. He couldn't put a word to it, and he rather liked not being able to. Alfred was what he could have called it, possibly love, but even then it didn't seem right.

Alfred said it best when he admitted the same feeling. "It feels like we're meant to be. As if we've lived other lives and we've been together even back then."

Of course, Alfred had to ruin that moment by going off about possibly being someone in the mafia or some King, to which Arthur scoffed at and said, "I assure you, had you been in the mafia or a _king_, history would know of it. I worry for that country had you ever been a king."

"Ah, but you'd have been my queen."

"Certainly not," Arthur replied simply. He had been crocheting at the time, pausing for a moment to glance at Alfred. "I am not a woman. Only a woman can be queen."

Alfred shrugged. "If I loved you back then, I'd find some way."

"Don't you always?" Arthur couldn't help but smile until he showed teeth, finishing his work. Alfred eventually put his head in Arthur's lap and continued to talk of some made up past life they probably never shared.

Now it was opening day. Renovation had been completed two weeks earlier. Trucks had stopped by every day since then with flowers and trees and compost and other objects to fill the entire building. Alfred had helped on the weekends, enjoying coming home with Arthur, dirt on their faces. Nervous at first, Arthur quickly warmed up to the idea of shared bath times.

Deciding on a name was difficult. Arthur's friend had stepped aside, allowing Arthur full responsibility. It took a few restless nights, but it came to him as he danced with Alfred one quiet night.

"That's it!" Arthur had said that particular night. "Rainbow Veins! That'll be the name of the nursery!"

Alfred kissed Arthur on the nose and agreed with him. "It's perfect. I love it."

Finally, the "Open" sign was hung, the sprinklers turned to a mist, and the door unlocked. They were open for business. Alfred had spread the word at work, leaving hints to the girls of the office. They were some of Arthur's first customers. Alfred had even taken time off from work to be there on opening day. Arthur declared it a successful first day as they had been called by five different places to create custom arrangements; the perfect way to get ones business name out there and show off.

Alfred took Arthur out for a celebratory dinner that night at their beloved pub. Unknown to Alfred, however, Arthur had invited Elizabeth and Amelia. Amelia and Alfred had yet to meet. The couple had been away in America for a few months and had returned a few weeks ago. Now was the perfect time.

"Bessie," Arthur greeted, hugging her as he would an old friend. Alfred was shocked. He hadn't seen Arthur be so friendly with his ex before. "How was the trip?"

"It was great!" Amelia exclaimed. She, like Alfred, had been overwhelmed with joy at the prospect of going home. "I missed New York so much!"

"You're from NYC too?" Alfred asked, butting in with peeked interest.

"I am!" Amelia and Alfred soon delved into their own little world, talking about New York, where they had been, what they loved about it, and other such American nonsense that Arthur and Elizabeth retreated from their conversation back to English comfort.

Leaning over, Elizabeth lowered her voice. "So, I heard you've opened your own nursery. Rainbow Veins, huh? How very gay of you."

Arthur shrugged. "Alfred wanted to fill my heart with color, and he did so. This is just my way of returning it to the world."

"Wow," Elizabeth breathed, surprised. "This isn't like you at all. What did that boy do to you?"

Arthur chuckled. He looked over at Alfred fondly, recalling all the times he had been there for him, and all the times he hadn't. Wondering just what a mysterious and wondrous being God really was.

"Exactly what needed to be done."

* * *

_Hoshiko2_'s cents: Sorry to say this folks, but that's it for this main story. There are two special stories on the horizon: Thanksgiving special and a very special Christmas story.

I wanted to leave a big personal message to all of you. So many of you have come forward to me and told me of your coming out, or that you feel confident to do so now. That this story has somehow changed your life. That you feel stronger in your religion and your sexuality. I wish you all the best. You're truly wonderful and strong human beings. I'm not particularly religious myself, but I do believe in God and believe that you will find happiness. It will get better, no matter the state you're in now. Time changes all, and you will become yourself eventually. Just have faith in yourself, in those that love you, and in whatever you believe in. Thank you all for reading, for leaving me beautiful messages, and for being the wonderful you.


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